Friday Cephalopod: Sleek » « AFA has been alerted!

This could be trouble

Uh-oh. I’m at the Atheist Alliance International conference, and I’ve just discovered the Klingons for Jesus site…and it’s convinced me. I’ve converted. Should I cancel my talk, or should I go ahead and preach in Klingon to an audience of atheists?

P.S. If you’re at the conference, too, and you’d like to get together for dinner, drop me a line, I’m free.

Friday Cephalopod: Sleek » « AFA has been alerted!

Comments

  2. says

    Yes, “convert the atheists” with your “I was an atheist sinner, until my mind opened up to the truth” speech.

    It won’t mean anything to the atheists, but it’ll please the Klingons for Jesus enough to launch your new “give me money for my conversion story” get-rich-quick scheme.

    Glen D
    http://tinyurl.com/2kxyc7

  3. says

    The meeting hasn’t actually started yet. I’ve checked in and am going through all the interesting stuff that accumulated in my mailbox.

  4. Paguroidea says

    Enjoy the conference! It would be fun to get together for dinner with a bunch of Pharynguloids, but unfortunately I’m on the other side of the country. :(

  7. says

    Surely that’s a Poe. “we believe that it is our mission to force the entire universe to worship as we do and it is our duty to force, bribe or trick them into doing so!”

    It sounds just a bit overdone to me, which should be a clue.

  9. Jennifer says

    Heh. I remember hearing a decade ago that the Bible had been translated into Klingon, and I can definitely see this. I always thought, though, that Klingons reading the Bible would stop at the Old Testament and convert to Judaism instead, since that book is where all the violence can be found.

  10. says

    Surely that’s a Poe.

    … erm, to borrow the line from pcarini, Sweet Klingon Jesus, yes. See also, from their theology page:

    Killing: As followers of Jesus Christ, we support war, mass murder and killing in general. The soul of anyone killed either goes to heaven with Jesus which is a good thing or to hell with Satan which is also a good thing since they clearly belong there. As such killing can only produce a positive outcome by sending the righteous to heaven or the wicked to hell… From the Emperor Constatine to Adolf Hitler, Christians have killed more people than anyone else and we look forwards to improving on our averages in the 24th century all for the glory of Christ.

    … so yeah, Poe. Or another AOG splinter group. Which, I guess, amounts to the same thing, really…

  12. Reginald Selkirk says

    Uh-oh. I’m at the Atheist Alliance International conference, and I’ve just discovered the Klingons for Jesus site…

    This could be trouble indeed. They may clash with the Klingons for Christ followers. I sense a holy war in the offing.

  13. Hideki says

    Hihi

    It should be pointed out that the Klingons slew their gods millennia ago (they were more trouble than they were worth)

    (as mentioned in both TNG and DS9)

    Perhaps Pilate was a Klingon suffering from rampant genetic engineering and hence looking human :>

  15. jpf says

    Reginald beat me to that link (which is in ernest, unlike PZ’s), so here’s the “Jesus Loves Me” song in Klingon (complete with translation notes — did you know Klingon doesn’t have a word for “love”? Instead you say “dis-hate”.):

    mumuSHa’ Jesus, Dochvam vISov
    muja’mo’ joH’a’ paq’a’
    puqHompu’ ghaj Jesus
    puj puqpu’ ‘ej HoS Jesus

    HIja’ mumuSHa’
    HIja’ mumuSHa’
    mumuSHa’ Jesus
    muja’ta’ joH’a’ paq’a’

  16. hje says

    Chancellor Gorkon: You have not experienced [the Bible] until you have read [it] in the original Klingon.

    I sense a holy war in the offing.

    General Chang: Cry havoc, and let slip the Dogs of War.

  17. Ichthyic says

    I’m going to preemptively nominate the comments that already have, and likely will, appear in this thread for top ten “geekiest ever on Pharyngula”.

  19. pcarini says

    I’m going to preemptively nominate the comments that already have, and likely will, appear in this thread for top ten “geekiest ever on Pharyngula”.

    I’ll second that nomination, Ichthyic. I’ve always considered myself pretty geeky, but I’m way out of my depth here.

  21. pcarini says

    I have a good friend whose father would, around christmas, make his whole family dress up as klingons and go caroling, in klingon. My friend turned out reasonably normal, oddly enough, except that he absolutely hates Star Trek.

  24. qedpro says

    Star Trek The Lost Episode

    If that movie isn’t considered an abomination, then nothing is.

    Poor Gene, he’s rolling over in his grave… or did he get shot into space, can’t remember.

  25. DLC says

    “I especially liked the old testamant, with all the ultra-violence and gutty-works” — Alex, A Clockwork Orange.

  26. jpf says

    And more! A user named klingon_christian on Star Trek Online. Note his avatar picture. No way to tell if that tattoo is real or a ‘shop, but given the existence of the Zune Guy, I’m willing to believe.

  27. The Cheerful Nihilist says

    @ woodstein312

    Well, I remember my United Methodist preacher grandparents teaching us “Jesus Loves the Little Children” a-half-a-century ago and feeling creeped-out. Wasn’t sure what that love entailed, and I hadn’t read Swift’s “Modest Proposal” yet or heard of child molestation.

    And “Klingons”? Aren’t they the troublesome things that hang around Uranus?

  31. says

    Klingons for Christ vs. Klingons for Jesus
    Where do I get tickets for that? Will it be pay-per-view? Kind of like IPU vs YHWH; winner goes against winner of FSM vs Cthulhu. Another fictional fight that would be so fun. I sense an animation in the making…

  32. jpf says

    The Rapture is exactly like Star Trek’s transporter:

    Everybody familiar with the “Star Trek” series is certainly familiar with the preceding sentence. Whenever Captain Kirk was in trouble, or needed to get somewhere in a hurry, the Star Trek crew would rev up the Enterprise’s Transporter Device. Instantly the Captain and crew (including an “insignificant” extra crew member who usually met with an untimely death!) would dematerialize and suddenly materialize elsewhere. Anybody who has ever been caught in a rush-hour traffic jam would immediately give a month’s pay for such a device!

    What may not be common knowledge is that the Bible speaks of this exact event. This event is known as the Rapture. The Rapture is described in several passages in the Bible and a major Rapture event is on the horizon. And in one instance, a famous Biblical character is transported from the desert to a major city instantaneously!

  33. jpf says

    “God is a Star Trek Fan: The Kobayashi Maru = Plan of Salvation” (MormonMatters.org):

    Take the Plan of Salvation for instance. We agreed to come down to earth and be tested. The whole point of being here is to pass the test. The problem? It is a Kobayashi Maru simulation. None of us Star Fleet cadets pass the test.

    Jesus passed the test, but you could also argue that he hacked. He was at least half-God, and he also built the simulation. I don’t want to belabor that point or diminish his divinity. He passed. He’s the man! What about the rest of us? Nobody else passes and nobody else can hack the simulation.

    (Non-geek translation: He’s saying Jesus is like Captain Kirk. Personally, I think Jesus is more like Spock, what with the dying and being resurected thing, and also being only half human.)

  35. mayhempix says

    That must be why they call their warships “Birds of Pray”.

    BTW has a location been decided for a rendezvous after the bookstore?

  36. says

    Just watched the GodTube Star Trek video. I’m going to have to watch some Mythbusters and Nova to wash out the stupid, I think.

  40. Graculus says

    What happens when you cross an SCA member with a Trekkie? You get the Lord’s Prayer in Klingon… in glorious hand-calligraphy on vellum, complete with illumination!

    What happens when you cross an SCA member with a Trekkie? You get the Lord’s Prayer in Klingon… in glorious hand-calligraphy on vellum, complete with illumination!

    If you are going to copy the Limbourges brothers’ style then you have to use a matching script, NOT Caroligian Bookhand. There’s a couple of centuries between them.

    Frikin’ trekkies, probably couldn’t manage a decent fraktur….

  42. says

    I thought the Klingons was a legend of naturalistic properties concerning their creation. The legend continues on with Klingons being responsible for life on Earth, as they left some important chemicals by accident on a comet which mixed in with the formation of this solar system creating life…lol

  43. theinquisitor says

    Why do they have to pollute my religion with this nonsense? Seriously, they should treat Star Trek with more respect.

  47. Nick Gotts says

    “My friend turned out reasonably normal, oddly enough, except that so he absolutely hates Star Trek.” – pcarini

    Fixed.

  51. WTFE says

    Wow, PZ this is the worst thing you have ever associated your name with. I am very upset that such an ignorant and disgraceful site even exists. I mean come on people!!!! It promotes a complete misunderstanding of the Klingon race! Seriously, Klingons are not sadistic, if they resemble anything on earth its a samurai.

  52. says

    Think that’s bad? After I watched Palin getting blessed for protection from “witchcraft” by that $%*&@# witch-hunter, I said to myself, “I am so wishing to be in on the spells being cast by Twin Cities Wiccan groups this weekend!” The people I know, they are going to have a lot of fun with that…

  53. Sili says

    Reginald beat me to that link (which is in ernest, unlike PZ’s), so here’s the “Jesus Loves Me” song in Klingon (complete with translation notes — did you know Klingon doesn’t have a word for “love”? Instead you say “dis-hate”.):
    Posted by: jpf | September 25, 2008 9:26 PM

    How is that different from Esperanto?

    Can you believe Klingons for Jesus is blocked in Turkey? Psh.
    Posted by: Lauren | September 26, 2008 4:58 AM

    To be fair, I doubt the Klingons have much good to say about Otkar.

  57. The Cheerful Nihilist says

    @ Cafeeine 46

    Oh my! Thanks for that. Too funny. Gave me goosebumps (no wait, those are scabies. Aw rats.) (At least it’s not smallpox.)

  67. David Marjanović, OM says

    Oh. Now I get the joke. It was really not obvious, though, because you aren’t a Klingon and haven’t made any allusions towards being a Trekkie either, IIRC.

  68. Sili says

    I’m neither, really (or else I’ve had serious work done on my forehead and just forgotten about it).

    I do know how to wikipeek, though.

    Ah well.