Comments

  1. JJR says

    Remember, according to Gary Larson’s FAR SIDE, he has a “smite” button on his keyboard.

  3. Joel says

    be careful commenting over there — he might just pick on you.

    Yeah check out, # 16, Dick Franing. Poor guy is doomed.

  5. brokenSoldier says

    That site is hilarious! And it’s only a couple of steps (if any at all) away from what most normal ministers would presume to know about God’s will.

  9. shirt says

    If that’s any indication of what one might find in heaven then I’ll take eternal torment in hell.

  10. MAJeff, OM says

    God really needs a drag queen friend to pull him down a notch or two.

    “Oooh! Look at her! Bitch thinks she can diss science ’cause she created the universe.

    As soon as you get rid of that plastic surgeon who fixed the nail scars on your hands, then you can talk, girl!”

  12. Paul The Burptist says

    I am somewhat reminded of The Landover Baptist Ministry for the True Christian (TM).

    I love the kitten pic, lol

  14. firemancarl says

    Finally, the One True God (TM) speaks and people better listen! Bitches!

  15. firemancarl says

    Ya know, now that I think about it, that isn’t a good attention getter for God.

    Nope, this one is better.
    In the voice of The Rock( of WWE fame)
    Finally, your Lord God has come back to the blogosphere!!

  16. Crudely Wrott says

    While I found his web presence/personality somewhat underwhelming (chalk it up to entertaining unjustified expectations, blush), it was indeed vindicating, if not refreshingly novel, to hear him actually admit to having fucked Asia to an embarrassing degree.

    Such transparency on his part clarifies, and I can see more clearly through him now.

    I knew there was a reason I opted out of a side job today. It was to find his website and be given this delectable treat. I’m truly thankful.

  19. woozy says

    Tangent:

    In his (er, I mean, His) “I hate cats” he links to this bit of … interesting… thought.

    This is perhaps one of the most absurd, arational, and completely arbitrarily “unimpeded by the thought process” ramblings I’ve ever read. The upshot seems to be “Um, yeah, I don’t think Christians should have cats as pets cause they’re … animals (well, yeah, I know, dogs and cattle or animals but they’re domesticated … cats are domesticated too but, you know, … just *look* at them!) … you now, and they eat mice … gross … and cleaning kitty litter and buying cat food takes time that could be used praying or reading the bible…”

  20. TechNinja says

    LOL….

    “Why did You create atheists? Was it the whole “free will” thing?”

    GOD: I did indeed give mankind freewill, or the ability to choose. So you can choose to believe in Me and have eternal life, or you can choose to be an atheist and spend eternity in hell getting raped by demons. It’s up to you.

  22. themadlolscientist says

    ZOMGZROFLMAOXYZPDQLSMFTBBQ!!!!eleventyeleven!!!!!111!!!!!!!

    I just subscribed.

  28. uknesvuinng says

    @#27: It’s that whole trinity thing. He’s talking to his father, which happens to also be him, but he’s not talking to himself, even though he’s both beings.

    It’s all very logical. ;)

  29. says

    @19 Good non-existent gods, that link… It’s hypnotic in its madness, I could barely stop reading. I can’t say if it’s a parody or not, but I’m leaning towards not. My favourite bit:

    Additionally, cats practice many unclean habits not befitting a Christian household: coughing up fur balls, licking inappropriate body areas on their own bodies (inappropriate handling) and even, in some cases, on the bodies of their human owners (wrongful motive?), urination on the floor, vocal and blatant promiscuity (unknown to any other species, all others being endowed with Godly chastity and decorum) and widespread sexual misconduct without the benefit or sanctity of holy matrimony, even orgiastic practices, substance abuse of catnip (an intoxicating herb) which produces conditions akin to drunkenness, stealing food from the table, producing ungodly sounds, excessive playfulness and the employment of devices not known to have been used by Jesus, the conducting of its unholy business under the cover of the darkness of night, and so on.

  30. craig says

    “Stupid premise, lame blog.”

    If you’re referring to the blog you linked to with your name, I checked it out and I agree.

  32. Fifi says

    Good Lordy, that God guy hates a lot of things. Complete psycho…

    Mmm, ok, he also hates American Idol, cops, the Holy Virgin Bio-Incubator and the Pope-Mobile. May be, may be he’s not entirely bad after all…

  34. says

    Thanks for stopping by, Craig. I was referring to the blog linked to in PZ’s post, which is just a lame knock-off of Stuff White People Like, just more poorly-written and far less funny…

  35. woozy says

    @29. Hypnotic isn’t it? I think it’s a sincere Jehova Witness tract. I’m just astounded by it’s utter and appearently a-rationality of it.

    My favorite part is the very beginning:

    First, let us consider what most scholars agree is the etymology (word derivation) for the English term ‘cat’. When analyzed with the Latin ‘felis cattus domesticus’, the original Koine Greek is ‘cur.io huma bes-tia’, means ‘a contemporary housecat with all of its beastly identifying characteristics and behavior.’ A faithful servant of Jehovah would quickly notice that the nature of a cat is so marked as being ‘beastly’. …. Lest we forget the story of Nebuchadnezzar and the condition of God’s enemy when being humbled by Jehovah, the student of God’s Holy word would ask – is it by accident that the Bible in the book of Daniel describes his experience as a ‘beast’ of the field? Hardly so!

    So, get this: Cat’s are animals. When the bible describes human activity as ‘animal-like’, said behavior is usually condemned. Ergo Christians should have nothing to do with cats.

    How can anyone even think such a statement *without* having the obvious logical flaw “that means Christians should have nothing to do with *any* animal for any reason: no meat, no pack animals, no leather, no eggs, no dogs, no penguins” stomp in and wreck havok with one’s thought? Honestly, how can *anyone* not immediately think of that? Maybe the writer is the only person who when asked not to think about a rhinocerous will actually be capible of not thinking a bout a rhinocerous.

    And speaking of disproving a negative: The Bible does not say that cats were not present at Herod’s birthday party when John the Baptist was beheaded. Enjoy, okay lest we scoff and say the bible didn’t say “penguins weren’t present either” he offers the slightly less insane “History shows that cats were most likely present at this tragic party that Jehovah did not approve of”. But history shows chickens and dogs and, ahem, human beings were most likely present as well. Should we shun chickens and dogs as well?

    It’s an interesting trivia fact that the bible never mentions cats at all which I suppose could be used against them in a “if it’s not in the bible it must be bad” way but really …

  36. Blaidd Drwg says

    @ shirt (#9)”If that’s any indication of what one might find in heaven then I’ll take eternal torment in hell.”

    Or as Mark Twain once said: “Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company”.

  38. Facehammer says

    It’s obviously a parody (or more accurately a complete fabrication of knowing bullshit). I mean, Poe’s law or not, can you honestly read the 9/11 conspiracy theory bit and still have even the tiniest doubt it’s for real?

  39. Wowbagger says

    Brilliant. Here I was thinking there wasn’t going to be much God and I would agree on, but if he hates American Idol (and, by extension, the similarly awful Australian Idol) then maybe he’s not so bad after all.

    Smite ’em all. Well, except maybe Simon Cowell. He’s just telling it like it is.

  41. hf says

    29 et al, the “Godly chastity and decorum” plus “devices not known to be used by Jesus” point strongly towards parody.

  42. Coffeeassured says

    I always thought that a list of all the things that God doesn’t hate would be more appropriate, at the very least it would probably be much shorter…..

  43. Olorin says

    As author Anne Lamott once remarked: “You can safely assume that you’ve created God in your own image when it turns out that God hates all the same people you do.”

    That says it all.

  44. woozy says

    “29 et al, the “Godly chastity and decorum” plus “devices not known to be used by Jesus” point strongly towards parody.”

    But the lack of humor and the frequency of similar arguments and phrasing in earnest to equally trivial concerns point to sincerity.

  45. Bride of Shrek says

    Funny, I don’t see any mention of people who go around door knocking in the name of Jesus, people who flick cigarette butts out their car wnidows or idiots who talk in the cinema. If I was God they’d all be right at the top of my shit list.

  46. me says

    FYI, don’t read that site while drinking. You’ll shoot wine out your nose and that’s uncomfortable.

    PS. Mwuh ha ha! Cheers PZ!

  47. melior says

    I went to see Roy Zimmermann play tonight *gloat*.
    I expect he’ll be turning up on God’s hate list any day now.

  48. woozy (quite contrite) says

    Re: #19

    Sigh… Yes, it does appear to be parody. (A google search for quote; are cats for true christians unquote; yield a bunch of comments but *all* originating from the same source. I figured if it was reproduced from an actual watch-tower article, I’d find a reference but everything seems to stem from the same article.

    Still, JWs’ reasoning over why birthdays and Christmas aren’t for true Christians is nearly identical and if it isn’t absurd for JWs to shun birthdays, why should it be unreasonable to shun cats.

  49. Ichthyic says

    speaking of things “god” hates…

    I rather think a summary post of all the shenanigans and bizarre deaths pulled off by the religious nuttery over the last year or two would be good with the elections coming up and all.

    seriously, between Ted Haggard, Reverend “double westsuit”, Pat Roberston’s lawschool for dopes, Hovind arrested for tax fraud, and all the other wonderful things that the feaux-relgious have pulled out of their nutsacks over the last couple of years, a complete list would be both educational and amusing.

  50. says

    @#49 Ichthyic —

    I rather think a summary post of all the shenanigans and bizarre deaths pulled off by the religious nuttery over the last year or two would be good with the elections coming up and all.

    A summary post of *all* of it might be difficult, but I’ve reviewed some of the recent prominent religious kookery here.

  51. bernarda says

    One thing God does like is “dashing”. Go to a bible site that allows word search and type in “dash” or some variation.

    http://bibleresources.bible.com/keywordsearchresults.php?keyword=dash&numpageresults=10&Submit.x=16&Submit.y=14

    2nd Chronicles 25:

    “The army of Judah also captured ten thousand men alive, took them to the top of a cliff and threw them down so that all were dashed to pieces.”

    Psalms 137, the famous “Rivers of Babylon”:

    “8 O Daughter of Babylon, doomed to destruction,
    happy is he who repays you
    for what you have done to us-

    9 he who seizes your infants
    and dashes them against the rocks.”

    Isaiah 13:

    “15 Whoever is captured will be thrust through;
    all who are caught will fall by the sword.

    16 Their infants will be dashed to pieces before their eyes;
    their houses will be looted and their wives ravished. ”

    It goes on and on.

  52. Bride of Shrek says

    Hey Etha

    You seem relatively unscathed in a hangover sense. Hope you had a great birthday, was thinking of you all the way over here in Oz. See what being part of the Pharyngula comunity does to you? Your birthday goes GLOBAL.

  53. Andreas Johansson says

    Y’all are all forgeting the really important question: does God hate catnip?

  57. Patricia C. says

    Has anyone been keeping track of all the disasters that have happened since they locked god up the other day for child molesting? My 80 year old parents think this is really funny. *grin*

  58. Patricia C. says

    Oh, shite! That came out wrong. They think god being in jail is funny.

  59. says

    @#53 Andreas Johannson —

    Y’all are all forgeting the really important question: does God hate catnip?

    Yes:

    Additionally, cats practice many unclean habits not befitting a Christian household: coughing up fur balls, licking inappropriate body areas on their own bodies (inappropriate handling) and even, in some cases, on the bodies of their human owners (wrongful motive?), urination on the floor, vocal and blatant promiscuity (unknown to any other species, all others being endowed with Godly chastity and decorum) and widespread sexual misconduct without the benefit or sanctity of holy matrimony, even orgiastic practices, substance abuse of catnip (an intoxicating herb) which produces conditions akin to drunkenness, stealing food from the table, producing ungodly sounds, excessive playfulness and the employment of devices not known to have been used by Jesus, the conducting of its unholy business under the cover of the darkness of night, and so on. What sort of example does this give our young ones endeavoring to faithfully serve Jehovah? The Bible clearly shows that ‘neither fornicators .. nor thieves .. nor drunkards .. nor revilers .. will inherit the Kingdom.’ (1 Cor. 6:9-11)

    (Emphases mine.)

  61. Patricia C. says

    Gawd can’t be too happy with this tidbit – Einstein’s godless letter sold for $404,000! Hell, I’ll write one for half that price.

  63. says

    I think he’s suffering from grumpy old men syndrome.

    Omnigrumpy in addition to omniscience, omnipresence, omnipotence, and omniwacky.

  64. andy o says

    God’s gotten a lot angrier since his LiveJournal days…

    http://www.livejournal.com/users/god_dot_com/

    Posted by: MickeyKnox | May 18, 2008 12:46 PM

    Is that the same guy? Has the same style. Particularly hilarious bit:

    Sometime I’ll have to tell you guys about My other male offspring, Thog, Who I sent to earth to save the Neanderthals. The funny thing about the Neaners was their extremely low threshold of amazement. The only miracles that Thog really had to perform were walking near water and raising some old guy from a dead sleep.

    **sigh**

    I miss those guys. It’s a shame how they slowly died out after realizing how completely unattractive they were.