‘Tis the season for ridiculous commercialism: I’ve been seeing these unbelievable commercials that feature some smug guy surprising his wife by giving her a luxury car (with a bow on top) as a present, or popping open a box with a big honkin’ diamond in it. The women always clap their hands with glee and lean in for a hot passionate kiss. I see these and I wonder…just how stupid do advertisers think men are?
I can tell you exactly what would happen if I spent a month’s salary or more on jewelry (or worse, a year’s income on a car). My wife would look aghast, and waver between calling the hospital for an immediate psychiatric consult and kicking me in the groin. I would spend that much on inessential frippery? Without consulting her? There sure wouldn’t be any sexual arousal, unless these commercial makers easily confuse that sinking feeling in the pit of the stomach at the thought of budget-busting debt with “sexy.”
Desirable women are too smart to be bought with flashy gee-gaws. My wife and I are talking about getting ourselves a snow-blower for Christmas…now that is romantic.
Don’t delude yourself — you can’t buy monogamy.
You may not be able to buy monogamy, but you can rent a reasonable facsimile for the night.
There’s a word for women who can be bought for sex. Backrubs, hikes to a picnic under a secluded waterfall, watching the sun rise or set over the ocean = romantic. Crass commercialism and shiny, largely useless objects = romance only to shiny, largely useless people.
My husband calls these “gaudy baubles” and refuses to participate.
I wanted a new storm door for Christmas but I think I’m getting a new saucepan.
My wife and I bought each other new digital cameras, both Pentaxes, after a lot of deliberation, discussion and sitting at the computer together reading the user ratings of various models. She would have killed me if I just went out and spent all our money on something expensive and useless as a surprise.
Right on! I’ve always vetoed LotStreeWiz’s suggestions that he could buy me a diamond–money down the drain and supporting exploitation of miners as well. This year, my present is a trip to the NC science blogging conference in January.
I told my wife I wanted a new vacuum for christmas. Our current one is rubbish, and we could really use a new one. Since I’m the one that does all the vacuuming, its really a gift for me. Nothing says “I love you” like upgraded appliances.
I’ve spent years arguing with my husband about how I’m not “easy to shop for” because I retch at the thought of spending so much on jewelry and other ‘girly’ things. But honestly, I really do want more insulation in the attic instead! Ok, if my arm is twisted, I’d settle for Doctor Who series 3 on DVD.
What really drives him bonkers is that I can’t stand the thought of spending our household money for gifts for ourselves just because it’s a holiday. Bah, humbug.
If you need a snow-blower, you can have mine. Darn thing quit running on me in the midst of cleaning after our foot of snow last weekend. Grrrr….
Then again, even if it did run, it’s not a lot of use. I have concluded that this particular snowblower (which was a hand-me-down from my folks because they had upgraded) is basically only suited for handling 3″ of snow on the sidewalk. Anything more than that (more than 3″ or a driveway) and it is out of its league. Who needs a snowblower to handle 3″ of snow on a sidewalk? I could shovel that just as fast and get it cleaner.
So, PZ, when you get the snow-blower, be sure to get one that can actually throw snow (as opposed to just simple displacing it). I guarantee, the farther it can throw the snow, the better off you will be. A sizable front would help (I recommmend the auger over the paddles, especially for the northern border of Minnesota, but that is significantly more expensive). Oh, and get one that runs.
#2
“There’s a word for women who can be bought for sex. Backrubs, hikes to a picnic under a secluded waterfall, watching the sun rise or set over the ocean = romantic.”
Funny – I always thought of backrubs, hikes, picnics, sunsets at the shore, not to mention walks in the rain as the PRICE for sex. C’mon – does anyone really like walking in the rain? ;D
The wife and I don’t exchange big gifts. We usually spend a fair amount on a dinner and a number of nice bottles of wine for us and family and/or friends. Luckily my wife doesn’t care for gaudy jewelry, and while I do care for Gaudy electronics or tools, I can do without.
The highest paid psychologists work in advertising. The whole point of advertising is to make you buy things that you don’t want. If you wanted them, you would buy them without the advertising.
I suspect that in the case of these ads the target audience is not a demographic PZ fits into (no offence intended), but for young working males, the cars are seen as a symbol of their success in life and that the advertising is probably successful. They don’t buy the car so that they can be the guy in the ad, they buy the car so that other people will think that they’re the guy in the ad (metaphorically).
Whats so great about monogamy anyway? It is a social construct and denies natural human sexuality.
Brian: Get a Dyson. They are absolutely fantastic. And hey, they look cool.
I think it demeans women more. Unless some women like that stuff. In which case they are stupid. Problem is, some men do like those stupid women. So I don’t blame anyone for anything.
I love that Demetri Martin bit:
These people have us trapped in intellectual glass houses!
PZ wrote:
That’s because she knows your financial limits. But if you wrote the next big atheist book and made a few million more bucks — then you could give her shiny baubles with no damage to your scrotum.
I agree. The luxury item commercials are appalling.
PZ, you just want to make us all jealous of your trophy wife don’t you?
How many people believe in creationism, and you ask a question like this?
As a woman, I’ve never understood the jewelry thing. The “You’re buying me a rock?” question would be immediately followed by “You spent HOW much?!?!?!?”
Well said.
My wife got me a dozen 15-oz grass-feed ribeye steaks for Christmas. Yum!
Haven’t decided on hers yet. Probably a new microwave oven.
Couple things:
First, PZ should write the next big atheist book, I would buy it, but then again it wouldn’t atheist as much as cephalatheist.
Also, as a grad student, a month or a year worth of spending on my girlfriend actually isn’t that much. Come to think of it, minus food and other necessities, the $70.00 I did spend is about a month’s free cash.
I got here a new portable hard drive, so she has somewhere to store all the pictures she uses in her research, which will be good if her parents get her the new camera to use for it. I guess we’re basically going for funding further study this Christmas.
My youngest daughter wants to be an MD/PhD-all my money is going in the 529 plan. I asked for an enameled cast iron casserole for Xmas, and a copy of The Federalist Papers. Useful things for the long winter.
I agree that practical things can be much more romantic gifts than the jewelry or other expensive items. My dentist was once telling me of his upcoming 20th wedding anniversary and asking for ideas on what to get her. I told him I thought the most romantic thing would be to finish some project around the house that he started or to do one that he had talked about. And that he did, and she loved it. Of course they also had the romantic dinner, though.
The other day on Manolo’s Shoeblog (when was THAT last mentioned here?) there was a discussion on being ‘That guy.’
The ad, from Hertz diamonds I think, shows a couple sitting on a couch. The man is painting her toenails. She is sipping tea and reading a book. He pauses, asks for her opinion of them, and at her assertion that they look great suggests they ‘need another coat.’ The ad then proclaims something like ‘Don’t be THAT GUY this holiday season, get her diamonds!’ or something to that effect.
It pretty much asserted an ‘either/or’ scenario, and neither of the options appealed to me: useless bauble or fawning houseboy. I didn’t like the assumption that if ‘your man’ isn’t willing to buy you diamonds then he’s not a man. I said as much, and then went back later and saw that a startling amount of women said they would rather have the diamonds, making such claims as ‘When you’re done with him, you can sell the diamonds and buy shoes!’ and other such things which I have too much hope in humanity to believe were real statements. But it’s also a fashion blog so who knows what kind people are reading and commenting.
I was going to get my boyfriend a CO2 system from the local homebrew shop so when we make our own beer we wouldn’t have to fool with bottling anymore, but our finances didn’t allow it. I made him a gift instead, and I think he’s going to love it. I don’t know if he’s getting me anything this year and I don’t really care. If he had the money I’d ask him for a Peugeot salt grinder, a really good cast-iron skillet, and perhaps a staple gun. NOT a shiny rock that’s more about communicating my value as a monetary quantity to friends and family.
I also hate those ‘He went to Jerod’s!’ commercials where the family all sit around and whisper to each other when the young man comes a-courtin’ with a bag from a jewelry store and gives the girl a jeweled bracelet. Barf. Way to warp today’s impressionable youth by convincing them that’s the way to a woman’s heart and parts beyond.
What’s really sad is I’m sure they have mountains of research documenting exactly how stupid men (and women) are. On cars in particular. I don’t know anyone barely getting by because of their jewelry, but I know plenty of people who could live to be 1000 and never get ahead financially because of the way they purchase cars. I mean, wasting money on pretty sparklies is silly frippery, but millions of people happily turning themselves into wage slaves so they can get a slightly nicer vehicle is completely insane.
Hey, Paul. Now don’t you think that it’s much more romantic to shovel snow with Mary than fire up a noisy machine? I have a great idea: Buy her a matching snow shovel for Xmas! His and Hers shovels. I am sure she would give you a big kiss and tell you where to … never mind.
That’s the truest thing I’ve read today. I have met women who do expect the aforementioned flashy gee-gaws, and I shy away from them as if they had the plague. Their personalities generally leave a great deal to be desired.
That said I did buy a bracelet for a certain Female Friend ™ of mine this Cthulhumas. But an inexpensive one (she quite firmly doesn’t believe in expensive presents, and I agree), and mostly to have some variation since I usually get her books, books and more books. She’s also getting a little Ninja Turtle action figure. I expect the latter will reaffirm her opinion of me as insane.
New microwave and a video projector for us. Seems like we’ll get more use out of them than my wife would a small hunk of rock. Cheaper too. Plus, of course, I don’t have to wonder how much blood has been spilled over my video projector (and I can write it off on my taxes!)
Books trump rocks in our house any day. I can well remember the first Christmas of my first marriage – quite expensive gold and diamond earrings that we couldn’t afford and then he didn’t even pay cash from his check but put them on the credit card and guess who had to pay that. I still hate the sight of the things over 20 years later. I should have taken them back then and there. Needless to say – that marriage didn’t last.
Attention is the most romantic gift of all and most of us have so little of it to give these days. But I’d settle for a new pair of insulated riding boots. Toasty toes make the heart warmer.
I’m sure I wouldn’t be too popular if I spent that much on a present. But, on the other hand, if I bought a snow blower (doubly useless in southern England where we rarely see snow), or something equally as boring and practical, I’d be on my way to casualty to get my testicles either reattached, or extracted from wherever they’d been kicked. [*]
We always buy “luxuries” for presents – affordable ones. If we need a new iron, stove, cookware, or whatever, that’s what the household budget is for. If we have to increase that and decrease the luxury budget to cover necessary expenses, so be it.
[*] I’m exaggerating for comic effect. She’s not really violent.
A gift from Agent Provacateur doesn’t hurt…
if it’s her kinda thing.
@CHL Instructor:
“My wife got me a dozen 15-oz grass-feed ribeye steaks for Christmas. Yum! Haven’t decided on hers yet. Probably a new microwave oven.”
Just reassure me here: you’re not going to microwave the steaks, are you?
While I’m inclined to agree with PZ on this, is anyone going to deny that some women are attracted by ostentatious displays of wealth and power by men?
Not all women, certainly, but enough to make it a very effective reproductive strategy. That’s not to advocate it either, but I’m just sayin’, it works.
What’s more the guys making the ads know it works, otherwise they wouldn’t be trying to exploit it to make money (no doubt so they can make ostentatious displays of wealth and power of their own).
But wait just one minute there. Back on the savannah, it must surely have been adaptive for women to reward with sex those men who could proffer ostentatious evidence of their fitness as providers. Over the countless millennia since that time, the inexorable winnowing of natural selection will have inescapably moulded men into givers of diamonds and cars, and women into ooh-ers and aah-ers (and, at least off-camera, jumpers into the sack). It’s all in our genes, man.
Oh, and PZ: a snowblower? The most seductively adaptive gift of all in that vast frozen wasteland you inhabit. You hunka hunka burnin’ love, you.
I highly recommend a BBC documentary called Century of the Self (I think you can find it on YouTube). It’s all about how advertising co-opted (the willing) psychiatric profession, and all the weird repercussions of that through the next century.
Astonishingly, it took a psychiatrist to suggest that if you show celebrities doing something (like smoking), other people will think it’s cool.
That would have to depend on your definition of “reasonable”.
Eh, you’re missing the point, PZ! The special extra-expensive diamonds are like a peacock’s tail. The point is to prove that you’re so damn wealthy that you can afford to waste resources on utterly useless items. Basic instinct and whatnot.
Funny. I just posted on Denialism and when I come back here, PZ linked to it. Just read that Atlantic article. Enough people buy into it. The marketing campaign does work, even if we “elites” here do mock it.
Since our wedding anniversary is three days before Christmas, we combine those two celebrations. This year my wife bought me some boots so my feet will stay warm and dry when I’m outside shoveling snow off the driveway, and a small table for our library. I bought her a floor lamp and a comfortable chair to go with her desk. All of this was worked out weeks ago – the surprise will be a nice bottle of her favorite Pinot Noir to go with the steaks I fix for dinner.
I’m glad to see that there are plenty of other practical couples out there!
In fact, The Economist had an article on a paper looking at conspicuous consumption as a sexual display for men and “blatant benevolence” as the corresponding display for women.
It’s evolutionary psych – so add salt to flavour as you will.
I wonder if that’s really true. I mean, do wealthy men and poor men have equal marital fidelity?
I am not sure if my wife would start with the eye stabbing or go straight for her swords.
My wife and I have long since given up big gifts for Xmas. We do stocking stuffers instead. My wife likes earrings, but doesn’t wear a lot of jewelry otherwise, so I often include a pair. It’s amazing, actually, how many really interesting and beautiful earrings are available for under $50, sometimes under $30 or even $20. Occasionally I’ll buy a pendant or broach instead, but likewise, while you certainly can spend a fortune for that kind of thing, you can find really lovely pieces, often by local artisans (in fact I never buy at the big chain jewelry stores), at very reasonable prices. Also, there must be a couple of kinds of chocolate in her stocking.
We save our serious money for travel, which we both love, and for occasional nice meals at restaurants, instead of blowing through a small fortune at Xmas. Certainly neither of us would spend the kind of money PZ is talking about above without consulting the other.
We don’t have kids, our nieces and nephews are grown, and our adult friends and relatives are all pretty much settled and have the stuff they need. While no one is rich, we are all reasonably comfortable, so instead of gifts we increase our charitable contributions this time of year, making donations to an appropriate non-profit in someone’s name and letting that serve as a gift, and they do the same for us.
It works out great. The time spent shopping for the stocking stuffers is minimal, and doesn’t involve any malls. Much of the charitable giving can be done on-line, and that which can’t involves simply mailing a check. We save time, energy, wear and tear on the nerves, and expend no additional fossil fuels driving to places just to shop. All this is especially good for us, as we are both college professors, so right before Xmas is one of the busiest, most stressful times of the year anyway (finals, term papers, anxious students, grading which MUST be done by a certain time, etc.). Getting rid of all the extra agita has made our lives much better.
I know a lot of women who like jewelry, and they all will usually claim that they don’t care about what an item costs. It’s that the craftsmanship of some jewelry really is exquisite, like little works of art. Then I say, “Oh, so if it’s all about the aesthetics and not the cost, then you must not have a problem with receiving cubic zirconium.” They usually look at me like I just crapped in their lap.
The lesson? Of course it’s about the monetary value. Jewelry is all about wearing your bank account around your neck and advertising your biological value to your social peers.
MS
Both of our families went the way of charities a few years back also. When we get together for the holidays we get to tell each other what we spent our money on instead of each other. We did a battered women’s shelter last year. Makes you feel a lot better than buying a bunch of stuff for family members that could buy the same stuff if they really wanted it.
“C’mon – does anyone really like walking in the rain? ;D”
Well, I do. But my girlfriend doesn’t… Fortunatly she also doesn’t like jewlery. For xmas this year she is getting a root canal and I think I am getting pajamas. Once our funds recover from dentistry we are going to buy each other games for the Nintendo DSs that we got each other last year (hers is pink and mine is black, we did it on purpose. it’s amusing to us.) And then play them together. Now *that’s* romance.
You see, chidren, sometimes a man needs to be with a woman.
But sometimes, when the lovin’ is over, the woman just wants to talk and talk and talk and talk.
[song]
But a prostitute is someone who would love you
No matter who you are, or what you look like.
Yes, it’s true, children.
That’s not why you pay a prostitute,
No, you don’t pay her to stay, you pay her to leave afterwards.
~snip~
Today’s episode of Patriarchy Hurts Men Too has been brought to you by the letters X, M, A, and S, and by the number $. And remember kids, Patriarchy is an It, not a He.
Hey, hey, hey, now! I bought my wife a 6.27 carat diamond, and she loves it!
Of course, it’s uncut in its original {111} form. And it’s a (barely) translucent brown color, with multiple inclusions.
I told her a long time ago: If you marry a mineralogist, you’ll get your gems in specimen form…
OH OH . I know what I’m asking for next x-mas!
So true. My husband is smart enough to know I’d prefer financially responsible decisions that fit our budget. I wouldn’t actually kick him in the groin for making such an error, but I wouldn’t be happy.
I appreciate fun little minor indulgences that show some thought, though. Living in France, it’s inconvenient and expensive to get books in English, so I was thrilled when for my birthday he sent away for exactly the book I wanted, and I hadn’t even talked to him about it. I only felt bad because I’m terrible at shopping myself, so I never know what surprise would please him, even though he really likes celebrating birthdays…
“I see these and I wonder…just how stupid do advertisers think men are?”
Well, PZ, how about this:
Eighty-four percent of women believe in angels, compared to 72 percent of men. Belief in the devil is about the same for both groups – 70 percent for women, and 69 percent for men.
‘nuf said.
Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. James Taylor!
(where were you, TrueBob, when I made an oblique reference to that South Park episode and confused everyone?)
Tell that to a bower-bird. That’s all I’m sayin’.
Sadly, women are brainwashed into thinking that if a man gives them bling that it means he cares for her, so they exacerbate the problem by talking about such crap. Both sexes are being duped by commercialism into trying to reify something wonderful that cannot (and should not) be bought with money.
I bought every piece of jewelry I own and am proud of it. And the only reason I’d want a diamond ring would be if I could cut glass with it (like in cool spy movies).
I think a snowblower is a very romantic gift. It allows one to not only avoid medical inconveniences caused by pulled back muscles, but permits one to graciously clear the snow from invalid neighbours’ drives. Mine has heated handles! Luxury!
I think the most romantic gift my wife ever gave me was my first cordless drill. *sigh* I loved that drill, and eventually wore it right out. This year, she is getting a special hammer/multitool in her stocking! Well, and some chocolate, too.
I really don’t want my wife to buy me a lot of stuff — most of what I want is too expensive and/or too esoteric to expect as a gift anyway. (Anyone got a spare Bridgeport vertical milling machine they don’t know what to do with, close enough to move to New England?) DVDs and books are always acceptable to both of us. Usually we end up setting up what we want from Amazon for ourselves, then making the other person click the “Buy” button — doesn’t count as a gift if we click the button ourselves.
OK, a less funny answer is this:
Advertising is one field that is very closely monitored for effectiveness. When (for example) a beer manufacturer does a campaign, its impact on sales is very carefully tracked. Trial campaigns are tested in limited markets and are measured against eachother for effectiveness. In every sense of the word, large marketing campaigns are tackled as science – because there is a ton of money at stake on both the front-end and the back-end.
In other words, when you see those stupid ads with some hot chick driving a cheap import car to bangin’ techno music – it’s because that ad has been scientifically tuned to sell. It’s been proven to work to some degree or other. Furthermore, since advertising is a highly darwinian field, it’s probably the case that the survivors of Madison Ave are pretty damn good at what they do.
I used to sit around thinking “only idiots would fall for this stuff” and I was horrified to discover that apparently there are a lot of idiots who do. Classical marketing “branding” exercises (can you say “Victoria’s Secret”?) pay off fantastic dividends. It’s just underwear made in China like all the rest; it’s never been near England, and there never was a “Victoria” – but the brand went from nothing to international recognition in about 15 years. That’s a relatively short time. And, yes, I’ve encountered guys that consider “Victoria’s Secret” is “classy” while “Fredericks of Hollywood” is “cheesy” even though they come from the same design and manufacturing processes.
Anyhow – I find it interesting that in a science blog, almost everyone (including PZ) appears to discredit the effect of marketing. How stupid do the advertisers think men are? They know exactly how stupid men are! One might argue that marketing is one area of “social science” that actually is a real science because it has predictive power.
This is an interesting question to study. I have a theory that middle-class men are more monogamous than wealthy men.
Hey, Rev. BigDumbChimp, she needs one and it will make her (eventually) feel good. Much better than a diamond. :P
Besides, it’s funny telling people that that is what she is getting for xmas. Brings to mind Jack Nicholsons character in Little Shop of Horrors.
Duped by commercialism?
Firstly, there does seem to be evidence that conspicuous consumption is a form of human sexual display. Not, of course, to say that everyone has to do it, but it seems to suggest that far from being brainwashing, it’s a genuine human behaviour.
Secondly, there is no one on the street forcing people to buy stuff or consume conspicuously. Commercialism and commerce is all about fulfilling human desires. Advertising doesn’t create needs so much as inflame, or in some cases subvert, needs that already exist.
Even so, advertising still doesn’t force people to spend their money. People spend their money as they see fit. We might not always agree on the value of what they spend it on, but that’s liberty and the pursuit of happiness for ya.
Don’t tell me what’s desirable in a woman. And who said I want to buy monogamy?
Also – what Marcus said. :)
Hey, I like sparkly earrings. I liked the gorgeous sparkly holographic snowflake ones I’m wearing now so much that I splurged and bought them for myself last year for about $8. (Men, that does not mean that I am for sale for that price.) You can keep the stupid diamond earrings — what a waste of money, and considering how often I’ve lost an earring, I’d be afraid to wear them.
How many of you would buy a gift for your spouse to enjoy with FRIENDS, not said spouse? My DH got me a double piano bench so I could more easily play duets w/o one of us sitting on the floor! I got him an air compressor so he could connect to his pneumatic hammer and “finish” all those jobs around the house.
I should also note that we are a self-selected group of intelligent, parsimonious (also perhaps poor) thoughtful geeks (and/or nerds), who think first and spend later.
SG
Mothworm (#35): There’s a difference between psychology and psychiatry. Psychiatrists are MD’s who specialize in the treatment of mental illness. Psychologists can be clinical therapists (like Psychiatrists, but can’t prescribe drugs since are not MD’s). The people who do the reasearch about things like advertising are generally psychologists.
Happy Holly Daze to all.
SG – I wonder if it’s true that conspicuous consumption takes different forms depending on what the consumer values in a partner? If you value intelligence, your display behaviours will be slanted accordingly.
So instead of the bling that says “Look how rich I am!”, it’s the uncut diamond or the fossil or the stargazing and volcano-watching trip to Mauna Kea that says “Look how smart I am!”.
Or indeed, the snowblower that says “Look at how considerate of our domestic needs I am!” :)
That’s some women, and some men. I used to work in a grocery store with a few women who would describe a particularly good-looking man. What they actually described was his clothes and car. He could have looked like Alfred E. Newman, long as he had an expensive suit and a flashy expensive car.
But if those women are so easy to buy, they are easy to lose. There’s always somebody with a bigger bankroll.
Not that I entirely agree with the “conspicuous consumption/sexual display” argument, but assuming it’s true, shouldn’t we expect gifts to be different between uncommitted couples and those who have, through partnership or marriage, acquired common resources like homes that need periodic use of saucepans/snow blowers/shovels/vacuum cleaners and so on. In which case, the ads that show long-married couples getting all gooey-eyed about ugly diamond jewelry (which is objectionable on so many levels) are going against some pretty powerful preferences. Now, if it were a wife’s gorgeous bit-on-the-side giving her useless, pretty gifts, that might be different…
NC Paul: “If you value intelligence, your display behaviours will be slanted accordingly.
Well, I haven’t done a study on it, but if a girls eyes glaze over at the sight of my wall of books and it isn’t in appreciation then I’m not as interested. At least, since I stopped being a teenager…
Of course, I didn’t set it up to impress girls either, I set it up so I don’t have to dig through the floor of books anymore.
Rey Fox @53, I wish I knew. Sorry I missed it.
James Taylor, what the hell are you doin’ in here?!
Singing’ about prostitutes to the children! Get out of here!
So, are any of you science-loving single guys who object to commercialism in the NYC area?
Seriously, this stuff drives me crazy. I don’t want diamonds (and I’ve never dreamt about my wedding day or being a princess either, thank-you-very-much), but if you can find a book I’ll love (or certain non-ridiculously expensive pretty things), your chances of ‘monogamy’ (that’s what we’re calling it on this thread, isn’t it?) have gone way up.
I won my wife when we were courting and 1,000 miles apart for the summer when I managed (by fluke but don’t tell her) to send her exactly 20 red roses on her 20th birthday. For the xmas (this was the southern hemisphere) I sent her a soft toy, a handmade one of a kind soft toy*. It sort of became our first child.
So useless things can win fair maiden, they just have to be carefully thought out useless things that say you have thought about the person and the occasion. Shiny rocks don’t do that. For this xmas I am buying her some nice wooden picture frames so we can put up more nice photos of the (now departed) real children, when they were children.
We still have the first one ;-)
*I also wrote just about every day and rang once a week, I nearly gave my Father a heart attack when the phone bill came. I calmly asked him if a cheque was alright or did he want cash? I think he realised we were serious then. He really valued money.
Apparently I’m going to be the dissenter, sort of. I think spending that kind of money on jewelry is ridiculous, but every once in a while I walk into Tiffany’s and see huge diamonds under full-spectrum lights and ooh and ahh a lot. If I were in the financial bracket that I could buy them for myself without pain, and I knew the giver was also, I’d be pleased by something like that. Of course, I’d also be pleased by a shiny ribbon. Ooh, shiny!
Also, to the person who said: ‘Then I say, “Oh, so if it’s all about the aesthetics and not the cost, then you must not have a problem with receiving cubic zirconium.” They usually look at me like I just crapped in their lap.’
I won’t wear fake gems that aren’t either so exaggerated they’re clearly fakes or so insignificant that they won’t attract notice. There are beautiful semiprecious stones out there that are “real” to me, part of excellent workmanship, and non-bank-breaking.
Do I have any real diamonds? A chip in a pendant here, an heirloom ring there. But anything that might imply real wealth? If I’m not willing to shell out for it (and I’m not), I’m not interested in faking it either.
Peter nailed it. Guys, she wants to know you were thinking about her. About HER, not about Generic Woman. A gift that conveys that is a good gift. That’s pretty much what you need to know about selecting a gift for your significant other.
OK, gotta brag here.
When Matt the Cat got sick and we were in the middle of spending a couple hundred hard-to-spare bucks on diagnosis and starting a sort of combo diagnosis/treatment, and we didn’t know how much more we’d have to spend or where we’d draw the line, Joe responded to the financial crisis by getting on the phone and ordering my Christmas present. This way I’d have it no matter what we had to do.
It’s a pricey (by our standards, certainly) Nikon monocular, the advantage of which is it works for me; much clearer and easier to use than any other I’ve tried out. It’s small so I can wear it around my neck whenever I go out. It’s already let me make sure of a couple of iffy bird sightings I made when I wasn’t schlepping my binocs around. A piece of bling that lowers the ambient frustration level is a very good thing.
I put it on every morning after my welding ring and before my earrings. (Faves are cascades of beetle elytra from The Bone Room.) This makes me smile every time. The perfect gift.
Oh, guys — if you have to “buy” or even persuade sex, you’re doing it wrong. The sex, I mean.
Which isn’t to say, however, that those commercials aren’t revolting. Because they really are.
I wonder if my (our?) opinion of this jewelry and the commercials isn’t a function of being middle class…
For the very wealthy, these are just nice things one buys for one another, like I might see a candy bar a friend’s been reminiscing about and pick it up for her.
For the poor, real jewelry is/was a safe way of accumulating wealth, where banks were unavailable and other property difficult to purchase and safeguard.
For me it’s an ornament, occasionally a signifier of economic status, and not much else.
@#70: Well, I haven’t done a study on it, but if a girls eyes glaze over at the sight of my wall of books and it isn’t in appreciation then I’m not as interested.
That’s definitely one of the tests I use for potential suitors as well. I think that intellectual people have developed alternative mechanisms for courtship displays.
“Then there was that biogeek I dated, he had a huuuuge… collection of evo-devo books! It was sooo sexy!”
Lewis Black had a great take on what to buy if you are among the filthy rich. He would hire a young lady at a good salary and benefits to wash his balls. Then when his rich friends asked, he could say “She’s my ball-washer. What’d you buy, another car?
I have told my husband many, many times – I am not a crow. I don’t care for sparkly objects. And if you EVER go out and buy a vehicle that I will end up making the monthly payments on as a “gift” (without my input or guidance through the paperwork) I will kill you.
He understands perfectly. So I end up with goofy things, like plastic taco plates that cost 50 cents from the grocery store, or little useless things that cost maybe $10 – so at least I don’t feel too bad throwing them out. He doesn’t know what to buy, but he definitely knows what not to buy! I get what I want for myself, then I put it under the tree with a tag marked to:mom from:Max.
Max is the dog. He’s been very good to me this year. Very, very good. My husband will certainly be surprised on Christmas morning to find out just how good. Nothing outlandish, but it’s amazing how that dog knows exactly what I want. Maybe he’s psychic or something.
got the appliances and snowblowers (10hp, electric start), so now we skip the Christmas things and take off to Jamaica or Cozumel during the cold part of winter. Scuba!
That’s not helpful. I already know I’m not scoring.
Tips and pointers! We need tips and pointers!
(on goes the tinfoil hat)
You’re all a bunch twisted sexual perverts. Imagine the effrontery–actually cultivating monogamy!
Look at the number of good, righteous folk whose marriages have failed, and imagine what you’re doing to their feelings! There is no doubt that this is all some twisted plot to undermine family values nationwide!
But it doesn’t stop there. No, you’re also anti-business, and anti-industry! Why, the failure to invest large sums of cash on shiny meaningless baubles should be prohibited by Constitutional amendment! So, that makes you soft on the War on Terror, and I’ll bet you all hate America, too!
Why I’ll bet it’s even totally narcissistic to act as though you’re committed to someone else! And we all know that narcissism is basically Teh Gay!! Well, we’ve got marriage amendments to stop that sort of thing!!
(okay, I’ll take the hat off, now)
Well, I haven’t done a study on it, but if a girls eyes glaze over at the sight of my wall of books and it isn’t in appreciation then I’m not as interested. At least, since I stopped being a teenager…
Say it loud: I read and I’m proud. If both of us weren’t readers, the relationship wouldn’t exist. She’s a reference librarian, utterly brilliant, who can find answers like that…and my research skills are not shabby.
And we built floor-to-ceiling bookcases together. And then she organized the daylights out of them so we can actually find things.
Over 80 comments and not one off-color snow-blower joke? I fear the quality of your readership is slipping, PZ.
But seriously, with global warming doing an end-run around our best plans, how much use do you really think you’ll get out of the machine?!!
Oh I know. Just pokin’ fun.
Matt, as someone who just spent the weekend re-organising his books by the DDC, I just have to ask you: Does your wife have a sister?
I actually did date a girl who told me that her mother would’ve insisted we immediately wed if she knew I had a copy of the Chicago Manual of Style on my shelf. I got the sense that the whole family were bookworms.
“Oh I know. Just pokin’ fun.”
I figured, I’ve seen enough of your posts to guess. Just poking back. :)
Maybe I’m too cynical, but I always thought the main reason
for wanting expensive jewelry was that you had something
you could quickly grab if you wanted/needed to leave in a hurry
and sell it then for good profit. And it should be relatively
inflation proof too.
Seems certainly rational behaviour to me for the
woman, especially in times before modern divorce courts.
Reading the comments here are some possibilities that come
to mind:
– The advertisers are all wrong and women who want expensive
jewelry all died out or never existed.
– Pharyngula commentership is seriously skewed towards women who
don’t want flashy jewelry because they got enough income on their
own anyways.
– Part of said female commentership is afraid to fit into a stereotype are afraid to admit they like flashy jewelry. I forgot it unfortunately but there is a standard term for that effect in surveys (please crypto jewel lowers come out — you can use a pseudonym
if you’re afraid for your name in the blogosphere)
I suspect it’s some combination of the second and third with perhaps
minor contributions from the first.
Brownian, my theory is we (collectively) just can’t seem to find each other. I know smart, science-loving, book-reading guys are out there, and they’d love to meet a woman who finds that much sexier than lots of bling, but we just don’t seem to actually meet. So, where are y’all hanging out, in real life, for those of us who didn’t find our Trophy Husband in 4th grade?
A snowblower was the most romantic gift I ever got.
…and heart attacks. Don’t forget the heart attacks.
Her: “I want to get you a snowblower for Christmas…”
Me: “Um, ok.”
Her: “…because I want you with me for a long, long time.”
Me. “Awwwwww.”
There’s a superb natural history museum near where I live where I’ve bought magnificent fossils for my friends, nephews and nieces as presents. They’re superb gifts – beautiful, not expensive, out of the ordinary….and most of all they start the best kinds of educational conversations. This year I’ve ordered some meteorite pieces. Can’t wait to see their eyes light up – I know they will :-)
The kids will bring them to school in january and will trump all the x-boxes and gimcracks of the other kids. Happens every year. Children love to learn, our responsibility is to teach them…. Science!
Good education begins at home, make it happen!
So, where are y’all hanging out, in real life, for those of us who didn’t find our Trophy Husband in 4th grade?
Canada, for now, at least until the ignorami turn this place into a theocracy for war-mongers too.
MyaR- if you’re willing to take a flyer on online dating, there is a site just for science geeks which has many fewer (naturally) but far higher quality subscribers than the worthless Yahoos and match.coms: http://www.sciconnect.com
//Nothing says “I love you” like upgraded appliances.//
This year we bought each other half a grass-fed cow, aged for four weeks, and a new freezer in which to place said beast. Romantic indeed!
Some years ago, my future husband won me over by cooking fettuccini Alfredo, the world’s sexiest dish. (Butter, cream, cheese — a can’t-fail recipe for seduction.)
I’d never, ever spend more than $200 of my family’s money without permission. Done.
However, that being said, if your family needs a new car, this is a really good time of year to buy one. I don’t need one; our 1996 Nissan and 2002 Ford are working very nicely right now.
Usually, the cars they want you to buy in those ads aren’t really necessary anyway. A Lexus would cost us $700/month for the next 5 years, and that’s not the kind of decision any one member of any family at any income level should make alone. I don’t even care if your income is $1 million/year.
But, like I say, if your 1995 Jalopy just blew out a tranny, by all means, buy a car in December.
A radio show I used to listen to, Tom Leykis, has done shows on this topic. There are a lot of women who will not date men who aren’t driving the latest-and-greatest. They figure if you’re not driving a BMW that’s less than 2 years old, that’s a sign of how you’ll treat them. To me, that’s fine, because if I was 25, single and dating, and a woman got into my 3 year old VW (that’s what I was driving at the time) and said “no thanks”, then they’ve just done me a favor; it means I don’t have to spend a lifetime trying to satisfy someone who probably will never be satisfied.
“If you loved me, you’d buy me a 3,000 square foot house!”
My answer would be, Well, if you loved me, you wouldn’t be so damned passive-aggresive all the time.
By the way, I thought I’d point out that I think a microwave oven is a lousy gift. Sorry. A vacuum, okay, I can live with that. But for some reason, a microwave crosses the line for me. Unless he or she really wants it. That’s different.
I mean, I wanted a Campagnolo Centaur Ultra Torque 175mm compact crankset with 50/34 chainrings. Now THAT is romantic.
Slight modification for accuracy:
Pharyngula commentership is seriously skewed towards women who
don’t want flashy jewelry because they are interested in neat things rather than useless baubles.
Mrs. Tilton @#34 said:
IIRC, you live in the UK, so perhaps you haven’t spent enough time in a snowy climate to see just how romantic the gift of a snowblower can be. Prof. Myers has reached the age where a lot of men succumb to heart attacks from shoveling snow. A wife who gives her husband a snowblower is subtly saying “I don’t want you to die”. To steal the line from another annoying jewelry commercial, it’s like saying “I’ll marry you” all over again!
Hey, the last time I bought someone a rock, it was a lovely ammonite.
Speaking of which, if you have a pet rock, don’t neglect to post it. You know how to find the place.
Re #97. Carlie, assuming my “jewelry as insurance for bad times”
theory above is not completely wrong: they are not really useless.
Maybe you have better ways to insure yourself against that though.
I could imagine for a woman living in a third world country without
a well developed banking system it would still make some sense even
today.
Eh, even the less-flashy consumerism sucks monkey-balls. Xmas is indeed fun for kids, and I think some sort of group-thing with gifts to children is worth keeping. Among adults, though, all it serves to do is point out income gaps within groups who participate.
Chris @#56 said:
Mine too! A Troy-bilt. Freaked me out the first time.
It’s not just invalid neighbours who benefit. My next-door neighbours are a young couple just starting out, and they can’t afford a snowblower. When we were starting out, we couldn’t afford a snowblower either, and the older couple that lived in their house helped us by sharing their snowblower. Now I do the same.
Sadly, I got my first snowblower when the man next door decided to shovel instead of blow out his driveway one day. He died of a heart attack. His widow gave me his snowblower because she wouldn’t use it herself.
Among adults, though, all it serves to do is point out income gaps within groups who participate.
Not true. Gift-giving can point out all sorts of gaps within groups, not just economic ones.
For my office gift exchange this year, I brought a bud buster and described it as an herb/spice grinder (the idea came from PZ’s mention of ‘head shops’ in the post about fluorescing arachnids.)
Once again, the office gift-exchange separated those of my coworkers with tact and sense from, well, me.
Make your own jewelry. There are bead stores in most decent size cities, and if you want a more professional look, you can get lab created stones (rubies and sapphires especially) for way less than natural gems, and professional looking gold and silver settings online. Its hard to go wrong this way. Also, if you want to buy a big diamond, go on a cruise and shop for them in the Caribbean. What you spend in taxes may even pay for the vacation if you are smart about it.
“If you wanted them, you would buy them without the advertising.”
I think this is partially true for jewelry, but it’s not true for all products. For example, I’m really glad I saw an ad for those “Breath-Right” nasal strips or whatever they’re called. They’ve significantly improved the quality of my sleep.
I got my GF a laptop for Christmas, and she loves it. It shows my feelings in a monetary fashion (cost about 2 weeks salary), but has the virtue of being very useful.
Hey Steve, thanks for the tip. And Brownian, it would totally make my day if someone brought a bud buster to the office gift exchange. Of course, there might be three other people who even got what it was, but I hired them all!
Word to that!!
I **Heart** useless baubles. And I’m geeky enough to read to the end of this thread. Of course I buy (almost) all of my useless glittery baubles myself. Stomps off to corner. Sulks. Amuses self by playing with the 7 bracelets on arm.
Rey Fox, I am not confused. I am baffled. I am flashing back to an other sillier thread.
I bought my lady a worm farm and she’s buying me new sneakers. We vowed to keep bullshit to a bare minimum when we got married, so I haven’t bought her anything useless & shiny since the engagement ring, unless you count flowers. She’s a sucker for orange gerberas – $4.95 at our local store, everybody wins :)
I understand you, PZ – if I spent anymore than a week’s wage on Mrs Hank for Xtivus I would need immediate medical attention (though, to be fair, she wouldn’t go for the groin until after we’ve spawned). She’s a student, I’m a musician – we can’t afford things that TV people own :)
Merry Podmas everybody
I welcome our squid overlords!
Hey, if I want jewels, I buy ’em myself.
If I want a flashy sports car, going to buy it MYSELF.
Don’t need a man for that. ;D I was never impressed with flashy investment banker types, anyway. They seem to run away if they discover there’s something between your ears. ;D
The argument that a snowblower shows how much you love your husband is really a bit superficial. A better gift to achieve the aim of not having your beloved die prematurely of a heart attack is to buy him a pair of decent running shoes. In the Midwest maybe some of the very good, layered, sweat wicking cold weather running gear as well.
Yesterday I went for a run here, not pushing it too much because the footpath (sidewalk) was slick with frost. I would love some nice soft powder to run on instead, less slippery. Now all I need for a hassle free winter running season is to find my running gloves. They seem to have gone awol over our balmy Scottish summer.
Also, if you buy inexpensive earrings, you can get two matching pairs of those you like, so that you have to lose _three_ instead of just one before they’re useless.
As an ex-Chicagoan I’m all for buying a snowblower. I would go with one that is sturdy and very wide. One year I bought my wife a garage-door opener from Sears. She loved it.
What I want to know is who the fuck can afford buying a luxury car as a gift. They are probably the people with a very high mortgage rate and up to their eyeballs in credit card debt.
Every time my dad sees one of those commercials, he starts grumbling about the time when, right after his father died when he actually had some amount of money due to the inheritance, he took my mother out to buy her a car to replace the almost-20 year old dying Volvo she’d been driving.
When they found one she liked and he insisted on just buying it instead of going home to think it over, she got extremely angry and didn’t talk to him for a week.
He’s pretty sure that if he’d just bought her a car, let alone expensive jewelery that she’d never have any use for, we’d be fishing his body out of some river by now.
C. L. Hanson, you might consider joining BookCrossing and do a little book swapping. I don’t know if it’s any more convenient than mail-ordering, but it might be more fun.
All you have to do to become a member is register by entering your e-mail address and a password. They don’t spam.
Already mentioned, but bears repeating: At the end of the day, the point is that a good gift is one that the recipient wants, not something that a commercial tells you the recipient wants. If you know the recipient well enough, you’ll know the difference.
Just a serious word about snow blowers. Never absent-mindedly try to clear snow out of them with your hands unless you turn them off first. A friend’s wife lost three fingers that way.
Hmm. Having seen The Vault at the NHM I happen to like some of the glittery useless baubles. But, I can’t afford them, don’t need them, and would be afraid to wear them. Most wouldn’t suit me anyway ;)
If you must have glittery things I’m a big fan of amber. Baltic amber doesn’t have ethical issues, and its generally pretty cheap, and its interesting in and of itself.
Most of these adverts tend to be aimed at young people generally at the beginning of a relationship/about to propose. Which is where you tend to find people spending lots of money on pointless frippery. After several years of marriage, when you’ve seen the size of his pay-slip such things become irrelevant. That’s when buying something people actually want/need becomes important. (Though I’d advise against buying household appliances unless the lady in question is pretty adamant she doesn’t want anything else.)
A brand new Dyson? That is decadent.
Janine: It was weeks, possibly months ago that I referred to the James Taylor bit on South Park. Don’t worry about it.
See now I saw the commercials completely differently. I thought “gee, my wife of 16 years seems to be looking at other men lately, so that Lexus SUV should be just the thing under the tree to make her love me again.” So, off I went to go buy one, then I realized I was an educator and we, as a nation, value education so much that I really couldn’t afford a used Honda let alone a new Lexus. [rolls eyes]
Honestly I find them obnoxious, demeaning to women, and elitist. To quote my wife:
“I don’t need shiny baubles to keep me happy, I’m not a [expletive] raven!”
Monado from 118
I had a friend who did the same thing. Smart guy, bad mistake, two fingers gone.
A fair warning.
bPer @98:
IIRC, you live in the UK
Only my email account lives there; myself, I dwell amongst the Hun.
BTW, despite my flippant tone, I am entirely serious in agreeing that a snow-blower is a romantic gift.
As an apprentice jeweler, I need to let people know that jewelry, in either gold or gems, is the worst investment to make for one simple reason:
The jewelry is vastly overpriced! Unless one is getting a fifteen to twenty thousand dollar stone of extremely fine quality, gewgaws are an awful investment. It’s akin to art. Most art is worthless except for what enjoyment it brings to the owner.
It always cracks me up when Libertarians want to have our money based on gold. Like it’s a concrete kind of thing whose value never changes, when it’s basically useless except in specialized applications. It’s just a frigging metal. Its bonus is it doesn’t turn your finger green, but neither does silver.
The bestest present is the one that shows someone really knows the other person and what they like.
Power equipment is always awesome.
Just count the number of men driving Stupid Useless Vehicles on your next morning commute and you’ll have your answer.
Oh, the women aren’t much smarter.
Monado said: “Also, if you buy inexpensive earrings, you can get two matching pairs of those you like, so that you have to lose _three_ instead of just one before they’re useless.”
I get most of my earrings at the thrift store, so that’s not usually an option. But I may keep that in mind for the next time I visit the little shop in the mall that often has racks of earrings “buy one, get one half off” or “buy two, get one half off.”
And, yes, it is possible to be a nerd and still like shiny baubles. I just don’t like expensive ones, because then I’d be afraid to use them.
Peter Ashby @ #112:
LOL! Somehow ‘romance’ just doesn’t come to mind when I read your suggestion. ‘Nagging’ seems more like it. ;-)
I see your point, and I agree that staying physically-fit will help reduce your risk, but running is one of the dumbest ways to get exercise in the winter in this area (Ottawa). Instead, try more winter-appropriate activities. XC skiing, skating and (my fave) snowshoeing come to mind right off the bat.
But all that activity doesn’t get the snow cleared, and unfortunately even healthy people succumb to heart attack from shoveling. People are warned to take their time and not over-exert themselves, but if you gotta get the car out to get the kids to hockey in time, you go for it. A few don’t make it.
I had to laugh again when I read about your wish for snow. So far, we’ve received 148cm this season. Care for some? And check out the 2nd picture in the item – does that look like good running conditions? That storm was Sunday, and there are still large areas where sidewalks aren’t cleared.
The best response I’ve ever gotten from a ring was one I spent about $60 on.
The reason I got a fantastic response was that I spent $20 on some silver wire, $5 on some cadmium free silver solder, $5 on some flux and $30 on a high-temp soldering iron and braided, soldered and polished the thing myself.
Snow blower as a Christmas gift? That’s nothing. I have a neighbor who give his wife a cement mixer two years ago–and she loved it. (She designs, makes and sells ornamental garden stepping stones as a hobby,) Also don’t knock snow blowers. When we moved to Buffalo in 1980, I bought a then fifteen-year old Ariens from the the folks from whom we bought our house there (they were retiring to Florida). We now live outside of Philadelphia, but that snow blower and its engine are still going strong at 42 years. I’ve only had to replace the starter motor once, 15 years agol. And I’ve yet to lose a finger although I’ve chewed up my share of newspapers and dog toys buried in the snow where I wasn’t expecting them.
I only read the first 40 or so responses and I have some observations.
1) In an episode of Law & Order Lenny commented about how jewelry is for a woman to sell after she gets divorced. So giving jewelry and other bling is like saying, “Here’s some money for when we split up.” Personally I think a Certificate of Deposit is smarter.
2) Martin Short was in a movie called “Crazy People” where he plays an advertiser who has a mental breakdown and goes for real truth in advertising. Fancy cars are for people who want hand jobs. Everyone knows that so he uses it in an ad.
3) Response #2, yes I like to walk in a light rain. The air smells cleaner when it rains.
4) I’ve had a hard time making out a christmas list for my family. I have some DVD box sets from last xmas I haven’t even cracked the plastic yet. (I almost want to get fired from my job so I’ll have the time to watch them. That and my boss is about as competent as a creationist in a biology lab.) I’m aiming for practical gifts this year. My Dad is hard to shop for to for the same reason. We already have most of what we want. And for what I want that isn’t on my list is way too expensive to even consider. Finances permitting, I’m getting a plasma 1080p next year.
I’ve always wondered if what we aren’t seeing is sexual selection working on more than one level. The guy you marry, who can help raise your offspring successfully to adulthood, may be judged on different qualities than the guy you’re sneaking around with getting some extra nookie to hedge your genetic bets. When you have to make a quick decision (as this is a one-night-stand) on the quality of his genes, maybe flashy diamonds, cars, good hair, or other factors help judge his genetic “quality,” just like fancy plumage and dance moves in birds. (Of course, this would completely invalidate the advertising claim that diamonds=monogamy, as it would in fact imply the opposite).
This is purely theoretical for me, as I’ve never been impressed by the flashy guys, and the idea that people were hacked to death with machetes so I could have a hunk of carbon is something of a turn off. But I know I’m being selected against, having chosen not to have offspring, so my personal reactions probably aren’t valid for most of the species.
Best gift I’ve ever had … my sister showing up at my back door unannounced upon her return to the States after hiking and biking (called bumming back in those days) for more than 2 years around the world.
She’s the one who got me interested in this vigorous game we call “life outside the box!”
In her hands were the remnants of shells from a snorkeling trip off the coast of Cape Cod. She stayed long enough for us to take these and set them into a frame (and long enough to finish a dozen bottles of really cheap wine – Hey! I was a poor college student, K?!). Still have that frame that holds our “group” photo to this day. Um, did I forget to tell you she showed up with 3 of her friends?!
RE Peter Ashby @ #112:
That was my take, too. In effect your spouse is saying, “Here’s a pair of running shoes, dear. Now you just go out and run for an hour or two. Then get to work on the driveway.”
Just a personal opinion, but there is no way in this, or any alternate universe, that a snow blower is a romantic gift! Of course, I live in Alabama and the grinding and screeching caused by metal against a concrete sidewalk would destroy any mood. The last good snow storm my area had was 1995; six inches of snow closed everything for a week.
For a great “Sex for Sale” replacement present for the significant other, I recommend a good bicycle. Inexpensive (at least compared to a brand new car), environmentally friendly, fun to ride, and good exercise all in one package. And you can buy snow tires.
Best wishes for the holidays to everyone here and to all of yours.
I’ll admit to liking sparkly jewelry, but it’s got to be the right kind of jewelry. I don’t particularly care for diamonds (no colour) or yellow gold (wrong colour), and seeing as silver or even steel will produce essentially the same look as platinum or white gold… I just don’t see the point, for myself, unless it’s something that isn’t available any other way. Fake stones that look nice? Sure. No objection on my part. Same with semi-precious stones. But I also tend toward baubles that are shaped like something as opposed to gemstones set in a plain band/hole/whatever (which is why, I suppose, the one exception I can think of right offhand to the no-real-jewelry thing would be a ring I once saw shaped like a finger-enveloping octopus. Six hundred bucks, but it was damnably cool).
I settled for a forty-dollar silver tentacle, and even then, my ‘Ohmigodspendingthatmuchonjewelry?!’ hackles went off. If someone really wants to drop three grand on a present for me, he can get me that pony I’ve been asking for for twenty years.
Brownian, I’m not sure I can help you with the meeting-up part; I met Joe by crashing on his livingroom floor, hanging out with his housemates and various friends watching the Watergate hearings by day and eating at cheap exotic (to me) restaurants at night for a couple of weeks, and jumping into bed in an evening that involved, IIRC, travel slides. I think it’s pheromones, myself. That and I was really turned on by the way he handled his cat.
Technique, well. Decide her whole body is delicious and treat her thus. Be enthusiastic, not grim. Slow down. Listen. Don’t be afraid to bliss out and show it. Smile. I dunno, it’s not that one is good in bed, it’s that the pair (or whatever number) is good in bed together. Maybe take a Tantric class, no foolin. You don’t have to believe the bullshit for the techniques to work.
I haven’t followed this comment thread, so perhaps I repeat, but 1. PZ did remember the car commercial, so it caught his attention enough that he first watched, then remembered it, and 2. PZ posted a blog about the car commerical. So, it caught his attention enough that he had some reaction to the degree that he would write about it. Further, he has now made other people aware of the car commercial. So, one could say that the commerical (almost) self-replicated itself. What better advertisement then to stir up people enough so that others talk about your commercial for you?
“Sex is how you get pregnant. Oral sex is how you get jewelry.” – in a movie I saw once and can’t recall the name of…
Jenbug @ 24: “… the way to a woman’s heart and parts beyond.”
Ummm, even though the heart may be won first, perhaps the other parts may not be thought of as “beyond”, but as additional routes to the heart — in the sense of ways to please the beloved woman’s heart, and also literally and physically in the sense of motion toward the heart — making that heart the “part beyond” all the other parts, the ultimate goal.
Ron Sullivan @ 76: “I put it on every morning after my welding ring….”
Since D and L are not adjacent keys, I assume that’s not a typo, but an intentional usage. “Welding” as in joining two metals together, as long as they both may endure? Neat-o!
Why does it have to be that men have to show undying love by buying expensive stuff ? can’t the ladies have a turn ? I for one wouldn’t say no if my wife bought me a large flat screen plasma TV – it would keep me busy AND she would know where to find me ! (dreams)
The proof of commitment/desirability isn’t always in the form of expensive baubles though is it ? for some its power / influence / even notoriety – with my other half its DIY (I LOATH DIY !)
Michael @#135 said:
The snowblower you witnessed was grossly mis-adjusted. The auger should never come in contact with the ground. I wonder how many shear pins that operator went through. In over 20 years, I haven’t broken one. The only other metal-ground contact might be the skids that set the auger height. If they make that much noise, the balance of the machine is grossly out of whack (and the machine would be a bear to operate). With my machine (and any other I’ve heard), all you hear is the engine noise. Not exactly romantic, but oddly comforting.
We do get some absolutely hellacious ‘grinding and screeching’ around here – from the graders that the city uses to scrape up the ice that builds up on the street. It is phenomenally loud, but only lasts for 20-30 minutes several times a season, so I don’t complain. And yes, that sound kills the mood for sure.
One of the things about good practical presents is they show that your partner KNOWS you — your needs, habits, daily chores, desires, etc. Being lesbians, we escape these gender-role expectations for couple interaction, but if my girlfriend of 5 years gave me diamonds for xmas, my response would be, “um, have we met? where on earth did you get the idea that I like to have our money spent on flashy jewelry?” I do wear jewelry, but it’s all just pretty fake stuff, often super-cheap things from Claire’s (sure the little stone fell out of the earring after a couple months, but it cost $5, just get new ones!)
Actually, what we’ve taken to doing is buying all our presents for other people with our AmEx through their online “bonus points mall” and then using the credit-card points we earn to get “free” things for ourselves. She ordered mine early this year so I could use it for the party we had last weekend: a Waring 3-compartment buffet-server/warming tray. Now, THAT is ME! I cook, like to entertain, it’s a gift that fits who I am. (She’ll be getting a TiVo.)
“I’ve been seeing these unbelievable commercials that feature some smug guy surprising his wife by giving her a luxury car (with a bow on top) as a present,”
I think in that specific commercial the goal of the commercial appears to be to encourage someone to enter a contest in which they can – in theory – win two cars, one to keep and one to give to someone else. In that exact situation – generosity with serendipitously acquired resources – I can see a spouse or girlfriend being ‘romantically grateful’ as portrayed in the commercial. I believe the method of entry is to spend some money on your credit card (if it is the right brand). The commercial – interpreted as I described above – is cute, if I had the correct brand of credit card I can see myself deciding to spend some small amount ($10? $5?) in order to make sure that I entered the contest. (I think that part of the cuteness of the commercial is that the guy managed to ‘give’ his spouse such an extravagant gift with such a minimal investment. He got lucky, and he responds to it by sharing the wealth – a generosity consistent with the thrift that serious romantics prize. It is fun to get lucky, in every sense of the phrase.)
However, for all of the reasons PZ Myers describes, doing anything more than spending a frivolous amount of money on something like that is idiocy deserving of significant and virulent criticism by spouse or partner.
About the shiny things. I like shiny things, but I would totally accept cubic zirconia. Isn’t it actually shinier than diamond? Actually I’d accept glass, or plastic, the claire’s thing. Shiny is pretty. (note: I’m not going to win any fashion awards anytime soon)
Pyre @ #140: You got it. We actually did get legal after 19 years together, because I needed health insurance. The only vow I took was, “This won’t change anything.” I hope I’ve lived up to it. It was a three-dog ceremony in a hole in the ground, followed by an excellent picnic our friend the UU minister provided. The dogs were hers too, in matching kerchiefs.
I think one secret of our relationship is that we never had to date, until we were well and truly shacked up.
I’m a woman and I love jewelry. However, I tend to prefer antique jewelry or hand made pieces without precious metals or gemstones. And, as far as I’m concerned, those diamond baubles are hideous. I swear they get uglier with every passing year.
Call me crazy, but I’m a firm believer that it’s the thought that counts. Giving a gift that’s hand picked for your partner is a thousand times more meaningful than an obligatory gift, no matter if that obligatory gift costs 20 bucks or 2,000.