See that guy over on the right? The well-fed fellow doing the salute?
That’s Jesus.
Not just a guy named Jesus, but the Son of God. The Messiah. The literal second coming of the Savior. King of kings, Lord of lords, yadda yadda yadda, and he swears he isn’t a False Christ.
That’s what he says, anyway. And apparently he’s got a substantial number of followers who believe him.
Thanks, Liberal Debutante, for disillusioning me further. Jebus, but people can be awfully stupid, especially when religion is involved..
I always thought that the second coming was Jane Fonda.
Why is he making a rude gesture at everyone in Britain?
Well, he certainly dresses nicer than the first one. Got some nice jewelry too. I figure anybody who wears an expensive suit like that has to be legit…
Oh geez…. AND he has a “666” tattoo. AND he says he is also the Antichrist, because the Antichrist isn’t evil, he is merely the person who replaces Jesus.
This wouldn’t even make a good parody!
Judging by the suit, it looks like Christ’s hippie days are over.
Hey, Jesus is saying that “every religion including Catholics, Protestants, Jewish, Mormons, etc will end as their leaders are corrupt…”
He may be bad at grammar, but he’s on our side!
PZ: Blessings on you! I knew you would find the Lord someday! He’s so GQ….who woulda thunk?
I somehow thought that Jesus would look a little less, you know… inbred.
Man am I ever let down.
Where are the scars from the crown of thorns? Doesn’t look like there are crucifixion holes either.
He’s almost as big as the earth! And he can apparently survive in space without a helmet.
Truly, God is great.
I’m reminded of the 1972 Peter O’Toole classic ‘The Ruling Class.’
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Ruling_Class
But his dress sense is more Damien Thorn.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Omen_III:_The_Final_Conflict
That doesn’t look like the same Jesus Christ who talks to me about chromoten and endzimes every night.
Wasn’t Jesus Jewish, not Latino?
That doesn’t look like Jesus to me…
Judging by the suit, it looks like Christ’s hippie days are over.
so does this mean no more off-broadway remakes of “Hair”?
Atheist though I may be, I have my own internal image of the “real” Jesus: a long-haired, sandal-wearing, free-thinking, free-loving, whale-saving, tuned-in-and-dropped-out hippy. This guy is a distinct disappointment.
Oh, come on, guys. Jesus blended in when he was around the first time. Why not this time?
if you check out the link to whether he’s another “false prophet” you find:
The Apostle Jose Luis De Jesus Miranda has not appeared to perform signs and wonders, He has arisen to reveal specific information of the authentic gospel of the uncircumcision
uh, the gospel of the uncircumcision???
will he perform that miracle unaided, i wonder, or are there tissue donors standing by?
Free love?! You’ve never read the New Testament, have you?
I wouldn’t buy a vacuum cleaner from that guy.
However, I have seen him sell used cars in the seedier side of town.
Off topic, but I figure more evidence for evolution is always on topic here.
http://liberalvaluesblog.com/?p=1121
Chimps show they are more like humans than previously believed. They learn to use spears as weapons, and they go after BUSH BABIES. If only we were smart enough to wipe them out when we had the chance.
This is one nut who worries me. I stumbled across an article on him a couple months ago, but cannot recall the source. Looks like CNN picked the story up a couple days ago and got the publicity ball rolling.
Not sure how much the news articles are relying on his own claims for followers, cashflow and rate of growth, but can only hope they are seriously overstated. As the Mormons were to the nineteenth century and the Scientologists were to the twentieth…do we witness the birth of the twenty-first’s breakout religion? Will our atheist grandchildren be rolling their eyes when Mirandists tell stories of his grand miracles?
On the snarkier side, how do we know when we need to nail this one to the toothpick? Too early and his message is snuffed out. Too late and his divinity will be too well known. And as we all know, actual widespread evidence would put a big crimp in that faith thing. God couldn’t stand for that.
lol, he reminds me of lou dobbs.
No, I’ve read the New Testament, and while it may be inconsistent, it does say quite a bit about the virtues of love. (For instance, 1 John 4:12: “No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us.”) I just choose to interpret that as including carnal love, which is doubtless not what was originally intended – but then, it’s all made up anyway, so who cares?
If anything, it would be the Old Testament that comes across as a strigent anti-free-love doctrine, what with the stoning adulterers and all.
One thing I’ve learned from Christians is that truth is that which they would like to be used, and it’s by selective interpretation of the sacred text that the truth is supported.
That means, based on 1 John 4:12, we should be having a great big orgy right now. My only problem with that is that hippies, being unclean as they so often are, tend to cultivate chlamydia in everything from their Birkenstocks to their hemp shirts, and I don’t want to catch something from Jeebus.
Does Jon Stewart know about this? Please tell me he knows about this.
Uhhhhmmmm…. I hate to ask this, but where’s his sword?
lol, he reminds me of lou dobbs.
Oh, that’s just friggin’ great! ;-)
Is he wearing a class ring?!?
“San Dimas High School Football Rules!”
So should we test his claim by sending him to Fiji on “Survivor” or turning him loose on the panel at “American Idol?” It’s only true if we see it on TV.
Seriously, has there ever been a cult leader who had trouble finding disciples? I mean, it just seems like when it comes to finding gullible worshippers, it’s just ‘Ask and thou shalt receive’, no matter how deranged you are.
Waddya wanna bet that in a few years he is either in a compound with a bunch of guns fending off the Federales or giving his followers a fresh batch of Kool-Aid? I guess a third option is that he buys a newspaper and makes it as unbiased as the Washington Times?
Ay ay ay!
Maybe I can convince a lot of people to believe that I am God–and maybe then I can convince them that I don’t exist!
Frankly, that makes it sound like God is a sexually transmitted disease or parasite that needs to change hosts to complete its life cycle.
I don’t know…he looks more like the second coming of Nixon to me, but maybe that’s just the “don’t buy a used car from me” look influencing me.
Perhaps you could convince them to give you a lot of money,we’ll help by pretending to be disciples. Then we can all clear off on a big holiday. I mean pilgrimage.I’m starting to think there’s something in those Harry Potter films.
This is a parody right?
Well, that puts a whole new spin on the phrase “I’ve got Jesus in my heart”, doesn’t it?
This is a parody right?
Noooooooo…. it’s Jesus. How the heck would you expect him to look and act?
Maybe he sounds a little kooky? Remeber, back then he wasn’t exactly firing on all cylinders either. “I will make you fishers of men”? I mean, come on! Fishing for men? Cuckoo!
By the by, as one of his ardent followers, I can tell you we have a new motto for our dapper, spiffed-up Jesus, mod Saviour and Lord.
“Jesus Shaves!”
So dust off that can of brylcream, slap on a little extra gold jewelry, find yourself a gold tie, and come join us.
#22 I am with you. But my bet is that he’s going to jail for some kind of fraud (mail or tax or someother such) soonish.
I think he’s creepy looking, and then there’s that nasty v-sign….
Judging by that ring he’s wearing I guess the New New Testament is rescinding the bit about rich folk, heaven, camels, and needle eyes.
I’m quite taken with his site’s FAQ on whether he could be a “false Messiah” — an obvious question that many will ask. No, he says! That’s because the Bible warns of false prophets who will perform “signs and wonders”. This guy performs no signs and wonders — ergo, he’s the real thing! (Praise the Lord.) Sure, it’s a logical fallacy, but logical fallacies never stopped any other religious movement.
O me of little faith!
Jebus, but people can be awfully stupid, especially when religion is involved.
Well yeah, but check out the ring. Tackiest thing I’ve ever seen, but not cheap.(There’s also a gold-looking bracelet and what appears to be a gold lapel medal if you look at the link.) He’s racking it in.
Y’know, you could make a fortune by very publicly repenting of your atheism, accepting Jesus, and starting the PZ Myers Miracle Ministries. Do the 700 Club circuit, shill for the DI, tell a lot of scared, ignorant people that God’ll like ’em better if they send you money for your holy work. It could be very cushy.
I’m just saying.
Man, this guy doesn’t even come up to the level of General Zod.
“You will kneel before me, Kal-el! Kneel before Zod!”
Picture caption:
My God, my God why have you abandoned me? Do something, quick! I’ve superglued my fingers to my forehead!
Hang on there…I perform no signs and wonders, either. I’m probably the most miracle-free person on the planet, since I don’t even give much credit to other people’s claims of miracles.
I guess that means I’m the Messiah now.
I guess that means I’m the Messiah now.
yup.
so, um, what perks come with that?
Ho hum, bring on the rest.
From pages 110-111 of The Book of the SubGenius btw of Obsidian Wings:
…
…
It will be interesting to see how other churches respond to an actual Jesus Christ.
The superstructure of the Christian religion depends on a meme implanted in the minds of its followers, that there exists a “He Who Must Be Obeyed” – Jesus himself.
What if by using the name he can hijack that meme so that he’s able to reach through other churches’ hierarchical command structures and lure their followers out from under them?
Sam Harris made the point that religious moderates provide cover for religious extremists. That’s likely because no degree of religion can stand up to scrutiny, and the moderates MUST tolerate the extremists, in order for they themselves to stay safe.
Yet here’s a guy whose extremism consists of saying that he is the ultimate Christian, and that all other religions will be ended. If they cover for THIS extremist, he gains power over THEM.
But if they actively attack him, do the kid gloves come off, sparking a sectarian free-for-all?
Hot damn! Shootout at the Jesus Corral!
…
…
Good one. :D
Oh Oh, can I be Judas?
It’s just a smooch, and I will be able to install the new pool with the silver!
Sure Dave, you can be Judas, but I get to be the reincarnated Longinus. Being a traitor may have a better pension; but I get job satisfaction and a great dental plan.
If you’ll excuse me, gentlemen, I think I need to find myself a spear…
This ‘Jesus’ sure seems to have evolved far away from the Biblical Jesus.
In the end, I don’t see a big difference in the two kooks.
Greetings from Limeyland.
I’m a bit hazy about the, details but doesn’t this mean that we’re due from some rapturing real soon? Day of judgement, all that stuff?
If so, I do hope they make it on a weekend because weekdays are just impossible for me right now: an endless round of ferrying kids to music lessons, clubs etc. and going to meetings of numerous committees etc. in the evenings.
While he’s over there with you chaps in Bushland could one of you try to take a peek at his diary and then drop us all a line? Many thanks and toodle-pip!
‘Due for’ rather than ‘due from’, I should say.
Rule Britannia!
I liked Brian of Nazareth better. As for that other prat, he’s just a naughty little boy.
…
…
Re: The Rapture
Reverse Pascal’s Wager:
If there’s no god and I’m an atheist, I was right all along, and I got to enjoy years of mental health and peace that the Christians didn’t.
If there IS a god and I’m an atheist, when The Rapture comes I get to enjoy all the cool cars and houses and stuff the Christians leave behind.
…
…
So, does nobody have any real info on this guy’s history? Criminal record, education, etc.? Perhaps he was born in some sort of barn? The ability to make (I’d guess?) 35 years of your life disappear is right out of Jesus’ playbook. This guy has done his homework!
Is it cynical of me that I’m surpised by the lack of an apparent “donations” link on that page?
http://www.khou.com/sharedcontent/VideoPlayer/videoPlayer.php?vidId=91617&catId=35
Wow, Jesus’ media player is a pain to load, you’d think he could afford bandwidth… This guy sounds like he thinks he’s possessed….AND doesn’t even have sense enough NOT to refer to Jesus as “he” rather than “me”…
..previous occupation: Evangelical Pastor. I’d have preferred a used car salesman…
wiki- “He said that during this period he served stints in prison for petty theft and was a heroin addict.” It cites the CNN article, which does say that.
PZ: Should we now pronounce it ‘PZ M(ess)yers’ ?
‘For, unto us a squid is born, unto us a mollusc given!’ Hallelujah!….:)
I’m sorry if this has already been covered, but the latest word from my local news channel in Austin is that he is no longer claiming to be Jesus and is now claiming to be the Antichrist…but with a twist.
As his message is that the Devil doesn’t exist and neither does sin, his congregation can do anything they like and he seems to be spinning himself more as an anteChrist.
He’s sporting new tattoos. You guessed it, 666 on one arm and SSS on the other. Hundreds of members of his congregation have followed suit and are sporting stylish 666 tattoos of their own.
GWW:
Well, since silliness seems apropos:
Jesus isn’t giant, he’s just in the foreground! (From this Strong Bad email, Flash with sound warning if you’re at work) And that walking on water thing is getting pretty old, so Jesus has to spice it up a bit with miraculously propelled space walks.
I wonder how he claims the title “doctor”, though. Is he a Doctor of Cubology?
I too saw an article about this particular nut months back. I almost feel like the indie kid who hates it when the “mainstream” gets ahold of his favorite unknown band. I just wanna yell “Get off you suckers! This is MY favorite unknown religious nutcase!” Though I suppose there are many more to be found. Not to mention everyone in mexico got to him first.
On a side note, I suppose with PZ being the next new “christ” he should stay away from anyone who wants to kiss him on the cheek. What’s 30 silver worth today anyways?
I’m the messiah, and so’s my wife!
Ok, religion has its merits — it is quite a cool social control tool. So, lets all found our own little cult (yes, I know, it is a bit hypocritical, being atheist and all, but its for the greater good!), and apply some kool–aid style natural selection.
Expensive cars, watches, houses, extreme power–trips… even religious people should be able to see right through that guy — I am dumb–struck (again). This guy doesn’t just require suspension–of–disbelief (or rather suspension–of–rationale), but complete lobotomy to be followed.
The only thing holding me back from buidling a cult of my own is this darned conscience thing, that I am not supposed to have as an atheist….
I am rambling again, so I better stop now…
DISCLAIMER: The preceding post was not, in any way, meant to incite any person to commit attrocities or harm fellow beings in any way — and while I do understand that the INS is a little short–fused these days, I assure you it was all just in good fun. The next time I stand in front of the immigration counter at O’Hare, I will deny any knowledge of this post. Even if not funny, at least I considered it satire… phew.
Is it just me or does that ring look like something from the Seventies…The Decade That Taste Forgot?
I tend to doubt that Our Saviour would be caught dead (again) in something that tacky, even though he did have that caftan thing going on the last time. I always pictured a tasteful diamond solitaire miraculously compressed from a lump of coal (to avoid the whole blood diamond issue).
And that suit? Hire a real tailor, bucko, because the fit across the top of the shoulders isn’t great. The receeding hairline is quite another story, and one I won’t get into because I’m already nauseated.
One last thing. Dude, either less airbrushing or less cover makeup. You have skin like a Ken doll.
Perhaps this time the fashionistas will nail him to the cross using the spikes of their Jimmy Choo heels.
Morph
So, Dave, does that mean that your children have inherited your messianic genes and they’re all little messiahs, too? It must be quite something when they argue:
“I save!”
“No, I save!”
“You do not! I save!”
“No, I save!”
“You kids shut up! Your mom and I both save! Everybody saves! Okay? Now pipe down!”
Jesus saves, Gretzky scores on the rebound.
Ba-dum-ump. Thankew, thankew, I’ll be here all week.
Sorry. Long week at the hospital. Minor gang-war yesterday. Tired. Caffeine. Sugar. NOW OR I WILL MAKE YOUR LIFE HELL…
Morph
Picture caption:
James T. Kirk: Well done, Mr. Scott. How soon can we be ready for warp speed?
Montgomery Scott: Full power now, sir.
James T. Kirk: If you will, Mr. Jesus.
Mr. Jesus [saluting]: Aye, sir. Warp speed.
I think I may have made a mistake when I started my own religion, cause I didn’t set up a way for anyone to join me in “Mikism.” The only teacher is also the only disciple, and it has no way for me to make any money.
Y’all are welcome to join me, you just have to promise to stay atheist but send me lots of cash. I’ll reward you in my afterlife, I swear.
This reminds me of when I went to see Margot Adler speak at a Wiccan gathering. The title of her talk was “Let’s Dispense With the Gurus.” Ironically enough, she was seated on silk pillows on a stage and the audience treated her with awe.
I guess people just gotta have a guru, even eclectic Wiccans. See above. I volunteer to be guru if it means lots of cash ans some silk pillows.
Walter Koenig is Jesus?
— http://www.walterkoenigsite.com/ —
Looks like the Moonies have some competition.
I wonder how many people with followings are walking the earth at one time claiming to be the Messiah returned?
How many of Jesus’ contemporaries were claiming the same thing? “I’m the son of god…”
Superstition is a dangerous thing. Apparently one of their objectives is to oppose superstitions about the devil:
“Jesus of Nazareth , when he died on the cross, he killed the devil,” she said, all while getting her own ‘666’ tattoo done.
It’s a sign most Christians would shun, because for centuries the numbers have been associated with Satan. But for the 30 or so church members who branded themselves with 666 and SSS — the initials of De Jesús’ motto, ”salvo siempre salvo,” or ”saved always saved” — it’s a mark of their absolute faith in De Jesús.
Very clever way to fight superstition–by putting absolute faith in some guy who doesn’t look like he’s ever refused a temptation.
Sadly, this is not strictly a Christian thing. There is a pretty long list of people claiming to be Buddhas also. Interestingly enough, in recent years some of them have been rather eccentric Christians trying to fuse the second coming of Jesus with the incarnation of Maitreya.
Hopefully, this Jesus will stay away from Siberia. Holy sons of god, batman! Dueling Jesuses. Or is it Jesi?
Jesus of Siberia
Sergei Torop was a traffic cop in the small Russian town of Minusinsk until 1989, when he announced that he was the son of God. Now he commands a following of thousands and rules over a large swath of the Siberian mountains. Ian Traynor makes a pilgrimage. […]
“He radiates incredible love,” sighs Hermann, 57, a Bavarian engineer who is now selling his home in Germany to join the self-proclaimed messiah of the taiga. “I met Vissarion last August. He told me we had to follow two laws. It was like an electric shock, like bells ringing.” […]
Link to above:
http://www.guardian.co.uk/g2/story/0,3604,721088,00.html
Be careful who you mock:
In Vissarion’s communes,
The birth rate here is much higher than in the average Russian village.
They spend alot more time indoors in Siberia.
No wonder they’re so happy. Sex cult perhaps?
I’m confused. Do we ask Jose Luis Jesus or Siberian Jesus about this tomb story?
Documentary makers claim tomb of Jesus found in Jerusalem cave
Deutsche Presse-Agentur (dpa)
02/23/2007
Jerusalem (dpa) – The makers of a new documentary, to be aired for the first time at a news conference in New York Monday, claim that a tomb found in a Jerusalem cave 36 years ago belongs to none other than Jesus Christ.
The claim presented in the documentary is based on years of research by world-renowned archaeologists, statisticians, experts in ancient scripts and in DNA, the Israeli Yediot Ahronot daily Friday quoted the makers as saying in an exclusive interview.
[…]
http://www.cjp.org/content_display.html?ArticleID=210067
This guy is fake and I know he’s fake because I’m God – and I can prove it. This post contains about 100 characters. The liklihood of this post existing it about 1 in 45 to the 100th power i.e infinitessimally small i.e. impossible. I have accomplished the impossible therefore I am God.
Not very impressed. Sounds like a documentary film maker seeking press.
There were lots of men Jewish named “Jesus” 2000 years ago.
Like George or Steve. Not very earth shattering.
But they got DNA experts on it! The holy DNA!
Who wants to be the first to clone Jesus?
Well that would screw up the whole risen from the dead story now woudn’t it.
I don’t know why everyone’s so surprised. This is just the ultimate evolution of televangelism: the televangelist as the deity, instead of just representing it.
The logic behind those Biblical Archeology documentaries is stupefying. It always seems to go something like: “We have found a tomb from the time of Jesus. It must therefore be the Tomb of Jesus”, or “We have found some bones dating to the time of the apostles. These are therefore the bones of an apostle”.
… waiting breathlessly for his Conservapedia entry…
Movie script idea:
It’s likely that the Jesus back then had to, so to speak, rub out some of the competition… those other guys going around and loudly proclaiming themselves to be the son of God… so we get Martin Scorcese to direct and call it Sons of God, and it tells the brutal – but inspiring! – tale of how Jesus snuffed out the competition in forty days and went on to become the beloved bo-hunk everyone loves and prays to everyday. I’m thinking a DiCaprio / Matt Damon showdown, a la the Departed.
The climax of the movie would be them going at each other with shepard’s crooks. Whap! Boof! Bammo!
Yeah, I noticed True Father and Messiah seems to have a little competition now.
Working on some dialogue for Sons of God:
Jesus [DiCaprio], violently swinging crook at rival Jesus [Matt Damon]:
“That ‘meek shall inherit the earth’ quote is mine… you bloody imposter! I told you…
Not. [thwomp!]
To. [slam!]
Use. [thwack!]
It. [crack!]
Ever. [thwok!]
Again!
Did you notice all the red in use on the site? Fiery red, you might even say. I wonder who this guy might actually be, if not the son of God…
I love the top of the FAQ section (no, wait–that’s the entire FAQ section!), where it discusses Mathew [sic] 24:24 – Mark 13:22, the section on false Christs:
He doesn’t perform signs or wonders? Well that’s me convinced!
What’s 30 silver worth today anyways?
hmm, dunno what the current equivalent worth would be in modern coinage exactly, but a rough estimate I saw (but don’t necessarily trust) gives 30 silver as about 4 months average wage at the time. So if the average american wage is 36k, say, then that would be about 12K.
Just for fun, if we took it as 30 mint-condition actual period Roman silver coins…
prices for similar era roman coins are around 100.00 according to a quick internet survey.
so even if in perfect condition, I would guess 30 of them would be worth around 3-4K. IOW, if offered, take the 12k instead.
Of course, if you were offered the ACTUAL coins used in the supposed historical transaction, I’m sure you could sell those on EBay for a literal mint.
A literal mint? Mints are owned and operated by the government; they aren’t sold or traded for goods and services…
Is that what the kid in The Omen looks like now?
Mints are owned and operated by the government
Maybe the US government still owns its Mints, but Tony Blair wanted to privatise ours- (can’t remember if he did). Obviously by keeping such profit making (The UK mint made about £12m pa profit)(No not the coins it made- as a manufacturer)…
where was I
Oh yeah- If Bush doesn’t sell the mint, it just proves he’s a commie.
yeah, there were NO Jewish guys named Jesus at the time of the New Testament. He, and they, were named Joshua until the bible was written in Greek and they translated the name into Greek.
So if this guy doesn’t even remember his real name I have problems with putting any stock into the functioning of the rest of his mind….
This guy’s Jesus Christ? Really?
Can we ask him what the ‘H.’ stands for?
wow! people are stupid
Who ever belive this guys i feel sorry for them.
first of all he do not look like anything of the descriptions in the bible.
second he was born as flesh jesus would not be born again. he will come and all eyes should see him.
third how can this person not fear God-its rediculus how far people go for money. Idont understand why there are people out there like him. siriousely people Read the word of God and know that christ the Lord will come in a cloud full of glory and you shall see him just like he is not like this guy trust me once he comes it wont be like tis but all the earth will tremble and know that GOd Jesus is the Lord. Read prepare you self so when someone like this guy on the pic comes around will not misguide you. seriously what a waste of a soul.
Rosie @97, thank you so much for your helpful advice.
Of course he looks nothing like Jesus – Jesus was Jewish.
Of course Jesus won’t be born again; he’ll just come again! (erm) Quite different.
Indeed, it’s how can this person not fear God-its rediculus how far people go for money.
Bewildering, this person surely is on the slippery slope to the innermost circles of Dis.
Whew! Weren’t it for your timely (ahem) warning, it might well be that I’d be suckered into believing a religious con.
Wouldn’t want to be a gullible sap, would we?
siriousely people
siriousely