A reader sent me a link to this very strange site, and I’ve been trying to determine whether it’s a satire or not. It seems the answer is…not. There’s a huge amount of kook screed here.
We get to learn that we Americans are actually living in Cabotia, named after the one true discoverer of North America, John Cabot (oh, and since North and South America are all one connected land mass, he gets to claim both continents.) Pope Pius IX had something to do with Lincoln’s assassination, and Kennedy’s assassination was the work of a conspiracy by Nelson Rockefeller.
The author is not a fan of Catholicism: the pope is the anti-christ.
His science is also wacky. He’s an anti-vaccination nut. Albert Einstein was a “lazy dog” whose wife actually wrote his books, and he was a creature cobbled up to hide the most important discovery of all time: the earth doesn’t move. The sun orbits the earth once every 24 hours, while the moon orbits us once every 24 hours and 50 minutes. Geosynchronous satellites are truly stationary, because “at exactly 22.300 miles above the equator, the force of gravity is cancelled by the centrifugal force of the rotating universe.” Please don’t ask me to explain that.
As you might expect, he doesn’t care much for Darwin, either, but there’s a twist: he dislikes three Darwins. Erasmus Darwin, well, he was just crazy. Charles, he stole his theory from the Egyptians, and lied about the Patagonian giants (What? Get used to it; this is a mind unhinged at work). But perhaps the really wicked Darwin was George.
You don’t usually hear much about George Darwin. He was Charles’ son, and he grew up to be an astronomer and mathematician. And, it seems, he published a book about the tides—which is entirely cockamamie if you know the earth doesn’t rotate. I guess astronomers would tend to be anathematics as far as geocentrists are concerned, and an astronomer named Darwin…? In the mind of a conspiracy theorist? Heady stuff.
Before you decide the author of these web pages is totally nuts, though, he’s quick to reassure us that he doesn’t believe the earth is flat. Flat-earthers are insane, unlike geocentrists who know the pope is out to rule the world.
Thank heavens for “the tubes” because otherwise I’d have to subscribe to “The Onion” to get reading this good.
The MIDI, it burns!
As an (amature) astronomer – this just might be the most crazy thing I’ve ever seen. ;)
Can anyone get him to endorse “Intelligent Design”? Because I’d be willing to pay moderate amounts of money to see that happen.
My opinion is that any site that inflicts ocular irritation immediately after the page loads should be hammered unmercifully by some 13 year old German Hacker with a wunderbar script.
Most impressive! 0.8 on the TC* scale.
*The ‘Time Cube’ scale. Where 1.0 is a full Gene Ray.
Oh, great, does this mean that we have to “teach the controversy” when we cover the tides and seasons in elementary school? Equal time for geocentricism? Hey, heliocentrism is “just a theory,” right?
I mean “geocentrism.” (English professor hides face.)
The MIDI, it burns!
not only that, but it’s obviously a midi using the sound of..
BAGPIPES!!!!
haven’t we had enough of bagpipes for one week?
Some years ago there was a bumper sticker stating “use an accordion, go to prison” (a parody of the “use a gun, go to prison” campaign at that time). Well, I think that bagpipes are much more serious matter than mere accordions. I don’t generally support the death penalty, but in this case I might make an exception.
I particularly like “HELLiocentricism”, his addition to the ol’ “EVILution” playground insult.
It’s got to be to satire. With a corny (unprofessional) MIDI, it shouldn’t be taken seriously.
http://www.reformation.org/smallpox-cure.html
remember: Washing machines will put those bioterrorists right out of business!
My favorite:
“Many people consider the Encyclopedia Britannica the FINAL AUTHORITY on all scientific matters.”
This must be a joke.
Ah, yes. The assassinations. I left the Catholic Church when the pope refused to stop offing people. Of course, he claimed he ordered hits only on those who deserved it. Still, it’s a tragedy that novice pope John Paul I incautiously asked the Executioner General for a demonstration at their first meeting.
from the “antichrist” section:
Picture courtesy of Chick Pub.
no need to go any further.
Wow. Someone who dislikes the Pope more than I do. Cool!
Ack!
The sheer level of antivax wingnuttery alone causes me pain. This quote just about sums this guy up:
“Both christening and vaccination are inventions of that old Serpent the devil!!”
If you doubt this is possible, how do you explain PYGMIES+DWARFS????
I should have passed it on to you, Orac. You never get enough of that good ol’ woo.
hey PZ,
if this site is satire, it’s lame. if the author is serious, he is best ignored, or directed to some form of psycho/psychopharma intervention.
what I can’t fathom is where UM system profs find the time to surf up and comment on crap like this…or does tenure mean you guys can slow down your research programs?
s.
The English classified bagpipes as “instruments of war” and banned them in the Disarming Act after they defeated the Jacobites in the Battle of Culloden in 1746.
CONCERN TROLL!
So, umm, successful UM system profs don’t even get 5 minutes free time on a Saturday night? That’s so sad.
What is the motive for the heliocentric hoax? He has an answer:
And if you’re anything like me, you read that two or three times before you were convinced it says what it does.
You know how some of Lovecraft’s stories end with degenerating babble as alien horrors drag the narrator off? I feel like this guy’s pages should end comparably. “Can’t…continue…the Jesuits…the mitre, the mitre…” and then a tangle of unclosed HTML tags.
I tell you, it’s only a matter of time before the pope gets him. (Or one of those Jesuits does.)
accordion-bashers: you just haven’t heard the right accordion! i used to feel as you do, but then i saw this dude in the main square of krakow… he was the yngwie malmsteen of accordion, it was mindblowing.
After the initial “Get your password to Heaven here!!” there are many contenders for my pleasure:
– The fall of “the HELLiocentrc [sic] theory” will destroy “evilution”.
– Erasmus Darwin, a predecessor to Lamarck, got his idea from egyptians who held monkeys as sacred, as their belief was that monkeys souls transmigrated to become humans (reminding of buddhism).
– Einstein was “a smokescreen to hide the identify of the great scientist and inventor Nikola [sic] Tesla” from the result of the Michelson-Morley result on his electromagnetic-gravitic field theories. Because surely Tesla, an obsessive-compulsive, where always right on the money when he had no experimental feedback. And Einstein was a monkey worker for the ‘evilutionists’.
And the list goes on. BTW, has someone come up with a filter or warning system for perversion of science sites yet? It could be a fair complement to other educational methods. I would like to think everyone would stay clear from this – but apparently some are f***d-up enough to create this.
After the initial “Get your password to Heaven here!!” there are many contenders for my pleasure:
– The fall of “the HELLiocentrc [sic] theory” will destroy “evilution”.
– Erasmus Darwin, a predecessor to Lamarck, got his idea from egyptians who held monkeys as sacred, as their belief was that monkeys souls transmigrated to become humans (reminding of buddhism).
– Einstein was “a smokescreen to hide the identify of the great scientist and inventor Nikola [sic] Tesla” from the result of the Michelson-Morley result on his electromagnetic-gravitic field theories. Because surely Tesla, an obsessive-compulsive, where always right on the money when he had no experimental feedback. And Einstein was a monkey worker for the ‘evilutionists’.
And the list goes on. BTW, has someone come up with a filter or warning system for perversion of science sites yet? It could be a fair complement to other educational methods. I would like to think everyone would stay clear from this – but apparently some are f***d-up enough to create this.
“f***d-up” – fucked-up. (I can’t believe I self-censored for a US blog! Never post when tipsy…)
“f***d-up” – fucked-up. (I can’t believe I self-censored for a US blog! Never post when tipsy…)
The site reminds me of some I’ve run across that are virulently anti-abortion. They portray the pope as the anti-christ and in league with satan. They also advocate the Latin mass and assorted other Catholic practices of the past. And the reason I run them down is because they also often threaten violence against Planned Parenthood employees with whom I work as a volunteer. The authors are unhinged but quite serious and potentially lethal, so PP tracks them on a regular basis.
Torbjörn Larsson said:
Has Coturnix seen this yet? ;-)
Thank God that the earth is NOT moving!!
Unfortunately, he made a mistake in his calculations. The earth is not the center point. Everything in the universe actually revolves around MY head. I have proof of this. I have observed it for 44 years, and I have seen everything revolve around my head. The entire earth, the sun, the stars, they all revolve around me. You all best be careful, because I could close my eyes, and you would all disappear. I’m warning you, be careful.
I hope he hasn’t: if he did, I bet I could hear the sound of his veins bursting all the way to my house.
Cabotia? How about Solutreania?
No No NO
It’s not Cabotia. It’s Indiana [or is it Indiania}
The Ridger:
I’m not entirely sure about the reference. However, my comment was not correct, that much is obvious.
First, it is indeed “Nikola” ( http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nikola_Tesla ). I’m not sure how I missed that.
Second, contrary to what the above reference made me believe, obsessive-compulsive disorder is usually both a rather narrow and usually self-recognized condition ( http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Obsessive-compulsive ).
Third, it is on rereading clear from the first reference his OCD had nothing to do with Tesla’s failure to come up with a good theory.
Thank you for pointing out my mistake!
The Ridger:
I’m not entirely sure about the reference. However, my comment was not correct, that much is obvious.
First, it is indeed “Nikola” ( http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nikola_Tesla ). I’m not sure how I missed that.
Second, contrary to what the above reference made me believe, obsessive-compulsive disorder is usually both a rather narrow and usually self-recognized condition ( http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Obsessive-compulsive ).
Third, it is on rereading clear from the first reference his OCD had nothing to do with Tesla’s failure to come up with a good theory.
Thank you for pointing out my mistake!
Cabot (or Caboto, in his native tongue), landed on the island of Newfoundland. Does that really count as a claim on the North and South American mainland?
Does it count when Leif Ericsson did it 500 years before?
I could close my eyes, and you would all disappear.
meh, at this point i don’t think I’d have a problem being wished into the cornfield.
go ahead, Dave.
I guess you can’t expect too much from a person who thinks the number 93 is 90 times larger than the number 3. He probably thinks that 1 + 1 = 11 as well.
You all best be careful, because I could close my eyes, and you would all disappear. I’m warning you, be careful.
But when you open your eyes, won’t we just reappear (at least most of us)?
Or maybe you haven’t slept for 44 years – can I get you some more coffee?
[Cue soundtrack: “Scotland the Brave” playing on some very cheesy synth “bagpipes”……… groggy, barely-awake net-surfer jumps out of skin, reaches to turn speakers off, struggles back into skin, realized she’s put it on backwards – Och, shite!]
Oh maaaaaaaaan, PZ, did you have to hit me with that drum roll before I’d had my coffee?!
But no bout a doubt it, the man’s a True Scotsman!
With apologies to Robbie Burns:
For a’ that and a’ that,
His True Scots bluid, an’ a’ that,
The man who says the airth stands still,
Is a blatherskite for a’ that.
“Buthered with mercy?” Say WHAT?
“Oh, buther!” said Pooh……
And all this time I thought it was J.P. Morgan. How about Andrew Carnegie? Nae, he’s a Scotsman. He’d na do ae thing sae evil!
Sad to say, IMO, the blatherskite’s the real deal. Just about everything he says, I’ve heard before, occasionally from people I’ve known who were 100% sincere.
Now, where did I put the sugar bowl? My oatmeal’s nearly ready!
PZ, thanks a million for this link. I’m doing some research on the racially and religiously motivated reconstructions of the discovery stories of North America circa 1880-1914. I’ve found a lot of wonderfully kooky stuff on the Norse voyages of discovery but not enough on the Cabot voyages. This helps to fill in a few of those gaps.
The craziness surrounding the citations still burns, mind you, but I can handle that!
I read a tiny bit – there’s only so much I can take – but I thought it was very interesting that he cited “Astronomy for Dummies” as a source. Is he really, really bad at reading, or really really good at quotemining? I mean, you get geocentrism and the deluded ovoid-earth-seeing encyclopedia writers from a Dummies book?
“A bull is a male cow.”
The closest thing to accuracy that I could find. But I’m sure even that could have been worked into some sort of conspiracy angle… (…or so the Jesuits have for centuries duped us into believing. It’s all part of their plan! Wake up, people! Armageddon is nigh!)
The sheer bulk of material and images on this site is staggering!
My favorite was in the vaccination section: “Jenner inoculating his 18 months old son with swinepox. His son will die of TB when he is 20.”
It reminds me of Family Guy. “Oh no, Lois. We are not buying a car out of the paper. I knew a guy at work who bought a car out of the paper. Ten years later, bam! Herpes.”
I could’ve sworn I’d mentioned this site in the bad_christians LJ community (motto: “I don’t want to join the religion that you’re a demo for”), but I can’t find it in the archives, so I guess not.
Enough of the accordion-bashing, you lot. Go and listen to some Yann Tiersen and then try to repeat that.
(The accordion *can* be played well… it’s just that your random busker on the metro is as likely as not crap. That said, about 50% of the buskers in London seem to be professional musicians earning a bit of cash in their off hours: I’ve listened to some of them for half an hour, and then put ten quid in the hat…)
Answer:
Question:
“What do you get when you cross cause-and-effect with a non sequitur?”
This site is wonderful. I haven’t read anything so good for a long time. I love the geocentric earth article. Can anybody tell me does the Encyclopaedia Britannica not have articles on stellar parallax or on James Bradley and light aberration? Just curious!
All accordion haters should get an earful of the Finnish accordion genius Kimmo Pohjonen. Try the album 8 Armed Monkey from the band KTU.