The BIG fair, the Minnesota state fair, is going on right now, and Karina Hill is letting people vote on exactly which repellent Midwestern grease lump on a stick she should eat. Here’s the menu:
- Fried cheese puffs
- Cajun Season Alligator Sausage on-a-stick
- Deep Fried Cheese on a stick
- Jerk pork chop drummy
- Pancake wrapped around sausage on-a-stick
- Uffda Treat
- Belgium waffle on-a-stick
- Australian Battered Potatoes
- Cheese-burger calzones on-a-stick
- Wild Rice corndogs
- Key Lime Pie on-a-stick
- Dogzilla
- Egg-roll on-a-stick
- Fried-Egg Bagel Sandwich
- Pizza on-a-stick
- Political pop
- Deep-fried twinkies
- Chicken-chops
- Frozen Coffee on-a-stick
- Deep fried cheese curds
- Tater-tot hotdish on-a-stick
- Spaghetti and Meatball on-a-stick
- Deep-fried candy bar on-a-stick
- Deep fried oreos
- Deep-fried spudsters on-a-stick
- Spicy buffalo chicken filled wonton
- Blackened Cajun steak on-a-stick
- Bug juice
- Scotch Meatball on-a-stick
- Puff-daddy on-a-stick
- Pizza burgers
- Ice-cream on-a-stick
- Fresh chocolate dipped marshmallows on-a-stick
- Wall-Eye on-a-stick
- Mac-n-cheese on-a-stick
- Batter-dipped deep-fried chocolate chip cookies on-a-stick
- Fried ravioli garlic bread
If you’re the kind of wretched humanity-hating bastard who’d inflict any of those things on this poor woman’s digestive tract, circulatory system, kidneys, and brain, go ahead—vote at Minnesota Stories.
Warning: Tater-tot hotdish on-a-stick is disturbingly phallic.
I wish I had the stick concession in Minnesota.
PZ, I believe number five is more commonly called “pig in a blanket” but what kind of fare:-) is this with no cotton candy???
they really stick it to ya at that fair.
Hmmm, tater-tot hot dish on a stick. Doesn’t that sound good, Rev. BigDumbChimp? ;-) [Pause for a moment of ralphing.]
A little background: the “clown car” Duggar family has lots of tater-tot recipes posted on their website. “Phallic” is the word, all right! And I hear that the sideshow has been brought back to the fair this year, too. Coincidence?
You kidding me? If I went to that fair the first thing I’d do is grab a #2 AND a #4. They both sound yummy! And no, I’m not kidding. I love fair food and this selection is way better than at any of the county fairs around here. (I have yet to make it to Columbus for the state fair.)
What’s so bad about #32? And what is “bug juice”?
Go big or go home. Or maybe you’d like a little Fukn Quadr0-pounder.
What about Sin-on-a-Stick? More commonly known as the “Wedge of Cheesecake: Impaled, Frozen and Dipped in Chocolate.”
Also, what is #16, “Political pop”?
And is it wrong that I get hungry reading that list?
No pickles and cheese on a stick? Barbarians.
I am a big fan of the Chocolate Covered Cheesecake on a Stick. Mmmmm…
Yeah, what happened to the Cream Pickle Pup?
Also, how to you get a skewer though spaghetti (#22)? Is it wrapped around the stick or what?
Perhaps it is the stick.
Bob
Wow, I’ve never heard of #24, deep friend oreos. I don’t think I can comprehend what that tastes like.
WOW, I was all set to go with the alligator sausage but… Uffda Treat? If I were there I’d have to get one of those just to see what’s in it.
Not lutefisk, I hope. Is it? is it? Wait, let me reconsider.
Call me an effite cultural elitist, but reading this list makes me want to eat a salad and scrub my face with stridex pads.
Ah, I see Uffda treat is some cake and cream-stuff concoction. Whew. Now I can go back top wondering how one keeps hotdish on a stick. Or spaghetti. Are these stunt foods, like pani puri?
When I went to summer camp in the North Woods of Some State I Forget (New York, I think), “bug juice” was the reddish Kool-Aid we used to drink at practically every meal. I used to think it was just a lame attempt to wisecrack at the expense of the campers.
Incidentally, some of my co-workers who are Scotsmen expressed surprise at this list. They thought deep-fried junk food (particularly deep-fried Snickers) was their national pub food. “Do they also serve Irn-Bru at the fair,” Graeme wants to know?
If I was going to make spaghetti-on-a-stick, I’d make it out of spaghetti mixed with sauce, you know how it gets when you let it sit together… then I would make balls or logs out of it and stick the skewers through that, alternating with meatballs, then batter the filled skewers, freeze them, and fry them on site.
A purely academic exercise that I will make a definite point not to attempt.
I haven’t tasted this item, but one of the chefs on TV liked the jerk pork chop drummy.
I had the meatball on a stick yesterday, and I thought it was pretty good. If you are going subject yourself to anything though, I recommend the fried candy bar on a stick.
I think a diet rich in oat products for the next week following the fair is probably a good idea.
Why not go for the minimalist concept piece and just have deep fried stick?
Okay, wait a minute:
1) Horrible, fried, doughy foods, most of them ‘on a stick’
2) long, brutal Siberian winters
3) muggy, swamplike summers
4) no ocean or mountains anywhere nearby
5) Norm Coleman
Uh, I must have missed something…
Apparently you guys don’t have that many Latinos in Minnesota. I am disappointed at not seeing Chicharon and Gordita on the menu.
The saddest part is the total lack of healthy alternatives, such as deep fried carrots on a stick. Why not offer kabocha squash on a stick? Alternate some lettuce with a cherry tomato and some cucumber slices and you have salad on a stick. You don’t even have to deep fry that and it sounds good.
I’ve been away from the Midwest a long time, but I’m surprised Jello on a stick isn’t offered. Probably a liability thing. I don’t know.
If I was going to make spaghetti-on-a-stick, I’d make it out of spaghetti mixed with sauce, you know how it gets when you let it sit together… then I would make balls or logs out of it and stick the skewers through that, alternating with meatballs, then batter the filled skewers, freeze them, and fry them on site.
And, I hope, keep a few dogs around to lap up the pools of vomit.
Most of this stuff sounds pretty reasonable, “Puff-daddy on-a-stick” notwithstanding. The “political pop” is especially intriguing.
Fortunately, I have food sensitivities, so everything on this list is off-limits, and I’ll abstain from voting, since reading it once gave me a major stomach ache.
The saddest part is the total lack of healthy alternatives, such as deep fried carrots on a stick.
It’s because you can get that “healthy” stuff anywhere. You go to the fair to eat stuff that nobody would even think of eating in their homes or at a restaurant.
True, you can find healthy foods at the fair, but they are usually covered with ribbons and other such things – and the farmers will get really pissed if you take them.
Nice list!
It has inspired me to make poutine to fend off the cold and damp here in eastern Canada. The stick part is gonna be really hard to do.
Bon appetit!
Apparently you guys don’t have that many Latinos in Minnesota.
Yes, we do, especially in my neighborhood. I hear Spanish and Somali on the bus every day.
We’re talking about the Straight Fair. Not Cinco de Mayo, which is big around here. I know the real places to eat–Mexican, Ecuadoran, or Cuban. Do not fear us!
I don’t even want to know what “Dogzilla” looks like. Thank you.
I believe number five is more commonly called “pig in a blanket”
That’s what we call sausage rolls.
And no Scotch Eggs (aka, InstaCoronary)? *stick optional*
For greasy grossness, nothing beats Hot Dog on a Stick in Santa Monica, CA.
Their motto should be: betcha can’t eat more than 1/2 of one.
To be fair, it was edible, but I have no desire to eat another one, ever.
They need to start labeling these things for what they are: coronaries on a stick.
Oooh. Scotch eggs, or cholestrol grenades, as I call them. There used to be a great tavern here in Seattle that served Scottish pub fare. Now gone, but still lamented.
AHH! My poor state… Am I vain to expect that people have some basic idea as to the cultural identity of my homeland?
Yes, there is a substantial Latino population in the state. The cities (Lake Street and District Del Sol are major communities), and in the southern part of the state (packing industries are a big draw because of the relatively high wages). That said, the fair is often slow to add new kinds of food. For instance, i don’t know of a single Hmong food vendor in the fair…and i would give my left hand to have the first injera concession at the fair. One could make a righteous amount of money on that. Anyhow, Taste of Minnesota has been a lot faster to show the range of cuisine available here, where the Fair has been more “traditional.”
To my knowledge, there is no Iron-Bru at the state fair…though i have seen it at the Scottish Fair a few times.
And political pops are boring…it’s just a totally bogus straw poll conducted by the purchase of ice cream treats with the logos of the three main MN parties on them.
DFL was winning the day i went. Of course, they are next to the DFL booth.
Well, she did seem to like it…..
I’ve tried a disturbing number of things on that list:
2
3
7
11 (this i would have no problems eating again)
13
14
15
19
32 (is there someone who hasn’t? or is this different than the standard ice cream bar?)
33
37
fortunately for my arteries, I don’t go to fairs that often any more
:p
Having just been to a country fair, myself, I too wondered at the sheer variety of artery-clogging “treats” being offered at prices bordering on larcenous, and consumed with apparent relish (and sometimes real relish) by fairgoers. Some of the food vendors could have reduced their overhead by opting for the short-form menu: DEEP-FRIED EVERYTHING.
Just how *bad* the fried-food phenomenon is at this particular country fair was impressed on me after I had finished a Hawaiian Shaved Ice (one of the few treats that I will allow myself at the fair, along with scones), and went seeking a garbage can to dispose of my paper cup. Near a booth where they were selling curly fries, I found one. It just happened to be the one where they had been disposing of each day’s grease – a brownish, gooey conglomeration of concentrated evil, where a legion of blowflies had met their eternal reward…
Speaking of garbage cans: at an airshow I attended in Canada, some weeks prior to the country fair, I noted with approval that next to the garbage cans were separate bins for recycling aluminum cans and plastic water bottles. No such luck at the American fair. I suppose I should write them a letter about that.
RDB
Try the Elephant Ears.
I consider myself somewhat savvy about world foods, but this list is very confusing …
I was in the US the past few days and I had more recognizable American foods: barbequed turkey sandwich, chips, pickles (another point of commonality between the US and Japan!), jambalaya, etc …
And I don’t think I’ve had a thing on PZ’s list except for perhaps bug juice.
*Sigh*
Went to my state fair today and found braciole on a stick. Kids threw a tantrum and we had to leave before trying it, though.