President
America First Widget Company
666 Downhill Trace
New Sperm Bank, China
My dear friends and fellow patriotic saved:
Barack Hussein Obama is an illegal alien who atheists got elected President of our United States.
Hussein is the follower of the false religion of Mohammedism, just like our good Christian President George W. Bush told us. Worse yet, he is also probably an atheist.
B. Hussein was not born in the USA but in some African country or worse. His father was a Negro who, like many men of his kind, wanted a white woman. He got one, copulated with her, and produced B. Hussein in some wild non-American briar patch.
Hussein faked his birth papers to fool people into thinking he is a good and proper American. Well, let me tell you. He ain’t.
He is so bad that he has rigged this year, when he is running to get re-elected, for our American calendar to have one more day than it should. He hopes good Christian people will miss Election Day, but the enemies of God, the Nothing Worshippers, will all be there you can be dog tooten certain.
He wants to sell out our country by forcing all of us to have health insurance. Damn Socialist! Good Americans can pay for their own heart transplants and brain surgery.
And he supports birth control and abortions. Unbelievable. He is even opposed to the rights of the unconceived! Baby killer! His motto is “Wrap that pecker before you deck her.” Wish his daddy had.
BHO thinks illegal aliens are just fine. Well, I reckon so since he are one.
And now he has come out supporting the rights of perverts of the same sex to get married to one another. AIDS is God’s punishment visited upon them. We must not interfere with God’s divine justice by even thinking “rubber.” And we need rubber for other things. Do you think rubber grows on trees?
This foreign born heathen also wants to stop our efforts to get smut out of the Internet and to hamstring our resolve to monitor our citizens to be sure they are not practicing unlawful birth control, or engaging in immoral activities like oral sex while their sins are being protected from official scrutiny by liberal ideas of privacy.
If he keeps this up, all of our children will be born naked.
We want to get government off our backs! And to stop the atheist notion that the government and the laws of God should be separate. Where the hell do they think we got our ideas for good government in the first place?
Why should loyal Americans oppose those things???
As that soon-to-be Saint, Mother Teresa, taught us, suffering is good for us. God wants us to suffer. And God wants us to “subdue the Earth.” Every inch of it. Damn tree huggers. And to pump oil where God put it, “Drill baby, drill.”
Hussein wants to prevent our obedience to God’s will.
President Negro wants to teach the lies of science in schools instead of God’s truths of the Bible. He wants us to think humans came from non-humans.
He wants to kick God out of our schools and out of our Military.
And that is our so-called President.
We need to fix this!
How much more of it can you stand?
He needs to be put out of the White House and to be put out picking cotton.
Americans can’t find jobs, and it is all his fault. He says he wants people to “Buy American.”
Communist bastard.
Well, at least we know what we did was a good American thing.
We moved our business to China.
Yours in Christ,
Adolphus Weltschmerz
President
America First Widget Company
A division of Widgets International
© 2012 by Edwin Kagin.
I think the right wing is beyond satire now. This is barely taking it further than the real thing.
Typical American! First, he is not satisfied with his divinely appointed King so commits High Treason by waging war against His Majesty’s forces. Then, giving himself the power to choose a President, he is not satisfied with him either. Is there no pleasing these people?
LOL As a matter of fact, I think it does.
I sometimes get e-mails that read a lot like that. Parts of them word-for-word. And unlike this, which has ‘Poe’ written on it, those e-mails are mostly serious representations of people trying to make a point and move the public opinion.
Most of them seem to be people saying: ‘I’m against Obama. I am against everything he is and everything he does; everything he is accused of being and everything he is accused of doing. If Obama has any real or imagined connection to it I’m against it.’
If Obama proposed using water to put out a fire they would insist that only an American-hating Kenyan socialist would use water and claim that ‘everyone knows you use gasoline to put out fires’. This is just brainless, knee-jerk, contradiction.
On naturist sites, I’ve encountered christ-trolls who say dumb things like “We’re born with clothes on!”
Some people are so stupid that you wonder how they manage to breathe while they sleep.
If this were a bad chain email, the only thing missing would be the ridiculous images and video clip links. One other minor problem is that the thinking behind it is too lucid, even where it is intended to be self-contradictory and counter-factual.
I have quite a collection to compare it with.
You forgetted a couple of things. You shoulda put more caps lock, less of that school-gotten grammer and good spelled wurds. Your acting like one of them edjamakated elites. Clean that stuff up or I’ll see to it your papa gits you a good whippin’ when he comes home and puts a bullit in that fancy computer box. Evil, that’s what it is. No gawd-fearin christan would be readin’ this here blasfeemus stuff anyhow when they would be readin the bible like the goood old days.
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