Literally every conservative belief stems from either cowardice or greed.  They like to say similar things about progressives, but it doesn’t stand up to scrutiny.  Spelled out simply:

Conservative Position – Cowardice or Greed?

• Anti-abortion – Cowardice
• Anti-tax – Greed
• Anti-regulation – Greed
• Anti-social services – Greed
• Pro-gun – Cowardice
• Cop Worship – Cowardice
• Anti-immigration – Cowardice
• Theocracy – Cowardice

Afraid to look upon death, or even human life with the slightest ounce of honesty, conservatives project themselves onto the aborted and shiver in terror and disgust.  They imagine that life as a person of perfect potential, surrounded by and dependent on evil sinful woman parts for survival.  So scary.

And they are so trapped in that imagination that they can’t do the right moral math.  Human lives often FUCKING SUCKKKKKKK.  Any woman considering abortion is clearly not in the ideal circumstance to be making a happy successful human being.  Far from it, especially in a place as conservative as the United States.  An unborn human has no concept of life, of potential, of the future, of where it’s going and what it might mean to lose that.

Any human that is born is guaranteed to experience pain and frustration at some point in their life.  Plenty of people wish they had been aborted.  I don’t feel that sad about shit but I know damn well it wouldn’t matter if I hadn’t come to be, and I would have been spared a ton of pain and humiliation and anger and sorrow.

Again, I’m a Neurotypical McGee, happy to be alive and watch my TV.  But I’ve got the moral clarity of seeing things as they are, and caring about people enough to want them to have what they actually need.  I’m not trembling in fear of sin, in fear of death, in fear of a sadistic super ghost that I have to love.  Grow the fuck up, conservatives.

Anti-taxes, anti-regulation, anti-social services:  These are mostly about greed, about being too short-sighted and willfully ignorant and cruel to take responsibility for the world around you.  But there’s an element of cowardice as well – the idea some evil poor people might benefit from your wealth.  Piss on that.

Gun fondling and cop worship are the most blatant displays of cowardice, though there’s an element of fascist death fetishism in there for good measure.  I admit, the symbols of death have a toxically delicious appeal.  I’ll bang my head to that beat, watch movies about bad guys getting blasted left and right.

But the reality of guns?  The physical presence of them?  The idea of what they can do to a living creature?  Creepy as fuck.  Get that goddamn shit away from me.  What sort of wet dream lets you think you can control that?  Why do you think YOU should have the power to say who lives and who dies, or that your state-appointed executioners should be able to do the same?  Who are you so fucking afraid of?  Don’t answer, it’s obvious as hell.

I’d allow for heavily regulated single shot hunting rifles.  Hunting in the first world is a hobby for twisted minds, but it could help regulate unbalanced animal populations and feed some people.  But even then, why not use a fucking spear?  Cowardice, that’s why.

Being against immigration is the purest cowardice, but more than some of these categories it makes me wonder if I should have added cruelty to the list.  The racism to imagine another group of humans is inferior to your group, to imagine they have nefarious motives against you, to think they deserve to fucking die rather than inconvenience you with their presence?  Cruel.  But mostly crybaby cowardly.

Theocracy likewise, the notion this is a “christian nation” and needs to be legally mandated as such.  The fear your one true religion will lose ground if it isn’t enforced by the apparatus of state?  That your cherished illusions will feel more ephemeral, might dissipate and leave you with nothing but a grimly real view of the grave?  Why are you so afraid of facing competition, dominionists?  Ya cowards.

At last, let’s look at how a conservative might play this game, and answer the charges:

Progressive Position – Cowardice or Greed

• Pro-abortion – Cowardice Compassion
• Pro-tax – Greed Responsibility
• Pro-regulation – Greed Responsibility

Honestly, not much point in elaborating the progressive positions.  Even conservatives recognize a lot of them as being motivated by compassion, but then they turn around to demonize caring about people – call it weak or foolish, especially in misogynist terms.

I do think they’d make the case that being in favor of abortion is because evil should-be mommies are too afraid to die (or ruin lives) to bring a lump of cells to term.  For shame!  But they’ve tried all sorts of smears that don’t make sense.

And they are always trying to say that taxation for the purposes of paying for social services is the greed of a lazy underclass of subhumans out to take yer hard-earned dollars, you (venal immigrant exploiting criminal) contractors and red-blooded manz. There’s a lot of bipartisan fawning over the middle class but I say fuck ’em. That’s where a lot of white fascism lies.

Anyhow, cowardice and greed – modern conservative beliefs are completely encapsulated in that simple phrase, in that shitty little binary.  I should make it explicitly clear I’m including “fiscal conservatives” with more socially progressive beliefs.  Fuck yes, I’m including them.  Just because you wanna smoke weed with your gay friend and your black friend doesn’t mean you aren’t a goddamn piece of shit.

Fuck any and all conservatives everywhere forever.

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