Anna Lemma reports (and has been for some time) on a Ford Dealership radio ad that explicitly alienates Atheists, while pandering to an 86% Christian majority.

When the rapture sweeps the planet
I know Heaven’s my reward,
But for now my piece of paradise
I bought from Henry Ford

It’s a broken-down jalopy;
It’s a rusted piece of junk;
But there’s Jesus on the dashboard
And a fishy on the trunk

Sure, it leaks a little oil,
And it doesn’t “turn”, but “lurch”,
Seven miles to the gallon
But it gets me to my church

You can hear me from a block away
And smell last weekend’s skunk,
But there’s Jesus on the dashboard
And a fishy on the trunk

Got a brand-new bumper sticker
Saying “What Would Jesus Do?”
Now it’s holding up my tail light
With some duct tape and some glue

You can almost hear the “Kieffe and Sons”
In every “Rattle-Clunk”,
But there’s Jesus on the dashboard
And a fishy on the trunk.

I saw a car that had a fish—
A Darwin fish, with legs!
I fixed it, with a wrecking bar
And half a dozen eggs

Don’t mess with me or with my God
You heathen, godless punk—
I’ve got Jesus on my dashboard
And a fishy on my trunk.

“Tennessee, Tennessee…”   PZed reports that the Tennessee State Senate has passed, by unanimous vote, a bill authorizing the State Board of Education to endorse a geocentric flat-earth physics course.  Oh, wait.  Nope.  A non-sectarian course “about the Bible and its impact on the world.” 

This one really is a song–It has a melody and chords and everything (and yes, it has some odd rhymes–they work when it is actually being sung). I have actually sung it out loud, but I don’t recall ever doing so in the presence of witnesses. I suppose it is possible, though. It’s kinda a minor-key bluesy thing….I sort of imagine introducing it at an open-mic night with “here’s a song for anyone who has ever been driven half-crazy by a full moon”.  (For the skeptics among us, the point is that it is neither the stars nor the moon that drive us crazy.  It’s the people.  Usually, one particular person.)  I’d be happy to reproduce the melody and chords, but I don’t have that ability with any software I currently have.

There’s a half moon in the sky
And I’m three-quarters crazy—
I’m three-quarters crazy for you.

I thought I’d take a walk,
and try to clear my senses
Think about building bridges,
think about tearing down defenses
Think about falling in love;
Don’t think about consequences
‘Cos I’m three-quarters crazy for you.

There’s a half moon in the sky
And I’m three-quarters crazy
Been thinkin’ of you
My mind is going hazy
And I’d blame it on the stars
But what can the stars do,
When there’s a half moon in the sky,
And I’m three-quarters crazy for you?

I struggle and I fight
I always end up cryin’
No matter what I do
I may as well stop tryin’
Cos I’m bound to lose
To that half moon in Orion
And I’m three-quarters crazy for you.

There’s a half moon in the sky
And I’m three-quarters crazy
Been thinkin’ of you
My mind is going hazy
And I’d blame it on the stars
But what can the stars do,
When there’s a half moon in the sky,
And I’m three-quarters crazy for you?

Guess I’m going ‘round the bend
I guess there’s no debating
With ev’ry move I make
I feel like I am skating
Out on thinner and thinner ice
On this course I’m contemplating
And I’m three-quarters crazy for you.

But is it the moon—
Her phases got me fazing?
I mean, maybe it’s you—
you know, you really are amazing
Maybe it’s you I see
when I think that I’m star-gazing
And I’m three-quarters crazy for you.

There’s a half moon in the sky
And I’m three-quarters crazy
Been thinkin’ of you
My mind is going hazy
And I’d blame it on the stars
But what can the stars do,
When there’s a half moon in the sky,
And I’m three-quarters crazy for you?

…I just spent the morning–all of it–at the garage.  The good news is that the car is now safe for my son to drive.  The bad news is… well, you know what the bad news always is at the garage.  It wasn’t quite a thousand, but it was within spitting distance.  I bike to work, and one reason is that my bike, and all the repairs I have ever paid for on my bike, cost less over the past 10 years than this one visit to the garage just cost.

The New York Times reports today, but Boing-Boing got there a few days ago–a recent art exhibit at the MoMA had to be… euthanized. A coat made of “living leather”, a growing garment of mouse stem cells, was growing too fast and had to be put down. Yeah, it’s worth following the links and reading.

My mom complained I grew too fast–
Or else, my clothes were shrinking.
I couldn’t make my clothing last,
Until I did some thinking.
I couldn’t make a coat to fit
With any fancy sewing,
And so I got a science kit
And started something growing–
A leather coat (size extra small)
From stem cells of a mouse,
With stylish collar, sleeves and all,
To wear around the house.
At first, it seemed a simple task
(They all do at the start)
I’d use the erlenmeyer flask
In which I grew my heart.
But all too soon, a snag arose:
My coat grew much too fast!
No more would I outgrow my clothes–
It’s me that would not last!
My coat grew larger all the while,
I really don’t know why;
So out of safety, not for style,
The garment had to die.
I pulled the plug, then stood and watched,
Expecting it to give.
But some procedure I had botched
Allowed it still to live!
The flask I’d used, I now surmise
(I did not, at the start)
Contained some cells–surprise, surprise!
My coat had grown a heart!

So now, I’m hiding from my coat
Behind a stockroom shelf;
If you should chance to find this note,
Just run! Go! Save yourself!

Image from Boing-Boing.

Buried in all the cool news about the Platypus last week was a little item that struck me. It seems that we do not look at the Platypus just for its DNA, but for another three letters as well. The Platypus dreams; it has REM sleep.

Jerry Siegel, a neuroscientist at UCLA, says he became interested in the platypus because he believed it would help explain how sleep evolved in humans. One theory is that rapid eye movement (REM) sleep evolved recently in humans as our brains got bigger and more complex. It was initially thought that the platypus didn’t have REM sleep cycles, so Siegel went to Australia with modern technology to do more testing.

“And what we saw is that in the platypus, the REM sleep is absolutely unequivocal,” he says.

So, this one is for my dear friends in the land of Oz…

The Platypus lives in the rivers and streams
On the Easternmost edge of Down Under.
Now scientists tell us these critters have dreams–
But what do they dream of, I wonder?

The Platypus dreamtime is strange and bizarre,
We can tell by the R.E.M. sleep.
But of course, we can’t tell what their thoughts really are
From electrodes, and things that go “beep”.

Perhaps it’s a world where a stick that gets thrown
Doesn’t swing back and aim at your head;
Or a place where some nine out of ten snakes aren’t known
To be experts at making you dead.

Or maybe they dream of a spot on the shore
Where it’s sunny, with plenty of worms,
Where it’s nice and it’s cozy, and who could want more
Than a picnic that wriggles and squirms?

A platypus nightmare, I cannot conceive,
From my opposite side of the Earth–
“It was horrible, really! You wouldn’t believe
What came out of me when I gave birth!”

“Not the leathery shell of my nice, normal eggs
But a monster, all hairless and pink!
It was wiggling, and moving, and kicking its legs–
Could it get any grosser, you think?”

Australia, of course, is already so weird;
When a Platypus goes for a snooze,
When the strange world Down Under has all disappeared,
What alternate world would you choose?

In one of those internet polls we know and love so well, the StarTribune asks the musical question, “Did school officials react properly to the students who did not stand for the Pledge of Allegiance?”

As of this writing, 2399 people have voted that the punishment should have been more severe.

I hope I can presume to speak on their behalf.

How dare these children fail to stand!
This is the great and sacred Land
Of Freedom; They should all be sent
To prison as their punishment!
Good, decent folk, like you and me
Display our love of liberty
By joining in the chanting crowd
To pledge allegiance right out loud;
To fail to join the droning throng
Is unAmerican, and wrong!
These kids, these traitors to the flag
Just make me sick! They make me gag!
They should be whipped; they should be beaten,
Their entrails taken out and eaten!
They should be torn from limb to limb
For this unpatriotic whim!
This is my land! I have the right
To make them buckle to my might,
Conform to the majority
And say the pledge along with me!

America, the beautiful,
Your citizens are dutiful,
And constitutionality
Comes second to morality;
And if we trade democracy
For out-and-out theocracy
(It seems we are susceptible)
That’s perfectly acceptable.

While I’m in the majority
Don’t question its authority.