Why I Will Not Watch Tuesday’s GOP Debate

They took a pile of dog shit,
And they mushed it in a mound,
Till it stood about two inches tall,
Nine inches wide, and round,
They let it sit a while,
Till it dried a little bit,
And it looked a bit like pastry
(Though it through and through was shit)
Then they covered it with frosting
So it seemed a proper cake—
If you hadn’t paid attention,
And you didn’t know it’s fake—
Then they took the pile of dog shit
And they put it on display
And they said “it looks delicious—
Won’t you try a bite today?” [Read more…]

Holy Zombie Jesus!

Holy Zombie Jesus! Christ is risen from the dead!
That’s the message that they’re sending, but they’re catching flak instead
For their baby zombie Jesus, with a manger for His bed
Which the neighbors do not like, in Cincinnati.
A nativity with zombies—for the most part, cos it’s fun!
It’s an advert for a haunted house a local group has run
So it’s good for Christmas business, see, when all is said and done,
But the neighborhood is going rather batty. [Read more…]

The Good Guys

The good guys with guns are protecting my homeland;
The good guys with guns keep me safe
The good guys with guns have the media charmed
While the doves and the liberals chafe

The good guys with guns say they have all the answers—
For safety, for strength, they’re the ones
The good guys with guns are our saviors, except…
I’m afraid of the good guys with guns. [Read more…]

The New Colossus (“Mother of Exiles”)

Not like the brazen giant of Greek fame,
With conquering limbs astride from land to land;
Here at our sea-washed, sunset gates shall stand
A mighty woman with a torch, whose flame
Is the imprisoned lightning, and her name
Mother of Exiles. From her beacon-hand
Glows world-wide welcome; her mild eyes command
The air-bridged harbor that twin cities frame.

“Keep, ancient lands, your storied pomp!” cries she
With silent lips. “Give me your tired, your poor,
Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free,
The wretched refuse of your teeming shore.
Send these, the homeless, tempest-tossed to me,
I lift my lamp beside the golden door!” [Read more…]

Wanted: Questions For The GOP Debates

The GOP’s seeking suggestions for questions;
They don’t like the ones that reporters might ask
The hopefuls hate people decrying their lying;
They mustn’t expect to be taken to task!
It’s politics, people! It’s ruthless! It’s truthless!
Those fact-focused folks are a pain in the ass
We need to see less confrontation; the nation
Wants leaders like these to be given a pass! [Read more…]

Trick Or Treat!

The kids will be done trick-or-treating, and eating
Huge handfuls of goodies, their Halloween haul
The next step, I know, will be crying, denying
The obvious truth, that they’ve eaten it all.
Their guts will be grumbling—no faking the aching
From too many candy bars, eaten too fast
It seems that’s the point of the season—no reason
To learn self-control and make chocolates last [Read more…]