As endorsements go, this one’s a beaut—
And it’s not just some guy in a suit
When you’ve got the First Dude
Your opponents are screwed:
Todd Palin endorses The Newt
Headline: Todd Palin endorses Newt Gingrich; Sarah Palin still undecided in GOP race
Favorite line:
He said he supports Gingrich, who was first elected to Congress in 1978 and served as the Speaker of the House from 1995 to 1999, because he’s not one of those “beltway types.”
New Hampshire’s high hopes for a finish diminish
As candidates stumble their way to the line
It isn’t exciting. It’s boring; I’m snoring
While watching the ads on the local News Nine.
When crowds get Ron Paul or Santorum to bore ‘em,
Or Romney or Huntsman or Perry or Newt,
They can’t escape thinking that choosing is losing:
“Oh, just what we needed—a guy in a suit.”
The sound bites we hear from this circus should irk us—
And insider politics makes me just scream
Just one wants to pull back the curtain for certain:
The alternate candidate, Vermin Supreme
The media stick with the boring, ignoring
The man with the big rubber boot on his head
When voters review this election’s selections
They’ll wish they had voted for Vermin instead
I have a dream. It’s an impossible dream, but those can be fun. My dream is that Vermin Supreme will gather more votes than Rick Perry.
Sadly, Supreme is running as a Democrat this year, so any votes he get will be compared to Obama’s, not Perry’s, sending the wrong message. So my dream requires a write-in campaign on the Republican side.
But wouldn’t it be worth it?
The stars and the planets don’t give half a fuck
For the fates of the people on earth
But astrologers think they can tell us the luck
Of the candidates, based on their birth.
Who will win? Who will lose? How can anyone know?
All the pundits are seeking an answer;
Can we know who will win, who will place, who will show,
By who’s Scorpio, Virgo, or Cancer*?
Although soccer told odds based on cephalopods
They were wrong when predicting the cup
So astrology’s stars, or entreaties to gods,
May be likely to mess it all up.
Though the candidates promise, in diners and bars,
They’ll be faithful, that’s apt to be fiction;
Any outcome that anyone sees in the stars
Is a thoroughly useless prediction.
Some really cool stuff, after the jump: [Read more…]
Though you might not be sure at first glance,
Looking twice might be taking a chance
So you try not to spy
At what first caught your eye…
Cos they’re riding, but not wearing pants
Headline: Subway riders to drop pants as part of global event
Via CNN:
Train commuters in major cities worldwide will get a little cheeky Sunday as part of the annual No Pants Subway Ride that … well … is exactly what it says.
Pranksters will converge at train stations decked out in shirts, shoes and no pants.
In solidarity with them, although there is no subway in Cuttletown, I am posting this while not wearing pants. Eyes front, soldier!
While nobody wants us to see a sharia,
Respecting some other religion is fine
With proud church-and-state separation, this nation
Can make one exception—allowing for mine.
My faith is a factor in hiring and firing,
In filling prescriptions, in working with gays;
I’ll claim I’m the victim of warring, ignoring
The laws that the rest of the country obeys
The language that’s used in campaigning, explaining
How Christians are victims of hatred outright,
Is carefully tuned to the masses of asses
Who eagerly listen, convinced that it’s right.
The pandering pinheads are trying, by lying,
To gather their forces, to strengthen their core;
The truth is too boring, but fighting’s exciting—
To rally the troops, they’ve invented a war.
after the jump: [Read more…]
I am happy as a pig in mud to say I was very wrong–I was suckered by a very good (ok, you might think it was obvious, but I admit it fooled me) parody. Take a look at the Manka Bros, singing some “Praise-Hop”… or maybe “Praise-Bop”.
Poe’s law holds true again; they fooled me and I admit it. Good on ya, Manka Faith Family…
Hilarious. Thank you to commentors Senor, Articulett, and Mephistopholes, for being smarter than me, and sussing out this wonderful parody. And thanks to Manka Bros for creating such a horrible, wonderful parody.
You got me.
In New Hampshire, a guaranteed Gomer*
Can believe that life owes him a homer—
In the first-voting state
Let’s shake up the debate
By inviting both Karger and Roemer!
Headline: Let’s shake things up: Let Roemer, Karger debate (might need to register.)
Come on… you’ve heard everything the big dogs are going to say. The one advantage New Hampshire claims to offer is a chance for the little voices. The people without a ghost of a chance. So let’s make NH relevant. Let’s invite some of the also-rans to the big show.
This is the time to make our primary more relevant than any of the other forums and debates to this point and rewrite the contest – which we often do.
Inviting former Louisiana governor Buddy Roemer to the table would draw attention to an issue that he has been focusing on: campaign financing and where the money to buy the presidency comes from. It’s long overdue. And it can be done by just an invitation.
And of course, the candidate already endorsed by The Digital Cuttlefish…
In addition to Roemer, Fred Karger has also been running a serious statewide campaign. He should be invited to the table as well.
Karger has a different view on social issues than the rest of the Republican field, and that could generate a broader, more meaningful dialogue – which should be the goal of any debate.
Of course, this being the right thing to do means pretty much that there is no chance in hell that it will be done.
Sadly… *”Gomer” (an acronym–Get Out of My Emergency Room) has a few definitions, but the common thread is that they are pretty much already dead, they just don’t know it.
Do you have any idea how difficult it is to put me–ME–at a loss for words?
After the jump, their follow-up smash… [Read more…]
New Hampshire, as you may have heard, has five seasons, not four. Tucked between Winter (which can be long) and Spring (which, by law, cannot be) there is Mud Season, that dreary time when any remaining snow is grey or brown with smoke, ash, or tire-spray, and not even the bravest of crocuses has dared yet to emerge.
I have noticed, though, another weather and behavioral anomaly in the Granite State. This one is a quadrennial pattern; I suspect it has something to do with sunspots.
[Read more…]
So it seems that Rick Santorum,
At a recent public forum
Made a point he thought was clever, and was booed.
See, his point was to disparage
And belittle same-sex marriage,
But his audience was never in the mood.
He was obviously hoping
To engage in slipp’ry sloping:
“If we legalize gay marriage, what comes next?”
But his motive was transparent
And the people said “you daren’t”
Which he did, and so it left him quite perplexed.
I begin to get the feeling
That Santorum is appealing
To an audience that really isn’t there
And the hatred he’s extolling’s
Going to hurt him in the polling—
In the Granite State, he doesn’t have a prayer.