The very last user on Twitter
Will proudly declare “I’m no quitter!”
And the self-described hero
(With followers zero)
Will watch it all flush down the shitter.
(Much easier than parodying Ozymandias)
[Read more…]
They’re putting guns on robot dogs
And teaching them to dance
They kick their heels and bounce around
Like playful ponies prance [Read more…]
The experts have devised a plan
To let us open schools [Read more…]
We may, now, in a Petri dish
Grow pork or chicken, beef or fish,
As cruelty-free as one might wish
With one exception
Though “cruelty-free” (the phrase that sells),
Its tissue line, disclosure tells,
Used stolen, not donated cells
For its inception [Read more…]
As always, my apologies to Bob Dylan. The tune is “The Times, They Are A-Changin'”, and you should add your additional verses in the comments. (Also, I haven’t given any thought at all to what order the verses should go in–this is just the way they came out.) [Read more…]
Although I do not like to boast
I sometimes get the itch:
I don’t eat avocado toast
And so I’m filthy rich. [Read more…]
Hypothetical Hillary
I’ve always heard it said
Is worse by far than Trump would be
So we voted for him, instead. [Read more…]
There’s a kid with diabetes
(That’s a pre-existing claim)
And we’re gonna cut his health care
Which is just a crying shame [Read more…]
All these people making fusses
Over non-existent buses
Are a joke—until one susses
Out the reason for the lie: [Read more…]
He’s religious, and extremist;
He’s a danger to us all;
He’s his leader’s willing puppet
And he heeds his leader’s call
He could push us into chaos;
He could doom us with one look;
And it’s all because he’s smitten
By his ancient holy book [Read more…]