More W.S.Gilbert. A comment on, if memory serves, the movie “expelled”, or a related issue.

I am the very model of a devious creationist
I’ve made a film that’s best described as stolen-animationist
I know the use of rhetoric when facts are unavailable
To render the impossible into the unassailable

I’m very well acquainted, too, with data manufacturing
I’ll claim I stand on solid granite even as it’s fracturing
I document complexity, like when it’s irreducible…
And think my movie’s in the league of Arthur Miller’s Crucible

And think my movie’s in the league of Arthur Miller’s Crucible
And think my movie’s in the league of Arthur Miller’s Crucible
And think my movie’s in the league of Arthur Miller’s Crucible

I’m very good at lying, both the verbal and statistical—
Like Darwin in his later years, I’m openly theistical
In short, you might describe me as a mental masturbationist
I am the very model of a devious creationist

In short, you might describe him as a mental masturbationist
He is the very model of a devious creationist

My evidence, in volumes that would baffle a librarian
Is not so much orthogonal as utterly contrarian
Presented with a problem like the claw of a Deinonychus
I pause for just a moment, then it’s “Dammit, bring it on!” I cuss

My scientific colleagues have been banned from Universities
Expecting them to publish was just one of their adversities
They’ve parried the attacks of retroviruses endogenous
Maintaining all the while that Darwinians are dodgin’ us

Maintaining all the while that Darwinians are dodgin’ us
Maintaining all the while that Darwinians are dodgin’ us
Maintaining all the while that Darwinians are dodgin’ us

My evidence is solid as a fossil of triceratops
Presented with the humor of a monologue of Carrot Top’s
In short, you might describe me as a mental masturbationist
I am the very model of a devious creationist

In short, you might describe him as a mental masturbationist
He is the very model of a devious creationist

In fact, when I know what is meant by “cinemas” and “enemas”
When I can tell by sight the harmless serpent from the venomous
And claim I found the evidence in chapter one of Genesis
You’ll see, compared to Darwinists, which one of us the menace is

When I have crack’d a book on Evo-Devo or Biology
Enough to understand instead of mutter simply “Golly gee!”
And understand my argument is simply false dichotomy
You’ll say that this creationist does not deserve lobotomy

You’ll say that this creationist does not deserve lobotomy
You’ll say that this creationist does not deserve lobotomy
You’ll say that this creationist does not deserve lobotomy

For the science that I know was not updated for millennia
Not since the latest virgin birth, or genesis parthenia
But still, you might describe me as a mental masturbationist
I am the very model of a devious creationist

But still, you might describe him as a mental masturbationist
He is the very model of a devious creationist

Though he’s trailing Ms. Bachmann by twenty,
If you read the straw poll cognoscenti
There’s a good chance he’ll win—
Or at least, that’s the spin
That we get from the horn of Pawlenty

Headline: Pawlenty hopes for upward charge this week

I am still in the process of introducing myself; with any luck, our new server will roar into action at any moment and make it easier for readers to zip through my pages here, but in the meanwhile, for the six of you who manage to get through, another from the old digs. It’s friday, which is XKCD day (along with monday and wednesday, of course); I have occasionally used XKCD as a jumping-off point for a verse. This one, for instance.
(to be read aloud, with increasing speed and spittle-flecks)

“If two men can wed, why not three men, or four,
Or a dog, or a sheep, or a pigeon?
The only thing keeping the evil from creeping
Is the holy restraint of religion!”

But casting about for examples, I find
A surprising result in my search—
In polygamy cases, and doggy embraces
What force was behind them? A church!

The news today has polygamist (and polygamist church leader) Warren Jeffs convicted on child sexual assault charges. He could spend the rest of his life behind bars. His defense, such as it was, claimed that this was not sexual assault on a 12 year old girl, but rather church-approved holy matrimony (and as the leader of the church, he should know!).

I have previously written about a marriage between man and dog. In this case, the wedding took place at a Hindu temple.

The “defenders of marriage” often tell us that marriage is religious, not civil, and that this religious aspect is what keeps the barbarians at the gate. If it were not for the church, if we can let men marry men, and women marry women, then the door is open for polygamy, for cross-species marriage, for any manner of misconduct.

But, see, that door is open. It’s just a door to a different church. If you don’t like it, maybe it would be best to recognize marriage as the civil contract it is, independent of interference from any church.

With the traders all yelling, “Sell! Sell!”
And the Fed in a panic as well
All the gains of a year
Have been eaten by fear—
Yep, the markets have all gone to hell.

Headline: Stocks: Worst day since 2008 financial crisis.

Well…. fuck. Come on–there have got to be better headlines out there.

I am accident on accident
And chance on random chance
I’m the product of environment
And changing circumstance

The odds of my occurrence
Are incalculably small—
If you round off to the m b trillionth place
I don’t exist at all!

Every atom in my body
From an ancient star’s collapse;
I’m a long time in my making—
Several billion years, perhaps!

In a corner of infinity,
A cold and hostile place
On a tiny blue oasis
Set adrift in empty space

I’m a subset of the universe
That’s learned to look around—
And which cannot help but wonder
At the marvels I have found!

The descendent of bacteria,
Of annelids, of fish,
I’m a member of the primates,
Just an ape-man, if you wish

Through the engine of selection
Some would live and some would die—
“From so simple a beginning”
Just how fortunate am I!

And I pass along my molecules
And take my place in line
So some distant, future life form
Will have carbon that was mine

And perhaps my DNA as well—
Unlikely, though, my friend—
I have ridden quite a lucky streak,
And lucky streaks must end.

So it is, and so it must be
When so much depends on chance
But…
Since the music plays so briefly,
Can you blame me if I dance? [Read more…]

Pseudonymous writing
For some, is exciting,
For others, it’s something they need.
They may face retribution
For each contribution,
Or be given a warning to heed;

To offer some sort
Of a helpful support
To such people, is good (I should think);
They’re a little more free
When allowed (like, say, me)
A disguise made of cuttlefish ink!

The pseudonym wars continue. While Google+ fans remind us that the product is still in development, potential users like GrrlScientist and BugGirl continue to be frustrated in their attempts to extend their working personas with a tool that is easily available… at the cost of their pseudonymity.

My dear friend Podblack has a new interview up, with some new freethoughtblogs writer named Cuttlefish, that I think is well worth reading. Odd, though… it doesn’t rhyme.

Hey, it’s past midnight here.  Time for a press release.

Please, if you are a member of a forum, or own a major newspaper or television network, feel free to post the following:

A new blog network is hitting the web on August 1. Led by two of the most prominent and widely read secular-minded blogs in the country – PZ Myers’ Pharyngula and Ed Brayton’s Dispatches from the Culture Wars – Freethoughtblogs.com <https://proxy.freethought.online/>  will, we hope, quickly become and important  gathering place for atheists, humanists, skeptics and freethinkers in the blogosphere.

Freethoughtblogs will be more than just a place for people to read the opinions of their favorite bloggers. It will be a community of like-minded people exchanging ideas and joining forces to advocate for a more secular and rational world.

The network will launch Aug. 1 with a handful of blogs with many more to be added after the first three months of operation. Here are the five blogs that will lead the way:

Pharyngula <https://proxy.freethought.online/pharyngula/> . PZ Myers has built one of the most popular atheist blogs in the world. Never one to shy away from controversy, Myers has built an astonishing following over the last few years and has traveled around the world speaking to skeptical audiences. As a PhD biologist he is the scourge of creationists everywhere but he takes on a wide range of subjects in his blogging, including religious criticism, women’s rights and progressive politics.

Dispatches from the Culture Wars <https://proxy.freethought.online/dispatches/> . Ed Brayton was raised by a Pentecostal and an atheist, sealing his fate forever as someone who is endlessly fascinated by how religion intersects with other subject, particularly science, law, history and politics. He is a popular speaker for secular organizations around the country, has appeared on the Rachel Maddow show and is pretty certain he’s the only person who has ever made fun of Chuck Norris on C-SPAN.

The Digital Cuttlefish <https://proxy.freethought.online/cuttlefish/> : Cuttlefish are shy and elusive creatures; when necessary, they hide in their own ink.  This particular cuttlefish has chosen as its habitat the comment threads of science, religion, and news sites, where it feeds on the opinions of those who are emboldened by the cloak of internet anonymity. Cuttlefish is an atheist, a skeptic, and is madly, passionately in love with science. The Digital Cuttlefish has, since October of 2007, been a repository of commentary and satire, usually (but not exclusively) in verse and now moves to Freethoughtblogs.

This Week in Christian Nationalism <https://proxy.freethought.online/rodda/> . Chris Rodda is the author of “Liars For Jesus: The Religious Right’s Alternate Version of American History.” Since the release of her book in 2006, Chris has been blogging at Talk2Action.org and Huffington Post about the use of historical revisionism in everything from education to legislation. Chris is now launching her own blog on Freethoughtblogs.com that will accompany her weekly podcast, This Week in Christian Nationalism.

Zingularity <https://proxy.freethought.online/zingularity/> . Steven “DarkSyde” Andrew is a 40 something former stock and bond trader and one time moderate conservative. He grew up in the Southwest and has long been fascinated by science, particularly evolutionary biology, physics, and astronomy. He is a frequest contributor to the popular progressive website Daily Kos and now blogs at Zingularity, where legit science disappears forever down an event horizon of petty snark and cynicism.

Comradde PhysioProffe <https://proxy.freethought.online/physioprof/> . The pseudonymous PhysioProffe is, as the name suggests, a physiology professor at a private medical school who blogs about politics, academia, food, booze and sports. Not necessarily in that order.
 This is only the beginning. Over the next few months we will add many more blogs to the network, including Greta Christina’s brilliant blog, a new companion to the award winning Reasonable Doubts podcast and many others.

The verdict was certainly binding
But the pathways to justice are winding
Though “an eye for an eye”
Was the law to apply
Now the victim has pardoned a blinding

Headline: Iranian sentenced to blinding for acid attack pardoned

Ameneh Bahrami, after years of fighting for “justice” (read: for her attacker to be blinded with acid, as he had done to her), has pardoned Majd Movahedi, her attacker, at the last minute. She is still, quite understandably, seeking compensation for medical fees.

The state television website reported: “With the request of Ameneh Bahrami, the acid attack victim, Majid (Movahedi) who was sentenced for ‘qisas’ was pardoned at the last minute.”

The Isna news agency quoted Tehran prosecutor Abbas Jafari Dolatabadi as saying: “Today in hospital the blinding of Majid Movahedi was to have been carried out in the presence of an eye specialist and judiciary representative, when Ameneh pardoned him.”

Isna quoted Ms Bahrami as saying: “I struggled for seven years with this verdict to prove to people that the person who hurls acid should be punished through ‘qisas’, but today I pardoned him because it was my right.