The Last Straw (Poll)

We see now how the voting went—
The winners now can holler—
With so much time and money spent,
How many votes per dollar?

Or maybe (gosh, I’m cynical)
A different stat to note:
In reaching Ames’s pinnacle…
How many bucks per vote?

The Iowa straw poll is the furthest thing imaginable from a scientifically valid sampling; it costs money (often paid by the candidates’ organizations) for a self-selected, non-representative sample to cast votes… for an incomplete representation of the available candidates, all of whom might not have even joined the race at this point.

So it’s no surprise that more straw poll winners have lost the eventual general election than have won it.

But that’s not my question. I have two questions, neither of which I have been able to find answers for. Perhaps it’s too early, perhaps I am an idiot and have been looking in the wrong place.

First: How did Rick Parry (with an A, for America. An A for IowA) do? I have heard tales of Parry being counted with Perry, and of Parry voters being yelled at by poll officials, but I have seen no official mention of Parry votes in any tally.

Second (and far more interesting): If we divide votes received by dollars spent, how do the candidates rank? In this straw poll, it is perfectly within the rules (I think–please correct me if I am mistaken) for a candidate to pay the voting fee for individuals, in exchange for their pledge to cast their vote for that candidate. So it seems to me a very reasonable question–once we factor in how much money each candidate has poured into this event, how did they do?

If anyone knows, I’ll gladly update this post with the info!

The Ballad Of Sally Kern

From the old digs….
Image: Michael McRae

A legislator, Sally Kern,
Was simply voicing her concern,
But Sally Kern was unaware,
Or if she knew, she did not care,
That someone had a microphone
So Sally Kern was not alone.
“Oh, I’m not anti-gay” said Sally,
To the fifty-person rally;
“But there are things you have to learn”
And who will teach us? Sally Kern.
Sally Kern, she knows the answer—
Knows how gays are like a cancer,
Knows they’re worse than terrorists
If Sally Kern can keep the lists.
So Sally Kern must raise her voice
Against unhealthy lifestyle choice;
The cost of life against God’s Word
Is clear, the people gathered heard:
Disease and death, and then you burn
In Hell, or so says Sally Kern.
Then Sally Kern, in pure effrontery,
Tells us gays will harm our country:
If we embrace these sinful ways,
Says Sally Kern, allowing gays
To join the City Council ranks
Or work in schools, or stores, or banks,
Our country would be tempting fate,
And all too soon would be too late.
Now, such a stance may seem too stern
But heed the words of Sally Kern;
If we let gays live right among us,
Soon, like mold, or creeping fungus,
Even straights will be infected—
Sally Kern wants us protected.
The path to safety is God’s Grace:
We must protect the human race.
Sally Kern just wants us purer…
Right. Ein Volk, ein Reich, ein Fuhrer.

Special bonus: The Modest Agnostic’s youtube version of this verse!

This verse is one of my favorites for its seussian qualities, its hyperbole, and its godwinesque last line. This is one of those verses that pretty much came out in real time and in final form, and I really didn’t know what the last line would be until I got to the second to last. And The Modest Agnostic reads it so well! Much better than my own voice would be.

Responses, Responses

It’s your right to come together
It’s your right to join and pray
It’s your right to go to Houston
To the Astrodome today

It’s your first amendment freedom;
Just remember, when you do,
That the same applies to others
When they’re criticizing you.

It’s my right to call you foolish
It’s my right to say you’re wrong
It’s my right to disagree with you
In poetry or song

You have every right to worship
You have every right to speak
But you do not have immunity
From secular critique

It’s your right to call me sinful
And to say I’m bound for hell
Just as long as every other voice
Can have their say as well

In the NYTimes, Op-Ed contributor Paul Horwitz writes “How to respond to Rick Perry and ‘The Response’“. It’s a nice piece, arguing that attempts to keep religion out of the public sphere are misguided. Not because religion has any sort of special privilege in guiding public officials, but because attempts to keep religion “private” come at too great a cost:

by trying to banish religion from the public sphere, Mr. Perry’s critics end up cutting themselves out of the debate. When religion is viewed as a fundamentally private matter, the natural corollary is to think that it is inappropriate to criticize someone’s faith.

We have also seen that those who do criticize faith matters are seen as militant, boorish, dicks.

This double standard needs to end. If religion can’t be forbidden in our public debates, even for elected officials, neither should it be immune from public criticism. And in the case of Mr. Perry and “The Response,” there are good reasons to be critical.

Horwitz focuses on The Response, but the message applies much more broadly.

I personally like it when public officials flaunt their religion in public. But then, satirical writing requires a diet rich in public stupidity.

A Call To Prayer (Not You, Pal)

On August 6, the nation will come together at Reliant Stadium in Houston, Texas for a solemn gathering of prayer and fasting and faith.

Now, I know everything’s bigger in Texas, but that has got to be one hell of a stadium if the entire nation is going to come together there. Is this gonna be another one of those Noah miracles? How is “the nation” going to fit into the Astrodome? (Source: The Response. Seriously, take a look. People who know how to use the internet are planning on fasting and praying to save the country.)

We must gather Real Americans—
We’re putting out the call—
It’s time to come to Texas,
Come to Houston, one and all!
It’s the chance to save our nation;
It’s the righteous thing to do

Just a minute, buster—who invited you?

In this time of moral crisis
We must pray in Jesus’ name
And it wouldn’t do to gather
With the ones we’re going to blame
We will gather in humility
In just a couple days

But I don’t intend on welcoming the gays.

We will offer our repentance,
Asking God to intervene
In the greatest moral crisis
That our country’s ever seen
We will humbly bow before Him,
Those who answer when we call

But let’s not include the atheists at all.

We need answers to our problems,
And who would better know
Than an ancient Jewish prophet
From two thousand years ago?
There is wisdom in the Bible
And it’s wisdom we can use

But I don’t expect to see a lot of Jews.

It’s a prayer to save the nation
It’s a prayer for all of us
Only fifteen bucks for parking
There’s a place to put your bus
Come and join in prayer with us
At the Reliant Astrodome

But you Muslims maybe better stay at home.

Though we’re “non-denominational”
We’re Christian and we’re proud
You might even see a Catholic
Or a Mormon in the crowd
Evangelicals a-plenty
Other groups in small amounts

In other words, it’s everyone who counts

Once we winnow out the heathens,
The apostates, and the wrong
And we keep it to the people
Who we know will get along
We’ll have elbow-room aplenty
At the new Reliant Park

Maybe this is how they did it with the Ark.

Kill The Atheists!

(The title is satire, not hate speech. I don’t want anybody killed.)

Atheists are hateful (1); they’re annoying, rude, and loud;
They’re a total waste of oxygen (2), the godless and the proud
They are spiteful un-Americans, rejecting Jesus’ call—
The solution? Let’s just shoot them. Shoot them all(3).

Those atheists are radicals, and militants as well;
For their blasphemous beliefs they’ll all be heading straight to hell
We could wipe them from the planet, and be grateful for the loss—
The solution? Fucking nail them to the cross(4).

They deny the Holy Spirit; they deny a God above
They deny that Christ was crucified to save us through His love
By rejecting God’s forgiveness, they choose nothingness instead
So they all deserve a shotgun to the head(5).

We should crucify their leader; shove a spear into his side
Let him know the pain that Jesus felt, the hours before He died(6)
So that maybe he’ll appreciate what Jesus Christ is worth—
Nah, let’s wipe the fucking godless from the earth.

I follow in Christ’s footsteps; I adore the Prince of Peace,
But these atheists grow bolder as their numbers have increased
It’s my patriotic duty now, to walk where Jesus led
And He wants these godless bastards fucking dead.

(1) Michael Perri
(2) Casey M Jones
(3) Joe Martinez, Casey M Jones, Bob O’Connell, Joseph Sneckenberg
(4) Chris Dunn, Mike Holeschek
(5) Joe Martinez
(6) Chris Dunn

Source.
Edited to add: Here’s another source for a bit more of the background. It is noted there that, although these comments were taken down quickly by site owners (Fox News’s facebook page), Chris Dunn’s comment got 19 “likes” in the few minutes it was up.

Headline Muse 7/30

Seems the picture that’s drawn is too hazy
Or my brain has gone summertime lazy
We could blame his religion
Which tweaks things a smidgeon
But, really: just “partially crazy”?

Headline: Ex-FLDS member: Warren Jeffs “partially crazy”

In an “objection” lasting nearly an hour, Warren Jeffs, polygamist and alleged child molester, threatened his prosecutors with “sickness and death“. He wasn’t making a threat; he was simply delivering a message he got from God.