When the Tea Party’s numbers are sagging
And support from within it is lagging
When you raise up your voice:
“I’m the Tea Party’s choice!”
It sounds more like complaining than bragging!
Headline: Bachmann: “I’m The Tea Party Candidate”
They’ve scrubbed all the dirt from their website
The predictions that somehow went wrong
If a visitor didn’t know better
You’d think they’d been sane all along
They still believe Jesus is coming
They’re no longer predicting a date
They’re confused that they’re still here to wonder
But they’re putting it all down to fate
Somewhere, a lunatic’s howling
His freak-flag is proudly unfurled
But Harold has given up doomsdays
It’s the end of “the end of the world”
They used to say “Jesus is coming!”
They’d done so for fifty-odd years
“So send us your prayers and donations!”
There’s money in preying on fears
But they went to the well once too often
With a guaranteed rapture. Then two.
When the end didn’t come as predicted
Well, what’s an old con-man to do?
Somewhere, a lunatic’s howling
His banner is proudly unfurled
But Harold has given up doomsdays
It’s the end of “the end of the world”
The chaplains are ready to answer the call
In the guise of supporting our fitness
To breach and dismantle the church-and-state wall
And to act as a born-again witness
And the Head of the chaplains will smile and nod,
For God and for country (but mostly for God)
To protect and defend, you remember the oath,
So there’s no use in getting indignant
But I think I’ve detected a spiritual growth
And I’m worried it might be malignant
A chaplain, who shepherds the men in his squad
For God and for country (but mostly for God)
There’s no cause for worry, no need for alarm
It’s only the damn constitution
And the chaplain, who’s keeping your soul safe from harm
Is the problem, and not the solution
But they’ve been there so long it no longer seems odd
For God and for country (but mostly for God)
The problem is growing, of that there’s no doubt
And the bible does not hold the answer
The simple solution—you cut it right out
Cos that’s what you do with a cancer
It’s a cult, once you see past the shiny façade
For God and for country (but mostly for God)
Two things. Go here and read this. And even more importantly (US Citizens only), go here and sign this. As of this writing, only 376113 (update just after 9PM Eastern)87 (just after 10PM) signatures are needed. You do have to register, but it’s painless, takes only a minute or so, and damn is it a good cause.
I won’t wear a costume this JesusWeen eve—
The lord is my shepherd; I shall not deceive
This holiday’s different for folks who believe
For folks who have Christ as their savior
I won’t be a hero, cos Jesus comes first
I won’t be a villain, cos Satan’s the worst
I won’t ask for candy; the candy’s all cursed
(That’s typical godless behavior)
I’m giving out bibles to trick-or-treat kids
They’re looking for chocolates to quiet their ids
But self-satisfaction, God’s message forbids,
So candy bars surely are sinning
Though Satan is hiding, and wearing a mask,
The godly confront him and take him to task
So each trick-or-treater we simply must ask:
“Is Satan or Jesus Christ winning?”
This JesusWeen, children from all ‘round the block
Will visit our porch, ring the bell (or else knock),
And, getting a bible, will cry out in shock:
Hallelujah! Sing glory of glories!
Cos JesusWeen’s all about Jesus, and love
And gifts that are given by God up above
Cos candy these children are sick to death of…
And other such fictional stories.
In the New York Times today, an article on a Mississippi constitutional amendment on the ballot, which would define personhood as beginning at conception.
The amendment in Mississippi would ban virtually all abortions, including those resulting from rape or incest. It would bar some birth control methods, including IUDs and “morning-after pills” that prevent fertilized eggs from implanting in the uterus. It would also outlaw the destruction of embryos created in laboratories.
It is clear that the impetus behind the issue is religious, not simply because it flies in the face of science (the majority of fertilized eggs don’t make it to birth, so “personhood” is certainly not guaranteed by biology), but because we can hear it in the words of the supporters:
“I view it as transformative,” said Brad Prewitt, a lawyer and executive director of the Yes on 26 campaign, which is named for the Mississippi proposition. “Personhood is bigger than just shutting abortion clinics; it’s an opportunity for people to say that we’re made in the image of God.”
This being the NYTimes, the comments are more coherent than on most sites (I have yet to see the equivalent report on Fox. Can’t wait.). Many bring up, as the logical consequence of this proposed amendment, a scenario very like one I wrote about a while ago. I did already repost it here, but that was before FtB really got going, so I am reposting it after the jump: [Read more…]
The news is bad; a daily bummer
But just when you thought that you’ve never been glummer
A candidate rises who couldn’t be dumber:
His name’s not Joe; He’s not a plumber
He’s one of those guys; he’s one of those faces
That keep popping up in the strangest of places
Like campaign stops and congressional races
He’s ready to run; he’s knotting his laces
He’s qualified—he’s off his rocker—
His name is Sam “Joe” Wurzelbacher
Whom every pundit, fool, and mocker
Had written off (now that’s a shocker!)
In case you think it’s all just funny,
With friends like his, small things like “money”
Are drawn to him like flies to honey
So cheer up, bub! The skies are sunny!
The hero of the middle class,
A pompous, preening, boorish ass—
Rejoice, reporters! Know, alas,
The sad, sad truth: this too, shall pass.
Sometimes, people just like to piss me off. I need to start making a list. Today’s entry is the person who writes a long letter to the editor (why, yes, it was just yesterday I read it) about how we shouldn’t care if there is “under god” in the pledge, or “in god we trust” on our money, or a prayer on the wall of a school, or the ten commandments in a courthouse… Because after all, “God” is just a common word for the inimitable essential spirit of humankind, the force that drives culture, ethics, and morals, and which we all must surely agree exists beyond any shadow of a doubt. (First off, I do not agree in the slightest…) … and then ends the letter with “and I’m an atheist!” *sigh* It takes all sorts.
There’s “In God We Trust” on my money
But I don’t really notice it’s there
And you may think it’s odd or it’s funny
The truth is, I really don’t care!
And I’m an atheist!
See “God” is a metaphor, actually
For a spirit, or essence, or spark
Not meant to be taken quite factually
And we all say our prayers in the dark
And I’m an atheist!
There are mysteries none can unravel
All our knowledge is merely façade;
And I’ve learned, as I grow and I travel,
I can label my ignorance “God”
And I’m an atheist!
So this spirit’s in all that surrounds us
In each sight and each sound we perceive
In each feeling of awe that astounds us
Till there’s no other choice but “believe!”
And I’m an atheist!
A creationist and a flat-earther
Perry hints he may now be a birther
Why, the reasons to laugh
Are too many to graph—
And the reasons for mirth just get mirther
Headline: Rick Perry doesn’t know if Obama’s birth certificate is real
If only there were some hard evidence, like the bible…
We’re looking for a candidate
A good and Christian man
We need to win the White House
With God’s help, I think we can
He loves the Constitution
And our freedoms and our laws
With the possible exception
Of one first amendment clause
Cos the freedom of religion
Is for Christians, as a rule
The founding fathers wanted
Christian prayer in public school
A candidate who’s proud to say
That Jesus is his savior
Is so much more important than
That candidate’s behavior
He’s so pro-life, he’s willing to
Amend the constitution
To make sure life’s protected
All the way till execution
He’ll put the Ten Commandments
In each courthouse in the land
A cross on every corner, and
A bible in each hand
The kids will pledge allegiance,
To their flag and to their god
Then time for their devotionals
And every head will nod
It’s possible, just maybe
Such a candidate would please us
And be worthy to be president…
Of the United States of Jesus
It’s the truth—why, it’s the Gospel,
It is God’s Most Holy Word
To refute it or deny it
Is ridiculous! Absurd!
Our omnipotent Creator
Is behind its every letter—
It not only is The Good Book
But there’ll never be one better!
So we have to keep it coddled—
I don’t mean to raise alarm—
It’s so delicate and fragile,
We must keep it safe from harm
So the friars have decided
That the atheists can’t meet:
They believe in thinking freely,
And the Gospel can’t compete.
All the sordid details after the jump: [Read more…]