It *Is* A Wonderful Life

I read it in the news, today,
And thought it rather odd:
“The world would be much better
If we all believed in God”

The heart of Christian charity
Depends on our belief;
It’s love of God that separates
The giver from the thief

Our movies and our novels serve
To highlight this conviction;
Though just like Aesop’s fables, they
Are moralistic fiction

The books about morality
Have overflowed the shelves
They show the hell that comes of people
Thinking for themselves.

Belief is what determines
How the common man behaves;
And everything goes smoothly
When we’re willing, happy slaves.

A bit more, after the jump: [Read more…]

The GOP’s Bright Shining Light Of Freedom

God bless the GOP.

I hope you know me well enough to read that with the appropriate ironic tone. The GOP have allowed me my first chance to repeat a post written originally by me, not on the old blog but on this one! The “Gilding Our Past” party, faced with the effects of G.W. Bush’s energy-efficiency law, have decided that before they do anything about …well, anything… they are gonna save the 100-watt incandescent light bulb. For freedom. (more, after the jump:) [Read more…]

It’s A Miracle (Officially)!

The medical team was in a race
Against some resistant bacteria;
A colony found a young boy’s face
To treat as their own cafeteria

The miracle team investigates
Against some religious criteria;
The “promoter of justice” tries their fates
As they battle with strep or listeria

The desperate parents said their prayers
As conditions grew frankly horrific
They pleaded for help from the man upstairs
Whose germs were a bit too prolific

Operations and antibiotics combined
Broad-spectrum, as well as specific
Saved young Jake’s life, although we’ll find
The church is more unscientific

The search for answers sometimes leads
To a cultural bit of division:
A difference that comes from their separate needs
May find science and church in collision

A team of priests has been working for years
As a bishop provides supervision
And if adequate evidence really appears
Well… they won’t let that stop their decision

Well… I was right. (More after the jump: ) [Read more…]

Atheist Tropes We Can Do Without

What with the death of Christopher Hitchens on the front page of pretty much every news outlet in the world, the comments are full of people’s opinions about atheism and atheists. In the spirit of Shakesville, asking the question “Which film trope needs to go away forever?” (somebody quoted me there, which is how I saw it), I want to know which atheist tropes need to take a dirt nap.

I’ll start (thus snagging the easy ones): Inflamed hemorrhoid and commenter “Art Aficionado”, on NPR, on his third comment in the first eight on Barbara Bradley Hagerty’s piece on Hitchens (seriously, NPR, BBH? Were all the interns gone on college break?) writes “I can’t help but wonder if Mr. Hitchens prayed to God in his final moments. It’s very plausible.” He repeats this claim several times across the comments, in response to those who show him how unlikely this would be, and how irrelevant.

In the same thread, we see multiple commenters noting that Hitchens, despite Dinesh D’Souza’s (again, NPR, this is why BBH shouldn’t have been let near this piece) description of Hitch as “a happy atheist” (given D’Souza, this description made him stand out from other atheists), seemed to them to be bitter, unhappy, and angry. This trope imposes a personality on atheists that outshines any description or actual evidence of happiness, and it’s old, by this point.

Oh, but there are more! Another commenter pulls out the old favorite “atheism is like a religion in many ways.” In the same way that it is like peanut butter, or b-flat, or fuzzy kittens, maybe—they are both nouns. Any way that atheism is like religion, that is not much more true of Manchester United fandom, is utterly irrelevant.

I could go on, but that would defeat the purpose. What atheist tropes can we bury in an unmarked grave in Potter’s Field?

Fashionable Nonsense

I tried on a new piece of clothing
It was fuzzy and silken and red
It looked quite a lot like a sweater
But there wasn’t a hole for my head.
I struggled to put it on anyway,
But no matter what angle I tried
My arms found their sleeves without problem,
But my head stayed completely inside.
There’s something that’s wrong with this picture
And I’m quite at a loss, what to do—
So I talked to the guy at the counter…
He suggested I try it in blue.

It may be the style, or the fashion
But it keeps me from using my head
So instead of just wishing it fit me
I’ll try something different instead.

Context.

Bill Donohue Is Looking For Accidental Christians

Once there was an accidental Christian
Who had never read the bible—not a word!
She never knew that Jesus died to save us
Though it’s not her fault; she simply hadn’t heard!

Her beliefs, of course, were just coincidental
Cos she’d never heard a sermon or a prayer
So her strange belief in transubstantiation
Was devout, though she herself was unaware.

She believed in god the father, son, and spirit
She believed we fell from Eden, cloaked in shame
She believed that Jesus’ sacrifice redeems us…
Though she never knew, believed it just the same

Now the Catholic League is searching for this woman
Who is Christian, though she truly doesn’t know
Cos they’re looking to adopt her as their daughter
So her accidental faithfulness can grow.
Incredible stupidity, after the jump: [Read more…]

Rick Perry’s War On Religion

It’s time to be cautious; it’s time to be wary,
The “war on religion” is gonna be scary;
They’re coming to get us, according to Perry,
And Christians are under attack.
They’re coming to stop little children from praying
And force all our forces to get busy gaying;
Our nation had morals—but now, they’re decaying,
And Perry is bringing them back

He’s got a new ad, and he’s on the attack,
Cos he needs to distinguish himself from the pack
So he’s kickin’ some ass and he’s talkin’ some smack
Cos we all love a fella who tries.
And surely as Texas got rain when he prayed,
Rick Perry will win with his modern crusade…
Though the A.P. examined the claims that he made
And tells us they’re pretty much lies.

Context, after the jump: [Read more…]

Burzynski The Bold (A Ballad)

Some folks would give up; Some folks would just quit,
When they look for three decades, but only find shit.
But some can make hay from a whole lot of zero…
Like Dr Burzynski, the medical hero.

Though his method is lacking empirical proof
Looking less like a treatment and more like a spoof
That won’t stop Burzynski, the brave and the bold—
He’ll do as he wishes, and not as he’s told!

When your data are meager, then there go your grants,
But Burzynski the Bold doubled down, took a chance:
“I’ll charge all my patients exorbitant fees,
And I’ll make up the difference, as quick as you please!”

Now, some wouldn’t do this; some people have morals—
But Dr. Burzynski, he didn’t have quarrels;
He overcharged bravely, where others might quail;
His ethics and morals were boldly for sale.

He kept at his work, like that battery bunny,
And lied to his patients and sucked up their money
“It’s legal, of course,” he explained with a smile
“This isn’t a treatment, but merely a trial”

He isn’t a weasel, as stories depict him—
Oh, no! He’s a hero, as well as a victim;
He’s willing to take the unpopular path
Like boldly stand up to a teenager’s wrath—

A boy, armed with nothing but brains and the truth
Makes people think twice, ere they threaten the youth;
But Dr. Burzynski? That’s not what he did
(Thinking twice, he did not; he did threaten the kid)

Burzynski the Bold found a lawyer with teeth
(Some feed at the bottom—he feeds underneath)
Who threatened the lad, saying “cease and desist!”
But there’s something the lawyer, it seems, may have missed:

On the internet, smart kids have plenty of friends;
You can threaten him, sure, but that’s not where it ends;
So Dr. Burzynski, the kid may be young…
But mess with a wasps’ nest—you’re gonna get stung.

Highly Sought Kiss Of Doom

The headline shows up in my internet reader:
“Newt Gingrich endorsed by The Union MisLeader”
One wonders, of course, why we care what they choose—
Their record, of recent, predicts he’ll now lose.

Two money quotes. First, they damn with faint praise:

The New Hampshire Union Leader’s Sunday editorial says the former House speaker “is by no means the perfect candidate” but calls him “the best candidate who is actually running.”

And then, the kicker:

The conservative Union Leader editorial page has a history of passing over the front-runner in its selections. The paper endorsed Ronald Reagan in 1976 and 1980, Deleware Gov. Pete DuPont in 1988, Reagan aide Pat Buchanan in 1992 and 1996, businessman Steve Forbes in 2000, and Arizona Sen. John McCain in 2008.