Attack Of The Undead Scarecrows II

Atheists! Look in your purse or your pocket;
There’s God on the money you carry around!
The motto is yours, though you atheists mock it,
And God’s how we know that our money is sound!

Your using this money is clearly hypocrisy
Atheists ought to refuse it—the fools!
Sucks to be you, though; our Christian democracy
Trusts in our God—and majority rules!

The courts say it’s legal, so quit your complaining—
No reason to get all your bills in a wad!
We Christians find atheists so entertaining—
Each time you use money, you’re praising our God!

Rant, after the jump: [Read more…]

As Predicted (The Cranston Ruling)

As I wrote at the time of the court case…

This isn’t religious, it’s merely tradition
I’m certain our case will be met with approval
A secular prayer—just a trivial thing—
So we’ll fight tooth and nail to prevent its removal

The prayer was a gift from a class in the sixties
Its place in tradition just can’t be denied
This isn’t religious! It’s all about freedom!
And we’ll fight, with our secular god on our side

For decades, the mural’s been there in the hallway
And no one—not one—had complained it’s religious
The taunting and threats that this Jessica’s getting?
It’s her fault alone, cos she’s so damned litigious

She’s out for attention! That’s all that this is!
The god-hating liberal, atheist slut!
We good Christian people should teach her a lesson
How sometimes it’s safer to keep your mouth shut.

How dare she insult us? How dare she mock God?
How dare she belittle the prayer in the hall?
How dare she believe that the law’s on her side—
Remember… this isn’t religious at all!

All the good stuff after the jump:
[Read more…]

Headline Muse, 1/9

As endorsements go, this one’s a beaut—
And it’s not just some guy in a suit
When you’ve got the First Dude
Your opponents are screwed:
Todd Palin endorses The Newt

Headline: Todd Palin endorses Newt Gingrich; Sarah Palin still undecided in GOP race

Favorite line:

He said he supports Gingrich, who was first elected to Congress in 1978 and served as the Speaker of the House from 1995 to 1999, because he’s not one of those “beltway types.”

NH Primary, Written In The Stars

The stars and the planets don’t give half a fuck
For the fates of the people on earth
But astrologers think they can tell us the luck
Of the candidates, based on their birth.
Who will win? Who will lose? How can anyone know?
All the pundits are seeking an answer;
Can we know who will win, who will place, who will show,
By who’s Scorpio, Virgo, or Cancer*?
Although soccer told odds based on cephalopods
They were wrong when predicting the cup
So astrology’s stars, or entreaties to gods,
May be likely to mess it all up.
Though the candidates promise, in diners and bars,
They’ll be faithful, that’s apt to be fiction;
Any outcome that anyone sees in the stars
Is a thoroughly useless prediction.

Some really cool stuff, after the jump: [Read more…]

The U.S. War On Religion

While nobody wants us to see a sharia,
Respecting some other religion is fine
With proud church-and-state separation, this nation
Can make one exception—allowing for mine.
My faith is a factor in hiring and firing,
In filling prescriptions, in working with gays;
I’ll claim I’m the victim of warring, ignoring
The laws that the rest of the country obeys

The language that’s used in campaigning, explaining
How Christians are victims of hatred outright,
Is carefully tuned to the masses of asses
Who eagerly listen, convinced that it’s right.
The pandering pinheads are trying, by lying,
To gather their forces, to strengthen their core;
The truth is too boring, but fighting’s exciting—
To rally the troops, they’ve invented a war.

after the jump: [Read more…]

New Hampshire Politics

New Hampshire, as you may have heard, has five seasons, not four. Tucked between Winter (which can be long) and Spring (which, by law, cannot be) there is Mud Season, that dreary time when any remaining snow is grey or brown with smoke, ash, or tire-spray, and not even the bravest of crocuses has dared yet to emerge.

I have noticed, though, another weather and behavioral anomaly in the Granite State. This one is a quadrennial pattern; I suspect it has something to do with sunspots.
[Read more…]

Santorum Booed In NH

So it seems that Rick Santorum,
At a recent public forum
Made a point he thought was clever, and was booed.
See, his point was to disparage
And belittle same-sex marriage,
But his audience was never in the mood.
He was obviously hoping
To engage in slipp’ry sloping:
“If we legalize gay marriage, what comes next?”
But his motive was transparent
And the people said “you daren’t”
Which he did, and so it left him quite perplexed.
I begin to get the feeling
That Santorum is appealing
To an audience that really isn’t there
And the hatred he’s extolling’s
Going to hurt him in the polling—
In the Granite State, he doesn’t have a prayer.

[Read more…]

The Story Of No One You’ve Ever Heard Of

She wrote a thoughtful article, and posted it online;
It showed she was a thinker, and it showed she had a spine
A critical analysis, presented with true class…
The geniuses who read it had to comment: “Hey, nice ass!”

With stubborn perseverance, she resolved again to try—
She’d interact as mind to mind, or know the reason why—
When something’s worth the battle, she could never call it quits…
The geniuses who read it had to comment: “Yo, nice tits!”

She wondered if she’d wandered into someone else’s world,
With the banner of misogyny so blatantly unfurled—
“They treat me like an object, and won’t even get to know me!”
And the geniuses who read it had to comment: “Baby, blow me!”

It wasn’t worth the trouble; no reward for her to stay,
She could tell she wasn’t welcome, so she mostly kept away
Every now and then, she’d read there, though it mostly made her vexed,
Cos the geniuses who wrote there had to comment: “Bitchez, Next!”

“Unencumbered By Government Intrusion”

“Allow us to practice our faith, unencumbered
By government intrusion”, the spokesperson said.
Our clinics’ and hospitals’ days are now numbered—
They want us to change, but we’d rather be dead.

It seems like a joke, but it just isn’t funny,
Insisting we play by the federal rules—
But “no strings attached” is how we like our money,
To use for adoption, for kitchens, for schools

We’re forced to have standards! We’re forced to make offers
Of service to which we are rightly opposed!
Our money, which comes from the government’s coffers
Is needed—without it, our clinics are closed!

It just isn’t fair we are forced to these choices
Like those we’re preventing our clients to make
So faithful believers are raising our voices…
Our right to be prejudiced pricks is at stake!

Slight rant, after the jump: [Read more…]

Faith, Hope, & Charity

Of faith, and hope, and charity,
Of pleas for public parity
Of common sense, that rarity,
I come today to speak.
They’re trying to eliminate
Our freedom to discriminate
They’re asking us to deviate
If public funds we seek

Religion’s place of prominence
And utter social dominance
Is threatened—surely commonsense
Will somehow be restored!
This isn’t mere frivolity;
Our nation loves equality;
It’s onerous, this polity!
We shall not be ignored!

The secular authorities
Oppose our (God’s) priorities—
Respect for some minorities
Just isn’t what we do!
No worries that our angle meant
A church-and-state entanglement—
Each dollar, and each wrangled cent
We’re spending, thanks to you!

The bishops are claiming discrimination… That is, they claim they are being discriminated against, by not allowing them to discriminate. No, really. They argue that they deserve the same access to your money that non-discriminators do. It’s just not fair to discriminate against them.