An Atheist Is A Man Who Believes Himself To Be An Accident

My apologies for repeating myself, but when the foes of atheism repeat themselves, what am I to do? This past week, I have seen the phrase which is this post’s headline in several different places.

In a South African billboard, on a thread arguing about a Denver billboard, a thread about gay marriage in Washington State, and a couple more I can’t be bothered with chasing down.

More, after jump: [Read more…]

I Wanna Marry Newt Gingrich (II)

Intro:

I’ve been watching the news from Carolina
Where the Newt’s at the head of the pack
And there’s little or nothing that’s finer
Than to see Mr. Gingrich surge back
Now you know that I have to be hopin’
It’s a triumph he’s willing to share
With his mind and his marriage both open
Like he told us, Callista won’t care

The republican vision of morals
Has moved, as a matter of course
Since the ads, the debates, and the quarrels
We’re accepting of more than divorce
If you’re caught in an amorous quandary
You’ll do what the Newt would have done:
If you think that a wife is the love of your life
Then you’ll want to have more than just one!

Song itself, after the jump: [Read more…]

Despicable Newt

“To take an ex-wife and make it two days before the primary a significant question in a presidential campaign is as close to despicable as anything I can imagine,” Gingrich told King, the moderator of the debate.”

Newt, being cute, had a point of dispute:
“Your question is close to despicable!”
Please note that this quote is a hunt for your vote—
He wants to be perfectly pickable.
His ire will inspire (that’s at least his desire)
Lest you think his remark’s inexplicable
And Callista is pissed, she’s just one on his list
Of the women that Newt finds are dickable.
A media screed could put Newt in the lead
And if not, then reporters are kickable
And Newt, in pursuit, is a bit of a brute
And, frankly, it just makes me sickable.

Oh, I think we can all imagine something more despicable. Oh, wait! Newt’s right! That’s not imagination!

That’s memory.

Not Very Appealing

The Christians in Cranston are singing the blues
With their bigotry bared on the six-o’clock news
They’ve all learned a lesson, what it feels like to lose
And it’s setting their senses to reeling
Now between God and Country, the mob has to choose
Will the school board soon be appealing?

They’re pounding their pulpits, They’re swarming the schools
Where the judge said the banner was breaking the rules
Where a girl in the right made them all look like fools
So they’re sobbing and whining and squealing
They’ll drain their accounts and they’ll hock all their jewels
For the money they’ll need for appealing

They’ve chosen to champion the prayer on the wall
They’ll shout and they’ll threaten, they’ll bully and brawl
Ignoring the freedoms protecting us all
Their priorities sure are revealing
It’s a Christian theocracy they’d like to install
Cos they find the idea appealing

The secular victory sticks in their craw
So they pore through the ruling to hunt for a flaw
Cos they’re sure that the next step will be Sharia law
So they’re praying to God, yes they’re kneeling
With God on their side, they will never withdraw
And they’re making their plans for appealing

So bring all your anger, your rancor, your spite,
Cos the school board is meeting, they’re meeting tonight
To weigh all the options proposed for our plight
And to see what the voters are feeling
And it won’t mean a damn thing that Jessica’s right
Cos the mob here is set on appealing

(With apologies to Bob Dylan)

Santorum Is The Real Victim Here

It is so very sad, what the gays have done
To a wonderful person like Rick
They label him hateful, but he loves every one
Though the things that they do make him sick

Santorum believes that gay marriage is wrong
And the gays call that view an attack!
But “separate but equal” keeps straight marriage strong—
It’s ok to seat gays in the back

The horrible things that these activist gays
Do to Rick, are too awful to mention
When really, he loves them—he just hates their ways
Homophobia’s not his intention!

Gays shouldn’t get married. That’s Rick’s point of view.
It’s not that he wants to restrict ‘em
But it’s there in his bible, which is your bible too…
Santorum is really the victim!

Weapons-grade projection, after the jump: [Read more…]

Today Is Religious Freedom Day

…and for those of you named Peter Palumbo, this post is an illustration of why Freedom of Religion must also necessarily be Freedom from Religion.

The cross on the hill was a beautiful sight
On the days when the sky was most bluish;
It stood for the soldiers who gave up their lives
Well, except when the soldiers were Jewish.

The cross on the hill, it looked rugged and old
Though the city maintained it as newish;
The congressman said that it stood for the dead
Well, unless they were atheist, Muslim, or Jewish.

The cross on the hill was a secular thing—
That’s a lie, but it kinda sounds truish—
The judge said it symbolized service and loss
Well, except for the Buddhists, the Hindus, the Pagans, the Jains, the Confucians, the Shinto, the Sikh, the Druids, the Wiccans, Baha’i, Hare Krishna, Zoroastrian, Scientologists, atheists, Muslim or Jewish. Or the religions of the tribal nations who once owned the land the cross is on.

The cross on the hill is religious, of course
Said a Judge who rejected the woo-ish
And it can’t be a symbol for everyone there
If it doesn’t mean Buddhists, the Hindus, the Pagans, the Jains, the Confucians, the Shinto, the Sikh, the Druids, the Wiccans, Baha’i, Hare Krishna, Zoroastrian, Scientologists, atheists, Muslim or Jewish. Or, you know, the indans. Or even Christians who don’t want a symbol, or use a different cross from the Latin Cross, or (fades)


Image by Will Fresch–wikipedia commons

Peter, Peter…

Peter is a congressman; Peter swore an oath.
He loves both God and Country—but he cannot stand for both.
When Christians in his district want to break the nation’s rules,
Giving Christian prayer a special place, inside the public schools—
When Christians in his district want to violate the law,
And wrote those wishes publicly, which Peter clearly saw,
When Christians in his district threatened Jessica with harm
Did Peter see their lunacy as cause to take alarm?
No, Peter had the chance to disagree with what they said
But sided with the Christian mob that’s howling for her head
When Peter had to choose between his country and his king,
Chose Jesus, and called Jessica “an evil little thing.”

Peter…

You love both God and Country, but you’ve clearly made your choice
You could have done the proper thing—you could have raised your voice
You might have stood with Jessica—she’s right, you surely know—
You can’t serve both; you made your choice; it’s time now, sir, to go.

JT has the story. As does PZ. As does Ophelia.

The Ballad Of Cranston, RI

Dedicated to oppressed majorities everywhere.

Come, people of Cranston! Let’s occupy the schools!
Reminding the judge that majority rules!
It says in the bible that atheists are fools—
We can’t let it end in this manner!
We have to defend it, and also our Lord,
From the menacing might of the atheist horde—
The rights of all Christians are being ignored;
We must go to the wall for our banner!

For justice! For freedom! For Cranston! For God!
It’s time for our voice to be heard!
So bring out your pitchforks and torches and ropes
Cos the mob is protecting God’s word!

The bible, of course, is the source of our laws
So banner-removers, I think you should pause;
The way we interpret the establishment clause,
It prohibits the banner’s removal!
The community voted, they want it to stay
And these god-fearing folks wouldn’t lead us astray
The blind scales of justice, they surely must weigh
The majority’s Christian approval

For justice! For freedom! For Cranston! For God!
It’s time for our voice to be heard!
So bring out your pitchforks and torches and ropes
Cos the mob is protecting God’s word!

Come, people of Cranston, we can’t acquiesce!
We’ve got to assemble and take on this mess
So I’ve helpfully posted young Jessica’s address
We can meet there to find a solution
It shouldn’t be hard; hell, she’s only a kid
Which is why, when the atheist did what she did
She showed her true colors, and cowardly hid
In the words of our own Constitution!

For justice! For freedom! For Cranston! For God!
It’s time for our voice to be heard!
So bring out your pitchforks and torches and ropes
Cos the mob is protecting God’s word!

Come, people of Cranston! Let’s occupy the schools!
Reminding the judge that majority rules!
It says in the bible that atheists are fools—
We can’t let it end in this manner!
We have to defend it, and also our Lord,
From the menacing might of the atheist horde—
The rights of all Christians are being ignored;
We must go to the wall for our banner!

Related posts: As Predicted (The Cranston Ruling)
A win for the bravest girl in Rhode Island
Fox News commenters hate America