The candidates are coming!
Bolt the shutters! Bar the door!
We remember what’s ahead of us–
We’ve seen it all before:
They’ll infect the very airwaves
With their messages of hate;
They’ll trade poison barbs and arrows
(Though they’ll call it a “debate”)
There’s an idiot from Texas
(it’s apparently a rule)
Who thinks God, not evolution,
Should be taught to kids in school
And a “maybe I’ll be running,
But I need a little push”
Cos the people with the money
Think we need another Bush
We’re all hoping for another–
They’ll be running as a pair–
Donald Trump will run for POTUS
With his running mate, his hair
And they’re mostly anti-science
And they’re mostly anti-gay
And they’re all in competition
For the dumbest things to say
As the list continues growing
Seems it’s only getting worse…
But… Here’s an open invitation:
Try contributing a verse!
Comments are open to add to the Great Ballad of the Race of 2016. Any and all candidates are fair game, as well as meta-verses on issues, media, or what you will. And for the non UnitedStatsians out there, feel free to target us as a whole, because ridiculous things are ridiculous.
A rerun from Pennsyltucky,
Backed by fundies, rubes, and hicks.
This time ’round his words are softer,
But they’re still a frothy mix.
In my view, a ballad should be possible to sing — here’s an attempt from a non-USAian (I think you can guess the tune — my apologies to Kris, of course):
Busted flat at Iowa’s caucus, drowned by media polls,
Cacophonic noise from dawn to dawn,
Selling you an Edsel as if it were a Rolls,
With superficial sound bites, bull and brawn.
In a dirty red bandana or a baseball cap that’s blue
The entourages really want their perks
So they help the squeaky-clean ones by flinging all the goo.
The saddest thing of all is that it works…
Voting’s just another way to make you think you’re heard,
And “vote” means “voice”, so go on, raise it high.
But thinking someone listens? Why, the thought is just absurd!
But anyway, you’ll get the best, don’t cry –
get the best in office money can buy…
From Atlantic C casinos to where Russia can be seen,
Some, we know, will never reach a booth,
While the gerrymander-chosen will punch at a machine
Thinking that’s democracy in truth.
But somehow without seeing, they’ve let it slip away,
Hoping someone else would clean the mess,
Now astroturfing SuperPACs will charge into the fray
While candidates say nothing but “God Bless”…
Voting’s just another way to make you think you’re heard,
Yes, nowadays a thoughtful word won’t fly
And really talking issues? Why, the thought is just absurd!
But anyway, you’ll get the best, don’t cry –
get the best in office money can buy…
Actually, I’m not quite as dejected and cynical about American democracy as you may think from the above; it is still possible to affect things by getting broad engagement. Crowdfunding can play on the same field as Koch…
A) it’s coming through in Janis’s voice!
B) Ballads are singable, of course, but there is a technical “ballad form”, ABCB tetrameter-trimeter (usually iambic)… which is close enough to what I have to be considered the same species. Sure, it could use polishing, but the subject matter doesn’t deserve it.
There’s Santorum, old frothymix
A rerun of old hate
Plus Perry whose rain dance sure made Texas wait
There’s plenty of the white guys who so dominate the place
But also we have colour a token splash of Jindal Brown
A Hindu in the White House well that’s never going down
Nor is the black of Carson
Is he even in the race?
Or if you like the likes of Rubio
Or Cruz, they’re in the chase
But the crowded pack of Hucksters including Huckabee
This klown kar comedy
They claim they’re seeking office
but we know its not to be
Coz Hillary is running faster,
So many light years ahead
These pitiful fools all know it
They might as well run dead.
Argh. I coulda formatted that better, sorry. For clarity /consistency, take II if I may please :
***
There’s Santorum,
Old frothymix,
A rerun of old hate
Plus Perry whose rain dance,
Sure made Texas wait
There’s plenty of the ole white guys here
Who so dominate the place
But also we have some colour,
A token splash of Jindal Brown
A Hindu in the White House?
Well that’s never going down,
Nor is the black of Carson,
Is he even in the race?
Or if you like the likes of Rubio
Or Cruz,
They’re in the chase
But the crowded pack of Hucksters – including Huckabee
Making up this klown kar comedy
They claim they’re seeking office
but we know its not to be.
Coz Hillary is running faster,
So many light years ahead
These pitiful fools all know it
They might as well run dead.
***
(If you want to delete the previous version &edit accordingly Digital Cuttlefish please feel free to so.