I want a special planet,
One created just for me;
I want a perfect paradise
A garden, can’t you see?
That waited through eternity
For my exalted birth—
But Eden is a myth, so I
Will settle for the Earth.
It’s not so bad, as planets go,
I’ll do just fine with Earth.

I want a special status
Where I’m more than just a beast;
With godlike comprehension
Or intelligence, at least;
Created sui generis
And not evolved from goo—
But rather than be fictional,
Humanity will do.
I’m going to have to face the facts;
Humanity will do

I want a special function,
Or a purpose, or a plan;
I want to be much better than
The ordinary man;
I want to be a shining star
Whom everyone can see—
The odds are astronomical;
I might as well be me.
The product of my history,
I might as well be me.

I want a special talent
That’s the product of my mind;
I want to be a genius
Of the greatest, grandest kind;
Where Shakespeare, in comparison,
Would just give up and curse—
But dreams are not reality;
I think I’ll write this verse.
I’ll never be a Shakespeare,
But at least I wrote this verse.

Why “The Mediocrity Principle”? Here. Cuttlecap tip to PZed.