The pope rebukes Europe for not being hawt


Huh. Pope Cuddly went to Strasbourg to scold Europe for being too old and ugly.

Jeez. What about Mesopotamia?! What about the Rift Valley?!! Older and much older, so nyah.

Besides, does Mr Cuddly think he’s another Justin Bieber?

Pope Francis has warned that the world sees Europe as “somewhat elderly and haggard” during a speech to the European Parliament in Strasbourg.

“Warned”? What does Mr Cuddly expect Europe to do about it? Botox? The knife?

At the European Parliament, he spoke of a need to reinvigorate Europe, describing the continent as a “grandmother, no longer fertile and vibrant” and saying it risked “slowly losing its own soul”.

Ooooooooh, that’s harsh. Why doesn’t he just call Europe a witch and be done with it?

 

Comments

  1. Crimson Clupeidae says

    Why doesn’t he just call Europe a witch and be done with it?

    He’s afraid a large contingent of the RCC might want to burn it again?

  2. busterggi says

    And what organization based in Europe is older and less flexible than any of those countries the Pope insulted?

  3. RJW says

    I’d say His Oiliness is really referring to Europeans, not Europe, because they have (sensibly) stopped breeding like rabbits, which is against his god’s plan.

  4. karmacat says

    He also insulted grandmothers as being no longer fertile or vibrant. What the hell? So if someone is not fertile, they are not valuable? And I guess he is not talking about growing food because most of Europe has no trouble doing so.

  5. sigurd jorsalfar says

    Two world wars didn’t cost Europe its soul, but some vague, unspecified problem that the Pope can describe only by using ageist and sexist metaphors is going to be its downfall. Oh noes!

  6. says

    On the plus side, he’s pleading for the migrants who drown trying to cross the Med. What that’s go to do with continental senescence, I have no idea.

  7. Rob says

    Yeah, ‘cos Argentina is just a brilliant and credible example of how a ‘new’ country should be…

    Much as I enjoyed visiting Argentina, nah would not want to live in a Catholic dominated nation.

  8. Albert Bakker says

    I think ideally nobody should care about silly things Mr. Bergoglio says of whatever and I think the EU parlement is not the appropriate podium for religious leaders of any sort to preach from. Let him do his thing elsewhere.

  9. =8)-DX says

    Um. Also noting that he’s a pope. Being elderly, haggard and infertile is his *job description*.

  10. culuriel says

    Let me guess… Francis thinks the only thing that can make Europe young and fertile again is a 2,000 year old religion led by celibate priests.

  11. grumpyoldfart says

    When Europe is reinvigorated and has become much more “fertile and vibrant” the same Pope will complain that the people have forgotten their heritage and turned their back on tradition.

    The church us run by control freaks who strive to keep parishioners on the back foot at all times. No matter what the hoi-poloi say or do; it is always wrong. That’s how religion works.

  12. says

    A doddering, backward, reactionary Church that lost its looks and sold its “soul” a long time ago, is now warning some not-that-well-defined geographical thing called “Europe” that it’s losing its looks and might be losing its soul? Yeah, I’ll take that warning under advisement, thank you.

    This is just another instance of a right-wing hack calling his liberal critics old, ugly, stodgy, bureaucratic, and predictable, solely as a means of avoiding the substance of their criticism. Just another bullshitting tactic he learned from fascists in North and South America.

    So much for that “breath of fresh air” and whatever else we routinely call every new Pope. This guy isn’t “cuddlier” than his predecessor, he’s just a little sillier. And a lot less effective as a “leader.”

  13. Pianoman, Church of the Golden Retriever says

    Geez, Pope Cuddly, next you’re going to complain about those curtains with that furniture, and oh what a ghastly area rug this is!

  14. HFM says

    I’m fairly sure that “no longer fertile” is code for “no longer launching Crusades”. The heathens don’t respect us anymore since we stopped trying to convert them by the sword. Or something like that.

  15. says

    I’m fairly sure that “no longer fertile” is code for “no longer launching Crusades”. The heathens don’t respect us anymore since we stopped trying to convert them by the sword. Or something like that.

    Fairly sure “no longer fertile” is code for “women are no longer entirely subjugated and treated as the breeding livestock God commands them to be”.

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