Sexy Food Commercials

I’ve noticed a trend that lately food commercials are becoming super sexual. Now, I don’t watch a ton of TV, so maybe this has always been going on… But some of these commercials have shot way past Funny and landed in Moderately Disturbing. I know they always say the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach, but is the way to his stomach through his junk?

For example, Padma Lakshmi’s Hardee’s commercial:

Mmmm, yeah former vegetarian, put that big hunk of Western meat into your mouth. Oh yeah, lick it up. Because you know Western meat is better than that puny Indiana cock…er, I mean meat. Meat. Yeaaah.

Ok, Padma is smoking hot, but is it really attractive to see a gal dribble barbeque sauce all over herself and then lick it off? Actually, don’t answer that. Anyway, this commercial is nothing compared to ones with more overt sexuality:

Oh god, Arby’s hat boner, really? I’m open to a lot of kinks and fetishes, but I think I draw the line at Fast Food Worker Selling Food. But at least that one involved two human beings.

This White Castle commercial is yet more proof that there Is No God.

Really, what the hell? Every time this comes on I die a little inside as I stare at my television set, mortified. I think the worst part is I know there are probably furries out there somewhere masturbating over this thing. And again with the sexy barbeque sauce. Do you know how sticky that would be? Yuck.

I have to admit I think this is the funniest one in the bunch, only because it’s so wrong that it has to be good. Anything involving a gay sub-dom relationship with a toaster oven and a power bottom sandwich making boy gets an A+ in my book. But does it make me want to stick Quizno’s Toasty Torpedo in my mouth? Nooooo.

Why do I even bring this up? Because my friend just linked me to the most disturbing video of all. Honeslty, this is probably NSFW.

Thank you, Sprite, for forever making me associate the flavor of Sprite with that of jizz.

Now, if I was a good feminist, I would write up some diatribe about how all of these commercials are examples of the objectification of women and sexist and yadda yadda. But I have a bigger issue with the commercials – do these really make people buy the food? I get that they’re humorous, but do you really want to go grab a Sprite and a Toasty Torpedo right about now? I’d prefer not to think about a soda money shot while eating my dinner, but maybe that’s just me.

Yuck.

Apparently I’m in mortal peril

Sometimes my dad is a giant downer.

Tonight I came home for the weekend for his birthday, and I was excitedly telling my parents about the SSA conference in Columbus, OH and the trip to the Creation Museum. He didn’t know what it was, so I briefly explained it to him and laughed. He turned very serious and looked at my sternly.

Him: I don’t know if that’s a good idea. You can get yourself killed. Think of all the crazies there.
Me: …Dad, that’s ridiculous.
Him: You’re my daughter, I don’t want anything bad to happen to you.
Me: …Dad, it’s a family museum where people take their small children to indoctrinate them, not the ghetto. And I’m going to be in a huge group of more than fifty people. And I know people who’ve gone alone or just with another friend and they were fine.
Him: Well that’s worse that you’re in a group. Who knows what they’ll do when they find out you’re coming. They’ll go after you.
Me: I’ve seen signs where they say “Welcome *Insert Atheist Group Name Here*.” They don’t care. They just want money and to convert people.
Him: There are still crazy people there and it’s a bad idea. When I was in the south in the 60s I didn’t go around sticking up for black people because there was always a guy with a shotgun outside waiting to blow your brains out.
Me: …

Ugh. I know I’m my dad’s little baby girl, but I’m getting sick of this. I get this sort of “don’t go and get yourself killed” lecture any time I ever bring up club stuff. My dad’s basically an atheist, so it’s not that he disagrees with our message – he just thinks I’m going to get murdered for saying I’m an atheist…which I find a little bit ridiculous. I mean, yes, we have discrimination, and I’m sure some people have suffered physical harm…but what are the odds? I’m not living in rural Alabama and waving a giant sign that says “There Is No God.” I’m not running around Iraq in a bikini going “ra ra atheists rule!” I live on a freaking college campus.

And you know what, so what? What if there was some minutely slim chance that someone’s going to beat me up, rape me, kill me? Is it better to sit down and shut up about something that’s extremely important to you because of the fear of being harmed? If anything that shows that people need to stand up and shout their atheism from the rooftops. If it weren’t for the brave people who did stand up for the rights of blacks, and did take the risk of getting hurt, and did actually get hurt, where would we be today? Where would gay rights be if people didn’t speak out and march and take the chance of being harmed by crazy bigots?

I don’t want to be a martyr. I don’t want physical harm or even the fear of being harmed. I don’t go out of my way to ruffle feathers, nor am I ever looking for a fight. If the atheist movement is going to need some big violent act against them in order to get national attention, I really hope it’s not me. But if I happen to be part of that generation that needs to speak up in order for future atheists to not be paranoid when wearing a scarlet A or a FSM necklace, then so be it.

The most annoying part? If I had a penis I probably wouldn’t be even getting this talk. And while I don’t want to go all EmoJournal on you, No Doubt’s Just a Girl pretty much sums up how I feel.

Hmph.

Apparently I'm in mortal peril

Sometimes my dad is a giant downer.

Tonight I came home for the weekend for his birthday, and I was excitedly telling my parents about the SSA conference in Columbus, OH and the trip to the Creation Museum. He didn’t know what it was, so I briefly explained it to him and laughed. He turned very serious and looked at my sternly.

Him: I don’t know if that’s a good idea. You can get yourself killed. Think of all the crazies there.
Me: …Dad, that’s ridiculous.
Him: You’re my daughter, I don’t want anything bad to happen to you.
Me: …Dad, it’s a family museum where people take their small children to indoctrinate them, not the ghetto. And I’m going to be in a huge group of more than fifty people. And I know people who’ve gone alone or just with another friend and they were fine.
Him: Well that’s worse that you’re in a group. Who knows what they’ll do when they find out you’re coming. They’ll go after you.
Me: I’ve seen signs where they say “Welcome *Insert Atheist Group Name Here*.” They don’t care. They just want money and to convert people.
Him: There are still crazy people there and it’s a bad idea. When I was in the south in the 60s I didn’t go around sticking up for black people because there was always a guy with a shotgun outside waiting to blow your brains out.
Me: …

Ugh. I know I’m my dad’s little baby girl, but I’m getting sick of this. I get this sort of “don’t go and get yourself killed” lecture any time I ever bring up club stuff. My dad’s basically an atheist, so it’s not that he disagrees with our message – he just thinks I’m going to get murdered for saying I’m an atheist…which I find a little bit ridiculous. I mean, yes, we have discrimination, and I’m sure some people have suffered physical harm…but what are the odds? I’m not living in rural Alabama and waving a giant sign that says “There Is No God.” I’m not running around Iraq in a bikini going “ra ra atheists rule!” I live on a freaking college campus.

And you know what, so what? What if there was some minutely slim chance that someone’s going to beat me up, rape me, kill me? Is it better to sit down and shut up about something that’s extremely important to you because of the fear of being harmed? If anything that shows that people need to stand up and shout their atheism from the rooftops. If it weren’t for the brave people who did stand up for the rights of blacks, and did take the risk of getting hurt, and did actually get hurt, where would we be today? Where would gay rights be if people didn’t speak out and march and take the chance of being harmed by crazy bigots?

I don’t want to be a martyr. I don’t want physical harm or even the fear of being harmed. I don’t go out of my way to ruffle feathers, nor am I ever looking for a fight. If the atheist movement is going to need some big violent act against them in order to get national attention, I really hope it’s not me. But if I happen to be part of that generation that needs to speak up in order for future atheists to not be paranoid when wearing a scarlet A or a FSM necklace, then so be it.

The most annoying part? If I had a penis I probably wouldn’t be even getting this talk. And while I don’t want to go all EmoJournal on you, No Doubt’s Just a Girl pretty much sums up how I feel.

Hmph.

How to Meet Atheist Women

Go check out Hemant’s post about how to meet, date, and woo atheist women. I helped contribute to it, so you know it has to be good.

Because I’m bored, let me comment some more!

#1: I think atheist clubs are the best place to meet other people. Unfortunately for me, I think I’ve sort of assumed the role as Untouchable Out of Your League President… which is really strange for me, because I don’t think I’ve ever really felt that way before. My friend assures me that we have a new class of atheist freshmen coming in, but that’s just creepy.

#2: I really hate admitting this, but I have an account at OKCupid. Wait, let me explain myself. I made the account 4 years ago back when the site was still The Spark, which was just for stupid personality quizzes and book summaries. During that time period it somehow morphed into a dating site without me noticing. Anyway, I fiddle with it occasionally now, but the vast majority of guys on there creep me out. I just don’t think internet dating is for me.

#4: Mmmmm House

#5: Oh boy, this is so true. Just because I’m an atheist chick doesn’t mean I want to sit around talking about books and philosophy all day. I do have other interests, ya know. And to be honest, I’m not a big atheist philosophy buff – my area of expertise is evolution. When people assume I know everything about every philosopher, my eyes start to glaze over and I feel kind of stupid.

#6: This was one of the points I suggested, though others probably did too. If I see a decent or cute looking guy reading an atheist book or wearing an atheist shirt, I’m going to approach him. I was once driving behind a smoking hot guy with a FSM emblem on his car, and I was so tempted to give him a love tap…er, I mean, rear end him…er, slightly bump his car with my car. But I didn’t, because I figured I wouldn’t get my sitcom like ending.

And that sounds really shallow, so I apologize. I don’t have this “I only date hot guys” rule. Most guys I’ve dated are your general geeky/nerdy types…which doesn’t mean they’re unattractive…er, I’m just going to stop since some of my exes read my blog. Regardless, I am a young human female, so seeing a hot guy reading an atheist book is going to motivate me a bit more to make the first move.

Hm…I don’t have any witty closing remarks. Look, a cute distraction!*runs away*

Atheism & Dating

This is my response to Hemant’s call for atheists’ perspectives on dating religious people. It’s long and personal and rambling, so don’t feel required to read it if you don’t want to. I guess this is just a bit cathartic for me.

I’m still only 21, so I don’t exactly have a long list of guys that I’ve dated…but my list is long enough that it’s shaped my opinions on dating religious people. And what’s that opinion? Well, for me, I think it’s a bad idea. Now I clarify that this is for me only. I’m sure there are plenty of atheists out there who can get on completely happily with a religious significant other, but I don’t think I’m one of them.

I guess to fully understand my viewpoint you need to know a bit about my dating history and how in coincides with my thoughts on religion. My first boyfriend I dated for a year mostly when I was 16. At the time I pretty much considered myself agnostic, after recovering from a brief preoccupation with deism. He was (and still is) pretty apathetic about religion; while he’s not religious at all, he’s not going to go around being an atheist activist. That was fine at the time for me, because I still didn’t find my non belief a big deal. Now however, I think I’d prefer to be with someone who takes an active stance about atheism like I do – or at least supports what I do.

My next boyfriend when I was 17 was Wiccan, but not in a serious way at all. He never really talked about it, and now he’s an atheist too. Like I said, I wasn’t super serious about my non belief, so this wasn’t an issue for me. It was more important to me that he agreed about the silliness and corruption in mainstream organized religions like Christianity.

But by the time I was 18, I was getting a little desperate when it came to guys. I was depressed and having a lot of self esteem issues (what 18 year old girl isn’t?) and felt like I needed a guy in order to be happy, but at the same time thought that most guys were out of my league. I needed I nerdy guy like me, someone sort of shy that I could approach. That’s when I started dating another guy. He was another honors student in a bunch of my classes who I always thought was a funny guy. There was one major downside though, and I think this shows how desperate I was: he was a conservative Republican Lutheran.

At the time the Republican part bothered me more. Bush had just gotten reelected, so I was especially fuming about politics. But at the same time, that was one of the reasons I liked our relationship. We would debate politics and then make out, and that was pretty fun to me – especially after my last boyfriend, who drove me nuts for being “too nice” and never disagreeing with me (sorry, I was one of those girls!). I didn’t even think of religion being an issue. None of my friends were religious, whether by chance or the fact that we accidentally banded together. I didn’t really know anything about Christians or Christianity, so I thought dating a conservative Lutheran wouldn’t be a problem.

Yeah, I was wrong.

It wasn’t a problem for me, but it was a problem for him. I was pretty sure I was an atheist at this time, but I was still telling him I was agnostic to kind of soften the blow. I’d even start parroting my old deistic stuff to make him feel like I believed in something, even though I didn’t really believe in that any more. Whenever he took a religious stance on something I would usually back down as to not start an argument, or at worst give him an incredulous look.

But the longer we dated, the more arguments and problems started occurring. I wasn’t blameless here. I wanted to mess around – he was cute and making out just got me all worked up – but he wouldn’t ever go past heavy kissing. I probably annoyed the crap out of him with my wandering hands and persistence, and I kind of feel bad about not giving him his space. But at the same time that led us to arguments about morals and laws. It upset me that he occasionally drank alcohol while I had never even tasted it (yeah, I was a prude about drinking back then). To me it was more important to follow the laws of man that actually have repercussions than the laws about sex made by something I didn’t think existed. It scared me a bit when he said the laws of God were more important than the laws of man, and that since the Bible didn’t forbid him to drink, it was okay. But I dropped the issue because again, I wanted to keep the peace.

As we dated longer it became more awkward. I was invited to his brother’s wedding, and the religious parts of the ceremony upset me. They bashed it into the audience’s head that marriage was between a man and a woman, and that the woman must be submissive to the man. At the party they had Finnish ceremonies like the woman putting on an apron and jumping over a broom to signify her devotion to him as a homemaker. I remember turning to him and saying I wouldn’t be caught dead doing that, and he just scowled.

Despite all this I was still in love with the guy, though I was too nervous to say the L word yet. He was nice and funny and whenever we did stuff together it was great. It was fine for high school, but I knew it could never work on a serious level because of our differences. Still, we ended up attending the same university. It wasn’t planned, but we both got big scholarships there. When we were hanging out a couple days before school was going to start, he asked me if I would be willing to go to church with him. He told me it would mean a lot to if I tried it at least once and would help him since he didn’t know anyone here in his church yet. I then made the mistake of telling him yes, I’d go, because I loved him.

The next day he broke up with me. Why? “I want you to go to church because you believe it, not to make me happy.” He said he couldn’t see our relationship working because I needed to be the same faith as him. It didn’t make sense to me. Couldn’t I have become religious by trying church, wasn’t that his point? I’m pretty sure he was just planning on breaking up with me anyway and this gave him a convenient excuse, but it still made me feel like shit. I felt like being an atheist made me damaged goods, that no guy would want to settle for me. It didn’t matter that I had been good to him, that I helped him out when he needed it, that his family liked me – because I didn’t believe in God. And the scariest part is that I now realize far too many feel that way – that being a good person doesn’t matter if you don’t believe in God.

When a month later I met a guy who was an atheist, I almost immediately fell for him. I was so happy to find someone I could be myself around. I could have my little rants about religion, I could read the God Delusion without hiding it away, I could point out the silliness of superstitions without worrying about hurting someone’s feelings. Having such a big part of my life in common with another person not only made me happy, but also showed me how important it was to know other atheists are out there – which helped me to start the Society of Non-Theists here at Purdue.

A couple months later, when I was reading the God Delusion in the laundry room, a wide eyed girl with a necklace of the Virgin Mary around her neck approached me and asked what I was reading. When I explained, she asked very honestly, “But how will you find a man to marry?”

At first I was taken aback by the very fact that marriage should be the most important thing on my mind at age 18. But then I just replied, “There are a lot more atheists in America than you think. More than Jews and Muslims and Hindus combined. So since they can find husbands, I think I’ll be okay.”

And while she looked terrified at the thought of so many atheists, it made me very happy.

So can an atheist date a theist? Sure, depending on the atheist and theist. But could I? I don’t think so. I constantly felt like I had to hide my beliefs in order to avoid offending theirs, something I don’t really do with strangers, but would do with someone I love. I can’t have a healthy relationship where I’m muting a part of me I find so important. At the same time, the guilt and shame I felt about not being religious really hurt. Even if he wasn’t explicitly voicing his disdain, I could tell he wished I had the same beliefs as him. Even though he cared for me, there was that nagging voice in the back of his mind telling him I was going to hell. And all these feelings and thoughts were when I was much less of an activist. Now I think even a very liberal Christian or deist would bug me, since I would see their beliefs as irrational.

But would I automatically count a religious person out? No. I don’t want to pass up “The One” (which I don’t believe in) because of some prerequisite I have. But when I’m actively searching for a boyfriend, it’ll be among atheists and agnostics. It’s not necessary, but I know I’ll be happier.

…

Wow, that was way too long. I apologize. And you know, since I’m currently single, lonely, and can’t really find that cute smart atheist guy to date, maybe I shouldn’t be dispensing dating advice.

Harry Potter is an atheist – hooray!

Okay, okay – it’s just Daniel Radcliffe who plays Harry Potter – not the fictional boy wizard himself. But still pretty cool. Daniel has always mentioned that he’s not particularly religious, but in his latest interview with Esquire he officially “comes out” as an atheist.

“In an interview with Esquire magazine, Radcliffe risked the US box office prospects of the new Harry Potter film by declaring himself to be an atheist.

In a pronouncement that will dismay America’s religious Right, which has long voiced suspicions about Potter’s “anti-Christian” message, the 19-year-old actor said he did not believe in God.

He also expressed his admiration for Professor Richard Dawkins, the prominent atheist and bete noir of Evangelical Christians.

Radcliffe has been reticent on the subject of religion in the past, but in an interview to promote the latest instalment in the film franchise, Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince, released on July 15, he said: “I’m an atheist, but I’m very relaxed about it. I don’t preach my atheism, but I have a huge amount of respect for people like Richard Dawkins who do. Anything he does on television, I will watch.”

He joked: “There we go, Dan, that’s half of America that’s not going to see the next Harry Potter film on the back of that comment.”

JK Rowling’s stories of the schoolboy wizard are taken very seriously by some Evangelical Christians in the United States. One of the largest Christian groups in the country, Focus on the Family, denounced the books as “witchcraft”.”

I wasn’t one of those fangirls who immediately thought Daniel Radcliffe was some sort of hottie. I was way too preoccupied oggling Alan Rickman (and I still am). But I have to admit, Dan has really grown on me. He’s getting cute now that he’s not jail bait anymore, and every time I hear him in an interview he’s witty, intelligent, and nice. But now he’s an out atheist and a fan of Richard Dawkins? Definitely going up on my list of cute famous atheist guys I have no chance with!

Q&A – Why Blag Hag?

“Query – Why ‘Blag Hag’? It is not the most flattering of pseudonyms. It does have tremendous rememberability (is that a word?) value though.

– Jeff”

I’ve been waiting for someone to ask me this! Like other internet nicknames I’ve chosen for myself, this just kind of sprung to life out of a joke. I had wanted to start a blog for a while, but I was agonizing over what to call it. I hate giving things titles. Whenever I had to name a piece of art or short story, I’d generally go with something minimalistic and obvious like “Cat” or “Bowl of Fruit” just because otherwise I’d suffer over it for days. But I think a name can make or break a blog, so I was fretting over it more than usual. I started brainstorming with a good friend of mine who happens to be gay (I promise this is relevant), hoping something would pop up.

Him: Hmm, well how about a pun?
Me: Ehh, I dunno, like what?
Him: Well my [now very defunct] blog is called “Honest to Blog.”
Me: Hmmm…
Him: How about “In Blog We Trust?”
Me: What am I, your blag hag? … *lightbulb goes on*

So yes, the name of this blog is based on a random joke about being another blog’s fag hag. For those of you who don’t think “blag” is a legitimate synonym for “blog”, I direct you to this and this. xkcd knows all. As for not being flattering, I’ve always used the term fag hag with a bit of pride rather than as an insult. And you know what? Recent research has shown that “fag hags” (aka women who associate with gay men) actually have higher body esteem and feel more attractive! So there!

And anyway, “Blag Hag” is better than the nickname I use on most sites, “Jennifurret.” That’s from a friend pointing out that Jennifer and Furret made Jennifurret. Yes, my internet nickname is based on a Pokemon. For shame. Hey, I was 13 and it stuck. At least it’s a cute one.

Rock Band adventures!

With House, Heroes, and ANTM over for the summer, I decided I needed a new fun distraction. I hadn’t bought a new video game since Mario Kart Wii, so I decided to splurge and buy Rock Band 2. I had been debating about it forever, but now my excuse was that I have a job (moola!) and don’t have any classes any more…so great idea, right?

So with the Froommate I go to pick up my Best Friend (his girlfriend, who will be my new froommate in the fall…yay confusing relationships). Me buying Rock Band 2 is a momentous and joyous occasion for all of us, especially them, since they get to reap the benefits without paying any money. As I’m pulling into her driveway, I hear a loud ‘POP!’.

Me: That didn’t sound good.
Froommate: No, no it didn’t.

I get out of the car, and of course I have a flat tire. Thankfully Froommate has Man Training and changed the tire for me, while BF and I stood by and did our duty of supervising. Though in all honesty, we didn’t think either of us would have been strong enough to do it, which is kind sad…and why I’m starting to exercise.

Me: Aren’t you glad you showered before coming over?
Froommate: *sweaty greasy mess* =(
BF: Well, he shaved too, so that wasn’t a waste.
Me: No, the pure manliness of changing a tire produced so much testosterone he’s about to sprout a full beard!

Tire changed, we still made it to Game Stop to buy Rock Band 2, I bought him dinner as thanks, and we played for about 5 hours. Our band name is “Zinc Fingered.” BF and I, both being biologists, think this about the funniest thing in the world. Froommate, a chemist, is probably wondering why zinc is such a humorous element. Oh well.

Tomorrow I get to actually…you know, work and look into finding new tires. I think my replacement isn’t going to hang in there long, and I won’t be surprised if it’s flat in the morning. Sigh. Hooray for the real world.

Star Trek & Angels and Demons

I hadn’t seen a movie in theaters in ages, but I actually saw two today! Two different groups of friends wanted to go at different times. Hooray. The first one was Star Trek, so now all my geeky friends can finally stop bugging me to see it. I really liked it, but keep in mind I’ve never seen a second of old Star Trek episodes or movies before seeing this one. The extent of my knowledge was basically:

-Spock is supposed to be logical
-Klingons are angry and have their own language that uber-geeks learn
-The phrase “beam me up Scotty”
-The silly hand salute thing that’s hard to do
-Trekkies like to go around screaming “KHHAAAANNN” for reasons I do not understand

Now that I’ve offended every Trekkie out there… *ahem* I’m sure someone who’s expecting something in particular has their gripes with the film. I know I’m uber nitpicky when it comes to Harry Potter. But, as a Star Trek n00b, I thoroughly enjoyed the movie from an entertainment point of view. Though I have to admit, I was oddly unnerved by how sexy Zachary Quinto’s Spock was. Not quite sure I’m supposed to be having those feelings about Spock, but yum. Oh, and who else thought every time Spock got annoyed he was going to start slicing peoples heads open and stealing their powers?

Noooo, not teh kitteh! Why do you need nine lives when you can never die?!?!

I also saw Angels and Demons, which I thought was pretty good. Definitely better than the DaVinci Code, but that’s not saying much. Now, I know people like to harp on Dan Brown, but I genuinely enjoy his novels. He’s no Shakespeare, but his plots are entertaining page turners so you can stfu if you think I’m dumb for liking them. Anyway, like I said the movie was pretty good – probably helped that I read the book years ago, so I didn’t remember it well enough to be super critical. Tried not to cringe too much at all the antimatter stupidity and told myself to suspend disbelief for a bit. I really liked the idea that God sent an atheist intellectual professor (Langdon) to save all of Catholicism – how ironic.

The one thing that bugged me was that it seemed to have a big “Science and religion are compatible, and when you think they’re not, that’s when you have problems!” message. It’s not that I just disagree with this – but the very premise of the movie seemed to disagree with it. I mean, it was anti-science Catholics versus pro-science Catholics (the Illuminati), not versus atheistic scientists. Heck, the two irreligious characters are the only ones not murdering and blowing things up – they’re actually saving the day. Maybe people will get that message out of the movie instead of the one the film trying to jam down their throat.

It’s officially summer!

Why? While walking to lab today, I got my first cat call of the year. Woo. I don’t know if there’s something about warm weather that gets guys all worked up, or if it’s the fact that I’m no longer wearing jackets and sweaters that hide my boobage*, but this always happens in the summer. Seriously, can someone with more testosterone than me explain this phenomenon to me? I really don’t get why guys think it’s so awesome to hang halfway out of their car whistling and yelling nonsensical flirtations to some random girl. I never know if I should be flattered, or if they’re just doing it sarcastically to mock me…

Me: I don’t get catcalling, like while you’re driving away quickly. What’s the point?
Male Friend: I think it’s more about the guys in the group… guys don’t do it alone
Me: Yeah, it was the passenger in a car. I just don’t get it
Male Friend: Oh, so he was a Scrub. You don’t want none of that.
Me: lol scrubs don’t get no love from me, don’t worry

*I’ve been told that I have “surprise boobs.” Most of my shirts come up to my neck so no gratuitous cleavage, and from about September to April I’m wearing sweaters that apparently flatten me out. I’ve caused more than one guy to go wide eye with shock the first time they see me shirtless. This is why I don’t get girls that flaunt cleavage all the time – it’s so much more fun to take them by surprise! That being said, my threadless shirts are pretty tight in the chest, so I guess that shows them off a bit. You know what, I can’t help that they make those shirts for skinny A cup girls… Wow, I’ve been a bit obsessed with boobs lately, haven’t I? I can’t stop talking about them! Boobs! Boobies! Breasticles! Ahhhhhh!!!