From the mailbag:
“We all act a little differently online, as opposed to RL. Are you meaner, nicer, wittier, sillier, or more verbose in RL than in online venues?”
I certainly do have a blogging persona. I don’t craft something on purpose – communicating via written word to a general audience simply has a different effect than talking in person with an individual. I think this is true of a lot of bloggers. The most popular example is how vicious, rude, scathing PZ Myers is actually a soft spoken teddy bear in person (don’t deny it PZ!).
So there are definitely ways that act differently. I’m actually an introvert, which a lot of people have a hard time believing. I think that’s partially because most people don’t know what introversion means. It doesn’t mean I’m shy – it means being around people drains me, and I need time to myself to recharge. I love conferences, but by the end I usually need to sporadically hide in my room and avoid talking to people. It’s challenging being “on” all the time.
I think that’s probably the biggest misconception – that I’m always “on.” I’m not witty and insightful 100% of the time. Hell, that’s not even true here. But at least my blog has a certain level of curation. Shockingly, I don’t generally post my stupid ideas or unfunny jokes. But in person there’s a lot less time to think up something profound, so I think I’m disappointingly derpy a lot of the time.
I’m also a lot less confrontational in person, which is probably true of most people. The internet gives people courage, often the courage to say a lot of stupid crap they would never say to someone’s face. But I balk at saying even some of the non-stupid stuff. I hate getting into verbal debates – not to avoid pissing people off, but because I suck at them. Again, I’m much more intelligent when writing. You don’t want to invite me to debate someone because I’ll get tongue tied.
Other than that…many people have told me I was a lot taller than they expected, haha. I TOWER ABOVE YOU PUNY ATHEISTS! Or something.
If you’ve met me in person, are there any other things that are different between “in person” Jen and “blogger” Jen?
This is post 19 of 49 of Blogathon. Pledge a donation to the Secular Student Alliance here.
Firsties!!Actually. I’d donate if I wasn’t 17 and unemployed :/
I’ve seen you at an SSA conference, and you tended to keep to yourself and your group of friends as opposed to branching out to other people, which made me think that you weren’t the most outgoing person. On here, however, you purposefully reach out to others to elicit a reaction to your entries (of course, all bloggers try to do this).
Strangers terrify me! I have a decent level of social anxiety and general awkwardness. I’m much better if someone approaches me – I won’t really go out of my way to approach people >_>
Having only barely seen you in the past year, I think you’re definitely more soft-spoken than I would imagine from your blog posts.
Just for experiment, it would certainly be interesting to see every thought, every sentence and, yeah, every bad joke that crosses your mind listed up as clearly as your blog posts.Deeply embarrassing, of course, but interesting.
Just wait until later tonight :P
Ditto! That’s why I was incredibly grateful to the students from Wright State last year because they folded me into their group as if they’d known me for years. (I was the only person from my state, let alone my school.) I was pleased to learn that one of them now works for the SSA!
INTJ’s Rule!
jenneh u so pretteh :-)
Blogging is the perfect hobby for an introvert. I too am rather introverted, and I think more often than not, people use the word incorrectly. An introvert (at least to my understanding) isn’t incapable of social engagement. An introvert isn’t someone who would always rather be by themselves necessarily… An introvert can do anything an extrovert can, and most of the time just as readily, but it’s an effort. An extrovert is energized or charged by social engagement, whereas an introvert is more worn out by it. Blogging is a social activity, but you do it at your own pace. You post what you want, and while you’re doing it, you’re (usually) alone. You don’t have to worry about gauging your audience’s feelings or disposition, you don’t have to make sure you’re not losing anyone, you don’t have to make sure the other person is done talking, etc… Your mind is allowed to roll as it will. I like to think my blogging persona is one of the best versions of myself. It’s well spoken. It’s generally careful to be politically correct, but still genuine. It’s only ever expressive of the things that I find interesting. I don’t think I’ve ever accidently blogged something of which I was ashamed during a moment of weak self constraint or in the heat of anger. Then again, one might argue that a person’s faults aren’t conveyed, and thus the blogging persona is deceptive. I’m willing to bet that none of my readers are aware of how vulgarly I belch, for example… And to that I say, unless the gentle reader has a soft spot for noisy bodily functions… all the better. ;)
I didn’t think you were “disappointingly derpy” when I met you at TAM8 or this year at TAM9, but as one introvert I could tell that you were another. I didn’t spend hours and hours hanging out with you, but you did make me chuckle a few times. The image of you complaining that your childhood is over, brow furrowed, eyes wide, lower lip trembling… I know you were partially serious but I think you have a decent sense of comedic drama, too. Of course, that just may be 2:30am with no caffeine talking. :-) (PS, check your gmail!)
You’re a lot more 3 dimensional in person. I was expecting your circular hands to just kinda hover on their own — but no! You have arms! o.o
You sort of have this cool superhero/secret identity thing where online you’re all strident and confrontational and in real life you’re more reserved and soft spoken but with that Bruce Wayne “I could still kick your ass without my bat costume” vibe.
I’m an introvert too and have Asperger’s (which means my social skills aren’t that hot & I get misinterpreted). I find people very draining face to face and I’m very reserved and keep my emotions to myself. I suspect many bloggers are – the social ones would be out socialising. Through their writing, we get to see a different side – the depth, the intelligence, the wit or whatever. They probably come out as more ‘outspoken’, blunt, silly or whatever the piece is they’re writing than they express in person.I like writing, because I can edit as I go and it’s more fluent than my talking (I often forget names & get lost for words, say ‘thingy’ etc), ramble etc. I have a supervisor that thinks my communication skills are appalling because of that. Other people find it endearing. Either way – it’s exhausting for me to have face-to-face interactions with people (other than my husband & son) because I have to remember to smile etc.Chatting on the internet is pretty much the extent of my social life. My hubby, also an introvert, but much less so, needs people more, but fears rejection. I have invited people to have a BBQ for his 40th, because it will mean a lot to him (even though I will find it very draining).
and INTPs are cool (and quirky)
As someone who got to know you in person before really getting to know your blogging self, I actually don’t see much discrepancy. Just a nice, intelligent person who also happens to be well-written.And thanks to you, I’ll give Steak n’ Shake another try if I’m ever in the Midwest :)
You are a fucking giant. And a lot goofier than you come across on the blog. In only the best of ways, of course.
THANK YOU for helping fight the “introvert = shy” stereotype. I’m constantly having to explain to people that me sitting alone at lunch is not shyness or feeling left out – it’s me taking 30 minutes to put the brain in neutral and recharge. (Job hazard from working in an office full of sales people.)
Ah, introverts. As the saying goes: a minority of the general population, a majority of the gifted population.An introvert’s mind is never idle, and thus we don’t need to draw energy from other people: we’re more self-sufficient. When it comes to friends, we tend to have fewer of them, but the friendships are stronger. (Quality over quantity.) Speaking for myself: I’m not very chatty, but if I get to talking about something I’m interested in and have thought a lot about, I can put any extrovert to shame. At least till I get worn out and need to recharge. Hehe.Introverts are awesome.
Perhaps it’s because introverts tend to be invisible, by our nature, and thus not as well understood in a world where extroversion is privileged.Most of your coworkers are probably extroverts, and deal mostly with other extroverts, and it’s probably carried over to you. For them, being a loner is the sign of a problem, and drawing them back out is the solution. True for extroverts, but not for introverts, as you’ve said.Just as an extrovert needs lunchtime to take a break from work in order to reconnect, an introvert needs the break in order to disconnect and recharge. Perhaps explain it to them in those terms? I wonder if they’ll understand it.
I just need to stew in my toxic loathing to regenerate the damage of sunlight.I must insist that I am evil.