A lot atheists automatically think of Mormonism and Islam when you mention “polyamory.” It tends to conjure up images of oppressed women being forced into unwanted marriages with little say. That or HBO television shows.
But that’s really polygamy, which isn’t quite the same of polyamory. Polyamory is focused on love and consent. Though I’m not personally interested in it, plenty of people are much happier being in relationships with multiple people at the same time.
And I have no idea what the point of this post was other than clarifying that point. …So. Yep.
Are any of you in a polyamorous relationship? What sort of reactions have you had from the atheist community? From religious communities? Are there any frustrations you typically run into?
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I’ve been involved in a polyamorous relationship. I don’t know what kind of reactions from those communities I would’ve received as I’ve never really told anyone (it just hasn’t come up until now).I’ve been happy in both a monogamous and non-monogamous relationship and I’ve never really run into any frustrations. Maybe I’m just a care-free kind of person though. *shrugs*
*raises hand*23 year old pansexual kink-friendly polyamorist here. There’s another misconception about poly that you didn’t mention: the idea that it’s a sexual free-for-all. That’s probably closer to the definition of swinging, but even swingers have their rules and mores.It’s that definition, paired with the white male majority in the secular community in my area, that gives me the most problems when I come out as poly in atheist circles. A lot of people hear “polyamorous” and think “oh this exotic brown chick will totes have secks with me/me and my wife/an orgy of people including me!” Mind you, I’ve had my ethically-slutty fun and continue to do so, but the assumption that I’ll just drop my panties at the slightest provocation definitely kills my ladyboner and is utterly annoying. Others just think I’m young and/or stupid and/or just need to find “the right guy.” It’s so incredibly condescending.I don’t mention poly in religious circles. I’m an ex-Muslim so I can’t exactly tell my family or community, and I have no connection to the Christian community.
Have you heard of Holly Pervocracy? (pervocracy.blogspot.com) Her blog is mostly about sexual justice, but she is also in a polyamorous relationship and has blogged about the reactions she faces from her family and friends and so on (e.g. sure, but which of you is his REAL girlfriend?)
When you bring both boyfriends to the atheist meeting and both of them sneak kisses/gropes at some point in the evening, it’s kind of hard to stay in the closet. That was my experience.
I’m in a poly relationship. I tend to not bring it up around monotheist religious folk and conservatives, but most of the atheists and pagans I know already pretty much knew what it meant, and don’t think it’s any big deal.
Wow, excellent timing. I just read through some of the comments on Yahoo news a few minutes ago on an article about gay people getting married in New York at midnight, and one of the comments was along the lines of “next thing you know, three people will be getting married!!!!!!”Assuming all parties are able to consent and do so, what’s the issue? (I can see how it’ll run into a legal quagmire for property rights and shared income, but that’s not something that’s impossible to solve. It just hasn’t been properly tackled yet.)
There’s a fairly large polyamorous community here in Seattle, and I’d be rather surprised if some of them aren’t ag/skep/atheist, but it also seems to attract a lot, and by that I do mean a LOT of woo for some unbeknownst to me reason
[sarcasm] Polyamory is where the slippery slope begins, zooamory is where it inevitably ends. [/sarcasm]
Not currently, as there’s no one I currently desire to be in a relationship with that’s not already in one with me (i.e., my wife). I have been in the past (and hope to be in the future), and the biggest frustrations were time and latent jealousy on the part of one party. Most of the people that were aware of it were part of my kink community, so religion didn’t really enter into it. The reaction from my sister-in-law upon first hearing of it (before marriage) was “he just wants to get laid a lot.” Her reaction later became “I don’t want to know.”
And without meaning to get into any kind of separate-but-equal mess, there are some rights that could immediately be given to recognized poly relationships, like hospital visitation. That said, doing so would require having a way to register a poly relationship, which would require societal acceptance and political will and blah blah blah boring legislation. But in 3 generations we’ll have TOTALLY sorted this out.
Even if it were just wanting to get laid a lot (which it isn’t), would that be so bad? Really? Compared to, like, hedge funds?
I don’t know how sneaky the kisses/gropes were, or what the general atmosphere of your atheist group is like, but that would set off my PDA-gauge rather than my poly-gauge.
I am polyamorous, asexual, panromantic and kink friendly. >.> I actually have started openly talking about all of those things and have had a variety of reactions. I have every intention of doing sexual education at a University level and doing sex research so I feel like I need to be comfortable talking to people about it. My time at TAM showed me that the skeptical community is amazingly accepting of all of that. I had more ‘what is that?’ and ‘how does that work?’ kind of questions than anything else and was asked many times to expound on how it all works. That being said – I have had your mainstream christian person tell me that being poly was immature and irresponsible. I have been told I am going to hell because I do BDSM. I have been told by feminists I am not a ‘real’ feminist because I am a service submissive and happy to be one. It goes on and on. Thanks for bringing it up in a friendly manner Jen!
I’m in a poly relationship and am bisexual. I’ve been involved in various relationships that roughly fall under the heading of poly since I was eighteen. This current one has been going for eight/four/two years. I have two partners, one of whom I own a house with and he also has a boyfriend.My Muslim girlfriends (platonic sense) have been the most accepting of this relationship and previous ones and also the ones with the greatest sense of ‘poly etiquette’. I have occaisionally wondered if I had any Mormon girlfriends whether they would be similar in reaction. I have one male Mormon friend (he’s an elder) who was noticeable in that he has always treated the way I have my relationships as normal.My Christian and Atheist friends do not default to normal, very emphatically in some cases. They always pass through a phase (or in some cases decide absolutely) of thinking that I am being exploited by the men in my life (this includes times I have had girlfriends) or that I have some sort of personal/mental/emotional problem. Those who are my friends get over it as they come to realise how ordinary/normal my life actually is (and also that all of us in the relationship are actually happy!). Some people don’t :(. I can’t say that I’ve noticed a difference between western Christians or Atheists over this point, possibly except in how they go through these reactions. Christians tend to believe because I’m not married then none of these relationships is serious and I’m going through a phase and must be emotionally immature -thus being exploited (I’m twenty-nine). Atheists tend to believe I have no sense of what I want – thus being exploited. I however, am Pagan. This doesn’t entail any great acceptance from the Pagan community however! They tend to pass through the same stages as the Christians and Atheists do! Those who tend to be rebellious and Pagan and see their religion as part of being outside societal norms tend to tell me how great it is that I am poly on some sort of moral? level. Those who are trying to gain greater acceptance from the community at large for Paganism tend to be very disapproving since what I’m doing might be believed to be a part of Paganism and thus make us outside of the ‘norms’ of society. (But then that lot tend to disapprove of everything).As an independant woman who regards herself as a free-thinking feminist the main frustrations I find are the assumptions that I must be being exploited because I’m in a multiple person relationship. I find this similar to my reaction to some feminists who discover that because I bake I’m clearly doing it wrong. But then the Pagans who congratulate me on my relationships because they’ve politicised my personal relationship/s also annoy me to high heavens.Anyway, sorry this was so long!
I’m a heterosexual relationship where we’re allowed to have additional sexual partners (Considering all the arguing over terms/word meanings I barely bother to try and put a name to it anymore). I only out to people who I’m confident will react positively. This may sound judgmental but it saves dealing with bad reactions.
Would a mutually-agreed-upon three-person group of friends with benefits count? The arrangement began with my semi-ex-girlfriend (I don’t even know what to call her) asking me to begin a friends with benefits arrangement with her and her best friend, and ended with me getting in a relationship with her friend (uncanny how things like that work out). When it was happening, the only people that knew about it were a few friends who are all atheist. Their response was more like a congratulation than anything else.The only real frustration I can think of came from within the relationship rather than outside, when the first woman I mentioned decided she had more of a right to me than her friend.
I have a close friend who is an open relationship with a few women – all of whom are also seeing other people. We’ve talked at length about managing jealousy (which he is unusually good at – he’s usually very comfortable with his girlfriends talking to him about the other guys they’re seeing), maintaining friendship after a woman breaks it off with him (usually to pursue a monogamous relationship with someone else), and the challenges associated with dating several people (a couple of the big ones are communication and time management).This guy is one of the gentlest and most caring men I have ever met. He treats the women in his life with respect and genuinely values their comfort and happiness. He’s shattered all of the last remaining misconceptions I had about nonmonogamy, which were unfortunately reinforced by a very exploitative poly man I had a run in with last year.
Gridlock in next-of-kin decisions.
I am also in a “non-monogamous” relationship. I prefer to just say that we’re slutty.
That is why it is important to have a living Will Azkyroth and discuss our desires with our partners, communication is the cornerstone of any poly relationship, we can’t afford to leave these things to chance or guesswork.
I think the reactions you have found are probably more to do with American culture rather than religion specific reactions tho. Over here in Old Blighty, religion is less of a focus, I would have no idea what religion most people are on a day to day basis unless it is made obvious by some sort of headgear or jewellery. When I described my relationship to some work colleagues the person who was the least surprised was a Nigerian Christian who was familiar with Muslim Polygamy and just thought it was fairly normal. As a Pagan myself I have found nothing but support or ordinary-ness (??) from other Pagans, it just isn’t considered an issue. Religion is just more of a focus in the States.
My wife and I are poly, but neither of us are currently dating anyone else; each of us have in the past, and I hope to in the future. Just no likely candidates at the moment. Out to a few friends, most of whom have seen a lot weirder relationship styles already. It hasn’t been a big deal. Can’t comment on religious/atheist community reactions, as I’m not a part of either.
I know a lot of actively poly folks online, and there’s a bunch I know IRL. One friend was very much in the lifestyle, albeit with some faults, before she used the term (at least that I’m aware of), and once I heard her using the term she seemed to have a good grasp of a lot of theory about how to do it right. This was after a mutual friend (and sometimes-lover of hers) became basically obsessed with her and got really weird. Not aware of any debacle like that since. I don’t know how many other people in the molecule she’s in were actively poly or saw themselves as poly before, but there’s now a bunch of them, some with only one partner themselves, on the periphery, and others with many partners; some including casual partners, others not. ‘Success’ (whatever you might take that to mean, I guess) seems to depend on communication, honesty, and consent.
sadly, the misconceptions and judgments can go both ways – i’ve been told by poly friends that i’m “enslaved” in my (ecstatically happy, equal and healthy) monogamous marriage. personally i just can’t understand why people care so damned much what consenting adults do together.
I’ve been living in a long-term polyandrous house (8 years) and unfortunately, even living in a progressive city in Texas (Austin) I’m still fairly in the “walk-in closet” because of work (myself and both partners work for the State). We have a large poly community here which has a fair amount of humanist/atheist/agnostic/skepticals as well as a lot of other people who are more granola types.
I’ve been in a polyamorous relationship with my husband and boyfriend for almost five years now. We’re a “V” (both guys are romantic with me, but not with each other), and we all live together. The guys were best friends before I met either of them, and we consider ourselves equals in the relationship (there are no “primaries” or “secondaries”). The only reason my boyfriend and I aren’t married is because there’s no legal framework for it.Having three people who love and care about one another has made for a very strong, healthy set of relationships. The three of us can tackle the world together, and we’re more stable than a two-person relationship in a lot of ways (not to say poly is better, just that it has its perks), especially financially. There’s more help around the house too, and there’s more emotional support when one of us is stressed.When we were approaching the 3-year mark, we told all our families (I mean, we live together and when we move, we move together, so some of them had kind of figured it out). My family freaked (they’re religious), but the non-religious families on my husband’s and boyfriend’s sides were mostly just happy for us, and all three of us are invited to weddings, holidays, etc. They even went ahead and told extended family (including a grandparent!) who have all been nothing but nice about us. Maybe they judge us, but if they do, it’s not in a way that involves treating us poorly, which is fine with me!I realize that very long-term poly families are rare (more often the situation seems to involve couples who date other people, but with the understanding that such relationships will always be secondary to the main couple), but we’re out there. I can’t imagine life without both my partners, and I hope that someday we can live a more open life. One thing I feel strongly about is not having any kids unless we live somewhere where those kids won’t eventually have to keep secrets for us, or feel ashamed of their family. I would need to know that there’s a school that would treat them normally, that the adults had jobs that wouldn’t fire us for our relationship, and that we lived in a state where we wouldn’t be open to legal action for cohabitation if someone got worked up enough to interfere.
Sadly, people who actually fear that sort of argument often express the wish for poly people to shut up and stay closeted/hidden/quiet for fear that we’ll serve as an example on the slippery slope parade.
I think a lot of people who lack the religious inhibitions that prevent them from considering poly relationships are from the pagan, Wiccan, new age, etc. communities (which is where the woo comes in). Those communities (and UU) are, in my experiences, several orders of magnitude more accepting of polyamory than the atheist/skeptic movement.There could be a connection to feminism within the various groups. A vocal segment of the atheists active in skeptic communities, as we keep learning, have problematic/sexist viewpoints when it comes to both women and sex. OTOH, pagans, Wiccans, etc. have a reputation for being some of the most women-friendly belief systems out there.I’ve written a couple of guest posts on Friendly Atheist and one on Daylight Atheism about poly, initially expecting rational support for a harmless, consenting, adult decision. There’s plenty of that as well, but I was surprised at some of the judgments that starting flying around. Atheists have accused me of (essentially) being a slut for being in my poly relationship, and they’ve accused both my husband and boyfriend of being “sissies” for being okay with the fact that I’m not exclusively “their” woman.
I had this conversation with the dean of my department (sociology) in my undergrad senior seminar course. She was against same-sex marriage, and I was hugely in favor! She said, “If you let the gays marry, it’s a slippery slope. If you argue that two men can marry, why not three people?” I calmly responded, “I have no problem with polyamory. The law should not dictate what happens between consenting adults.”Later in the conversation, she admitted that she, a black woman, thought that the anti-miscegenation laws were a good idea. She posited that allowing black men to marry white women (and now other men) was detrimental to black women by “lessening the pool.” When asked if she thought it was better to have a loveless marriage than no marriage, she responded in the affirmative.
No, the slippery slope started when we let wives have legal rights.
It was a big deal when we first came out, some family members just shut us out. But it’s mellowed over time. We’re still not out to fundamentalist Christian family members – no sense slapping the dragon!
“When asked if she thought it was better to have a loveless marriage than no marriage, she responded in the affirmative.”First, I suspect I’d much more strongly agree with your views on marriage and relationships than your dean. That said, something in particular about this exchange, as you’ve relayed it, deeply troubles me. As an aside, the idea that marriage should be about love is relatively new, and in some cases, a sign of societal privilege (i.e. if you have enough financial resources to function happily as an independent adult, marriage is more likely to be about love than about financial pooling of resources). So, much as it flies in the face of the current societally endorsed view of romance, the ‘love the one you’re with’ phenomenon is real. Perhaps more so than bullpockey about soul mates (I side with Tim Minchin on that issue). If you assume it is normal to fall in love with someone out of an available pool (even if various factors, be they geography, society, religion, or what have you, restrict that pool), then what you said basically implies that black women are fundamentally unloveable (at least to a certain population of black men). That’s a pretty persistent and pernicious racist myth in our society, and I don’t think you are going to convince anyone of the importance of marriage equality while (even implicitly) endorsing it.
That’s what I gathered. I heard it second hand though, since it was my wife telling me about sister-in-law’s reaction. If you’re asking whether *I* think it would be, well, no. I’ve got no issue with sex for the sake of sex, as long as no one is harmed. M.ST (wife) and I do have rules against one night stands and such, but that’s because of safety concerns with STDs. As an aside, the thought that I “just want to get laid” amused me, as my success in that department is limited.
YES. I cannot talk enough about how good of an idea having a living will is. My next of kin are my parents. Years ago, I had my wishes understood. (Specifically, in the case of my being in a persistent vegetative state, I want them to let me die.) A few years ago, they converted to Catholicism. I thought that my wishes were still understood. After a conversation with my mother, I learned that “life is a gift” and that our agreement was apparently null since her church told her what she should think on this. (My mother is one of those who will blindly follow instructions like that and revise herself to fit what she’s told to be.)So yeah. While you may have a verbal agreement with your next of kin, if you are unable to assert your decisions, it is their word as to what goes on. They may not be rational in this situation and may not honor your wishes. (I do not mean to imply that they’re intentionally being malicious, but instead wrapped up in their emotions and not making the calls that you would have wanted.)If absolutely nothing else, a living will helps remove the guilt of the decision from your loved ones. Many times, rationality does not help with feelings. If your next of kin makes the decision to let you pass, they may have the feeling, no matter how small, that they “killed” you. Or maybe they’ll have to deal with other relatives that have the view that they killed you, or any other multitude of factors of guilt and blame. A living will establishes that this is your decision, and can help a great deal in alleviating the burden placed upon your next of kin.
I have somehow found myself in a relationship with someone who is in a polyamorous set. I knew about it before, because a large chunk of my friends are poly, but I somehow never thought i´d end up involved. I did, but I don´t really talk about it much. I haven´t talked about it with my parents, although I think they might have figured it out ( being young, lovely and liberal ^^) and since most of my friends know, it hasnt come up much. I tried to explain it to my workmates ( all of which are atheists, I work in a comic shop) and they said they understood it, but they still think I am his “bit on the side”. *sigh*
First of all I don’t recognize at all that people would think of Muslims or Mormons when you mention polyamory. Maybe it’s an American thing? Where I come from (northern Europe), people are quite familiar with polygamy but when you mention polyamory most look like question marks. Polyamory here is part of the “alternative lifestyle” spectrum and “regular people” don’t really have a clue.Personally I’m a little annoyed with the fact that somehow being an atheist, a skeptic, a feminist and a liberal automatically must mean* you’re a pansexual, polyamorous porn-loving pot smoker. I’m none of those things, and sometimes I feel like I don’t belong in the atheist/skeptic community. Nevertheless, it’s quite possible to be a skeptic and believe in freedom and equality without breaking every societal norm in the book. Sincerely,a monogamous, heterosexual white woman* I’m aware of the hyperbole, but I have at times felt very, very lonely so please forgive me for expressing myself a bit emotionally at times.
I am in a polyamorous relationship, and have tried various forms of open relationship in the past. This is the first one that’s really worked well long-term – I have now been in it 5 years, and others as long as 8. I blog about it at http://www.polygrrl.com.I think that your definitions of both polyamory and polygamy are misleading. Polyamory is the more general term, and as someone else said, it’s not as well-known – many “mainstream” people tend not to be familiar with it, and it’s true that those who are seem to often confuse it with swinging.”Polygamy” includes both “polygyny” (one man, many women) and “polyandry” (one woman, many men). Polygamy does not necessarily mean suppression of women, lack of choice, abuse of children, etc. There is a specific way that fundamentalist Mormons practice polygamy (really polygyny) that has pervaded the media in recent years, and there are certainly cultures in which polygyny is part of an overall pattern of exploiting and suppressing women. But that does not mean it can’t be a valid and exceptionally happy lifestyle that supports and even empowers women.I’m not the only successful, empowered woman out there who thinks so! There are a couple of excellent books I link to on my site if you are interested.
i’m in a polyamorous relationship. i haven’t had a monogamous relationship in 6 years. it just feels right to me.i am very open about it, but mostly i just get incomprehension from my friends. they don’t judge me (openly, at least) but they don’t understand at all.when i lived in portland, i was involved with a polyamorous community. poly is much more common in the NW, i think. now i’m in new orleans, and it’s really hard to make connections down here. consequently, the poly part of my relationship has suffered. i enjoy the poly lifestyle very much. i’ll never go back to monogamy. but it definitely does open you to criticism and disapproval, so there are benefits, and negatives.i think the positives outweigh the negatives.
I think that allowing choices is good – so long as no one unwilling is harmed – and there’s a big difference between supporting choice (choices about pregnancy, about drugs, about love and relationships, etc.) and actually *choosing* one way or the other for yourself. There are plenty of pro-choice women who maintain that they would never have an abortion, yet they still support the rights of other women to choose otherwise.Your own preferences, orientation, and the choices you make don’t have to line up with some stereotype – it’s whether you support the rights of others who are different that really defines someone as a liberal/progressive/feminist/etc. in my book.
I am in a poly relationship and so far the few people I have told have been super supportive despite the level of spirituality behind it. I am fortunate though that my form of poly is a simple v with me at the hinge and was a result of me falling in love while in a monogamous relationship. Together we decided what were capable of handling and went for it. So when I tell my friends they know it was a choice that arose out of unfortunate (or fortunate depending on how you look at it) circumstances. They are empathetic and understanding. I know there will be some that it won’t be so easy to tell in the future.
People should be able to VOLUNTARILY enter into polyandry, polygyny, or other forms of polygamy. An an adult should be free to share residence and marriage with ANY consenting adults. But there has to be gender equality in the culture and the freedom to not marry in the first place, and the freedom to divorce.
No, I must have left out an important component of the conversation for you think that I would have implied that black women are “fundamentally unloveable” in any case. We were discussing black women in relationships with gay black men specifically. I had asked if she would prefer a black woman to be in a relationship with a man who didn’t love her because he would prefer to be with men but couldn’t because of societal pressures, and she said that yes that would be better.It wouldn’t matter if the woman were black, white, or green; by being a woman, the man who prefers men would not love her in the same way that most of us prefer for marriage. Her position is that it is always better for a black woman, regardless of demographic information, to be married to a man, regardless of his orientation or feelings toward her.Something else you mentioned just occurred to me. Your aside about marriage for love being new strikes me as odd. I feel that one can’t argue in favor of marriage equality without accepting that people who can should marry for love rather than anything else. I thought that would be an underlying presumption in any conversation related to marriage equality.
My girlfriend and I are polyamorous, or at least “poly-curious”, if that’s a thing. We’re on the search for a “unicorn”: a bisexual girl who wants to be in a relationship with a couple. They’re called unicorns for good reason.
Not only am I polyamorous, I have a blog where I write about atheism and polyamory.shaunphilly.wordpress.com
Not necessarily. I don’t think there is anything fundamentally wrong with people marrying for financial support or to form a family. If it’s an arrangement that works for them and they both consent, then why the hell not? Love can come later if they want it. The idea that marriage is (or at least should be) about love is indeed a new one, but just flip through the channels on TV or a couple books and it’s pretty obvious that it’s the predominant one. It’s just taken for granted that one’s True Love(tm) is of the opposite gender, is all. Personally, I do think that marriages of convenience are better serviced by the term ‘civil unions’ and the word ‘marriage’ should be reserved for a commitment out of love. Or alternatively, I’d be glad to let religion keep their stranglehold on the word ‘marriage’ as long as it’s completely divorced (hehe, pun) from the legal reality and relegated into its proper place as a superfluous religious sanction. But I think there’s a good number of married nontheists who would have a problem with that. With all that said, I just don’t see any viable secular reason for limiting marriage to hetero couples. The most I could see reasonable people arguing over is the complications that arise from the necessary involvement of third parties when any homosexual couple wants kids–though I don’t see anyone arguing that infertile hetero couples shouldn’t marry or adopt or surrogate–or that two parents of the same gender can’t properly sympathize with a child of the opposite gender–but neither do I see anyone arguing that divorce custody should be split predominately along gender lines.
I understand and agree with your comments. What I meant to say was “people who can should be able to marry for love” rather than fear of being outed as homosexual. If people want to marry for other reasons, that’s fine, too.
The incidence of “man sharing” in some black communities is pretty high. There is a book I’ve just started that is “pro” on the subject, called “We Want for Our Sisters What We Want for Ourselves” – fascinating. I think there are some people (maybe a lot of people) who practice polygamy for religious reasons but are not really up to it. It’s not for everyone. My partners and I believe that some people are polyamorous by nature, just as some tend toward monogamy, and that this is just another aspect in the spectrum of human sexuality. Truly polyamorous people, just like gay people, are in the minority, and are miserable if they have to live a life that is not true to who they are.
I’m actually British and live in the north west.
I hear you. I’ve been there, plus or minus a husband. I live in a very conservative (socially) town and learned not to talk about what I thought about religion or politics most of the time. It took a long time, but I’ve found people of like mind and I hope you do, too.
I’m not in a polyamorous relationship, I’m in a monogamous one – but I love someone else, too. It’s very difficult to deal with and as of this moment in time, I have no idea how it’s going to pan out. I’m also an atheist/skeptic, and it seems to me that there is a widespread myth in our society that we are only capable of loving one person. I’ve never seen any scientific evidence for this, surely we are only limited by what’s possible within our brains. It seems however that to even have feelings for more than one person invites disbelief and moral judgment – and tbh I have not seen much difference between atheists and religious people on that score. It makes me stressed out and ashamed of my feelings. One day I hope that having romantic feelings for multiple people will become more socially acceptable.
I am an atheist, feminist, vegetarian for environmental and humanitarian reasons, gay-rights advocate (and straight). To give you an idea, I read PZ Meyers, Amanda Marcotte and Greta Christina. I’m open about all, except for at work. But I’m TERRIFIED of people finding out that my partner and I have recently become poly. I like my atheist, feminist, veg and queer pals, and all these hated groups are recognized enough to get hatred from the religious right. Non-monogamy isn’t even recognized enough to be hated or have much by way of community. Poly people I’ve met tend to be self-righteous about their lifestyle, condescending towards monogamy and heterosexuality, very much into woo, alternative religions and they put bacon fat in their still crappy tasting muffings. (Meat eaters tell me bacon makes everything better, wtf?) They are also so old they could be my grandparents, which itself is nothing bad (most atheist communities I know are old), but it gets monotanous, and they are unconsciously very sexist and euro-centric just because of when they grew up. Old people also can’t deal with a vegetarian plate of food, no matter how tasty, ever, even if it’s my plate and not theirs. Jen, would you become poly and drum up a young, sensible poly community like you’ve done with atheism? My boyfriend would love to be your boyfriend too. :) -vcatalysis
Look above you and you will see my description of how it is now :-)
This is what I get for not reading the entire comment thread…
(plus, y’know, I go out of my way to write it so only people who already know about it would know who I’m talking about :p)
……Your Sister-inlaw sounds like my mother, I am now sad.
You belong here as much as any one else. And…I know I should I know this…I really should…and I looked it up and asked..but…I still missed it…will some one…please…tell me…the…difference…between…Bisexual…and…Pansexual?
Move to Delaware.
I’m not kidding they pop up every where in the Tri-state area from what I hear. People have problems breaking up with them
Holy Polyamorous Relations Batman! I’m sorry, I really…wanted an excuse to say that…for a long time…Any way I’m in a committed “As in we love each other and eventually plan to getmarried when it’s legal where we live” with my Girlfriend. I’m also Polyamorousand so is she, though not to the same existent. I’m mostly closeted aside froma few people who know. Because honestlyI’m Gay, I’m Queer gendered “Associate as both male and female” (Closeted onthat one two) and Pagan in a not all together Theistic way. I really don’t wantto deal with any more obnoxious oppressive shit in my life at the moment. Sorryfor my self-pity party shit.Anyway, glad to see so many people talking about Ployamrous stuff, makes mefeel more human. I like that, I normally feel like an outsider with the wholedamn species, you know? Perhaps aninability to grasp social norms in a typical Asperger’s fashion despite nothaving that particular disorder (something similar). But seriously thank youBlag Hag and Commenters. You make Der Cat feel more welcome among Humanity.This is no small feat.
When you tell the average person that you are in a polyamorous relationship they do make that polygamy jump. It is annoying as heck. I am a very powerful personality type so usually the first thing they say is something like “I just can’t see you putting up with that.” or some other silly thing.They often associate it as something for the husband. If I care to explain… then they think “open marriage” and free for all sex fest.I then must tell them that we are not exactly open or closed. I have to explain that polyamory can take as many forms as any other relationship.Toss in my bisexuality and they think my life is a porno. It is almost impossible to explain to people.