In honor of the totally awesome slumber parties Hemant, Jamie, and I have probably been having at TAM8, let’s all get in touch with our inner 13 year old girls and play an old stupid game: Kill, sleep with, or marry.
I’m sure there are alternative rules out there, but this is the version I learned when I was but I young lass grossed out by the idea that I had to pick someone to sleep with. You get a list of three people – usually celebrities, sometimes friends (if the goal was to figure out who had a crush on who). You must decide which of those people you rather kill, rather sleep with, and rather marry.
Those are the only rules. So yes, they’re open to interpretation. You magically don’t have to worry about pregnancy or STDs when you sleep with someone. Your marriage can be sexless, but generally implies living together. And killing…well, it can be as humane as you want (or not).
I’ll get you guys started with a couple of trios that fit in with my blog’s theme, but feel free to suggest more in the comments:
Three of the Horsemen: Richard Dawkins, Christopher Hitchens, Sam Harris
A Painful Decision: Ken Ham, Kent Hovind, Ray Comfort
The Golden Trio: Harry Potter, Ron Weasley, Hermione Granger
I guess that wasn’t fair to my readers who are predominantly attracted to women. Here, one more:
The Crazy, It Burns: Ann Coulter, Michele Bachmann, Sarah Palin (I’m so mean)
Funny how I think of who I’m going to kill first. I’m usually not this violent. Haha.
Well I think I’d marry Palin because it would really fuck with her worldview (straight female here) and that would be a hell of a lot of fun. I’d kill myself before one of the Three Horseman. On that note, nobody better kill Hitchens because that would give the theists waaay too much fodder for their beloved confirmation bias.
The rules should specify, not a sexless marriage, but a speechless one.
The rules should specify, not a sexless marriage, but a speechless one.
My religious Jewish parents would want anyone I marry to convert, but ignoring that, let’s play the game!Kill Coulter, she’s a vile and digusting hatemonger.Shag Bachmann, look at those crazy eyes, you know she’d be wild!Marry Palin, because she will bring in the most money, from the books, speeches, video games (a hunting one, of course)…
Jen, you’re freaking evil. Just sayin’. I will, however, accept your challenge to choose. :P1) Kill: Christopher Hitchens, only because of the three he probably has the shortest life expectancy from the present date onward. Sleep with: Sam Harris, because at least he’s not my parents’ age. Marry: Richard Dawkins, because it would be interesting.2) UGGGGGGGGH. Kill: Ray Comfort. Sleep with: Oh please no. Marry: The other two, at the same time, because I’d make their lives a living version of the Hell Christians are so fond of.3) Kill: Ron Weasley, because he’s a whiny pain in the ass. Sleep with: Harry Potter, because hell, why not. Marry: Hermione, because she’s the only one with a decent head on her shoulders.4) Kill: Michele Bachmann. Sleep with: Ann Coulter; most attractive of the three, though that’s not saying much. Marry: Sarah Palin, because it would screw with her head SO BADLY, as I am a woman. And, you know, destroy her credibility with her supporters.Here’s some more ideas…Aragorn/Legolas/GimliArwen/Galadriel/EowynFor the WoW players, because I gotta: Tyrande Whisperwind, Illidan Stormrage, Arthas MenethilAnachronism time! Hitler/Stalin/Mussolini
We should add the Tea Party Trio: Nikki Haley, Sharron Angle, and Meg Whitman
Can I just go ahead and kill everybody involved with Harry Potter?
Ah ha ha! The Hubby and I were discussing the Palin/Bachman/Coulter dilemma at breakfast and the tables on either side of us (complete strangers) jumped in and we had a big group discussion about who to kill/sleep/murder for over five minutes. Epic WIN! We also came up withJasmine/Belle/ArielOscar/Big Bird/SnuffleupagusTree lobster/Goat/Narwhal
Ooops, kill/sleep/marry, not kill/sleep/murder…my subconscious got the better of me there.
Pooh, someone else play – I don’t want to feel squicky for making those choices alone >.>
LOL – that’s where you’re bravery will get you!Okay, I’ll play. Our group decide to sleep with Palin because she’s the cutest and she lives in Alaska so she probably won’t be calling for repeat booty calls. We’re going to off Coulter because we thought she was the most intelligent, and thus the most dangerous with her delusions. That left us with marrying Bachmann (collective disgust on all of our faces), which we could only justify by saying “At least she travels a lot.”
Kill: CoulterSleep With: PalinMarry: BachmannNow the question is can I do each one to the same person more than once?(That is, can I marry Bachmann, kill Coulter, and sleep with Palin multiple times? If for no other reason than killing Coulter once wouldn’t be enough for me.)
1) I’d totally sleep with Richard Dawkins. I’d bump off Harris and marry Hitchens (but my heart would always belong to Dawkins… *wistful sigh*)2) I’d sleep with Ray Comfort (just to show him what else bananas can be used for) and marry Ken Ham, because I’m pretty sure Kent Hovind wouldn’t pay child support if we divorced.3) I’d kill all of them and sleep with Luna Lovegood.4) Kill Ann Coulter, sleep with Palin (I mean, she’s alright looking, I suppose, so long as she doesn’t say anything), and marry Bachmann.5) Taking Dae’s additions: I’d sleep with Aragorn and Eowyn (maybe even at the same time?), marry Legolas and Arwen, and lamentably kick the buckets of Galadriel and Gimli.6) … and I’d off Arthas, marry Illidan (his voice was sooo sexy in Warcraft 3), and sleep with Tyrande. Repeatedly :D
Can we kill two? Bachmann and Coulter need to go…
I’d kill Ann Coulter; sleeping with her would be like sleeping with Nosferatu and marrying her would be like living with the spawn of Ayn Rand and Jerry Falwell. Plus, as far as I can tell she has absolutely no redeeming qualities whatsoever. I’d sleep with Michele Bachmann because of her support for BP – I’ve always wanted to screw someone whilst chanting “Drill, Baby, Drill!” I guess that leaves me marrying Sarah Palin and that’s OK. Yeah, she’s a vapid idiot with a voice like nails on a chalkboard but she seems to prefer going out and giving speeches for gobs of money to staying home and being with her family so with luck I’d see very little of her and she’d send home gobs of cash.
Maybe it’s like a video game. You keep having to kill multiples before you advance to the next level. And as you go up, they get more and more interesting powers (y’know, sharks with frickin’ laser beams kinda stuff). So you could sleep with all the ones you seduce, and kill the rest.
Sleep with Dawkins, marry Hitchens…I suppose that leaves me killing Harris. I’d definitely kill Harry Potter, I can’t stand him. Probably sleep with Hermione and marry Ron.
I learned this game under its British name, Marry Shag Cliff. I’d marry Hermione, because we’re very similar, shag Ron, because I have a thing for redheads, and toss Harry off a cliff, because he annoyed me throughout most of books 4-7.
I’m so jealous that you are at TAM! Maybe next year for me . . .
Marry Dawkins, sleep with Hitchens… sorry, Sam.
The last one is easy: Kill me.I’d kill Harry, sleep with Ron (I’ve seen the fanart) and marry Hermione (I have good teeth, so dentists don’t scare me).Kill Harris, sleep with Dawkins and marry Hitchens (he’s dying anyway and there’s bound to be an estate – prenup? Moi?)
Am I alone or is there another who finds speaking of killing and fucking in the same sentence highly disturbing?http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/803…
Three of the Horsemen: Richard Dawkins, Christopher Hitchens, Sam HarrisKill Hitchens, Sleep with Dawkins, Marry Harris. This one really could go in either order with the latter two, Hitchens only gets kill because his politics are most opposite mine of the three.A Painful Decision: Ken Ham, Kent Hovind, Ray ComfortSleep with Comfort (and show him the true use of a banana), Kill Hovind, and Marry Ham (yum, tax evasion).The Golden Trio: Harry Potter, Ron Weasley, Hermione GrangerKill Potter, Marry Hermione (not a sexless marriage), Sleep with Ron (once, so the parameters of the question are fulfilled).I guess that wasn’t fair to my readers who are predominantly attracted to women. Here, one more:The Crazy, It Burns: Ann Coulter, Michele Bachmann, Sarah Palin (I’m so mean) Kill Coulter, Marry Bachmann (and try to find a way to kill her by marrying her – probably a heart attack on the honeymoon as a result of discovering I’m an atheist), Sleep with Palin.
Well, now that I go read the comments, the banana joke was already used.
Sarah Palin usually brings spouses along for the ride, and the loot. Michelle Bachmann has those crazy eyes like someone who’d break the legs off the hotel bed (also scratching your back viciously, so you’d be wise to bring ointment). I guess that means … sorry, Ann.
In case you’re a Doctor Who/Torchwood fan, John Barrowman played marry/shag/cliff a while back.
(begin around 4m20s)
Hurray! <3
Bone: Tyrande. Night Elves are hot.Marry: Arthas. I’ve had a crush on him since WC3 and he’s a Prince/King!Kill: Illidan. Sorry, Illy, just how the cards fell.
You drive a tough bargain, Jen. What are your answers?The Horsemen: I’d marry Dawkins because he seems like an awesome husband, bone Hitchens because I find him (oddly) sexy, and I guess Sam Harris is leaving a widow behind…;_;A Painful Decision: Excuse me while I throw up a little in my mouth. Okay back. I’d marry Ken Ham since his ministry is making mad money, Kent Hovind will be sent to hell to burn because fuck that guy, and I’d give Ray Comfort a blowie but that’s as far as I’ll go.The Golden Trio: Potter dies, Ron gets repeated booty calls, and Hermione and I would have an awesome marriage with a bigass library to enjoy each others’ magical bodies in.
In Oz we lay this game on the radio and we call it Shoot, Shag, or Shack Up.Otherwise I’d shoot Hermione (no offence, it’s just she’s competition, ya know?)Shack up with Ron (coz I think Harry prob has some ego issues) and Shag Harry (just once, so I can tell my grandkids)
marry palin, kill ann coulter, and sleep with Michelle bachman. Palin I think would be very easy to control. Ann coulter is too influential for her own good, and michelle bachman… well I could endure a night of faking it for the sake of ruining her political career.
I’ll sleep with Harris because he’s good-looking without being three times my age, marry Dawkins because he is amazing and.. well, sorry Chris. I’ll make it a painless death.Painful Decision is painful :/ I’ll sleep with Ray Comfort, I guess, he’s the least revolting, though that’s not saying much. Now who do I get to kill… I think I’ll get rid of Ken Ham because he’s just evil and way too influential. Which leaves me marrying Hovind, but that’s ok, he’s still in jail anyway. Otherwise he’d always be good for a laugh.The Golden Trio – don’t do this to me! I can’t kill Harry! But I have to, because I’m so not sleeping with him if I can get Ron (tall redhead <3), and living with Harry would be a lot less fun than living with Hermione and her knowledge and her books and her genereal awesomeness. *sniff* Good-Bye, Harry. I’m off to marry Hermione. Ann Coulter has to die, no doubt here. And I guess I would marry Palin, at least she’s got a lot of money and a nice house. Plus it would fuck with her world view, yay. That leaves me sleeping with Bachman… Oh well, her morning-after-face would be totally worth it.
Personally, I’d make it easy–marry Palin for the money (and then divorce after you set her up for infidelity..) and then since I find Bachmann so physically repulsive–I’d have her killed… And then that leaves Coulter–but no one said we couldn’t hate-fuck her, right?
Anal fuck Ann Coulter…Marry Michele Bachmann …..Kill Sarah Palin
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Channelling my inner psychopath, I would marry all three (Coulter,bachmann, palin) to ruin their reputations, then have violent sex with all three, including erotic asphxia, which would “accidentally” lead to their deaths.