On Wednesday I made a post about how I seem to only make friends with fellow non-theists, though not on purpose. Well, that’s not entirely true anymore. Just like I had some religious friends turn atheist, I have had one nonbeliever turn religious.
Let’s call him Steve.
Steve and I have been very close friends for ten years. We met in 6th grade when he had just moved to town from a far away state. It was a very stereotypical story: He was (well, still is) extremely nerdy, shy, and overly nice. If you remember anything about being 11, this means he was teased mercilessly and had a hard time making friends. I had just come out of a couple hard years of experiencing the same sort of childhood shunning, and when I saw the kind of crap he was going through, I immediately befriended him. I knew how awful it was to be the nerdy outcast, and I didn’t want him to suffer through that.
He was one of my best friends throughout middle school and high school. Steve was technically my first boyfriend after I worked up the nerves to ask him to Turnabout, but after about a month we realized we were really just meant to be friends. Now we’re more like brother and sister, which means a lot to two only children*. When it comes to deep philosophical discussion about religion on God, I’m sure most of that happened between us late at night over AIM when we really should have been sleeping or doing homework.
But as graduation approached, I became solidified in my atheism, and Steve moved to Christianity.
At first I didn’t even realize it was happening. We talked less because we attended different universities and just had hectic schedules. He mentioned something about making an effort to read through the Bible, which I didn’t see as so bad. I’ve actually always felt a bit guilty that I’ve only read excerpts – I mean, if you really want to judge something, you should have read it, right? But I figured this wouldn’t be a problem with Steve, since both of his parents were atheists and he was never raised with religion.
By the end of our freshman year, Steve was a Christian who went to church every Sunday and Bible study multiple times a week.
When he told me about his extracurricular activities, I was shocked. I asked him what made him feel like he had to be Christian, but like most religious people, he could only give vague answers about how he knew it was right, etc etc. I was mostly surprised because Steve has always been an extremely bright guy, great scientist, and rational thinker – one of those weird people who thinks math is fun. That’s not to say there are no smart theists, but he would have been the last person I’d expect to convert to Christianity (well, other than Richard Dawkins, maybe).
I remember my first reaction was to debate. I went through the usual “Why I don’t believe in God” checklist. If he had been born in India he would have just as easily been born a Hindu, how can God answer prayers if he already has a divine plan set up, why is there evil in the world, etc etc. But then I stopped. He wasn’t debating back, and he didn’t want to. Steve is the ultimate “live and let live” sort of nice guy (to the point where his neutrality can be annoying), and I didn’t know why I was doing this to him. He would never try to convert me, never judge me, never become less of friends with me because I’m an atheist – and I can say all those things knowing they’re 100% true.
So I caught myself and stopped debating him. I told him I’d still love him no matter what…well, as long as he didn’t become hateful or an evolution denier, which made him laugh. A good sign. And we’ve sort of had a truce ever since. But when religion comes up, it still makes me twinge a bit. We used to trade books back and forth all the time, but when I gave him The Golden Compass, he just happened to never get around to it. He’ll jokingly follow my shouts of “Jesus Christ!” with a “loves everyone” – which he says with a chuckle, but I know he’s probably annoyed that I’m taking the Lord’s name in vain. And when he talks about school, it invariably turns to religion. I mean, how can it not? All of his friends are through Bible Study, and his only extracurriculars are that and church. The thing that prompted me to write this post was that he just told me he’s joined Campus Crusade for Christ, which made me want to vomit a little. For those of you who aren’t familiar with CRU, it’s the Christian student group equivalent to a mega church – it’s huge, charismatic, and bent on converting as many students to Christianity as possible (you know, in case you didn’t get that from the word Crusade in their name). I could handle him in the little local groups, but CRU? To say I’m disappointed is an understatement.
But why am I so upset about Steve suddenly finding God?
I guess to an extent I feel somewhat responsible. That I was his best friend, yet somehow he still has bought into what I see to be a superstition and delusion. But I think the thing that upsets me the most is that Steve is a perfect example of why not to be an atheist, and why not to be a theist. And I will explain what I mean in Part 3.
I’m sure some of you have “lost” nonbelieving friends to religion. How did you react?
*Technically I have two half-brothers, who I love greatly, but they’re much older than me so I didn’t grow up with them. We have more of a cousin like relationship.
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I went to a Catholic university, and I had quite a few friends go from plaintative not caring (that lovely proto-atheist state) into pure Catholicism. Some who were pretty poor Protestants became much better ones. But only one fellow I know went from totally agnostic to something else.
Pretty much, when we graduated high school he was one of the core cabal of non-believers in my friends. And he stayed that way for the first two or three years of university. But…then he met a girl. And before I knew it, he was getting married, during university, in a local fundamentalist church.
But it was OK. He was still OK, he was just doing what he thought he wanted to do to be in a certain relationship (which says a lot about the sanctity of marriage, but another discussion). But a year later, we were discussing things, and he asked me if I was still an deist. I said, well, not really, I've pretty much moved into full-blown 6-on-the-scale atheism. And he just lost his shit.
God is real, Jesus is great, you're gonna go to hell, Dawkins is the anti-Christ, evolution is fake, men rode dinosaurs, the full-blown young-earth creationist crap. When I was 17, we laughed at this stuff together, and now he was spitting it at me.
I really don't think we've spoken since.
Sad story. Not a happy ending.
I went to a Catholic university, and I had quite a few friends go from plaintative not caring (that lovely proto-atheist state) into pure Catholicism. Some who were pretty poor Protestants became much better ones. But only one fellow I know went from totally agnostic to something else.Pretty much, when we graduated high school he was one of the core cabal of non-believers in my friends. And he stayed that way for the first two or three years of university. But…then he met a girl. And before I knew it, he was getting married, during university, in a local fundamentalist church.But it was OK. He was still OK, he was just doing what he thought he wanted to do to be in a certain relationship (which says a lot about the sanctity of marriage, but another discussion). But a year later, we were discussing things, and he asked me if I was still an deist. I said, well, not really, I’ve pretty much moved into full-blown 6-on-the-scale atheism. And he just lost his shit.God is real, Jesus is great, you’re gonna go to hell, Dawkins is the anti-Christ, evolution is fake, men rode dinosaurs, the full-blown young-earth creationist crap. When I was 17, we laughed at this stuff together, and now he was spitting it at me.I really don’t think we’ve spoken since.Sad story. Not a happy ending.
Yeah. My pal Stretch was actually the sort of 'go to college, get religious' type. Only his was less rational, and more "I found a group where I belong!"
So far, I think I'm lucky, in that I haven't lost a friend to this. I tend to meet people at the farthest extent of their piousness and, to put it how one of them would, "corrupt them irrevocably."
Well, except for Stretch's last girlfriend. She says I'm a miserable atheist who should die and burn in Hell. <.<
Yeah. My pal Stretch was actually the sort of ‘go to college, get religious’ type. Only his was less rational, and more “I found a group where I belong!”So far, I think I’m lucky, in that I haven’t lost a friend to this. I tend to meet people at the farthest extent of their piousness and, to put it how one of them would, “corrupt them irrevocably.”Well, except for Stretch’s last girlfriend. She says I’m a miserable atheist who should die and burn in Hell. <.<
Hi, Just my two cents but I wanted to say that "charismatic" is not the correct word to describe Campus Crusade for Christ, as they do not support certain charismatic teachings (speaking in tongues). Anyway, they are one of the more extreme christian groups from a hoping to convert side of things. However, they usually steer clear of politics. That was my experience.
Other FYI – I was planning on commenting a couple of days ago on the first religious friends post but you are blocked at my work for "objectional content"… made my laugh, and then it made me sad.
Hi, Just my two cents but I wanted to say that “charismatic” is not the correct word to describe Campus Crusade for Christ, as they do not support certain charismatic teachings (speaking in tongues). Anyway, they are one of the more extreme christian groups from a hoping to convert side of things. However, they usually steer clear of politics. That was my experience.Other FYI – I was planning on commenting a couple of days ago on the first religious friends post but you are blocked at my work for “objectional content”… made my laugh, and then it made me sad.
Er, I meant charismatic as in the non-religious meaning of the word. Forgot it could mean something else in this context.
I actually feel quite honored that I've been block from the workplace. Sorry you can't comment there, though!
Er, I meant charismatic as in the non-religious meaning of the word. Forgot it could mean something else in this context.I actually feel quite honored that I’ve been block from the workplace. Sorry you can’t comment there, though!