Skepticon rejects Bolingbrook’s bid to host 2018 convention (Fiction)

Despite secret lobbying efforts from the Bolingbrook Chamber of Commerce, Skepticon officially chose St. Louis as their new host city.

“We are disappointed in Skepticon’s choice,” said a source within the Chamber.  “We feel that we had a competitive bid, and we feel that Bolingbrook is a great site for any convention.”

Skepticon, which describes itself as “The largest free skeptic conference in the nation, and possibly the universe,” is known for its coverage of both skeptical and social justice issues.  Sources within the Chamber say that winning the Skepticon bid could have been a big boost to tourism in Bolingbrook.

“Sure, Skepticon is filled with so-called social justice activists,” said another source.  “But they would have been our social justice activists, and even the most die-hard social justice activists need to spend money on food and hotels.  We could have made huge profits if we’d gotten this convention.  Just look at what it did for Springfield, MO.”

Sources within the Skepticon organization said they were flattered by Bolingbrook’s bid, but never seriously considered it.

One source, who asked to be called Rose, explained the reasons: “Most of us live in Missouri, so Bolingbrook is too far away for us.  Plus, most of the venues in Bolingbrook are too small for us.  The only place that we could hold it in was the Bolingbrook Golf Club, and even the discounted price was too much for us.”

The sources said they appreciated Bolingbrook’s efforts to make new homes accessible for people with disabilities, but cited other problems with Bolingbrook.  Among them were: a lack of public transportation options from both Chicago airports; a lack of sidewalks in Bolingbrook; and the distance between hotels and nearby restaurants.

Another source, who asked to be called Steve, had harsher words for Bolingbrook:  “We could not, in good conscience, go to Bolingbrook. Its mayor not only endorsed Trump but raised money for him as well.  We don’t expect our host mayors to be perfect, but (Mayor Roger Claar) is too far from perfect for us to move Skepticon to his community.”

Publicly, Skepticon denied ever receiving a bid from the Bolingbrook Chamber:  “We have no record of such a bid, and we’re skeptical that you interviewed anyone connected to Skepticon.  You can meet us in St. Louis next year.  Or the year after, or whenever we decide to start up Skepticon again.”

The Bolingbrook Chamber officially denied placing a bid for Skepticon: “The Babbler is already under a lifetime membership ban.  If we could extend it to two lifetimes, we would!”

A receptionist answered a call to Claar’s office. She said, “I’m sure Roger has never heard of Skepticon, and I’m skeptical of your sources for this so-called story.”

In the background, a man who sounded like Claar said, “So Charline, this is the letter you want to send to Bolingbrook’s churches if the Johnson Amendment is repealed.”

“Yes.  Once churches are allowed to endorse political candidates, it will be important to control them.  Just like you took control of the Village Board and the Chamber of Commerce.”

“Well, I didn’t really take control of the Chamber—Oh my God!”

“What?”

“Charline, you really wrote, ‘Church and state make each other great.’ Seriously?”

“What’s wrong with that?”

Also in the Babbler:

Russian snow attack against Bolingbrook fails
Crocoducks spotted in Bolingbrook
Sources: Mayor Claar threatens to move all of Bolingbrook into DuPage County
God to smite Bolingbrook on 11/15/17

Are you an atheist who used to believe in God? Take this survey! (Out of character)

If you used to believe in God, and have about 30 minutes to spare, you might want to take this survey by the Atheist Research Collaborative:

“The study is open to those who are at least 18 years of age, and those who once believed in god(s) but do not now; this means you are not eligible to participate if you have always been an atheist/nonbeliever. The survey is a maximum of 76 questions, and a minimum of 64 questions.  On average, the survey should take 20 to 30 minutes to complete, although individuals may find that it takes them more or less time than this, depending on their answers. The survey can be found here.”

Joseph Langston ARC Affiliate/Web Admin

it’s not hard, but remember to keep an eye out for the trick questions.

Web Exclusive: Funds still needed for ‘Defense against Carrier SLAPP Suit’ (Mixed)

By Jenna Olson
Publisher of the Bolingbrook Babbler

We want to remind our readers that Dr. Richard Carrier is suing Freethought Blogs, The Orbit, Skepticon, and several individuals for the reporting of allegations of inappropriate behavior. There is a GoFundMe page to raise funds for the defendants.

From the page:

Dr. Richard Carrier is suing us for reporting on his well-known allegations of misconduct. These allegations were widely reported on throughout the community, including by third-parties both critical and sympathetic to him who are not themselves defendants.

This lawsuit has all the hallmarks of a SLAPP suit — a lawsuit filed to stifle legitimate criticism and commentary. The named defendants are Skepticon, The Orbit, and Freethought Blogs – as well as individuals Lauren Lane, the lead organizer of Skepticon; Stephanie Zvan, a blogger for The Orbit; PZ Myers, a blogger for Freethought Blogs; and Amy Frank-Skiba, who publicly posted her first-hand allegations against Carrier.

We need your help to keep our voices alive. All the defendants are represented by the same attorney, First Amendment lawyer Marc Randazza. Randazza is providing his services at a significant discount, but we are not asking him to work for free. Plus, there are thousands of dollars in “costs” for the case that don’t include legal bills, and there is no way to discount those. In order to continue fighting this lawsuit, we, the defendants of this case, have put together this campaign to raise money to defray our costs, some of which is outstanding.

Donations will be used only for this case, withdrawn by Stephanie Zvan and disbursed to the lawyers and defendants to cover costs as they’re accrued. In the event that the funds raised exceed our legal bills, they will be donated to Planned Parenthood and a breakdown of what was spent where will be performed at the close of this campaign.

We are pooling our defense costs with Skepticon, however as a 501(c)3 non-profit, Skepticon is also conducting its own fundraiser where donations may be tax-deductible (ask your tax advisor). Skepticon cannot use donations it receives to help pay the shares of other individuals or organizations, though, and any excess funds raised via their campaign will go to the Skepticon conference fund.

We are confident that the court will uphold our First Amendment rights. But, through time, stress, and of course financial expense, every case like this has a chilling effect. Your support enables us to fight, and creates a warmer environment – not just for us but for others in the future.

Thank you for your support of freedom of speech, and may your new year be powerful and effective!

-Amy Frank-Skiba

-Lauren Lane

-PZ Myers

-Stephanie Zvan

These cases are expensive, even if they are dismissed.  While this happened before we joined Freethought Blogs, we fully support all the defendants and hope you will consider supporting them too.

Web Exclusive: Bolingbrook’s ‘Alt-right’ to host atheist convention (Fiction)

Content notice:  Depictions of the “Alt-Right” (Reminder: Fiction) 

Bolingbrook Beyond Belief. Summer 2019. "Atheism feels good, man!"

A proposed poster for the Bolingbrook Beyond Belief atheist convention.

The Bolingbrook Pepe the Frog Fan Club, a self-described “Alt-right group,” announced that they are organizing an atheist convention for the summer of 2018.

“We can’t hold rallies anymore because of the counter-protesters,” said Dennis, president of the club.  “We can, however, safely host an atheist convention.”

The convention, tentatively titled “Bolingbrook Beyond Belief” is inspired by the controversial Mythinformation Conference.  Like Mythicon, “Bolingbrook Beyond Belief” plans to feature predominately “Alt-right” speakers and have liberal “special guests” in the audience.

Alex, the group’s liaison to the Atheist Movement, says he strongly believes the “Alt-right” could be great allies:  “Look, we have much in common.  We both believe we’re smarter than average people.  We both believe that we’re being kept down by lesser people.  We both want to return to a glorious past.  We both hate feminists and Islamists.  We agree on 99 percent on the issues.  Why let a few minor issues, like the alleged humanity of non-whites, keep us apart?”

Dennis agreed:  “Love them or hate them, everyone knows that atheists are smart.  If we host an atheist convention, the public will realize that our ideas are worthy of intellectual consideration.  The atheist movement, in return, will get access to our army of trolls, funding from Mercer’s network of alt-right groups, and young men willing to march for atheism.  They’ll even leave the torches at home if asked to.   It’s a win-win for both of us!  The choice is simple.  Join us and other superior people as we try to peacefully cleanse the world, or let Skepticon define atheism.”

Alex pretended to gag when Skepticon was mentioned.

Dennis conceded that while many YouTube personalities have asked to speak at the convention, prominent atheist leaders have not agreed to speak at Bolingbrook Beyond Belief.

Alex felt that would change soon.  “We just sent an invitation to the most militant atheist in the country.  He says he represents all atheists, no matter what their other beliefs are.  So he has to come here.  When he does, other atheist thought leaders will come here.  It’s just—“

“(Expletive Deleted)!”

“What?”

“David Silverman, the president of American Atheists, just sent me an IM.  He says we’re evil, and sent me a link to his Facebook post.”

“That’s not necessarily a bad thing.  We only promote evil ironically, so that makes it OK.  Is he going to come?”

“No.  He says he leads the marines of atheism, and marines don’t support Nazis.  He also says that he’ll personally rewrite the dictionary to exclude us from being defined as atheists.”

“Damn it!.  Well, we can invite Dave Smalley instead.”

“Yes.  Maybe he’ll be out of his denial phase by the time the convention starts.”

An e-mail from the Bolingbrook Skeptics denounced Bolingbrook Beyond Belief:  “The Alt-right is just a rebranding of fascism.  No matter what you call it, fascism is un-awesome!”

‘Tour with the Mayor 2: Roger Rising’ filming in Bolingbrook (Fiction)

Eight years after the release of the Tour with the Mayor, filming has started on the sequel.

“The first movie was good,” said Lee X. Williams, director, and an employee at Barber’s Corner Media.  “But it had some problems.  Sometimes it felt like (Mayor Roger Claar) was promoting a magazine.  Other times it felt like Roger was promoting Bolingbrook.  I still don’t understand why a boxer accompanied Roger.  This time we’re tightening the focus.  This film is going to be laser-focused on Roger talking about his pure vision for Bolingbrook.”

According to Williams, the film will feature Claar visiting several local businesses, including WeatherTech and Ulta.  Williams promises “glowing” interviews from residents and business owners on why they love Bolingbrook:

“As we’ve been doing these interviews, I’ve noticed some common themes:  Diversity, Friendly Business Environment, and love of Roger.  We hope we can highlight them to our audience.”

According to a source within Barber’s Corner Media, there have been hecklers at some of the interviews:

“I’m sure Bolingbrook United is behind some of them….because all real residents love Roger!”

The source provided footage of some of the incidents.

In the first video, Claar is confronted in front of Masjid Al-Jumu’ah.

Man:  Excuse me, Mr. Mayor, but how would you feel if I said we should ban all Christians from the US?

Claar:  I know what you’re trying to do, and it won’t work.  Hillary Clinton had ethical problems too.  At least Trump promised to shake things up, and he has.  I got what I voted for!

Man:  But if Trump’s immigration policies had been enacted, Bolingbrook would have never become the diverse community it is today.

Claar:  Maybe.  Maybe not.  It doesn’t matter.  I saw you standing two blocks from a Bolingbrook United member.  That means you are not a resident.  You are a foe, and right now I don’t have time for foes.  (Claar turns towards the camera.) You are editing this out, right?

Williams: Yes.

In the second video, a woman interrupts an interview taking place at Ikea.

Woman:  Excuse me, Roger.

Claar:  I’m busy.

Woman:  This will only take a second.  Whenever I visit my friends, I have to admire their garbage cans on wheels.

Claar:  They’re called Toters.

Woman:  I love them.  You don’t have to look at unsightly bags in the morning.  If they’re ripped, the toters offer a layer of protection.  What’s not to love?

Claar:  They’re unsightly, cost money, and you can save the village money by keeping your garbage in the garage, and not putting the bags out until the morning.  That will keep the skunks away.

Woman:  What about the stray dogs, stray cats, coyotes, mice, rats, and moles?  A garbage toter offers more protection than a simple bag.

Claar:  Just because Democrat cities use them, doesn’t mean we have to change 25 years of garbage policy!

Woman:  Warrenville and Rochelle use totes, and they’re not run by Democrats.  I can buy my own, right?

Claar:  No.  They’re still unsightly.  If we are forced to change the law, I will make sure that you have to keep them in the backyard.  I hope they don’t force me to allow toters because I don’t want to subsidize garbage cans.

Woman:  You subsidize a luxury golf course, and you don’t want to subsidize an awesome garbage solution?  Besides, who are you to tell me what to do on my own property?

Claar:  I’m the Mayor of Bolingbrook, and you’re not a resident.  Only my foes care about garbage!

Woman:  Bonnie was right!  You are a communist fascist!

Claar:  You’re out of this video!

Williams says Tour with the Mayor 2: Roger Rising will debut on YouTube sometime in 2018.

When reached for comment, the receptionist said the mayor was in a meeting and could not be disturbed.

In the background, a man who sounded like Claar said:  “Sheldon told me God wants him to be a trustee right now.  What do you think?

A man who sounded like Trustee Robert Jaskiewicz said:  “That depends.  Do you really want God telling you how to run Bolingbrook?”

“You just had to phrase it that way.”

Also in the Babbler:

Mayor Claar rejects ‘soda rebate’
Chicago ghosts to march against gun violence this weekend
Claar forms secret committee to prepare Bolingbrook for a hurricane strike
God to smite Bolingbrook on 9/20/17

Web Exclusive: Psychic frightened by vision of Bolingbrook in 2065 (Fiction)

Long time Bolingbrook psychic Mona was so frightened after her vision of the future, that her screams prompted neighbors to call the police.

Bolingbrook, IL Mayor Roger Claar

File photo of Bolingbrook Mayor Roger C. Claar. (Image from the Village of Bolingbrook web page.)

“The future is doomed!  Bolingbrook is doomed!  We are doomed!” – Mona said, according to residents.

Officers managed to calm her down and did not arrest her.

Afterwards, Mona spoke and  provided a transcript of her vision to the Babbler.  She claims her vision was from a Village Board Meeting in the year 2065:

A priest, holding a water bottle, enters the board room.  The all male audience members stand.

Priest:  Let us praise our Mayor in Heaven

Audience (Raise their hands):  For he built our infrastructure, banished the flood waters, purged the warlords, guided our ancestors through the great chaos, then ascended to Heaven.  He has always has been and always will be our mayor.

Priest:  Be seated.

The audience sits down.

Priest: Before ascending to Heaven, our Mayor in Heaven appointed the Keepers of the Water to be his voice on Earth.  Every four years, our Mayor in Heaven selects a Vice-mayor to administer his Earthy affairs.  Today, Our Mayor in Heaven has selected George Brown to be his Vice-mayor.  Come forth, Mr. Brown.

Mr. Brown steps forward, and the priest puts a golden mask on him.  The mask vaguely resembles current Bolingbrook Mayor Roger Claar.

Priest:  You will now be known as the Vice-Mayor.

Brown:  I serve at the pleasure of our Mayor in Heaven.

Brown sits in a chair next to a large chair that hasn’t been used for decades.  

Brown:  My trustees will take their seats.

Five men wearing black robes walk on stage and go to their seats.

Brown:  By serving as my trustees, you agree to accept a vow of silence for the next four years.  Any who speak during the next four years will be known as a Jask.

Audience:  The Jask was the servant of the she-devils who tried to dethrone Our Mayor in Heaven.  The she-devils fooled the residents into voting for them.  Voting is evil.  Women are evil.  Evil is not allowed in Village Hall.

The trustees take their seats.

Brown: Some residents bought illegal trash toters to collect rainwater.  This has angered our Mayor in Heaven.  He has denied us — has denied us rain.   He has taken water from our wells.  He has turned our lawns brown as punishment.  So I turn to the Keepers for guidance. What must we do to regain Our Mayor In Heaven’s love?

Priest:  The She-devils’ minions want us to believe in global warming.  They lie to us about Bolingbrook becoming a desert.  We must resist their lies.  The demons are hoarding Lake Michigan water.  Our Mayor in Heaven has told me of a clear path to salvation.  First, we must launch another crusade to liberate Lake Michigan’s water from the demons.  Then we must expand the Golf Club to show Him that we still love him.

Audience:  We will fight!

A woman runs towards a podium.

Woman:  Lies!  All lies.  There never was a Mayor in Heaven.  Bolingbrook had more than one mayor in its past!

Priest:  Wicked liar.  Donate to the Holy Campaign fund, and I may absolve you of your sins.

Woman:  The last elected mayor was Roger C. Claar.  He led us into the great chaos by supporting President Donald Trump.  There were never any Keepers of the Water.  There was an organization called Heart Haven Outreach, and it was founded by a woman!

Audience gasps.

Brown:  You’re are in denial of the truth.  It requires more faith to believe that Bolingbrook was founded by mortals than to believe in our Mayor in Heaven.  It is also insanity to think that a woman could have founded our faith.

Security guards approached the woman.

Woman:  It is true.  We must embrace real truth again if we are to survive the great drought.  Join the resistance!  Let us become a United Bolingbrook once again!  Science forever, not religion!

The woman runs out to the boardroom.  Guards follow.

Priest:  Our raiders will catch her, and purify her in the bathtub of faith.  May she no longer be at risk of becoming a she-devil.  Let us now have a moment of silence, for the millions who died for the chaos frog.

Mona said that her vision did not have to become reality:  “If we want to see another mayoral election, we have to get rid of Trump.  Roger is a good man, but I don’t want a future where residents are forced to worship him!”

When this reporter called Village Hall for a comment, a receptionist replied that Claar was busy interviewing an intern and could not be disturbed.

In the background, a man who sounded like Claar said: “Charline, you are a very unusual woman, but you have your uses.  Now I can’t offer you a job here, but Barber’s Corner Media has a job waiting for you.”

“Cool!  Thank you, Roger.”

“You’re welcome.  Once you’ve been hired, I will provide you with assignments.  You’ll be our unofficial spokesperson.  I hope you don’t mind dealing with the Babbler every week day.”

“Not at all.  Thank you.  How did you persuade Barber’s Corner Media to hire me?”

“Back in the 90s, the firm’s owner recorded a song about my favorite street.  You can stream it on your phone.”

“Let me listen.  Oh my God!  It’s obscene!”

“Yes, that was my initial reaction.  When I confronted him, he apologized and offered to help me any way he could.  That song turned into a birthday party with infinite gifts!”

From the Webmaster: Maybe Milo and skepticism shouldn’t mix?

By Wendy Onofrey

Webmaster for the Bolingbrook Babbler

For some reason, Skeptic decided to post a review of Milo Yiannopoulos’s new book Dangerous.  Let’s just say that if Michael Shermer’s Moral Arc bends towards Milo, then count the staff of the Babbler out.

PZ Myers rightly condemns this favorable review.

Of course, this ‘review’ cites all the usual crap: Christina Hoff Sommers, there is no such thing as rape culture, except that when there is it comes from Islam, the police are the greatest defenders of the black community, and of course, political correctness, identity politics, and cultural Marxism. It’s a totally mindless recitation of the nonsense you get on Reddit and in YouTube comments.

Even Hayley Stevens has problems with the review and what its publication says about the skeptical movement.

Something like skepticism, as an approach to assessing claims and being proactive about tackling harmful misinformation, should be as free from ideologies as possible, and yet certain sections of organized skepticism (read: American, male, rich, and famous) seem to specifically target feminists, “identity politics” and some areas of the LGBTQ community – namely trans* people while writing fond reviews of problematic public figures such as Milo.

When Hayley and PZ agree, that’s a sign that maybe you’re doing something wrong.

To add insult to injury, Phil Torres writes for Salon about what he sees as the descent of New Atheism.

Although the new atheist movement once filled me with a great sense of optimism about the future of humanity, this is no longer the case. Movements always rise and fall — they have a life cycle, of sorts — but the fall of this movement has been especially poignant for me. The new atheists of today would rather complain about “trigger warnings” in classrooms than eliminate rape on campuses. They’d rather whine about “safe spaces” than help transgender people feel accepted by society. They loudly claim to support free speech and yet routinely ban dissenters from social media, blogs and websites.

All in all, it hasn’t been a good week for New Atheism.

Time for me to back to work on the next issue of the Babbler.  The staff on a big story that I plan on posting on Monday or Tuesday.

Reza Aslan filmed the lost “Flying Spaghetti Monster” episode in Bolingbrook (Fiction)

Flying Spaghetti Monster

Is Bolingbrook a holy village for some followers of the Flying Spaghetti Monster?

Eyewitnesses, and a recovered transcript, confirm that Reza Aslan filmed an episode of Believer in Bolingbrook about the Flying Spaghetti Monster.

“I know we have a lot of churches here,” said eyewitness Blake Q. Sampson, “But I never thought of Bolingbrook as a spiritual place.  He said it is, and how can I argue with him?”

Other eyewitness saw him walking around the Promenade, being recorded eating various pasta dishes.

Anwar, who asked that we not use his last name, overheard one of the taping sessions.  “I was going to say hi to him after the taping.  Then when the camera started rolling, he said, ‘I had to be open minded to the possibility that the universe was created by a drunk deity.’  When he put a pasta colander on his head, I quietly walked away.”

Other eyewitnesses claim to have seen Aslan on one of the islands of Whalon Lake, meditating while wearing a pirate outfit.

Officially, the Flying Spaghetti Monster started in 2005 as satirical character meant to criticize creationism.  It has since become a quasi-religion that is recognized in the Netherlands and New Zealand. Most followers do not believe in a literal Flying Spaghetti, but enjoy following Pastafarian customs.  Bolingbrook is not mentioned on the official web page, and has no special significance among mainstream followers.

However, sources say there is a splinter sect that believes Bolingbrook is a holy site, Jacob, who claims to have worked on Believer, said that this sect is the reason Aslan came to Bolingbrook.

“You know we can’t do an episode without a feature on an obscure religious faction,” he said.

Jacob provided a partial transcript, which describes a dramatic confrontation:

Voiceover: Mockery!  Parody!  Contempt!  Is this the future promised by the anti-theists?  I was starting to feel hopeless.

(Aslan reading an e-mail.)

Voiceover:  Then I received a message.  Was what I was searching for to be found in Illinois?

(Shots of Bolingbrook, IL)

Voiceover:  Bolingbrook.  A village of over 70,000 people.  The contradiction already appealed to me.  Sam X. Clarence’s e-mail said that his sect believed that this is a holy village.  I had to find out.  I met Sam outside the Church of Christopher Hitchens, a combination bar and atheist community center in Bolingbrook).

Clarence (wearing a pirate outfit):  Arrr!

Aslan:  You really take this seriously!

Clarence:  You will too, once I reveal the truth!  Come inside.

Voiceover:  As I walked toward the bar, I felt a malevolent presence touch my soul.  It seemed to affect all the patrons as well.

(Shots of patrons glaring at Aslan.)

Patron:  Waitress?  Can you put some bacon fat in my beer?  And can you give me a pen so I can draw a picture of Muhammad?

(They sit at a table.)

Aslan:  So you believe that the church’s teachings are incorrect?

Clarence:  I know they are!  I’ll tell you the story.  In 1976, a Chicago Tribune journalist visited Bolingbrook.  He called his wife to say he loved her, then vanished.  Never to be seen again.  I found his last message.

(Clarence places laminated papers on the table)

Clarence:  It’s remarkably similar to The Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster and the Loose Cannon.  It was written in 1976.  1976!  That proves the Flying Spaghetti Monster is real!

Aslan:  You also said that there are differences between what is in this document, and what is taught in mainline Pastafarianism.

Clarence:  Yes.Yes!  You see, in this work, the Flying Spaghetti Monster is a god-like creature, not God!  Evolution is real!  The Earth really is billions of years old!  Do you know who she really is?

Aslan:  She?

Clarence:  She is the first atheist in the universe.  She is a transcendent being.  Atheism opened the gateway to higher dimensions!  Do you know what this means?

Aslan:  No?

Clarence:  Atheism is more than the mere lack of belief in gods!

(A tray crashes on the floor.  Both turn.  A waitress is staring at them.  Her eyes widen as she points at them.)

Waitress:  Atheism Plus!

(Angry patrons stand and glare at them.)

Crew member:  Save the equipment!

(Cut to outside the bar.)

Manager:  Don’t you ever bring your heresy in here again.  Get your act together or you will spend an eternity drinking stale beer from the beer volcano and your strippers will have STDs!  The New Pastament: An Announcement Regarding the Afterlife!

Clarence:  You mention the strippers.  In Blag Hag—

Manager:  How dare you quote the Blag Hag at me?

Clarence:  What?  You honestly believe that a college student created Boobquake by herself?  That miraculous event proved that she was touched by her noodly appendages—

Manager:  His noodly appendages!

Clarence:  Her noodly appendages!

Manage:  His!

Clarence:  Hers!

(They keep repeating.)

Voiceover:  As they argued doctrine,  I felt a new presence overcome me.  Could it be that out of the hate and mockery promoted by New Atheism, a new theism arose?  The thought moved me so much that it brought me, a devout muslim to say—

Aslan:  Ramen!

(The crowd stops arguing and silently stares at Aslan.)

Though the episode is complete, Jacob says it will not be aired.

“We later found out that there are only five members of this sect.  We were kind of pushing it when we featured the independent sects of Scientology.  There was no way we could broadcast this episode without being laughed at.”

Jacob is hopeful that some parts of the episode will be available in the future.  “Next season, we’re doing a show on humanism.  We’re going to argue that religious humanism is the wave of the future.  Who knows? We might come back to film services at the Ethical Humanist Society, Beth Chaverim, and Kol Hadash.”

Also in the Babbler:

Jared Kushner will meet with Mayor Claar ‘the day after peace comes to the Middle East’
Northern Will County Agency considers bringing Lake Superior water to Bolingbrook
Aliens divert astroid from hitting Chicago
God to smite Bolingbrook on 4/14/17

We get letters: March 21, 2017 edition (Fiction)

By Doug Fields

The Reader’s Editor

Hello, and let me introduce myself to our new fans at FreethoughtBlogs.  I’m Doug Fields, the Reader’s Editor for the Bolingbrook Babbler.  My job is to read your letters to the Babbler, and offer my editorial feedback.

Since we moved the website to FtB back in January, most of the letters we’ve received have been positive. For example, this one:

To the Editor:

I love the new blog network you guys joined.  I thought it was going to boring atheists.  Instead, you’re on a network with Yemisi Ilesanmi, a real Nigerian!  I’m pretty sure Pervert Justice is a public service site!  Odgraphix must be a decoding site.  I can’t wait to read the anti-squirrel blog!  Not to mention Thoughts of Crys, which must be an atheist psychic blog!  The only boring blog is by PZ Myers.  He must be the least popular blogger here.  He needs to stop obsessing over shellfish and creationists!

Keep up the good work, and keep those other bloggers on their toes with your quality reporting!

Pauline X. Melvin
Bolingbrook, IL

Glad you like our fellow writers, though none of us here would call PZ boring.

Since it is election season, we’ve gotten our share of political posts, like this one:

To the Editor:

Your pro-Bolingbrook United bias is incredible!  Who pays you to write these articles?  George Soros?

Do you know that not all of Jackie Traynere’s s donors are from Bolingbrook?  Some of them are from Cook County!  Some of them are from unions! She’s even held campaign events outside of Bolingbrook.  Plus she’s a Democrat! We all know what kind of Democrats come out of Cook County!  One of their prominent leaders has even spoken at her events!

I want to vote for a candidate who only campaigns in Bolingbrook, only accepts donations from Bolingbrook residents, and has no party affiliation!  That’s why I’m not voting for Jackie!

John M. Smith
Bolingbrook, IL

Well, Mr. Smith, I guess you’re not voting for Mayor Roger Claar either.  He’s also received donations from Cook County, as well as Georgia, Pennsylvania, Iowa, and other states.  Unions have donated to his fund.  He’s also held campaign events in Chicago, California, and other states. Not only is he a member of the Republican Party, he’s also the 11th district Republican State Central Committeeman. Not to mention that he was also a delegate and fundraiser for Donald Trump.

For that matter, are you sure that the PAC that’s been mailing anti-Jackie flyers gets all its funding from Bolingbrook?

We also received several letters that were written in a similar style.  The mystery was solved when someone sent us this unedited form letter:

To the Editor:

There are three truths that every skeptic must accept.  (Choose two: a) Homeopathy doesn’t work. b) Chiropractors are dangerous. c) Mediums are cold readers. d) Evolution is real), and (Choose one: a) Social Justice is oppressive. b) Rejecting evolutionary psychology is rejecting science! c) Cultural Marxists are taking over our culture! d) Ayn Rand is the only true prophet. e) Men are oppressed by women!)

If you do not accept these facts, you (Choose one. a) will be responsible for the next dark age. b) are as evil as PZ Myers. d) will be a slave to Rebecca Watson e) will be destroyed by Donald Trump)

From the ashes of (Atheism+, radical feminism, or sociology), skepticism will arise again and lead us to the stars!

Your name here
Bolingbrook, IL

Finally, we’ll end with this letter.

To the Editor:

Like many feminists, I’m critical of the social construct of gender.  Yet so many of my feminist friends lose their minds when they talk about transpeople.  They become convinced that biology is perfect, and that reproductive organs determine your gender identity.

Enough!  There is no God and nature is not perfect.  Be the gender your brain says you are, not the gender society and activists demand you be.  That is the ultimate freedom!

As for the claim that you can’t tell what a person is thinking, that argument was used against gay people years ago.  How can you tell that the lesbian sitting next to you is not really a heterosexual woman appropriating lesbian culture?  How can you tell if someone is claiming to  be gay because they think it will help them keep their job?

We can’t be 100 percent sure, but we trust gay people to tell the truth.  That should include transpeople as well!

Jill X. Sheridan (Trans-Inclusive Radical Feminist)
Chicago, IL

Also in the Babbler:

CFI’s feline fellows protest visit to the vet
New World Order: Trump under alien control
Sources say: Claar considers building coal plant in Bolingbrook
God to smite Bolingbrook on 3/24/17

Web Exclusive: Happy Birthday PZ Myers! We have links! (Mixed)

In honor of PZ Myer’s birthday, we’ve decided to link to past articles we’ve written about him.

PZ Myers tweets from Hell!
Web Exclusive: Employment firm plans to ‘outsource’ PZ Myers
PZ Myers convicted of blasphemy against Space Pope
Manchester Mumbler: Irish atheists accused of trying to hijack the Lovell Radio Telescope
Web Exclusive: Paranormal Affairs Division receives over 100 election complaints

Out of Character:  Over the years, PZ has challenged and changed my way of thinking about atheism and the atheist movement.  His posts and FtB have also introduced me to interesting people and communities.  So thank you, PZ, and have a very happy birthday.