How important is marriage?

How important is marriage?

I’m currently reading Sex & God by Darrel Ray EdD. Ray discusses the many disturbing and harmful ways religion affects sexuality, and while I’ve never been religious, I can see how it has affected my own views. 

I’m learning that while I’ve never really felt shame or guilt towards sex, I grew up with a strong desire to be in a traditional marriage. I didn’t think there were any other options.

I met my husband at 24 and we married when I was 27 and he was 32. I gave birth to our daughter at 33. 

My husband is amazing and I don’t regret anything, but when I think back, I was really pushing for a traditional marriage. It wasn’t as important to my husband.

Could we be better off in a different situation?

Marriage is very practical for us when it comes to money and insurance etc., but is it necessary for anything else? We love each other so what else matters?

My husband and I have a good sex life, but sometimes we have discussions about having sex with other people. We’re both open to it with rules of course. 

So there’s another question — how important is monogamy? I’m beginning to feel it’s a little unnatural. 

Sex & God really has me thinking about my own life and sexuality. I highly recommend this book.

What are your thoughts?

Karen Shragg Book Review

When was the last time you had your mind blown? No, I mean, really?

Mine was a couple months ago when I read Move Upstream: A Call to Solve Overpopulation. Okay, I’ll admit it — overpopulation isn’t a topic that would normally cross my mind as your everyday Midwest mom, but the statistics in this book are just absolutely staggering. It blew my mind and I kept asking, “Is this real?” To my disbelief it is. 

Thank you to the author, Karen Shragg, for bringing attention to this dire subject and showing that the solution to so many problems like homelessness, hunger, and saving the environment come from focusing on our growing population and not just consumption. Karen is bold and honest but still very optimistic.

This is a book from the same publisher that released my poetry book. They have some really interesting titles for the secular community and I have been buying their other books here and there. If I like them I write about them. 

Check out Move Upstream at freethoughthouse.com as well as all their other books. Karen also has a new book, Change Our Stories, Change Our World, which I am also a fan of. 

How does your atheism affect your kids?

Woohoo! First post on my new laptop!

My daughter starts kindergarten in the fall. I’m very excited for her but she’s growing up too fast! We have a lot of options here in Toledo and we haven’t decided what school to send her to yet.

This brings up one of my fears. New school means new friends. She goes to daycare right now but we don’t have much interaction with the other kids or parents. No play dates. I expect that will change as she starts school.

Maybe it won’t come up (hopefully) but how will my atheism affect my daughter? Will other kids and parents avoid her? On the flip side, what if she gets invited to church?

It’s kind of interesting — I say “oh my god” all the time. It’s just an expression and maybe a bad habit. Naturally my daughter repeated it at daycare and she got in trouble! Apparently saying “god” is like a bad word there. I wonder if this is going to come up at school.

I know I’ve brought this subject up before but I’m really interested in what you have to say now that my daughter’s first day of school is on the horizon.

(On a side note — I am going to cry so much on her first day. I tear up just thinking about it. It’s probably going to be embarrassing for everyone involved. I’m one emotional mommy!)

Family Secrets: A Writing Project Takes an Unexpected Turn

My great-grandma Florence was a vocal suffragist in our area. She made sure other women got to the polling location by taking them on horseback and providing childcare for their children at home. She had quite the operation and it is definitely a story that’s treasured in our family. It’s very inspiring. 

So of course, I wanted to write about it. I started brainstorming ideas for poems.

Then one evening I was in Barnes & Noble and I picked up a local history book. The book revealed that my family has had a lot of involvement with the Ku Klux Klan. I was shaking. I can’t say I was totally surprised — there have been random stories over the years but the truth was murky at best. But here it was plain as day in a published book on a shelf in Barnes & Noble. Five of my relatives were named as klansmen in the book.

It doesn’t seem right to write about an inspiring suffragist when the rest of the family is out doing horrible things. I can’t ignore it, so I’m going to write about all of it. 

This was an unexpected twist for a poetry book I just started and there’s so much more to this story. What I thought would be inspirational will now also be painful but it’s important to me to show the whole truth.

I will post updates as I continue working.

Have you seen conditions improve for atheists over time?

My life has consisted of a lot of closet-hiding even though I’m not from a religious family. I’m now more open than ever, but I don’t feel like I’m out of the woods yet as far as discrimination and ridicule go. My biggest fear today is losing my job or not getting future employment. However, I believe in my writing projects. Speaking out is the right thing to do so I’m willing to risk it. (Thankfully, my husband makes a lot more money than I do.) 

Have you seen conditions improve for atheists over time? I’ve seen conditions improve but I think it’s only because I’ve moved around. I wonder if life has changed at all back home in the country. 

I’ve been really impressed learning about atheist groups all across the country while I work at promoting my poetry book. Some have book clubs. Some have thrown out first pitches at baseball games! It’s incredible to see how well some of these communities are doing. I once thought my best chance to thrive would be to hide who I am, but they are showing me that that just isn’t true. 

What improvements have you seen? Have you lived in the same place for a while or have you moved around? What’s it been like?

Forbidden

Sharing another poem from Free to Roam: Poems from a Heathen Mommy.

 

Forbidden

I’m drowning in your choppy sea of innocence.
You’re ass-deep in constricting dogma.

If you got your chance,
what would you do to me?

Green eyes and icy fingertips stripping me naked,
a bite that burns with intention.

Would you pin me down out of years of frustration
or newfound emancipation? We’ll never know.

This secret fantasy only plays out in your head
because god is always watching.

Sweet dreams, farm boy.
I’m going home to wash your shame off my dress.

 

My poetry book gives an atheist perspective on being a Midwest Mom. It is for sale on my publisher’s site freethoughthouse.com, Barnes & Noble, and Amazon.

A Secular Childhood: Letters to My Daughter — no.22 “Always Use Your Voice”

Dear daughter,

Yesterday was difficult. We’re still in the middle of the pandemic, so it was just another day of hanging around the house. 

You were putting up a fight for some very basic things — brushing your teeth and getting dressed. You’re four and you don’t like being told what to do. I don’t like threatening time-out but it seems to get the job done.

The fights and frustration continued throughout the day. I don’t even remember what it all was about. What was concerning was that by the end of the day when we’re all tired, you were crying and I couldn’t understand what you were saying. This has been happening more frequently. I wish I knew what was going on so I could help you.

Daughter, I’m sure by the time you read this letter I will be able to understand you when you’re upset. Language skills and emotional regulation will come (and hopefully soon.)

It’s okay to be upset. Always use your voice. Communication is crucial. If you need help, always speak up. Be clear in what you need.

I don’t cry that much. It’s not that I’m afraid to let go, it’s just me. When I do cry, it is a good indication that changes need to be made. So when I break down, I listen to my mind and body. You always should, too. 

Beautiful daughter, life is full of ups and downs and good communication will help you get through all of it. Always use your voice.

Love,

Mom

Thrive

Sharing another poem from my book, Free to Roam: Poems from a Heathen Mommy.

Thrive

(a message to my younger self)

Thrive
among the stares
meant to strip your future naked.

Thrive
among the words
meant to leave your outlook tainted.

Thrive
outside the conformity
of the minds no longer free.

Thrive
free of the Book
that binds their hands and knees.

Thrive
in your community
on the outside looking in.

Thrive
among your neighbors
ignoring their own sin.

Thrive
because you’re strong
and love will always win.

 

My poetry book gives an atheist perspective on being a Midwest Mom. It is for sale on my publisher’s site freethoughthouse.com, Barnes & Noble, and Amazon.

A Secular Childhood: Letters to My Daughter — no.21 “Frustration”

Dear daughter,

 

Your frustration is through the roof. It’s most noticeable when you play video games. If something doesn’t work right in the game, you yell, cry, and sometimes throw the remote. It escalates very quickly — zero to 100 in no time flat.

But it’s not limited to video games. Sometimes if you’re not understood in conversations you get very upset. 

I get it. I really do. I’m a very impatient person and am often frustrated, too.

When I look back on my childhood, I remember a lot of confusion. It just felt like I never knew what was going on. I didn’t know how things worked and I didn’t understand why people would act the way they did. I remember several times when I got in trouble and never understood what I did wrong. It was very frustrating.

My smart and beautiful daughter — you are a little more passionate and fiery than I was growing up and I think in life, that might serve you well. That doesn’t help the frustration you are feeling now, though. So many things are new to you and there’s a lot to take in.

I can tell you to try to stay calm, but you’re only four right now and I know that won’t work. So I will try to stay calm for you. 

Always ask questions when you don’t understand and give it time. Don’t give up. When you get older things will become a little more clear. Growing up is confusing and frustrating but you will get through it. I promise. 

Love,

Mom

February 23rd — Speaking to the Nottingham Secular Society!

Getting excited! I’m speaking to the Nottingham Secular Society next week!

 

“Poems and Tales from an American Heathen Mommy”

Megan Rahm

Speaks, via Zoom, from Toledo, Ohio, USA.

Tuesday 23rd February at 19:30

Let’s have a good turnout for our

American friends.

As usual, you will have to request a link, etc. for this meeting and the information will be sent out a couple of days before the meeting.

email: [email protected]

 

Megan is an atheist, humanist and secularist all rolled into one,

and she comes highly recommended by the Great Lakes Atheists. (founded by one of our members!). Megan will take us on her journey through life.

 

Everything about Megan Rahm screams “Midwest Mom” with one big exception; she’s a very passionate atheist. While often a source of tension, this juxtaposition in her life is also a source of creativity, which led to her writing “Free to Roam: Poetry from a Heathen Mommy”.  In her talk, as in her book, Megan will passionately explore coming of age, faith and atheism, motherhood, and womanhood. With honesty, poignancy, and humour, Megan Rahm covers life’s most exhilarating highs and the heartbreaking lows. Her words are sure to both make you cry and awaken your sense of life’s adventure.

 

This is departure from our normal annual Darwin Lecture where we have always had a scientist as a speaker – but let’s give the Arts a go!

Tuesday 30th March at 19:30

Speaker: Alistair Lichten from the National Secular Society.

“No more Faith Schools!”

Tuesday 27th April at 19:30

Speaker: Margaret Christopoulos on

“Conscientious Objectors in World War 2 in the UK.”

 

I am available for more speaking engagements! Please leave a comment if your group is interested!