Curiosity of the Topic of Suicide — Religious vs. Secular

I should probably start this post by saying I’m in a safe place and doing well. I am not suicidal I just have a bit of morbid curiosity on the subject.

I was watching a documentary the other day that mentioned the Suicide Forest at Mt. Fuji in Japan. (If you haven’t heard of it, I would suggest Googling it. It’s dark and sort of fascinating.) This had me thinking about views on suicide.

My Own Experience with Suicidal Thoughts

As a mental health worker, I would obviously do anything to prevent that final outcome for myself or anyone else. 

I have only felt suicidal a couple of times, and both times I had an overwhelming feeling of being stuck – like nothing will ever change and there’s nothing I can do about it. Somewhere along the line, I asked for help.

I’ve always had a lot of help with my mental health. I have continuously seen a psychiatrist since I was twenty-one and I have seen therapists and other professionals off and on throughout the years. I feel very fortunate for that.

One thing that has always helped me is knowing that feelings are temporary.

Breakfast with My Husband

I’ve noticed I feel a little more passionate about this topic than many of my friends and family. Some of them feel it should always be the person’s choice, especially if they are truly suffering.

Sitting over breakfast at Bob Evans, I told my husband about this post and he had a few thoughts. My husband is a dispatcher for our local 911 where they receive many calls regarding people who are suicidal. For these calls, they always send police and EMS and the police are always the first to enter the scene. The police obviously are going to use force to try to stop someone from killing themselves and you can’t help but wonder if there isn’t a better way. Is force really necessary if they’re not hurting anyone else?

He also pointed out that we value free will and suicide is the last free choice a person can make.

Also, if you stop someone who is truly suffering from dying by suicide, is it for you or for them?

We both agree with assisted suicide in the case of a terminal illness.

It was an interesting breakfast. I miss having conversations with my husband like this.

Your Thoughts…Religious vs. Secular

I’m just really curious to get your thoughts on the topic. I think in Christianity it is a sin to die by suicide. Do you think that ever prevents anyone from doing it? Also, if you take religion out of it, should people view it as a viable option for ending their suffering?

Spending Time at the Library

The coolest place to hang out in Toledo is the library! It is also where most of my blog posts are written. It’s a beautiful building. I’m sitting in a study room as I write this and I wanted to share a few pictures I just took of the library.

Toledo Library atrium   

   

   

I just wanted to share how much I enjoy coming here.

 

What’s your local library like? Do you spend a lot of time there?

How do you talk to your child about death?

A couple of nights ago my husband and I were conversing about aging and death. Specifically about my grandmother who passed away a few years ago. She was 91 and still very sharp mentally – she knew everything that was going on as she was dying. It was painful to watch. 

My grandpa, on the other hand, who died a few years before her had dementia so by the time he died it was like we had already lost him long ago. I asked my husband if he thought it was better for your mind or your body to decline first. 

Maybe we should have been a little more cautious in our conversation because our six-year-old daughter was in the room and after a few mentions of the word “death” she burst into tears and said, “I don’t want to die!” 

I let my husband take the lead on this one. I thought my explanation of death would be too depressing. I don’t believe there’s anything after death. You die and that’s it – you’re gone. But how do you say that to a crying six-year-old?

I said, “Everybody dies. It’s a part of life.” My daughter then said she wants to be a ghost so she can live forever. 

Unfortunately, we didn’t really knock down the ghost idea. We really had no idea what to say.

My husband added that it’s important to live your life to the fullest because we will all die one day. I definitely agreed with him on that one and I was hoping that would be my daughter’s main takeaway from the conversation.

My daughter said she’d wish upon a shooting star to be a ghost and then as she left the room she said, “Say goodbye to the real world and hello to the death world.” It was pretty creepy. 

I thought I was better prepared for this. 

My mother died when I was five so I had to deal with death at a very young age. I remember feeling a lot of confusion. I would ask where my mom was, and no one would answer me. My daughter deserves a better explanation than what I was given – which was no explanation.

So please help me out – what did you tell your kids about death? 

Also, my husband never was able to answer my question – would it be better for your mind or your body to decline first? If you feel like answering that I would love to hear it.

Sex Ed Scare Tactics – If I Only Knew

I was terrified of sex growing up. I knew very little about my own body and talking about sex always came with a negative connotation. It was always taught to be a bad thing.

I went to high school in the late 90s in rural Ohio. At the time, schools in Ohio were not required to have sex ed and if they did, it had to be an abstinence-only curriculum.

Forget training about orientation and identity (which I later learned could have saved many of my classmates some heartache, frustration, and fear) – we were lacking in even the fundamental basics. I didn’t even know how my body worked.

My classmates and I assumed if you have sex, you either get pregnant the first time or you get sick and die – either way you’re going to hell. It didn’t help that there were a lot of pregnant girls at school. See! You really do get pregnant right away!

Shedding Light on What Was Never Talked About

I was a little more fortunate than my classmates because I was an exchange student and spent my junior year in Denmark, a place with very comprehensive sexual education. I was 16 and for the first time heard about masturbation in a positive light. We were always taught back home that it was wrong to touch ourselves. I had never explored my own body. I had an orgasm for the first time in Denmark and at first, it scared me. It was new but I soon enjoyed it. Why didn’t I know about this? 

I returned from Denmark armed with knowledge that made me less fearful. Of course, I was more than willing to share this knowledge with my curious and repressed teenage friends in Ohio. 

My Path and My Daughter

I lost my virginity at 18 to a person I was serious about. It was his first time as well. It’s a fun memory and I had no regrets.

I’ve also been very fortunate in only getting pregnant when I really wanted to.

If I went to high school now, with my late-30s horniness and experience, I would definitely relax and have a little more fun – maybe fuck the football team.

Would I say that to my daughter? Probably not. But I don’t want my daughter to fear sex either – maybe just have a healthy respect for it. I don’t want her to see it as a bad thing.

In Denmark, there seemed to be this rite-of-passage where a mother takes her daughter to get birth control around her fifteenth birthday. I think that’s a great idea and I plan on doing that with my daughter. I don’t know if she’ll need birth control then, but I’m going to make sure it’s readily available and she knows how to use it.

Sex Ed in Ohio Today

I graduated high school over 20 years ago. So what’s it like for kids in Ohio today? A quick Google search revealed that not much has changed. Sex ed is now required in schools, however, the curriculum is not required to be comprehensive and it must emphasize abstinence. 

A little further research showed that now even anti-abortion groups have affected sex ed in Ohio. The curriculum must also emphasize adoption for unintended pregnancies. 

The consequences of having a child out of wedlock must also be taught.

Check out Ohio Code Section 3313.6011 for the full list of requirements for sex ed and see why I’m disappointed in my now red state.

I hope my daughter will be more knowledgeable than I was as she works her way through childhood but it’s pretty clear she’s not going to get that from school. It’s up to me.

 

What was sex ed like in your school? Did you fear sex? Did you see it as a good/bad thing? I’d love to hear your stories.

A Little Pick-Me-Up

Here’s a little poem I wrote while in treatment…

Rise from the rubble
like the badass that you are.
The world came crashing down
but you have the strength
to build it back up.
Brick and mortar,
concrete and steel —
don’t let anything knock you down.

Some recent events have really put my recovery to the test, but I made it. I survived.

In this moment, I’m feeling a lot of strength and love. I don’t believe in prayer or good jujus or anything, but I hope in some way you’re feeling it, too.

A few questions…are atheists typically arrogant? Are we smarter?

Do you think atheists are typically arrogant? That’s definitely a stereotype out there; sometimes I fall into that category. Why can’t everyone see religion in the way that I see it? It’s just common sense to know that religion is bullshit, right?

As atheists, is it our duty to expose the evils of religion? In a way, “spread the word”? 

We may have science on our side, but it always seems to be our word vs. theirs. 

But take your average Christian in middle America – going about life, doing what they know and maybe don’t know any different – are they doing anything wrong? Is it their fault for not questioning their beliefs?

Is being skeptical a personal responsibility?

Are we smarter for questioning? Is being inquisitive an inherited trait? Why do some question and some follow blindly? I’d say that a lot of it has to do with your environment, yet so many people rebel against their upbringing. Could there possibly be a nurture vs. nature argument when it comes to faith? 

I’d like to think I’m not an asshole. Deep down I know we are all just humans with our own experiences, trauma, abilities, and flaws and most of us are just trying to get by. 

Hate the belief but not the believer? Maybe this is a case of live and let live.

Wanna take a stab at the many questions I vomited onto this post? I’d love to hear it.

Post-Roe Plans for a Mom Nearing 40 in a Red State

When I heard the news of Roe being overturned, I felt I needed a plan. I am a woman still in her childbearing years. I have an amazing daughter but I know I do not want any more children. 

I also live in Ohio – a red state. The very same day Roe was struck down Ohio’s Heartbeat Law went into effect, making getting an abortion in our state nearly impossible. 

The first step in my plan is to get an IUD. I am currently on the pill and I’m not going to lie – I have occasionally forgotten to take it. I don’t want to take any chances.

The next step is to get a new passport. I let my passport expire a few years back and didn’t really have a need (or the money) to renew it. I don’t know what the states bordering Ohio are doing, but Canada is only an hour away from my home in Toledo. Seems like that would be a safe bet if I ever needed an abortion.

The trickiest part of this whole equation is my six-year-old daughter. What will this country and this state look like as she gets older?

My husband and I have actually talked about moving because it’s not just Roe – it’s everything. This is absolutely heartbreaking to me. My family has called Northwest Ohio home for 170 years. 

Are you making post-Roe plans?

A Fond Childhood Memory That Brings Out the Atheist in Me

I want to share with you one of my favorite memories of back home. 

I grew up in a very rural area – Henry County, Ohio. It’s a rich agricultural region that was once part of the Great Black Swamp. 

My best friend lived a few miles away. Our grandpas were both farmers and our families had lived there for generations. 

One of the coolest things about living in the country (in my opinion) is the night sky. It gets so dark. On a clear night, the stars can be overwhelming and you just feel so small. 

My best friend had a big trampoline in her backyard and we would lay on it at night and look up at the sky. You wouldn’t believe how much is going on up there – there’s a lot of shit in the sky!

Sometimes I thought it was scary. I was certain that we were going to be abducted by aliens but thankfully that never happened. It made me feel like there’s just so much that goes on that is beyond my understanding. The sky is so vast and beautiful but there’s so much I don’t know. 

When we looked off to the Northeast, there was a faint orange haze in the distance. That was the lights of Toledo. I had no idea that one day that would be my home.

Today I prefer living in the city but I definitely miss the dark nights of the country.

You always hear people talking about awe-inspiring experiences bringing them closer to god but for me, thinking about the big night sky and stars back home brings out the atheist. It reminds me that we are so insignificant – barely a blink in space and time. We must make the most of the experiences that we have.

I was not an atheist back then but this is how the memory affects me now.

Have you had any awe-inspiring experiences that bring out the atheist in you?

Pushing Through Pain and Self-Care

I just want to see if there’s anyone out there who can relate.

How do you keep yourself going when you are feeling unwell?

For example, I’ve spent years battling an eating disorder and it can sometimes be really hard to listen to my body. I’ve learned that oftentimes when my stomach is upset or I’m feeling nauseous, I’m actually hungry. It feels so counterintuitive to try to eat when I feel like I’m going to throw up. It can be absolutely grueling but I know that’s what my body needs. At that point, eating becomes a form of self-care. 

Sometimes I just can’t do it and I waste away the day by laying around in pain. 

This isn’t just for physical pain though – mental pain can be just as debilitating.

I also struggle with anxiety and my symptoms can range from lack of concentration to not wanting to leave the house. But I’m still a mom. I still have a job. I still have shit to do.

It is just so hard to push through that pain and keep going.

How do you keep going when you feel like you can’t? How do you push through the pain? 

If you knew an area had conservative religious and political views, would you refrain from traveling there? 

Do an area’s popular religious and political views ever deter you from vacationing there?

A Recent Road Trip

I recently spent a few days in Tennessee visiting family. In true Midwest fashion if you can drive somewhere in under twelve hours there’s just no need to fly, so my husband and I made the eight-hour drive from Northwest Ohio to Eastern Tennessee. Our daughter did surprisingly well on the road trip. In fact, most of the time she was pretty quiet watching videos in her car seat.

My relatives moved to Tennessee just a few months ago; this was the first time I had visited the area. I knew Tennessee was more conservative but I didn’t think it would be as visible — my relatives live in a very busy tourist area in the Great Smoky Mountains. 

I was wrong!

Christianity and conservative viewpoints were definitely on display but I think it just added to our entertainment. My favorite was the huge cross on the mountainside right above the gigantic “Adult World” store. 

There were several year-round Christmas stores along the main drag. Gross.

I shit you not, there were also two Trump Stores. We don’t have that in Toledo! I did not have the guts to go in.

Car Trouble

Just after lunch, on our first full day in Tennessee, our car’s brakes started making some horrible noises. Surprisingly, we found a shop that was able to fix our car in a couple of hours and it didn’t cost as much as it could have. We thought the mechanics might take advantage of us since we were from out of town. 

We have several atheist and humanist stickers on the back of our car and I thought about that as we handed the mechanic our keys. We’re a long way from home and at the mercy of the mechanic – could my stickers be a reason they screw us?

Luckily, the mechanics were great. Our car is fine and we could still afford the rest of our vacation.

Choosing Your Vacation

Obviously, I didn’t choose to vacation in Tennessee; that’s just where my relatives live. Despite the local conservative views, it’s a very beautiful area and I’m glad I got to see it.

If you knew an area had conservative religious and political views, would you think twice about traveling there?