I hate it when someone recovers from a medical condition and god gets all the credit. It’s a miracle! He’s either good or mysterious, right? If I was a doctor that would infuriate me.

But there’s something even worse.

A few years ago, a friend of mine overcame a hardship at work. This friend – who had never been religious in the past – credited god for her success. She said she couldn’t do it on her own so god must have been helping her. Well, obviously she could do it and it’s absolutely heartbreaking that she couldn’t recognize her own inner strength.

People are resilient and should take credit for their personal accomplishments.

Of course, this inspired me to write a poem…

 

You Didn’t Need God

You said you couldn’t do it alone
But you did.
We are all powerful
In our own lives.
Scale that jagged cliff,
Surf those tempest-swept waters–
You are in charge.
You’re secretly surefooted,
Resourceful with undiscovered confidence.
What you think is strength in god
Is really strength within yourself.
You are more capable than you know.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I grew up thinking something was wrong with me. My family has lived in Northwest Ohio since before the Civil War and yet I’ve never felt like I fit in here. My feelings towards religion have always been a glaring difference between me and other people in the area; however, this difference was more painful and destructive in my childhood. Everyone else was obviously seeing something I couldn’t. No one wants to be different as a kid, so I kept my thoughts to myself. (Although, that changed when I was a teenager.)

Skepticism as a Child

It seems like many question the existence of god as an adult, but did any of you question as a child? I have always been skeptical but then again I didn’t have much religious influence from my immediate family growing up. I felt pressure from classmates and their families.

The Struggle of Questioning in Secret

I would go to church with friends and try to “force” myself to believe. My fellow churchgoers were probably unaware of my inner turmoil, but now as an adult, I wonder how many of them were in the same boat. There are more of us than we know. This thought inspired a recent poem of mine:

 

Stuck in the Closet

There are crowds of atheists
cloaked in the long shadows of steeples –
even more than we know.

They swallow the truth
Because they think they have to,
Because maybe they were raised that way.

One, two, ten years
In a dark closet –
Their thoughts echo in the loneliness.

They secretly question as
A tortured mind now liberated
But another voice suppressed.

They’re scared
But even more angry.
I know that innermost turmoil.

Let that anger fuel progress –
A passionate fire that lights the way.
The most liberated life is an honest one.

 

How common is Skepticism?

Humans are curious creatures and skepticism seems natural. You would think questioning god would be a normal part of growing up. It’s unfortunate that feeling skeptical at any age can be a painful experience – no matter how common it really is.

I wish I had the ability to tell everyone that has secretly questioned (including my younger self) that there is absolutely nothing wrong with him or her. Imagine how powerful that would be.

 

Did any of you have a time where you were questioning god in secret? Has being skeptical ever been a painful experience?

I really don’t think it’s anyone’s business what anyone believes in at work, but let’s face it; many people see their beliefs as an important part of their identity. They carry it with them everywhere.

Most people where I work are Christian and they’re not afraid to very openly express their beliefs. There have been more than a few discussions that have left me feeling uncomfortable. I fear discrimination and ridicule so I keep my mouth shut. At the very least, throwing my two cents in would make things extremely awkward, and there’s no escape – I need this job.

There’s been so many times where I felt I should stand up and address the issue – being an advocate in my own life could pave an easier way for local atheists in the future – but I always choose to just go about my business and say nothing.

Sometimes I think that maybe I’m too sensitive and it’s not as big of a deal as I’m making it out to be. However, deep down I fear that’s not the case.

 

How do you guys deal with situations like this at work? Have you ever faced discrimination?

I grew up in rural Northwest Ohio and although my family has lived here for several generations, I’ve always felt like an outsider. I struggled with my feelings towards religion throughout my childhood and frequently dreamed of moving far away.

A Year Abroad Defined My Values

When I was 16, I was given an amazing opportunity to study abroad. I spent one life-changing year in Denmark. When I say life-changing, I really mean it. I’m now 37 and my experiences in Denmark still affect me today. It shaped my values – how I feel about parenting, working, politics, social issues, human rights, and just about everything else.

In Denmark, I met people who were openly atheist for the first time. That had a huge impact on me a few years down the road. I had never met anyone who wasn’t Christian let alone an atheist.

Even though Danes are often known as quiet, I came back to Ohio pretty outspoken. Just knowing there’s a whole big world outside of Ohio gave me confidence. I was counting down the days until I could leave.

My Exchange Year Had Lasting Effects

I had one more painstaking year of high school left when I came back from Denmark. It was the longest year ever. I was constantly protesting at our absurdly conservative “public” school. I even got a detention for walking out during the prayer at one of our football games. I was pretty proud of it. (Still am, actually.)

When I was in my early twenties and finally called myself an atheist, I thought about my experience in Denmark and I knew what I was doing was okay. I knew that there were lots of good people who were atheists – almost a whole country full actually. Just because I don’t fit in at home doesn’t mean it’s wrong.

Now that I’m a mother, I’m really hoping my daughter will get a similar opportunity one day. It would be hard to send her away just like it was for my dad, but I feel it’s an extremely important experience that can potentially shape a person’s future. I just hope we will have the resources at that time to make it happen.

Life Back in Ohio

Today I’m pretty shy. I tend to avoid social situations. I would love to be fearless again like I was as a teenager.

I did leave Ohio but only to return a couple of years later. Now I absolutely love living in Toledo. I have all the opportunities and conveniences of a city but I’m still close to my family in the outlying area. Plus, Toledo’s just a neat place. The city just has this spirit or attitude about it that’s hard to describe – gritty yet hopeful, maybe? We’re in the rustbelt but still kicking.

Sometimes I still feel like an outsider in Ohio, but you know what? This is my home, too, damn it.

 

 

Hi! I’m Megan. I’m a wife and mother from Toledo, Ohio USA, and I’ve spent most of my adult life working in mental health and the arts. I love to write, and before coming to Free Thought Blogs, I was a blogger for a popular mental health site for two years.

How I Became an Atheist

I didn’t call myself an atheist until my early twenties, but my skepticism was definitely brewing long before then.

My family was Christian but didn’t go to church except for an occasional Christmas or Easter service, and even that tapered off as I got older. There wasn’t a lot of pressure from my family to believe one way or another.

However, I grew up in a conservative rural area and pressure came from others in the community. I was an outsider. I questioned Christianity from a very young age although I didn’t always feel safe doing so.

To make things messier, I have a mental illness that causes visual and auditory hallucinations. It really consumed me in my late teens and early twenties. The hallucinations were frightening and at the time there was no real explanation. I thought they were ghosts. What else could they be? Since I had usually been skeptical, this caused some serious inner turmoil.

Finally in my early twenties I was diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder and prescribed medication. My life dramatically changed for the better. When the antipsychotic meds kicked in and the hallucinations stopped, questions turned to answers. The hallucinations were this tiny thin thread – the only thing connecting me to spirituality. When it was broken, I felt clarity. I had an explanation. I finally called myself an atheist. 15 years have passed and I’ve never wavered from that stance.

You would not believe how grateful I am to modern medicine and science for creating medication that help stops the symptoms of schizoaffective disorder. None of my life would be possible without it.

The Meaning of My Blog Name – “From the Ashes of Faith”

It’s no secret that religion causes the majority of suffering in the world. We see it everyday and those with a heart are sickened by it.

“From the Ashes of Faith” refers to if and when religion falls, a liberated, more peaceful society will emerge. I think that’s something worth fighting for.

Moving Forward

I am really interested in writing about secular parenting and atheism in the Midwest. I would love to hear from other parents. Social issues that are really important to me include income inequality, reproductive rights, and mental health, so you will probably hear about those as well.

Thank you for reading my first post! I plan on posting consistently although I have not completely decided on a schedule yet. Please check back soon as I settle into a routine.