We’re pretty open with our daughter. She’s turning four at the end of the month, but when she asks questions, we answer them. We try to be simple and clear, but we don’t hide anything. We don’t try to come up with some foofy made-up explanation just because of her question being uncomfortable or complicated. We’ve dealt a little bit with death and questions about our bodies. She’s little, but she still deserves the truth. 

With that being said, it was hard to find a way to explain COVID-19 clearly to her. I told her there’s a virus that’s making people sick so we can’t get close to others. It’s safest for us to stay home. Whether or not she understands the meaning, she now knows the word “virus” and I think she’s a little worried. She can’t see her friends from daycare. Do they have the virus? She can’t go to Pop Pop’s house. Does he have the virus? 

When Ohio’s governor issued the stay-at-home order a few weeks ago, she didn’t seem to notice right away, but she eventually started to notice that she’s not at daycare and I’m not at work. It’s just been hard to find a simple way to explain everything to her so she understands. We don’t sugarcoat things, but I don’t want to freak her out either. We now have friends, acquaintances, and coworkers that are sick, and I want to be honest with her.

So I’m asking for advice, input, opinions, suggestions, etc. What have you told your kids? How do you explain what’s going on in the world right now?

When you get pregnant, people tend to throw around words like “blessing”, “gift”, and “miracle”. It was annoying and even offensive sometimes, but I didn’t let that ruin the awe I was feeling when I was expecting my daughter. 

I was in awe of my body and nature. It’s just amazing to feel a tiny person form inside you. Our bodies are capable of some incredible things.

I was in awe of modern medicine. There were some complicated things to consider when we conceived, and although the pregnancy was high risk, everything went smoothly. Everyone was and is healthy. The tests and procedures I went through while pregnant were absolutely fascinating and they kept my baby and myself safe.

I know pregnancy isn’t the right choice for everyone, but I feel really grateful I got to experience it. It has actually made me feel more comfortable in my own skin. My stretch marks are like battle scars — I can wear them with pride because they were a part of my daughter growing in my belly. 

Becoming a mother also felt like joining the biggest support group ever. I now have a special connection to all the other moms in my life. Good or bad, we can all relate.

My pregnancy was never a “blessing” or “miracle” and my daughter isn’t a “gift”. Having a baby was an amazing, natural event and I now feel joy watching my daughter grow, learn, and explore. 

Let me also take this opportunity to thank my amazing doctors who brought my healthy baby girl into this world. They were knowledgeable and professional. They get the credit — not god. 

Has anyone else experienced this? Was your pregnancy a “blessing”?

What would I do if my daughter became religious? This is such a tough question. 

We all know that when you are growing up, your friends are a huge influence. I may not be pushing religion at home, but my daughter is going to see it everywhere else. However, I don’t want to shelter her. She needs to know about the world and make her own informed decisions. Keyword there is “own”. I’d like to think my husband and I will have instilled a healthy amount of curiosity and skepticism in our daughter so she won’t fall for any sort of fantasy or makeshift explanations for the universe, but that is still up to her.

If my daughter does develop some sort of religious belief, I don’t want to be an asshole. It would be incredibly upsetting for me, but I can’t judge her or shut her out. She’s my daughter and that wouldn’t be fair.

I know I’m totally jumping the gun here — my daughter turns four next month — but it’s still a thought that leaves me feeling uneasy. It’s mostly exciting to think about what my daughter’s future might look like but sometimes the amount of unknowns is also scary.

Have any other parents experienced this? Any advice or insight? Even worse — has anyone actually asked you this question? I don’t think I would even consider it if someone hadn’t asked me before.

My anxiety has always gotten the best of me and that was amplified when I became a mom. I worry about things like this.

I know you’re not supposed to want one sex over the other when you’re pregnant. You’re just supposed to say you want a healthy baby and leave it at that. 

But I really wanted a girl. I was so excited when I found out we were having a daughter.

There’s just something about little girls. They’re tiny humans beaming with boundless potential. I’m positive girls will change the world — the underdogs that will save us all. How can you not want to be a part of that?

My little girl is a superhero. She is the future. 

Religion has oppressed women for centuries. Could you imagine where our society would be if women could have been free? 

While I’m so happy to have a daughter, maybe it’s a little sad that I measure girls’ potential by the many first yet to come for women. Why are there still so many firsts?

My daughter is bright and curious, and despite where we are today, I believe girls will be the trailblazers tomorrow.

Lead Like a Girl

Giggles, hair bows, and limitless potential –
the future comes home swaddled in pink.
My daughter can save her world.
Call the shots with compassion.
Curious little girls grow up
to be women who lead the way.

I am a strong pro-choice supporter. Toledo only has one abortion clinic left, and it struggles with everything from vandalism to Ohio’s backward legislation. But they are hanging on with everything they’ve got for the reproductive rights of us here in Northwest Ohio.

Abortion in Ohio

Separation of church and state is a nice idea, but in Ohio, it’s painfully obvious that it doesn’t exist. Ohio has passed some of the strictest abortion laws in the country, and now many of our state senators are urging the Supreme Court to revisit Roe v. Wade.

The Religious Right Destroys Our Future

Without access to abortion, the religious right holds women’s fate in shackles. Since women are the ones who bear children, it is so important to our future that women are able to choose when and if they will have children.

The only reasoning for these laws comes from scripture. If you don’t like abortion – fine. Don’t get one. But don’t use your religion to control everyone else. You’ve been doing that for centuries.

Rights for My Family in Ohio

Ohio is my home and I don’t want to be anywhere else, but sometimes I feel guilty raising a daughter here. She deserves better.

When I was 16, I spent a year abroad in Denmark so I know first hand that there are places where reproductive rights aren’t contested. I don’t want to leave Ohio to attain rights and equality. This is my home and I want it here.

As a mother, I want what’s best for my daughter and I feel like I shouldn’t have to look far from home to get it. Reproductive rights are so essential to our future. I hope progress will be made and one day our oppressed reality will be the distant past for my daughter.R

Play Date

In a quiet neighborhood
Tucked between accountability and appearances
I live among you – the outwardly faithful

With my soccer mom SUV,
Weekly gymnastics classes,
Over-the-top birthday parties,

Picky eater battles,
Car seat wrestling,
And inevitable grocery store meltdowns.

My silent anger presses
Behind my warm, neighborly smile.
Your small talk is carefree and careless.

Would you let your bratty kid
Play with my bratty kid
If you knew I was an atheist?

My daughter is our only child and she’s only three, so we’re definitely learning as we go. In many ways, my daughter’s childhood is already very different from mine which makes me feel like I have even less direction. I spend a lot of nights worrying about what’s to come.

Reasonably Protected vs. Overly Sheltered

I’m very careful with my daughter when it comes to religion. I just don’t want her around it because I know religions prey on the young.

However, I also don’t want my daughter to grow up ignorant and afraid. I want her to at least know what religion is.

How do I balance between protecting her and adequately exposing her to the world around her?

I would like to think that young people are less religious than my generation and my parent’s generation, so maybe this won’t come up, but what if my daughter’s friends from school go to church and she wants to go with them? Peer pressure is a powerful thing. I want to say no but I also don’t want people to think I’m an asshole.

For the most part, I enthusiastically celebrate diversity, but I feel religious beliefs are one area of a person’s life that we can unapologetically judge. You can’t judge someone based on their skin color or sexual orientation because those are things you are born with. They are not a choice. However, religion is a choice and we criticize bad choices all the time.

However, I really do want my daughter to see and experience the world around her. I want her to have knowledge of different religions and cultures. I don’t want her to be afraid of those who are different from her.

When to Let Go

I suppose frank and open discussions with my daughter throughout her childhood are necessary to tackle this issue.

At what point do a child’s own skepticism and common sense kick in? When is it appropriate to let them explore on their own?

I would love to hear from other atheist parents. How much do you expose your child to religion?

How do you guys feel about Christmas in a secular sense? Do any of you celebrate?

Normally my husband and I visit extended family and not do anything at home. However, this year our three-year-old came home from daycare talking about Santa. One thing led to another and now we have a tree with presents under it.

My husband assembled the artificial tree in our daughter’s bedroom a few days ago, and she proceeded to decorate it with hair bows and headbands. It looked kind of cool so we just went with it. It’s not like we had many ornaments anyway.

I usually hate this time of year. My threshold for annoying Christmas crap is pretty low, but it is cute to see my daughter excited.

I guess Santa’s okay, but if my daughter comes home from daycare talking about Jesus, then we’ll have a problem.

It’s always fascinating to listen to atheists and theists debate. For me, it doesn’t take much arguing to disprove the bible, but for many people, you can talk until you’re blue in the face and nothing will change. While these exchanges are always interesting, they’re certainly not what I’m focused on.

I am more interested in discussing everyday life as an atheist. It’s not as easy as a Midwest mom. Being an atheist is an important part of me, but I still have to go about my day here in Toledo with my family.

Retreating to My Closet

Even though I’ve wanted to write about atheism for a long time, in my everyday life I’m basically in the closet –mainly because I fear discrimination and ridicule at work. My daughter is only three so thankfully I haven’t had to deal with a lot of other parents yet. My family and close friends know I’m an atheist but that’s as far as it goes.

This blog might blow my cover, but I’m thinking it’s about time. I’m now willing to take that risk.

Atheists around the world aren’t always treated well, and I want to work to change that. I can’t help if I stay silent.

What Being An Atheist Mom Means to Me

As a mom and atheist, I want to foster curiosity in my daughter. She has so many questions right now and she’s so fun to watch. She has absolutely no sense of “gross” yet and she’s fearless.

I also think it’s important to teach the importance of empathy. I want to refer to the humanist “good without god” saying. I will tell my daughter that we help other humans when we can because we are also human and it’s the right thing to do. This doesn’t involve a god or scoring points for entry to heaven.

I hope, as my daughter gets older I will have instilled decent levels of skepticism and common sense.

An even bigger hope of mine is that my daughter never feels like she has to hide her (dis)beliefs.

I would love to hear from others – especially parents – on how atheism plays into your everyday life. That’s something I really want to focus on. I spend too much time silent and angry and I’m curious how others feel. Leave a comment and let me know.