Last weekend my family went to the local science museum, and it was super crowded. In fact, it’s been packed every single time we’ve been there. We have a family membership and my daughter loves the place. I hate going there because crowds make me incredibly nervous.
But I go. I have a lot of anxiety when we go out in public or in social situations, but I do it for my daughter. I don’t want her to miss out. It’s so hard to be a parent with anxiety because I want my daughter to experience lots of different things. My anxiety hinders me, but I’m doing my best to not let it affect my daughter.
But honestly, some days I don’t even want to leave the house.
Even the grocery store is difficult. I prefer to go in the middle of the week at night when no one’s there, but unfortunately, we always end up going on Friday when we get paid – just like everyone else. Saying money’s tight in the middle of the week is an understatement.
I won’t even go near Costco on the weekend.
This isn’t limited to crowds. I always feel awkward in my interactions with others. I have a schizophrenic disorder and my medication makes me shake – I just feel like everyone knows. My mental illness has never been a secret, but I also don’t want it to be the first thing people think of when they see me.
In summary, I am not a people person. I don’t have much of a point to this post other than to find people to commiserate with. Now that I’m done bitching, can anyone relate? People with little ones — how do you ensure your child experiences as much as possible when you’re just a big ball of nerves?
Once you have a child that you’re responsible for keeping alive and safe, you are more anxious. Right now there’s Covid (still here!), RSV, and the flu working together to reduce the population.
Otherwise, not liking crowds is a common thing, and it seems that thing describes you. For me, it depends on the crowd. In the before-Covid times, I’ve been in NYC for New Years Eve, I’ve been in a field of 10,000 people running a triathlon, I’ve been to stadium music concerts and been completely comfortable. On the other hand, I’ve been to 30-people PTA meetings where I would have jumped out the window to escape if the room had a window, and 5-people work team meetings that were just excruciating.