Does anyone hate Christmas as much as I do?

Ugh. I really hate this time of year. The busy stores. The stupid movies and ads on TV. The music. It really gets under my skin — every fucking year.

Obviously, I don’t agree with the religious side of Christmas. I hate being reminded of how dominating Christianity is where I live. But it’s much more than that.

Why can’t a holiday just be on the scheduled day it’s supposed to be? Why does Christmas have to last two fucking months? Sometimes I see Christmas shit in stores in October. Don’t you dare overshadow Halloween!

And then there are the gifts. I love how stores so thoughtfully send catalogs through snail mail (even though you don’t ask for them) just so your kids can get their hands on them. My six-year-old daughter circled every fucking toy in the Meijer catalog the other day.

Not to mention my husband and I don’t have a lot of money. We always go into the new year broke. I mean really, what is the point of all this?

I am the biggest Scrooge and I really don’t have a point to this post. I just wanted to bitch and I’m hoping you get me and want to bitch, too.

I say we make Christmas a second Halloween or second Thanksgiving. Who’s with me?

How often do you dream at night? Do you remember your dreams?

I recently read a book about how to write short stories and the author suggested keeping a dream journal for inspiration. I always keep a journal on my nightstand because sometimes ideas come to me at night but I had never actually kept a record of my dreams. I decided to give it a try and it’s been interesting. I’ve been doing it for about three weeks now. Writing down your dreams as soon as you wake up when you can still remember them is key. 

I typically go to bed at 10 pm and wake up at 3 or 4 in the morning to drink some water. (I take lithium and it causes excessive thirst.) Then I go back to bed and get up around 7 am. I almost always stick to this routine. What’s interesting is almost every time I get up at 3 or 4 I’m writing down dreams. Then again at 7. It seems like I actually dream quite a bit.

Tornados and sex (not at the same time) seem to be common themes in my dreams. Many of my dreams are filled with anxiety like I go somewhere and can’t find parking or I’m late to an appointment. I think the most interesting dream I’ve written down so far was that aliens invaded and I went outside and it was snowing, except the snowflakes were actually tracking devices that embed into your skin. Maybe that one could inspire a story.

I am on antipsychotic medication for schizoaffective disorder, and when my meds aren’t quite right, I have nightmares. Recently I ran out of one of my medications and didn’t have it for a few days. It was my fault. I was lazy and thought I’d be okay – I’d get to it later. My nightmares often involve being haunted by ghosts. I ended up having a really crazy nightmare – I was hit by a train and a soldier saved my life, but in the process, he lost his own life. He was angry about it and came back and haunted me. I was laying in bed and his ghost was at the foot of my bed crawling toward me. The next morning my husband said he could hear me whimpering in my sleep. Needless to say, I was at the pharmacy ASAP. 

Do you write down your dreams? Do you remember your dreams? If you’re an artist or writer, have your dreams ever inspired your work?

My Sad Healthcare Story – Every American Has One

I want to tell you about a very unfortunate situation I was in and why I support universal healthcare and paid maternity/paternity leave.

Eight years ago I worked for a community mental health agency and I absolutely hated it. The job involved a lot of driving and driving is something that makes me really anxious. I should have never accepted the position but it paid more than my previous job. 

At the same time, my husband and I wanted to start a family and in 2015 we found out we were expecting.

Many pregnant people in the US are familiar with FMLA – the Family Medical Leave Act. It allows you to take off up to twelve weeks unpaid from your job for a medical reason. For most American mothers it is the only way to have maternity leave.

There’s a catch – to apply for family medical leave, you have to have been with your employer for at least a year. So when I got pregnant, I was stuck at my miserable job. If I found a new job, I wouldn’t be able to have maternity leave. Let’s be real – no one is going to hire a pregnant person anyway.

My daughter came and I took eight weeks off. Family Medical Leave is typically unpaid but my employer required me to use all of my sick and vacation time while I was off. It only covered about two weeks and it turned out to be disastrous. 

When my eight weeks were up, I went back to work and my daughter went to daycare. She was tiny and it was gut-wrenching to leave her with strangers. As many parents know, when you send your kid to daycare they get sick – a lot. My daughter had only been at daycare for a week when I had to take her to the hospital for a fever of 104.

So here I am with a sick kid and no sick or vacation time to stay home with her. I had no options. I took a day off anyway and when I returned to work I got written up for it.

I continued to work at my miserable job but I was also looking at job postings. Then an amazing opportunity came up for my husband. He started a new job and it was good money – and we desperately needed money. Since you have to work for an employer for three months to get health insurance, I stayed at my job so my husband could go on my insurance. I stopped looking for a new job and stayed put.

Also, let me tell you how horrible the health insurance was at that job. My annual salary was only $20,000 and the health insurance offered had a $5,000 deductible. 

My husband was working at his new job and finally got health insurance. A few months later, I was laid off. Getting laid off should be terrifying, but I only felt relief.

Working at that job was one of the darker periods of my life and I was absolutely stuck there for nearly four years.

Today, I only work part-time so I am on my husband’s insurance which thankfully, is pretty good. My husband and I both have chronic health conditions so going without insurance just isn’t an option.

That’s it. That’s my sad story. That’s why I will always push for universal healthcare and paid family leave.

 

Fellow Americans, what’s your sad story?

Attractive vs. Intelligent

Be honest – would you rather be attractive or intelligent? Which do you think is more helpful in life? Who has it easier?

I would like to think intelligence will take you further – having good ideas and making smart choices. That would definitely be helpful in life.

But if you’re good-looking are you seen as more approachable or given more opportunities? If looks could open doors that would also be helpful.

I feel like I should say I would prefer to be intelligent but sometimes I think I would rather be attractive.

They say when you recover from an eating disorder the last things to go are your body image issues. That’s a painfully honest statement. I’m at a point in my recovery where I’m eating well and feel great physically but, yes, my struggles with body image are still nagging me.

I feel if I were attractive I would feel comfortable – maybe even confident – when I go out in public. But yesterday I went to the grocery store and I realized no one else looked like a supermodel either. Is that mean? Is that the wrong way to look at it?

My dietician asked an interesting question – do you dress for yourself or others?

But then again, there are many days when intelligence wins. I hope one day I’m known for my achievements – my artwork and writing. Being attractive won’t get you ahead in those fields.

What’s more important in my life – feeling confident in public or growing as an artist and writer?

Hands down, I want to be a better artist and writer.

So intelligence is my answer.

Attractive vs. intelligent – what’s your answer? Which is more beneficial?