Jim Bakker Says…

“Don’t mock Jim Bakker!” Why? Oh, Jehovah will get you if you do, because that’s Jim’s best buddy.

Saying that he is sick of people mocking him because some of his prophetic warnings have not yet come true, Bakker bellowed that “when God says something to you, you don’t always know the exact time it’s going to happen. [So] stop beating up the prophets because God says, ‘Woe unto you when you beat up on the prophets.’”

When anyone can declare themselves a prophet, pull shit out of their arse, and make their best guess, there’s isn’t much else to do but make a mockery of it all.

“God is speaking to his people,” he continued. “The only ones who probably aren’t talking to God these days are mean people in America, people who just are anti-Christ.”

Oh. Well, put me down as an anti-Christ meanie. If that god of yours is talking to most everyone, doesn’t that put you self-styled prophets on the cheap side? Dime a dozen and all that?

“If you don’t want to hear it, just shut me off,” Baker said. “Especially you folks that monitor me every day to try to destroy me. Just go away. You don’t have to be there, you don’t have to hear it. But one day, you’re going to shake your fist in God’s face and you’re going to say, ‘God, why didn’t you warn me?’ And He’s going say, ‘You sat there and you made fun of Jim Bakker all those years. I warned you but you didn’t listen.’”

Perhaps, given your sensitivity, you should send up a shout to Jehovah to harden your heart, Jim. That godmonster of yours is good at that one. Perhaps you could teach it how to thicken your skin. Seems to me you’re being terribly self-centered, and don’t you christians love claiming persecution? I won’t be shaking my fist in Jehovah’s face, Jim, because it doesn’t exist. If it did exist, I’m pretty sure “made fun of Jim Bakker” wouldn’t even make the cut for the sin list. I just know you cry frustrated tears over not having a god that would send bears along to eat up all us anti-Christ meanies. Perhaps that’s your ticket, Jim – get people to make fun of your bald head, [2 Kings 2:23-34] and maybe Jehovah will come through with the bears. Or something.

There’s video at RWW.

Sunday Facepalm.

Amdusias has 29 legions of demons and spirits under his command. He is depicted as a human with claws instead of hands and feet, the head of a unicorn, and a trumpet to symbolize his powerful voice. Amdusias is associated with thunder and it has been said that his voice is heard during storms. In other sources, he is accompanied by the sound of trumpets when he comes and will give concerts if commanded, but while all his types of musical instruments can be heard they cannot be seen. He is regarded as being the demon in charge of the cacophonous music that is played in Hell. He can make trees bend at will.

A short while back, Eminem did a bit of rapping, all over the Tiny Tyrant.  Tony Perkins, prez of the Family Research Council, aka “We wanna be the inquisition!” was duly alarmed, and called…demons! What else?

During yesterday’s edition of “Washington Watch,” Perkins discussed a freestyle acapella rap released by hip-hop artist Marshall Mathers, who uses the name Eminem while performing, that was critical of President Trump. Perkins expressed shock over the video.

“I was watching this tirade he went on—what they call rap,” Perkins said. “I don’t know how they call that a talent. But it was demonic, he was demonic on his attack on President Trump.”

No, it wasn’t demonic, and as someone who is generally happy under their rock, I think you have to be in different universe to be unaware of rap. Been around a long time. That said, it wasn’t saying anything that millions of people aren’t saying every day, and have been saying since the election.

Perkins said that criticism like Eminem’s stemmed from the fact that Trump has had the “courage” not only for “stopping the bad stuff that Barack Obama did” but also “undoing it,” adding that it is “amazing” that Trump can withstand such criticism.

But the Tiny Tyrant doesn’t withstand criticism, does he? No, he runs off to Twitter every five minutes to whine, moan, bully, and threaten. He can’t stand any criticism. And yes, the fucking idiot has undone many good things, sending us back to the regressive past. That’s a bad thing. A very bad fucking thing.

“I was at the White House today, and it’s like they’re under siege by the left,” Perkins told listeners. “Folks, you need to pray for him.”

Oh, good. Yes, you pray. On your knees, squinch those little eyes shut, and pray. I’ll stay with lefty siege team.

The full mess is at RWW.

Christmas, Christmas, Christmas.

A poster from the Office for Emergency Management, War Production Board, circa. 1942 – Source.

The Tiny Tyrant is mouthing off again, when isn’t he? This time, bringing up the non-existent war on christmas. Again.

President Trump spoke at the Values Voter Summit today, where he received a rousing round of applause when he bravely declared that under his presidency, people will start saying “Merry Christmas” again.

“We are stopping cold the attacks on Judeo-Christian values,” he said. “As we approach the end of the year—you know, we’re getting near that beautiful Christmas season that people don’t talk about anymore. They don’t use the word Christmas because it’s not politically correct. You go to department stores and they’ll say Happy New Year and they’ll say other things; it’ll be red, they’ll have it painted but they don’t say it. Well, guess what? We’re saying Merry Christmas again.”

There’s no war. There’s no attack. The winter festival of Giftmas has nothing to do with religion, and it’s not something christians are supposed to celebrate anyway.

Thus saith the Lord, Learn not the way of the heathen…. For the customs of the people are vain: for one cutteth a tree out of the forest … with the axe. They deck it with silver and with gold. Jeremiah 10:2-4

And so on. Winter festivals are ubiquitous, have ancient roots, and none of them had anything to do with Christ. Christians attempting to be all outraged over the ‘merry christmas’ nonsense love to wallow in absurdity. If you really want to be painted as the religion of crass commercialism and consumer greed, well, who am I to stop you? As always, christians seem to miss the fact that saying “merry/happy christmas” is not outlawed. You can say it all you want, whenever you want. You simply cannot force other people to say it, which leads christians to scream “persecution!” Unsurprisingly, the Tiny Tyrant seems to think this is something he can mandate, in glittering fake gold, no doubt. Just a thought, but if your so-called values are concerned with not being able to force others to utter a trite phrase, perhaps it’s time to review those values.

All that’s happened is that some people, a bit more enlightened and empathetic than others, had a desire to be inclusive, in the spirit of love and generosity, qualities often assigned to the christmas season. I guess those values aren’t terribly important to those all up in arms over their precious Judeo-Christian values.

Via RWW, where there’s video, if you must torture yourself.

Bible Logick.

Bryan Fischer has come up with a novel case for being pro-death penalty: hey, good for the environment!

While making what he claimed was a biblical case for the death penalty on his radio program yesterday, Bryan Fischer said that executing criminals is something that environmentalists should support because that is the only process through which the land can be cleansed of “pollution.”

Citing Numbers 35, Fischer declared that “the land is polluted and defiled by murder; when innocent blood is shed, the land is polluted.”

As per usual with christians, one verse is selected while ignoring the larger context. Numbers 35 is all about building cities, and how murderers can flee to said cities and find refuge, until they are properly judged for their act and the revenger (nearest kin to the murdered person) is allowed to kill them. There’s a whole lot about how only the revenger can be the one to administer capital punishment. Basically, this is a chapter detailing the rules and manners of being bloodthirsty, and where you are allowed to spill blood, and where you aren’t. Miss Manners for killers.

Also, Mr. Fischer doesn’t seem to be overly concerned by the difference between literal and figurative. One particular definition of pollution does not automatically apply to the other definitions. I’d urge you to look at a dictionary, could be right helpful.

“If you’re an environmentalist and you care about the pollution of the land of the United States of America, then you want to see murder stopped and you want to see murder avenged,” Fischer said. “You want to see justice done in the case of murder because Moses says in verse 33, ‘No atonement can be made for the land for the blood that is shed in it except by the blood of the one who shed it.’ So if we want to see our land cleansed from the pollution of the shedding of innocent blood, it’s not just enough to lock people up for the rest of their lives.”

Well, if all it takes to clean up the environment is to condemn all those who have spilled blood, that’s an outright condemnation of every human on the planet, given our constant wars and all; not one society has ever stood up and said “nope, we refuse. no war.” Going by biblical standards, just being unhappy with wars isn’t enough, so we all need to die. Granted, that would do wonders for the environment. Let’s agree that’s not a great solution though, especially as you wouldn’t be able to get everyone on board with that idea.

If you’re going to stick with Numbers, then only the closest kin of those murdered can carry out executions, and those executions must be done in specific cities, at specific times. Good luck with that one, Mr. Fischer. If you want to insist on this spilt blood is the worst pollution ever, and you believe in Jehovah, then your target is clear: kill that fucking god of yours, because as killers go, it would be one of the worst.

I’ve lost track of how many times I’ve recommended Drunk With Blood by Steve Wells, but if you haven’t read it, please do. If you’re a christian, don’t be afraid of it, nothing but bible in it (KJV too), with a bit of clarifying commentary. What it will do is drive home the sheer awfulness of this god, the absolute lack of consistency anywhere in the bible, and the sheer delight this fiendish creation of a god takes in being a bloodthirsty psychopath with all the restraint of sugar-loaded toddler.

Via RWW.

Sunday Facepalm.

A pregnancy, at six weeks and two days. No perfect little mini-infant anywhere.

Rep. Louie Gohmert of Texas appeared on Breitbart to discuss recent efforts to restrict abortion rights and to advocate for the anti-choice “heartbeat bill,” which according to its creator, Janet Porter, is designed to eventually outlaw abortions “before the mother even knows she’s pregnant.”

[…]

After updating Marlow on the House’s passage of the bill, Gohmert advocated for Porter’s “heartbeat bill,” which would criminalize abortions as early as six weeks into a pregnancy.

“Even though it doesn’t have an exception for rape or incest, the thing is you’ve got about six weeks and you know when you’re pregnant within six weeks,” Gohmert said, “so even for them, there’s a way out.”

No, no there isn’t. What with the constant erosion of medical rights, there’s no window there. Once travel time is calculated, then the mandatory wait times, then the mandatory test times, and so on, no. Then there’s always the issue of whether or not a pregnant person has the money to secure a timely termination. A lot of women don’t know they are pregnant at six weeks. When I was pregnant, I certainly had reason to suspect that condition, and was tested. My test came up negative, twice. By the time I had a test come up positive, I was smack on eight weeks, and had a termination scheduled inside of two days later. That was as quick as possible, and with the new draconian age, it wouldn’t be fast enough.

Life is seldom simple, and there are so many bars to obtaining a termination now that a pregnant person can count themselves lucky if they make a termination by eight weeks or earlier.

Later in the interview, Gohmert compared abortion to child sacrifice.

“I remember reading in the Bible, early on, about sacrificing kids for idols,” Gohmert recalled. “And I thought, ‘Gosh, thank goodness we live in a day where that never happens,’ that people would never be that callous.”

Right. You christian assholes are more than callous enough to see women stripped of rights, with no bodily autonomy whatsoever. You don’t want them to be able to access birth control. You don’t care about pregnant people at all, you concern yourself solely with the power to force birth. You don’t care about their mental and emotional health. You’re callous enough to not give one teensy shit about actual children. You don’t care if they are neglected. You don’t care if they starve. You don’t care if they are beaten. You don’t care if they are raped. You don’t care if they end up on the street. You don’t care if they are killed. You certainly don’t care about pregnant people dying, that’s just fine with you, after all, sluts should be punished, shouldn’t they? :spits:

“And then you realize, ‘Wait, that’s what we’re doing with abortions.’ We’re sacrificing kids for the idol of self-centeredness,” Gohmert said.

It’s the opposite of self-centeredness, you vile doucheweasel. People who obtain a termination have their reasons, which are none of your business, but you can consider such decisions to be for the best, in all regards.

RWW has the full story.

“I guess all we can do is not watch Star Trek,”

Disclaimer: I have not watched Star Trek Discovery, and unless it’s out on disc one of these days, most likely won’t see it. In spite of the various opinions I have read about it, I am glad there’s serious attention to diversity, we need more of that.

Okay, on to Pete LaBarbera, who is all upsetty about Discovery having a gay couple, portrayed by gay actors. Mr. LaBarbera is opining that this simply isn’t balanced or fair.

LaBarbera discussed the Star Trek news with VCY America’s Jim Schneider on the September 26 episode of the “Crosstalk” program, saying that the show’s decision to include gay characters is another sign that “the homosexual activists are never satisfied, they always want more, more, more.”

Wanting representation is hardly “more, more, more”, Mr. LaBarbera. Quickly, run through your not overused brain, the representation of white straight people. All of history. I’ll wait. This is one show, that is not going to be beamed directly into peoples’ heads or anything. It’s hardly the Queer Revolution, dear.

At the same time, he said, “We have yet to see an ex-gay, a former homosexual prominently portrayed in Hollywood.”

Um, well, first, catch your ex-gay star. I don’t watch bad christian films, but I’m sure this has been covered by one of them. Perhaps you could talk Kevin Sorbo into portraying a ‘former’ homosexual? I’m sure he’d do it, playing the role with all the wooden enthusiasm he brings to his caricatures of atheists. I imagine that the Hollywood number crunchers are fully aware of the fact that trying to make money on a prominent portrayal of a ‘former’ homosexual simply won’t bring an audience. Or money.

“I guess all we can do is not watch Star Trek,” he said, adding that “this sort of propaganda” and “political correctness” is “why Trump won in the first place.”

Yes, that’s fine, don’t watch Discovery. No one will cry about it. As for the rest of your tripe, no, that’s not why the Tiny Tyrant “won”. Corruption is the answer you’re looking for.

When Schneider asked LaBarbera what listeners could do to confront this kind of thing, LaBarbera said, “Remember, the other side never stops fighting. There is a battle between good and evil in this country.” He urged listeners to call their elected officials about enforcing Trump’s announced ban on military service for transgender people and opposing the “very, very dangerous” Equality Act, which “would make it easier for homosexual activists and liberal attorneys to persecute people of faith for opposing this juggernaut which calls itself ‘gay.’”

:near-fatal eyeroll: Oh cupcake…when our mere existence is enough to give you hives, it’s rather difficult to avoid the whole “persecution” shtick. Perhaps you should work on not being so incredibly sensitive, your hysterical tendencies do get all over peoples’ nerves. Go on, go sit in your closet, stick your fingers in your ears, squinch your eyes shut, and whatever you do, avoid Discovery. You’ll be fine.

Via RWW.

Demons, Demons, Demons, & The Heart of Evil.

Today we have Buer, a Great President of Hell, having fifty legions of demons under his command. He appears when the Sun is in Sagittarius. He teaches natural and moral philosophy, logic, and the virtues of all herbs and plants, and is also capable of healing all infirmities (especially of men) and bestows good familiars. He has been described as being in the shape of Sagittarius, which is as a centaur with a bow and arrows.

Today we have Buer, a Great President of Hell, having fifty legions of demons under his command. He appears when the Sun is in Sagittarius. He teaches natural and moral philosophy, logic, and the virtues of all herbs and plants, and is also capable of healing all infirmities (especially of men) and bestows good familiars. He has been described as being in the shape of Sagittarius, which is as a centaur with a bow and arrows.

Lt. Col. Robert Maginnis was a guest on Jim Bakker’s television program, hawking his forthcoming book, The Deeper State: Inside the War on Trump by Corrupt Elites, Secret Societies, and the Builders of An Imminent Final Empire. I have found it to be a general rule that the longer a title of a book is, the worse it will be. In this case, I have no doubt the rule applies. Anyroad, Mr. Maginnis went on to define Washington D.C. as the very heart of evil. Okay, who’s surprised?

Maginnis explained that there are three levels of influence at work in Washington: the elected officials and government bureaucrats, the lobbyists and interest groups, and the “demonic” forces that “are manipulating the second and the first” groups.

I think you’ll find, Mr. Maginnis, that’s there no need for demons. Simple human characteristics are at work here – the corruption caused by greed and a love of power. In particular, the conservative christians infiltrating government at all levels are the worst of the worst, and they certainly don’t have knowledge or goodness attributed to various rulers of demons. Take Buer*, our example today. He teaches natural and moral philosophy, logic, the virtues of all herbs and plants, and is a healer. Can you name one conservative christian who could do any of that? Or be interested in it? No. Because all they want is the power to oppress and harm. They want to completely subjugate women; they also want to put all people of colour back in their “place”. They’re okay with torturing queer folk. They wish to quash any and all dissent. Stinks of fascism to me.

Maginnis said that since he has been working in Washington for 50 years, having spent the last 15 years at the Pentagon as well as having served as the vice president of policy at the Family Research Council, he knows what he is talking about.

A common refrain of old white men, “I know what I’m talking about! I do!” First, catch your demon. Then we can talk, Mr. Maginnis.

“I’ve personally met people who identify themselves as witches that are in the government,” he said. “I have seen things in the government I will not talk about. But over 50 years, I’ve got a wealth of experience working with the political class, the bureaucracy, the lobbyists … I’ve been in the non-government organizations and then, of course, I’ve been very much involved in the spiritual climate in Washington. So when I talk about those three layers, they’re all very, very clear to me, they’re all interactive and Washington is the heart of evil in the United States, as well as the world.”

Y’know, you strike me as being terribly credulous and gullible, Mr. Maginnis. I can’t help but wonder just how often people were yanking your chain. I doubt I would have been able to resist. Probably would have whispered to you about the secret underground of druids who shape shift their gender just to confuzzle the poor straight people in order to make their lavatory experiences hell or somesuch. The problem, of course, of yanking a chain like yours is that you believe any shit someone pours into your mouth.

As for Washington being the heart of evil, well, right now I wouldn’t argue that one much, but not for the same reasons. It’s people like yourself who are the rotten, decaying stench wafting forth from the seat of governance. A stench so thick, it’s supporting the Tiny Tyrant.

*I have always been extraordinarily lucky when it comes to dogs, getting the best of the best, those one in a thousand companions. Same with rats. As Buer is responsible for good familiars, I suppose I owe some thanks.

Via RWW, where there’s video.

Our Fearless Leader Is…

President Barack Obama. Whitehouse.gov.

President Barack Obama. Whitehouse.gov.

Yep. Former President Obama is leading the current ‘rebellion’. Just him.

On his radio program yesterday, End Times broadcaster Rick Wiles lamented that America has become so polarized and the rhetoric has become so poisonous that it seems to be impossible for people to put aside their differences and come together anymore … and it is all Barack Obama’s fault.

Wiles said that for most of America history, people might occasionally get worked up around election time, but then “when it was over, we were all friends again … We didn’t argue for four years and you didn’t get angry that your side [lost.]”

I hope you all weren’t drinking anything. If you were, I apologize for you almost choking. Did fundamentalist christian loons ever shut up about losing? Did republicans? Because I certainly don’t remember anything like “good show, let’s all be friends, then blessed silence.” As the good people at RWW note, Mr. Wiles was rather noisy:

Wiles, who spent the entire Obama administration relentlessly attacking Obama as “a devil from hell” and a “forerunner of the Antichrist” and “the Adolf Hitler of the third world war” and “the most racist man to ever occupy the White House,” blamed the breakdown in civility entirely on Obama.

That seems a tad angry, Mr. Wiles. Guess you’re not one of those good loser types.

“The presidents that we were electing were not enemies of the nation,” Wiles said. “We had not had an enemy of the nation until Barack Obama, who was a foreigner. He was not an American, he was a foreigner.”

Interesting that, given the Tiny Tyrant’s rounding up of everyone they deem remotely suspicious of being “unamerican” and ejecting them, that no one has gone knocking on Pres. Obama’s door. He’s still here, Mr. Wiles, like most other citizens.

“Barack Obama has poisoned the American society,” he added. “We didn’t have this kind of racial hatred before Obama. I’ve never seen this kind of racial hatred in my life. Never. He poisoned our society and he did it deliberately to start a civil war. He’s just a paid thug. We need to know who he works for. But he’s a thug. He’s paid to start a revolution and I’m telling you folks, if you could get inside of Obama’s house, you would quickly discover that all day long he’s orchestrating the revolt across the nation. He’s on the phone, he’s working it, he’s calling his people and he is telling them what to do. He is totally in charge of this rebellion. This is a rebellion and Obama is leading it.”

There just aren’t words. Or too many words for this current dreck doing the rounds. “This was never a racist nation, no!” Either these people are truly from another universe, whacked out on some very good stuff, honestly delusional, or just vile, poisonous, toxic wastes of space, with a taste for oppression and torture. I know what my pick would be.

And what I wouldn’t give to have Pres. Obama back.

Via RWW.

A Brief Observation.

In the search terms on my stats page, I saw:

prayer for acute pancreatitis

Dear person searching for a prayer for acute pancreatitis, I’m afraid there isn’t one, outside of the often heard oh gods, just let me fucking die!, but morphine really, really helps. I know, from experience. Depend on morphine, it’s reliable, unlike gods.

“Do you guys think I’m crazy?”

GwinnettPrep Sports.

Dave Daubenmire tends to get easily distracted. Instead of foaming at the mouth ranting about all those evil commie NFL players in any sort of consistent manner, he derails, right into…soccer. Yep, actual football has his knickers in a knot. Seems that it’s unamerican. Or something.

“American boys play football,” he said, “they don’t play soccer.”

Daubenmire returned to the topic during his webcast today, suggesting that there is an effort to encourage young boys to play soccer in order to undermine the institution of family and insisting that people who can’t see this obvious fact are simply blind to the spiritual forces at work.

Soccer is football, you knothead. Oh, spiritual forces. What forces, Dave? Could it be…Saaatan? Maybe it’s…Deeeemons? Hmmm, perhaps it’s Stolas, he looks like he be good at football:

Stolas is a Great Prince of Hell, commands twenty-six legions of demons, and teaches astronomy and the knowledge of poisonous plants, herbs and precious stones. He is also known as Stolos, Stoppas and Solas. He is depicted as either being a crowned owl with long legs, a raven, or a man.

Daubenmire said that during his coaching years, he routinely saw “little 5 and 6-year-old boys drug off over to the soccer field and their daddies didn’t even know what soccer was, the daddies couldn’t talk to their sons about, ‘Oh yeah, back when I played soccer’ and then the boys could never talk to their dads about when they played football because they took them all and stuck them over in soccer.”

How long ago were you coaching, Dave? Because by my reckoning, that would make you very old indeed. Many decades have gone by in which kids of all genders have flocked to the soccer field in droves. It’s a much more attractive game, and one that requires considerable skill to play, which kids actually recognize, so they understand the point of starting early. Given how long ago soccer became popular here, there are a good many dads and moms out there who played soccer, and can happily yak about their playing days, boring the socks off their kids. It seems pathetic that a coach would need to be told that a parent doesn’t need to have sports behind them to encourage or enjoy their child’s engagement in it.

“Why do we have soccer fields everywhere?” he asked. “Because it takes a man to play football and mommies don’t like seeing their little boys get knocked down, so mommies put them into soccer where they get little knee pads and they don’t really hurt each other.”

Soccer is hardly a pain free or injury free sport, Dave. Most sports for young children are protective in nature, after all, the goal shouldn’t be “brain damage ’em by seven years old!” I’m certainly glad you’ve given up coaching to be a loon. I see this rant devolves into the usual misogynistic crap, where you can’t acknowledge that many women play sports, many women enjoy sports, and of course, it’s the fault of all those evil pussies walking around. Sometimes I despair. All manner of parents look askance at American football these days, the injuries are by no means lightweight, and most parents do actually love and care about their sproggen.

“What does grandpa get to do on Saturday morning?” Daubenmire continued. “Go watch my grandson play football? No. He’s a penguin, he’s running around hitting balls with his head. I can’t relate to him playing soccer. But I can go to a football game and watch him get knocked on his butt, be able to tell him after the game, ‘You know, that happened to me back when I was playing too and let me tell you what to do.’ But I can’t help him with soccer.”

This is not 1950, Dave. Why do I get the idea you’ve never actually watched a football match? I’d dearly love to see your ample arse shoved out on the field, and have to make one goal. Just one, Dave. Then you could leave and get back to ranting. I’m not a sportsball person, I don’t like any of it, but even I can’t deny the disparity between football and American football when it comes to sheer skill and talent. Lining up and ramming people as brutally as possible really shouldn’t be a sport at all, but this is ‘merica.

“Do you guys think I’m crazy?” he asked. “I don’t care. I’m telling you [the truth.]”

Oh, don’t tempt me, Dave. That’s not nice. You aren’t telling the truth, you’re just ranting about your personal dislikes. There’s a difference.

Via RWW, where there’s video.

Demons. It’s Always Demons.

Furfur, Earl of Hell, Commander of 29 legions of demons. Furfur causes love between a man and a woman, creates storms, tempests, thunder, lightning, and blasts, and teaches on secret and divine things. [Oooh, scary.]

Lance Wallnau is at it again, with new ‘understandings’ of current events, and now he gets it. Naturally, it’s demons. What else?

“The whole thing about the issue of taking the knee in sports,” he said, “understand what really is the warfare there is a spirit of globalism which is saying that no nation is worth bowing for, no nation is worth respecting, no flag is worth dying for. Satan wants to eradicate the nation state so that he can create a union of nations—that’s what the immigration thing is all about; by the way, I just realized, that’s what the climate accord is all about. I always thought there was something demonic and suspicious about these things. Now I get it.”

I guess I’m all over glad you “get it” Lance, but no thinking person is going to get whatever it is you’re rambling about. The protests aren’t saying anything of the kind; they are pointing out the hypocritical jingoism which is prevalent in uStates; people who happily wrap themselves up in a flag and pile of rotten peaches, claiming their right to be often murderous racists. No one should respect that. If a foundation is rotten, it’s pointless to plaster your eyes on the roof and extol its virtues.

The ‘immigration thing’. Mmmm, well, immigration is about people, first and foremost, Lance, not things. Immigration has been going on since…always. If you live in uStates, and you are not an Indigenous person, then you really, really need to shut the fuck up about immigration.

And now the climate accord is demonic. Some of us, Lance, not being idiots, would rather have a somewhat stable future in front of us, especially those with children, who are looking many generations ahead of them, and rightly worried about whether or not they will even be able to survive on our world. I won’t be around to see the worst, but what we’re seeing right now is bad enough. Most countries are fortunate enough to be populated with citizenry who are not embracers of regressive ignorance. They realize their very future is at stake. Here in uStates, however, it won’t be until great swathes of the country are rendered uninhabitable and food is in short supply that people like you will get the fucking message, and even then, you’ll holler the oh so convenient “Satan!” You and those like you are committing crimes against humanity. It’s a pity you can’t be tried.

Wallnau said that the left’s goal is to create a new world Antichrist system in which all nations are dissolved, which is why they are at war with President Trump, who is “a nation-state patriot.”

I’m not the least bit interested in your fictional antichrist, dude, nor does anyone want all nations dissolved, even if they do want them all to behave a bit better. The Tiny Tyrant is an unashamed white nationalist, white supremacist, bigot extraordinaire piece of rancid shit. That would be one reason I’m happily anti-regime and anti-Pinchpork. The full list of reasons would take up quite a bit of space.

The left, he warned, dreams of seeing the world turned into “one gigantic bureaucratic machine, assimilated by the United Nations, run by European bureaucrats, controlled by a one-world economy and eventually isolating Christians out of that community and making you the Jews in national socialist Germany.”

Oh for fuck’s sake. What do you idiots take to come up with this nonsense? I’m hoping you take something, because an unaltered brain shouldn’t be manufacturing this crap. Don’t be dragging Germany into this, Lance. Stick with your own fucked up country, where Nazis and fascists are running loose all over the place. If they got their way, Lance, you wouldn’t be persecuted. You’d be dressed up in a nifty uniform, and be put in charge of persecuting others, something I expect you fantasize about.

There’s video at RWW.

Sorta Doomsday, Right Around the Corner.

Well, the crank who predicted we’d all die a horrible and fiery death on the 23rd this month has re-evaluated. Doomsday is just around the corner, starting on October 15th, but it won’t be a horrible and fiery death, no. The rapture will happen, natch, but then it’s just going to herald in the tribulation, so really, nothing will change. We won’t even be able to say bye to all the christians.

Writing on his website, Meade clarified his belief that the 23rd is the date of a “historical event” in the skies that would signal the oncoming rapture. Doomsday itself, he says, will begin on October 15.

That date marks the beginning of a seven-year period of tribulation. “That’s when the action starts. Hold on and watch—wait until the middle of October and I don’t believe you’ll be disappointed,” he writes.

Some things to watch out for are the loss of electrical power across the world, leading to war, famine and other perilous events.

Hmmm, lots of places in the world are dealing with loss of electrical power because hurricanes. Nowadays, wars are a bit difficult to conduct without power. Anyroad, we’re awash in wars, power losses, famines, and other perilous events, read a fucking newspaper, Mr. Meade. Historically speaking, these things have been going on forever.

To be clear, Meade says, “Nothing is expected to happen in September.”

Oh, there’s a whole lot happening. Just not what you want, right?

Meade points to the total eclipse on August 21 as a significant event which he believes acts as a precursor to the beginning of the rapture. He says the date marks a 40-day countdown to the beginning of October. “October is the month to watch.”

Mmm. The rapture is not going to happen. It’s never going to happen. Get the fuck over it, please.

Meade subscribes to the conspiracy that a 10th planet, Planet X or Nibiru, will either cross or collide with Earth, leading to a seven-year period of tribulation, or rapture. This will be followed by a millennium of peace.

The rapture and the tribulation are two distinct events, dude. If you’re going to twist the mess of christian theology around, get it right. So, seven years of awful stuff, then the legendary thousand years of peace. Right. We’ve managed thousands upon thousands of years of tribulation. We haven’t managed peace yet. I won’t be holding my breath for your magical planet or your magical god to set things right.

So, doomsday, business as usual.

Via Raw Story.

Buy A Bucket of Yuck, and God Refills for Free!

Oh, Jim Bakker is going a bit nuts with his yuck in a bucket, insisting that everyone buy, and that all those filthy rich people, well, they should buy a million dollars worth, really! Why? Because end times, that’s why, and money will be useless. Of course, ol’ Jim still seems to want piles of that useless stuff.

Guest John Shorey told viewers to stock up on Bakker’s food buckets and not to worry about running out because God will miraculously refill them as needed.

“When you empty a bucket of food,” Shorey said, “trust God to refill it.”

That’s right nifty. Pity Jehovah can’t see fit to just provide food directly, without the need to pour money into Bakker’s pockets. I’m sure they are counting on the rubes not giving this any thought, nor the fact that when the food bucket is empty, it will most certainly stay that way. I will admit, it’s hard to imagine one of them getting emptied in the first place.

When Shorey told those who “have the means to buy 100 buckets of food” to “buy 100 buckets of food” and give them to local churches, Bakker chimed in to urge millionaires to buy as much food as they can afford.

“Do a million dollars worth of food, I’m serious,” Bakker said. “If they’re rich, their money is going [away] anyway, John. It’s not going to be worth anything. The crash is coming, so why not sow it into the Lord?”

Shorey agreed, adding that those who don’t use all their money to buy as much food as they can will have to answer to God.

Right, money is going to be absolutely useless, so why in the name of your psychogod aren’t you giving the stuff away? Wouldn’t that be the ‘godly’ thing to do? Oh, there’s a tonne of irony comin’ up, folks…

“The Bible says that our riches will be a witness against us,” Shorey said. “When the time comes that you’ve left money in the bank that could have been used to help people, to help feed people and all you did is you just kept all your riches for yourself, it will be a witness against you. You will stand before God and he will say, ‘Why didn’t you do more to help the needy?’”

:head goes bang bang bang on the desk: Right. Let’s see your bank books, boys. Then we’ll talk.

Via RWW, there’s video at the link.