One of the reasons why I spend less time making knives than I wanted to that I did not tell you about is my parents’ health. It started to get a lot worse in the last year and if I still did have a daily job, I do not know how we would manage – I spend two days on average every week driving them to and from various doctor appointments. I do not want to complain about it, because I love my parents, and the more than deserve all the help I can give them. But it is slowly getting too much for one person to bear alone.
Today I had to drive 150 km on short notice. At the destination, I got severely stressed out trying to offload my mother as close to the hospital pavillion she was supposed to visit as possible because she has limited mobility and has to use crutches – one of the reasons why using public transport is not an option for her.
And when leaving the hospital, I went to pay for my parking ticket and I completely fortgot to secure the handbrake. The car rolled forward a few meters and bent the front door of another vehicle, and only noticed it after I paid for the parking and turned around to return to the car. In hindsight, the unsecured car followed probably right behind me, and had I been just a bit slower, it would probably either go over me or press me against the other car.
Nobody got hurt, police did not need to be involved (I asked them), my car has no damage and the other car has probably only some minor sheet metal bending. The insurance should pay for the damages and the damaged party took it better than I deserved. So probably the worst damage is to fill out some paperwork, which I hate.
But it was a reminder that I am severely stressed out and it is starting to impact my ability to function properly. And there is not much that I can do about it.
Oh Fuck. My sympathies.
I basically totalled my parents’ car back at the very start of my driving career. Only that our car rolled down the hill and was basically bent over a wall.
But you’re right, that’s just tin. Nobody got hurt and you aren’t going to bankrupt your insurance over this. Bets wishes to your parents. I feel with you.
YIKES.
~hugs~ (If you want them)
I’m so sorry, Charly. If there’s anything we can do besides listen, I hope you’ll feel comfortable telling us.
Charly, sympathetic hugs and solidarity. Is there anyone who can help out? Sounds like you need some time for yourself.
Glad you’re OK!
Charly,
Have you looked into social services? Over here, we have people who volunteer to drive people to medical appointments, etc. We also have government funded aids who provide caregiver relief and they can also assist with personal care needs like dressing and bathing. I don’t know how your home is set up, but an occupational therapist can make sure that any safety needs are met. Things like raised toilet seats, grab bars, bath chairs. In Canada that is also provided by the government as part of in- home health care. A Case Manager co-ordinates all govt. services. One other idea is to use a dosette for medications. Most drugstores here will fill and deliver them. It’s one less thing to worry about.
Caregiver burnout is serious, for everyone involved. Anyway, that’s what I’ve got just off the top of my head. Take care of yourself.
Thank y’all.
The situation is not so bad that my parents would be eligible for unpaid home assistance, and anyway, the limited capacities of that are better left for those elderly who do not have anyone to help them. My parents can still take care of themselves around the house, it is just the taxi driving that exhausts me. I am not one of those people who likes to drive a car, I find it annoying and extremely tiring, a necessary evil.
If it were not for Corona, my nephew would help with some of the strain, but with the pandemic raging we cannot allow him to visit, let alone have my parents spend several hours with him in an enclosed car. They could call an ambulance for some of the hospital/rehab visits, but the capacities there are currently strained too (thus again, better left to those without other options) and it does happen that a person waits for hours before being picked up for a ride home. And sitting for hours in a waiting room is never good, even without a pandemic.
And it is difficult to persuade my mother that she should inquire about the possibility of obtaining a disabled person ID. It would at least allow us to park in designated places and I would not have to be stressed out trying to find a place where she can exit the car safely. But she always “forgets” to consult it with her physician (for months now) and enquire about it. And it cannot be done without her active participation. I think she is in denial about her condition being permanent and still clings on the hope that it will get better. But the chances of that are near zero.
Sometimes the main difference between elderly people and small children is that you can simply pick up the latter and carry them to where they are safest. Maybe you could call the physician and ask him to bring it up. Yes, I know it’s mean, but often elderly people cleverly hide their fragility from their physicians. they will seem like the flower of youth there.
My sympathies, as well! It seems that often the most stressful situation is one in which the elder is somewhere between the being able to fully take care of themselves and and being helpless enough to be fully eligible for help from the society.
Lots of sympathy from me too Charly, hospital drop offs, and parking can be a nightmare here too. Driving is tiring if you are paying enough attention, well it is for me anyway. I am so glad neither you nor anyone else got hurt, but sorry it happened, it must have been heart-stopping when you turned round.
I think that Giliel’s suggestion that you ring the doctor and outline your problems when transporting your mother is good, if the doctor brings it up with her as something they think she should have she may be more prepared to accept the suggestion.
Lots of sympathies from me as well.