I am so loopy, out of it with pain, and likely to be a space cadet for a day or two, until I have meds and couple of nights of sleep under me. Earlier, I was looking for a book, and came across this little tome I picked up at a thrift store some time back, because it made me laugh so much. In 1970, I was already well aimed down the hippie path, and I never saw this book then, which was when it was published. It is stuffed full of all that horribly cringeworthy advice that adults aimed at you when trying to be hip. If I remember, I’ll do some at random on Tuesdays. Naturally, all these incredibly groovy tips for tuned-in teens is aimed at girls only.
From the Boys! Boys! Boys! Where to find yours, and how to keep him that way section:
“Most boys hate sarcasm in a girl. You may be a quick wit with your girl friends, but cool it when he’s around.”
“Know enough about sports to keep up a conversation with boys, but don’t know more than they do.”
“Want to make sure whether or not he loves you? The following is as good a method as any. Place side by side a glowing ember and an ice cube. If the ice puts out the ember, then his heart is cold. But if the ember melts the ice, you’ve won him!”
From The Look You’ll Love, it’s still you – only prettier section:
“After you get dressed, have fixed your hair, and put on your make-up, look in the mirror. Something’s missing, right? Right! You forgot your smile – perhaps the most important “final touch” any girl can put on. A pleasant smile can turn even a plain girl into a beauty. And it can turn a beauty into . . . wow!”
[I hated fake smiling then, hate it now.]
“Eye drops are an important cosmetic. Use it before applying make-up for that starry-orbed look and to erase redness.”
“Fasten a mirror inside your notebook for peeks between classes to make sure make-up is still on.”
“Many girls put on their prettiest faces only for school or dates. They’ll spend Saturday morning in curlers and creams. But suppose he suddenly turns up and gets frightened away? Don’t make this mistake. Be your best you all the time. If curl you must, tie on an attractive kerchief. As for beauty creams – please, stay off the street. As a matter of fact, stay in your room! Beauty demands a price, and pay this one willingly.”
[I vaguely remember rolling my eyes over such as that ^.]
“Fasten on a super long, superfake braid and let it be perky down your back. Makes shorties look like tallies!”
[Oh, I remember those things, they were everywhere. Mine was real. Still is.]
That’s all for today, groovy gals and guys!
Thanks for the laugh. :D The pictures look a riot, too!
(I guess boys can’t be groovy or tuned-in or even teens?)
Turn on, boot up, jack in. Cyberdellic man!
Oops, sorry. Wrong generation. How about some Cracker instead?
Man, that’s some seriously fucked up “advice”. The author obviously had a bad trip and needed to get a new source for his acid.
I assume there was a version aimed at boys, but if there was, I’ve never seen one.
Also, I came with sarcasm pre-installed.
I’m pretty sure I did, too.
(Plus the boys seemed to like it, but there’s a lot you can’t explain about the 90s, so…)
Boys and girls liked it back in the ’70s, and there was a lot of sarcasm going around.
I can top this.
I acquired a couple of the most amazing books from my grandmother’s forgotten collection years ago. One was “On Becoming A Man”, the other “Advice For Husbands And Wives” -- both published around 1951 and written by a guy who billed himself as -- I kid you not, this is the phrase -- a “Doctor of Christian Anatomy”.
They were amazing. “On Becoming A Man” has an entire chapter about masturbation and the many Very Scientific reasons to not do it, and the only reason this is NOT the most ludicrously hilarious thing I have ever read is that the same book had another entire chapter about why being gay is Bad, except the guy couldn’t bring himself to directly reference homosexuality AT ALL so the whole thing was written in these loopy euphemisms…
Abbeycadabra:
Oh, I have a bunch of those old types of books, one from the late 1700s, several 1800s, and on down. One of my faves is a slim volume by an osteopath, called “Must Women Suffer Needlessly?” for a whopping 5 dollars back in 1901 or so. He was rather maniacal on the subject of corsets, but also the standard steeped in sexism for the time. It’s quite the read. All my old ‘Inquire Within’ type books too, oh, holy, some of that stuff is terrifying.* One of the benefits of having multiple great grandparents was all these books. I don’t have any by a Christian anatomist though, those are special!
*Like one remedy for an earache -- pour boiling water into the ear from a one foot height.
Caine @#9: Holy shit -- I guess that would “cure” your earache since now the whole side of your head has second degree burns…
The book sounds hilarious. I remember getting advice like this. “Hey, don’t let the guy know you like him! That will chase him away!” WTF??!
Kestrel, well, it’s not like I’m ever going to try it, but I have an idea that pouring boiling water into a child’s ear (this was to cure a child’s earache/infection) would be a great way to make them deaf in that ear, as well as cause much more damage. I first read that when the book was still on a great-grandmother’s shelf, and I was a kid, and that freaked me out then, and still does.
Weirdly enough, the picture of the book’s cover in the OP looks familiar, as-if I’ve seen it before — but I have absolutely no recollection of why it looks familiar. I’m certain I never read the book (albeit perhaps I’ve previously seen excerpts?). Perhaps I am mistaken, and it’s just the style of the drawings I am badly-failing-to-recall, not this particular illustration collection (that is, book cover)?
The mildly deranged penguin points out there is no mention of cheese, so it’s obviously a scam. Probably a plot by teh evil equine empire.
All of the pictures came from a 1968 psychedelic version of the Kamasutra.