We all know that god personally told Michele Bachmann to run for president and made sure that she won the straw poll in Iowa last August. But god is somewhat promiscuous in his affections and also told Rick Perry and Rick Santorum that he wanted them to run too. Then god let his attention drift away from politics and wander to other matters, such as helping Tim Tebow get the Denver Broncos into the Super Bowl playoffs. As a result, the three candidates started tanking in the polls and Bachmann is now predicted to come in sixth in today’s Iowa caucuses.
But now that the playoff picture is set and god has done right by Tebow, Bachman is sure that god is paying attention to her campaign again and is ready to stun the masses, saying, “We’re going to see an astounding result on Tuesday night — miraculous.” How does she know this, you ask? Because “We’re believing in a miracle because we know, I know, the one who gives miracles.” Yes, god has her on his speed dial and is ready to roll.
So Michele is planning on a successful Hail Mary play today, since god seems to have directly assured her that Jesus will haul down the pass in the end zone. Then god can go back to his main interest and guide Tebow to a win over the Steelers on Saturday.
Even more so than football, the idea of praying for election results is bizarre. How do they imagine this plays out? Is God supposed to be stuffing the ballots? Or perhaps influencing the election officials to do the dirty work? Maybe he is causing people to vote against their own conscience? In many ways, the last one is the most distressing.
“Then god can go back to his main interest and guide Tebow to a win over the Steelers on Saturday.”
The game is on Sunday where I live, but if it’s not His main interest I’m afraid there isn’t much hope for Tebow…unfortunately.