Now, at last, with this handy reference and a pair of binoculars, you too will be able to identify biologists.

Notice the unusual markings. These varieties of biologists are clearly wearing no pants, one of the characteristics of the bench biologist, a delicate breed that favors air conditioned environments and wilts if not well-watered with money. The hardier subspecies of field biologists usually do wear pants, although it may be difficult to tell if they are also wearing hip waders.

I wish Samuel Clemens were still alive, so I could piss him off and he’d write something like this back to me. It would be such an honor.

Nov. 20. 1905

J. H. Todd
1212 Webster St.
San Francisco, Cal.

Dear Sir,

Your letter is an insoluble puzzle to me. The handwriting is good and exhibits considerable character, and there are even traces of intelligence in what you say, yet the letter and the accompanying advertisements profess to be the work of the same hand. The person who wrote the advertisements is without doubt the most ignorant person now alive on the planet; also without doubt he is an idiot, an idiot of the 33rd degree, and scion of an ancestral procession of idiots stretching back to the Missing Link. It puzzles me to make out how the same hand could have constructed your letter and your advertisements. Puzzles fret me, puzzles annoy me, puzzles exasperate me; and always, for a moment, they arouse in me an unkind state of mind toward the person who has puzzled me. A few moments from now my resentment will have faded and passed and I shall probably even be praying for you; but while there is yet time I hasten to wish that you may take a dose of your own poison by mistake, and enter swiftly into the damnation which you and all other patent medicine assassins have so remorselessly earned and do so richly deserve.

Adieu, adieu, adieu!

Mark Twain

Mark Twain would have been an awesome blogger.

He may have poured that flask down the drain!

Also, the fun part is doing the succussations between dilutions.

This turned up in a comment this morning. That settles it, I’m turning off the internet and getting to work.

I think this edition of Bob the Angry Flower might resonate here.

Isn’t it beautiful?

Which one are you?

(Link to malware at leftycartoons.com deleted)

Just joking. We know libertarians aren’t so simple: they are all a combination of two or more of the archetypes above.

(And the hate mail will come rollin’ in…)

It’s an origins story!

There’s also a plug for the season 3 DVD, which will be coming out in a few weeks. I’ve already pre-ordered mine, but now I’m thinking I should order a second one for my mom. Maybe a third, for my mother-in-law? No, that would be pushing it, I think.