Activate Streisand Effect: Donald Trump’s hair needs attention


trumphair

Peter Thiel, the obnoxiously rich right-winger and Trump-supporter who sued Gawker media into bankruptcy over unseemly stories about Hulk Hogan’s sex tape, is not satisfied. He’s now going after specific Trump stories he doesn’t like, and is bankrolling lawsuits about a couple of other Gawker stories.

In other words: A Thiel-funded attorney is helping a man sue Gawker Media over an article that comes nowhere near invading his privacy, concerns a clear matter of public interest, and explicitly states that the subject is not guilty of a crime.

You know what this means: we have to promote the news story that’s being attacked. And it’s actually a rather interesting story, unlikely news of Hulk Hogan’s infidelity and bedroom antics — it’s an article that tries to untangle the mystery of what the heck is going on with Trump’s weird, unnatural hair. It makes a pretty good case that what’s going on is that it is a very expensive, rather finicky specialized hair weave by a company called Ivari International, which costs about $60,000 to install and $300-$3000 a month to maintain. (You might want to file that information away for the next time someone complains about the cost of Clinton’s trips to a hair salon, because you know the media won’t ridicule a man for spending that much on vanity).

Ivari is suing for defamation, which is peculiar. Accurately describing the technology used to stitch hair extensions onto a balding man’s head is not defamatory, and the only thing I can think of that might be defamatory is that Ivari might not want its name associated with that creepy skein of floss everyone can see in every appearance of that Republican slimeball. I know that if I were in the market for fake hair, telling me that their technique produces the thinning dead animal that Trump wears would not be a selling point.

Maybe Ivari should sue Trump for flaunting his handiwork.

Comments

  1. dick says

    Trump the Chump sports a wig,
    or it could be a toupee, too.
    But I wouldn’t give a fucking frig,
    if it really belonged in a zoo.

  2. Holms says

    I’m not convinced ‘the public is interested in this matter’ is equivalent to ‘this is a matter of public interest.’

  3. says

    “(You might want to file that information away for the next time someone complains about the cost of Clinton’s trips to a hair salon, because you know the media won’t ridicule a man for spending that much on vanity).”

    You left out a crucial word in the above quoted sentence. It should read:

    “(You might want to file that information away for the next time someone complains about the cost of Clinton’s trips to a hair salon, because you know the media won’t ridicule a REPUBLICAN man for spending that much on vanity).”

    Offered in evidence for this assertion: compare and contrast the media treatment of John Edwards’ $400 hair cut in 2007, versus that of former Playgirl centerfold Scott Brown (soundly beaten — thank goodness — by Senator Doctor Professor Warren)…

  4. slithey tove (twas brillig (stevem)) says

    in honor of Drumph’s 70th birthday, here are 70 ways his hair has been described:
    Seagull dipped in tikka masala
    Bursting landfill of municipal solid waste
    Mountain of rotting whale blubber
    Sputum-filled Orange Julius
    Gangrenous gaping wound
    Racist, sexist block of aged Cheddar
    Oversized wasp exoskeleton stuffed with old mustard
    Neo-fascist real estate golem
    Abandoned roadside ham hock
    Bewildered, golden-helmeted astronaut who’s just landed on this planet from a distant galaxy
    Monument to human hubris crafted out of rotting Spam
    A walking pile of reanimated roadkill
    Heaving carcass
    Stately hot dog casing
    Flatulent leather couch
    Swollen earthworm gizzard
    Narcissistic bowl of rotten gazpacho
    Yellowing hunk of masticated gristle
    A human/Komodo dragon hybrid
    Blackening scab artfully hiding in your Raisin Bran
    “Taco truck”
    A man who could one day become the first hobgoblin to enter the White House
    A pair of chapped lips superglued to a hairball
    Horsehair mattress stuffed with molding copies of Hustler
    Malignant corn chip
    Human Kinder Egg whose inner surprise is a tiny pebble of rat shit
    The sculpture your three-year-old made out of soggy ground-up goldfish snacks
    A man with the hair of a radioactive skunk
    Roiling Cheez Whiz mass
    Cryogenically frozen bog man
    A glistening, shouting gristle mass with a history of saying terrible and stupid things
    Screaming giant cheese wedge
    Republican frontrunner and 250-pound accumulation of rancid beef
    Day-Glo roadside billboard about jock itch
    Temperamental gelatinous sponge
    Sentient hate-balloon
    A Rumpelstiltskin inflated with a bike pump and filled with bacteria
    Sun-kissed ass plug
    Self-tanning enthusiast
    An enraged, bewigged fetus blown up to nightmarish size
    Parental pile of burnt organic material
    Human-shaped wad of Gak
    Walking irradiated tumor
    Uncooked chicken breast
    KKK rally port-a-potty holding tank
    Neon-tinted hellion
    A plentiful field of dung piled into the shape of a presidential candidate
    Malfunctioning wind turbine
    Seeping fleabag
    Sloshing styrofoam takeout container filled with three-day-old mac and cheese
    A sticky, grabby, Cheeto-hued toddler with no sense of adult deportment
    Figurative rubber, and also literal rubber
    A carnivorous plant watered with irradiated bat urine
    Sentient waste disposal plant
    A disappointment
    Poorly-drawn fascist
    Racist teratoma
    Lamprey eel spray-painted gold
    A hair that you pluck, causing a cluster of hairs to sprout in its place
    Sunken, corroding soufflé
    Nacho cheese golem
    Undead tangerine
    A cartoon representation of Irritable Bowel Syndrome in a pharmaceutical ad
    Fossilized meatball
    Horking mole-creature suffering from radioactive spray-tan
    Tattered Craigslist sofa
    A full-grown Monopoly dog carefully balancing a spongecake atop his head
    Play-Doh factory explosion
    A new superfood made of finely-ground clown wigs
    Unkempt troll doll found floating facedown in a tub of rancid Beluga caviar

    Use at will

  5. gijoel says

    I’m starting to feel that Peter Thiel is a danger to democracy. As he’s a big supporter of the alt-right and wants to bring back monarchism.

  6. anchor says

    You know, that picture is kinda creepy. It resembles either a hairy handgun or an amputated male genital. I guess its appropriate that a pr*ck wears that on his head.

  7. says

    I seem to remember some overblown controversy about Bill Clinton getting an overpriced haircut in 1993. It will happen to men too, since it has. No issue is too petty for republicans to summon the tempest from the teapot.

  8. says

    It won’t be the Streisand Effect unless somebody tries to get people to stop talking about it, and that causes it to become more widespread. Trying to cause the Streisand Effect from outside is like setting out to make a viral video — a video isn’t “viral” until people start passing links around, and there’s not much you can do about that (other than just make the video as interesting as you can, which the people who talk about “viral videos” tend not to want to do).

  9. slithey tove (twas brillig (stevem)) says

    re 9:
    but isn’t Gawker being sued to stop talking about Drumph’s weave, causing it to be talked about even more?

  10. says

    @#10, slithey tove (twas brillig (stevem))

    but isn’t Gawker being sued to stop talking about Drumph’s weave, causing it to be talked about even more?

    True, but there’s not a sign yet that Trump cares a bit about it, and nobody is talking about it to spite Ivari, which is what the Streisand Effect would demand.