Aaargh, grades are due tonight! And I’m about to sink into hours and hours worth of administrative meetings! And then I looked at my flight schedules, and realized…I’m flying away on Friday to begin a nonstop round of travel and talks to Canada, Germany, and Iceland, and won’t be back home until 4 June!
MADNESS!
RAVING FIERY MADNESS!!
OK, taking deep breaths. Focusing. Engaging discipline. Must finish grading. Must complete paperwork.
Don’t bother me for a while, gang. Warning to trolls: cyberpistol set to disintegrate.
Deep breaths, PZ. Deep breaths. Think about cephalopods!
Ah…. here’s a radical suggestion that may help with your dilemma. You could start declining speaking invitations that involve more time and travel than you want to commit to. Just say “sorry, can’t make it.” That simple, really.
Oh, he knows that. But who would turn down Germany and Iceland? I certainly wouldn’t!
Here, PZ!
Pretty blue octopus!
Focus on the pretty octopus.
I vote for complete mental breakdown and streaking through the halls of UMM shrieking “PRAISE JESUS!”.
Or not. Whatever takes your fancy really.
Louis
*poke* *poke* *poke* *poke*
What? That isn’t bothering you, is it PZ?
*poke* *poke* *poke* *poke*
PZ Myers. A wave function with a peak some where in Minnesota. Do you ever spend more than 30 consecutive days in one place?
Mighty Cthulhic One,
All right now you listen to me, Myers.
*swigs coffee cup filled with bourbon, not coffee*
If you haven’t gotten those grades posted by tonight, you’re off the case! You hear me? I’ll get Martínez to wrap up. Now that he’s got just three days to retirement and the new sailboat paid off, it’ll be a walk in the park. But you! You’re on thin ice, Myers! I’ve been hearing about this grading mess all morning from the Chief Dean on down! You’re a loose cannon, Myers. Shape up, or I’ll have your grading pen and lecture notes on my desk tomorrow morning, without pay. You hear me? Without pay!
*pops aspirin bottle, washes back four or five with bourbon, not coffee*
Now get back out there and get it done!
(May all such administrative tasks today go swimmingly.)
Still learning,
Robert
Your goat. It appears to be on fire.
Louis, just make sure somebody is around with a cellphone camera. …Laughs, or blackmail material, it’s all in good fun!
Wow.. your grades are due early. Here at UW-Madison–we have till like the 24th or something..
Good luck!
Fastlane, #10,
{Gasp}
Oh no a complete mental breakdown where PZ streaks nekkid through UMM shrieking “Praise Jesus” is not a laughing matter.
Well, not if it’s involuntary.
If he’s just drunk and it’s one of those whacky pranks, I’m all for it.
;-)
Louis
P.S. Don’t universities these days have CCTV?
Yay! My grades are done! Of course, I’m still dealing with messages from people who want to know why they didn’t pass the class after failing the final exam. (If they understood the math, they wouldn’t need to ask, but if they understood the math …)
There is a hidden security camera installed outside my office. Just my office, for some reason.
There’s probably on inside your office as well.
or two
Nah, they aren’t worried about me. They put one in after some threats against me were sent to the entire university — they were concerned about collateral damage to innocent students.
I don’t think it’s even on, most of the time.
PZ,
I have three theories, these theories that are mine are as follows:
1) This is to monitor your Evil Atheist Overlord Activities. Just in case you go wild and start frothing at the mouth and biting the heads off of Mormons, or something.
2) This is For Your Own Protection™. Just in case Teh Mooslims™ attack by flying a plane into your office. Or if Teh Gheyz™ (with their Agenda!) take against you and form a cabal with Teh Feminazis™ to overthrow you as an evil straight white old man.
3) It’s been put there by The Trophy Wife™ to monitor your activities with the hordes of scantily clad, sex crazed students of diverse gender, literally throwing themselves at the door of your office in order to get grades and/or blog time. Or something. Look I don’t know.
Louis
I think you mean:
“Set phasers to maximum”
*dramatic music*
*intense staring*
Bad time for your ADD to kick in.
Just remember to “Use the Course Luke” or something like that.
Adderall is probably a better choice.
Hang in there and safe travels…
And we do appreciate you coming to Canada.
Mary P
It is better to be tired and happy than well rested and sad.
Louis:
I don’t see how they could be literally throwing themselves. There must be some manner of mechanical contrivance involved, such as a catapult or large spring.
Thread won.
Polarize the hull plating!
The last person the sex-crazed students will look at is the cranky old geezer — they’re suurounded by equally sex-crazed people of the same age.
I think tradition demands a trebuchet.
But you have to ask the penguin permission to use it.
I’ll be quiet as a mouse.
Ten years ago, there was a mild-mannered associate professor of biology in a small town who thought it would be a lark to create a weblog in his copious spare time to help his professorial activities.
Little did he imagine he had created a ravening cyber-beast that would not just consume all that spare time, but also render him into a peripatetic mouthpiece for his principles…
Well, you must admit it got you friends, fans, and social interaction.
GRADES ARE DONE! PARTY AT MY HOUSE!
Skooray! Congratulations!!!
*throws confetti in the air*
Also congratulations. Now go rest, PZ. You have earned it. Go have fun with the Trophy Wife or something.
Could be worse. At least you don’t have to *take* finals any more.
Wait, what did I miss? When and where are you speaking in Iceland.
Nevermind…:)