I’d love to visit Mars, especially if I could go with some dolphins. And now, for a mere $1550, I could attend the Dolphins & Teleportation Symposium 2011 and learn how to teleport!

This Workshop will include interspatial communication, quantum merging, E.T contact, teleportation to Mars, swimming in gentle waters with dolphins, sound healing, heart opening, cell activating, soul leadership, your planetary mission, laughter and humor, divine feminine, Geomancy, higher consciousness, the transformation of the ages, sacred wisdom societies, Martian life & artifacts, creating new timelines, mysticism and physics, empathy, intuition and creativity combined with logic and wisdom; PLUS Alternative 4 – the benevolent, peaceful reality we are creating.

That all sounds wonderful, except for the “heart opening” part. This could all be a front for a sinister cult that draws loving people in with tales of dolphins and laughter, and when they get you alone in the seminar room, the black robes are donned, the chanting begins, and out come the razor-sharp obsidian knives and you learn that the magic teleportation requires a sacrifice of a heart to the dark dolphin gods. At least all the participants will have wisely gotten high before the blood starts flowing.

Oh, well, I’d still go. Do you think they’ll pay my way to come over and cover the event for a popular and widely read blog?