Cancel your trip to Africa! There are sorcerors stealing…personal items.
Police in Congo have arrested 13 suspected sorcerers accused of using black magic to steal or shrink men’s penises after a wave of panic and attempted lynchings triggered by the alleged witchcraft.
Unfortunately, it’s not very funny since deluded people are blaming their tiny, impotent penises on random people and beating and lynching them.
Cancer: This is not a good day to molt—there’s a cephalopod with an eye on you. Hunker down beneath a rock with some ripe rotting fish and wait.
This sad story comes back around every few years. Imagine being so superstitious that you think your penis is retracting into nothingness. Of course, then panic causes maximum retraction and irrational thinking does the rest. And the accused curse-casters get lynched for supposedly stealing the victims’ potency. It would be hilarious if people weren’t getting killed.
It is always more comfortable to blame outsiders for problems of our own. So it comes as a no surprise to find this kind of news and most of all, people who falls for this esotheric approach to something that can be blamed only on poor genetics >< I wonder, what would Sagitarius hold for me and my ilk :S
“Before we begin, my dear, I must inform you that I recently had an unfortunate encounter with a sorcerer, and … well, as you will see …”
So the sorcerors made them think of baseball and grandma’s cooking?
Not to be outdone, the country of Malawi had a vampire scare there last year. Yep, the nitwits were beating people to death because they thought they were vampires. Of course the beatings occurred during the day.
Are they going to ban cold showers, curse blizzards, and prohibit anyone from going apprehensively slow while getting into a pool now, too??
(But then what will they think about during a presentation or other public event to prevent that tent-pitching that is so commonly humiliating to all of us males??)
the astrological crawler at the bottom of the post is a touch of genius–a definite keeper.
@#4So the sorcerors made them think of baseball and grandma’s cooking?
Or Boy George in a bikini!
It’s those Extenz people, working the market.
Glen D
http://tinyurl.com/2kxyc7
Ann Coulter always works for me.
RE #7:
Yes, it’s a great one, though with this story Scorpio may have fit better, because it gives you an excuse to use the word “prick”. :P
…As much as I try to stop I can’t help but laugh. This is ridiculous.
“I’m sorry girl, I know I can’t please you well with this thing but that guy shrunk my weewee!”
I know it’s horrible for the suspected guys though….
Posted by: noncarborundum | April 24, 2008 11:02 AM
Maybe we should arrange for her to take a trip to Africa sometime soon. (Though I think you’d have to render her unconscious beforehand…) Then maybe she’ll work that repulsive magic and reap the consequences!
In related news I heard on the radio this morning that artisanal copper miners in the Congo fear women because women on the mountain “make the minerals disappear”.
The resource rich Congo region has a long and very sad history of exploitation.
Hurry up and get to Taurus. I need to know if I should buy my lottery tickets.
Dang; that Darwin sure is tricky. He’s been dead for centuries and yet here we are; beating people to death over small penises because of Darwinism. I wonder which section inspired this? Could it have been the one on artificial selection in pigeons…
For some reason, I don’t think the Pentecostals and Lutherans will be pointing to this as an example of how protestantism is enlightening Africa.
Jeez, P.Z…
Why did you include that damn horoscope?…
Now I’m going to be on campus looking over my shoulder all day…
I just can’t WAIT to see the PZ horoscope for Aquarius today. :P
This just in! The sorcerers have released a rap video!
African men with tiny penises, looks like another stereotype has bit the dust.
I shudder to think of what the stars may hold in store for this Virgo.
Cancel your trip to Canada, too! Taser shock triggers fire in man’s pants
Be careful which superstitions of a primitive tribe you ridicule, in 3,000 years, they may become the basis for a Bible or other Holy Book.
These sorcerers know swabo about marketing. Where they working
reversely size wise, they would be rich by now.
Instead of stringing up the “wizards” they should get public email addresses and check their spam folders. Lots of opportunities for to override wizardry woo in there!
Of course, it all depends on what you call “tiny”.
(.)(.)
This shows that we need to take a long, hard look at this whole sorcery thing.
they should get public email addresses
What’s that about pubic e-mail?
Wait, sorcerors are responsible for small penises?
Well that explains EVERYTHING! I’m off to tell the wife the good news and get me some counter curse mojo happening.
Erm, not that I need it or anything. It’s for a friend, I mean erm…oh bugger.
Louis
I’m wondering what they do with them after they steal them.
I’m picturing a museum, or maybe a wall with “greatest hits” plaques.
Or maybe they just sew them together and make vice presidents.
firemancarl wrote: “Or Boy George in a bikini!”
Gaahhh! You foul sorcerer! Please forward us your address so we can come lynch you! :)
Maybe Nancy Reagan can ward off those sorcerers with the same voodoo/magic that she used to keep her husband from dying from the “Zero Year Curse”.
(The sad thing is that I didn’t come up with this, it was from a very unintentionally funny show on The History Channel)
Crikey! I’ve lost (bkspc bkspc bkspc bkspc…) Evil sorcerors have stolen my mojo!
Someone notify Smiling Bob! This looks like a job for …
Enzyte Man!!
Okay, now I’m hearing the voice of John Lithgow from 2010: “It’s shrinking! It’s shrinking!”
Hank Fox wrote: “This looks like a job for …Enzyte Man!!”
Fighting superstition with fraud; it may not be the perfect strategy, but it’s certainly an appropriate one! :P
How can they be so hard on these sorcerers?
I was just noticing the same effect on my penis after this morning’s long bike ride. Some witch has cursed my bike saddle!
I KNEW there was a sorcerer in the room last night. And she was telling me I just had too much whiskey. Pfft.
Has Kirk Cameron’s friend, Boner, weighed in on the issue?
Noooooooooo! I can’t lose my penis in Africa, not after I’ve already left my heart in San Francisco.
This reminds me of Monty Python–
“She turned me into a newt!”
“A newt?”
“Well, I got better.”
ROTFL!
Wow, these are the *best* horoscopes I’ve ever read! PZ, you may be defeating your own purpose: I used to think astrology was a bunch of hooey, but I find myself coming to appreciate it (and watching for lurking cephalopods).
I had a lot of discussions about superstition and witchcraft when I was living in Uganda–usually after I’d excitedly picked something up off the street (“Hey, look! Free pack of matches! And a hankie to boot!”) Interestingly enough, the fear of witchcraft was seen–in typically obsequiously Buganda fashion–as an embarrassingly ‘backward’ relic that whites were way too socially advanced to ever have had to deal with. However apologetic they were about it, it didn’t stop people from collecting the hair they left on brushes or their nail clippings for disposal so that witches wouldn’t be able to get a hold of them.
“Some Kinshasa residents accuse a separatist sect from nearby Bas-Congo province of being behind the witchcraft in revenge for a recent government crackdown on its members.”
Heh,heh, heh. He said members…
This isn’t new, nor is it limited to Africa.
Margaret Thatcher naked on a cold day!
Psychologically, penis panics aren’t much different from the terrorism panic that’s gripped the US since 2001. The only difference is that the terrorism panic has government backing and that Americans are targeting (harassing, detaining, torturing, invading) anyone who looks Muslim rather than ‘sorcerers.’ Ergo, the average American is about as sophisticated as the average Congolese….
*insert obligatory Monty Python reference here*
Question is though how precisely do you figure out who is using black magic to shrink your penis?
Is there a penis shrinking detector beam or something?
I’m glad that kind of superstition doesn’t exist in this country. We have far more rational beliefs, like hurricanes being caused by tolerating gay people.
Fortunately, I don’t need to fear the sorcerers. I can travel anywhere I want confident in the knowledge that I have a spare penis at home just in case my original equipment gets stolen. Here’s a picture:
http://johnmckay.blogspot.com/2005/02/of-oosiks-and-blog-traffic-pz-meyers.html
And, yes, the above link was a completely transparent, and somewhat pathetic, attempt to up my own traffic. I’m so ashamed.
I wouldn’t think that would cause shrinkage exactly, more like climbing back up into the body and locking the orifice behind it.
well, now we know where all the flying penises in Second Life came from–victims of sorcerous depenising.
I’m a cancer (some say in more ways than one), and am itchy today. I’m trying not to scratch; I don’t want to molt, based on your horoscope. Thanks for the advice.
Must. Control. Fingernails. Of. Death.
Where can I get a rotting fish?
Sorcerers are being unfairly blamed! It’s actually an outbreak of koro (not to be confused with kuru). Send for the dukun! http://www.insideindonesia.org/edit75/p13mitch2.html
It’s just like my mom always said about playing with sorcerers, “It’s fun until someone loses a penis.”
Terry, that’s not what Mad Eye Moody warned Harry about (as I remember, it was the potential loss of a buttock).
Isn’t “beating and lynching” what people do with penises anyway?
Doug
ROFLMAO!
If that’s your impression of a rub’n’tug, then I don’t think that’s a massage parlour you’re going to….
Reading the article closely, it looks like the “arrests” were an attempt to prevent lynchings:
Judging by the report, Mr Oleko, the police chief, would seem to have his head screwed on straight.
I can image some rather weird conversations in the cells overnight as everyone cooled off…
As always with this sort of thing, I don’t know whether to laugh or cry. Or both.
At least Westerners only drive fancy cars to make up for small penises.
Amstrad @ #4:
That only works for Ron Jeremy. ;-)
(If you’re referring to same thing I’m referring to. . . .)
I wonder if attending the Hounen Matsuri in Japan would counter the effects of these Witches from the Congo.
Better not let them know about the “got yer nose” trick…
Good evening ladies and gentlemen. Here’s a little number that I tossed off recently in the Caribbean…
So did I get this right? They shrunk Ann Coulters Penis also?
Where poverty rules and people are desperate religion and superstition blossom.
If these sorcerers would just refine their technique so as to leave a vagina in place, they could make good money at the business! Surely magicking a penis into a vagina would be at least a little more cost effective than the surgical methods.
#55:
Try our delicious Norwegian rakfisk. Strictly speaking, it’s fermented, not rotting, but you have to be a Norwegian to tell the difference.
Unfortunately, some people are going to take crazy shit like this as evidence that black people (or at least Africans) are stupid. Why does this sort of nuttery fester in Africa right now?
Fortunately, I don’t need to fear the sorcerers. I can travel anywhere I want confident in the knowledge that I have a spare penis at home just in case my original equipment gets stolen
Who needs a spare when you have one that’s detachable?
Poverty. Lack of opportunity. Hopelessness. Name your poison.
But there are also people there working hard to improve the situation. It’s hard enough being a scientist or clinician here; imagine trying to do it in a resource-poor environment. Yet, people persevere.
Supporting science, health care, or microbusinesses in Africa by Africans is one way to fight back against the problem, which–while often more intense there than elsewhere–is certainly not unique to Africa.
On second thought, never mind. This shit happens oustide of Africa too:
“Lal Pari Devi was beaten, tied to a tree and the people’s court gave its verdict and decided to chop her hair and smeared her face with lime. Kalawati, a widow was paraded naked in a village in Bihar because she dared to enter the village Temple in spite of being a widow and a Dalit too, while the two other women were forced to swallow human excreta by villagers who blamed them for being responsible for an outbreak of chicken pox.
According to Atheist Centre, which in its investigation of witchcraft in one of the district of Andhra Pradesh wrote, ‘People’s ignorance, illiteracy, ill health and a strong socio-cultural belief in the existence of witchcraft are causing untold misery to the people. Many times the belief in witchcraft led to violent incidents resulting in the plucking of teeth, breaking of hands and legs, cutting off the tongues, and in some cases burning to death of the so-called sorcerers. Gruesome murders take place and sometimes they are banished from the village after subjecting them to severe torture.'”
I can’t wait for a missionary to baptise someone in cold water in one of these countries…
:D
According to Kramer and Sprenger’s “Malleus Maleficarum” (A well known European manual for the detection and prosecution of witches) witches in Europe were frequently “guilty” of -and punished for- this very thing less than half a millenium ago. How wierd that two diverse cultures so widely separated by time and distance should both subscribe to the same batshitinsane notion! Truly a wonder is Mankind!
Huh. Here in the states, we just blame women’s lib.