In what has become an annual tradition of prognostications, religious broadcaster Pat Robertson predicted Tuesday that a terrorist attack on the United States would result in “mass killing” late in 2007.
“I’m not necessarily saying it’s going to be nuclear,” he said during his news-and-talk television show “The 700 Club” on the Christian Broadcasting Network. “The Lord didn’t say nuclear. But I do believe it will be something like that.”
Hang on there. A possible nuclear attack by terrorists? We’ve heard this possibility discussed before as a justification for torture. Robertson knows something. Quick, call Kiefer Sutherland and let the waterboarding begin!
Once he breaks, he’ll lead us to the terrorist mastermind (codename: Lord), and then we can send in a Ranger battalion to take him out.
Later in the article, though, he admits that last year’s prediction of a tsunami striking the US was fulfilled by heavy rain in New England; given that level of slop in his prediction, next year he’ll be able to claim that the nuclear attack prediction was met by that time Dick Cheney had a particularly gassy burrito.
In my country people who make claims like this are usually offered professional state funded psychiatric care.
And I predict a horrid and cataclysmic terrorist attack in 2007 using spinach bombs. The lord didn’t actually say spinach so much as he implied spinach. Last year was only a warning.
That is all. $10 please. Wake me in 2008.
I live in New England. We’ve had worse years for flooding.
What we had wasn’t as bad as how God punished Florida for tipping the Electoral College toward Bush in 2000, with four back-to-back hurricanes.
Come to think of it, God hasn’t given the “red” states such nice weather. And if the global warming trends could just stop today, New England would be mighty comfy.
I’m sure Reverend Robertson is right that the Lord will have Vengeance. And I’m equally sure it is because of the new Ikea ads that clearly promote non traditional values and other activities having to do with furniture.
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20 years from now, “Pat Robertson” will be the punchline of a joke nobody remembers, but everybody laughs at.
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But, but, he’s been saying since 1990 or so that the world is going to end on April 29th 2007!
But, but, he’s been saying since 1990 or so that the world is going to end on April 29th 2007!
Sort of reminds me of Robertson’s prediction in 1998 about hurricanes wiping out Orlando and Disneyworld because of its Gay Day celebrations.
The result? The first hurricane of the 1998 season to make landfall (Hurricane Bonnie) hit Virginia Beach, headquarters of Robertson’s crappy little empire…
There is no god, but the universe does have a sense of humor/karma.
Gee, I wonder what Pat Robertson was predicting a year ago?
Maybe the LORD meant to say nuclear but he really said nucular. That would explain a lot. Oh no, I just gave Pat another “out.” I hope he or the LORD doesn’t read this blog. Or both!
I’ve never granted much credibility to people who nervously giggle following every assertion. And has Pat ever found those female chess grand masters he claimed didn’t exist, thus proving female intellectual inferiority?
Seriously, if Pat deserves the rubber room, what about the people that follow him?
So, Pat Robertson’s saying that God hates America so much that He plans to sends terrorists to kill at least 700 people in attacks shows us that God loves us how?
Wow. The Reverend Right Hon. Pat Robertson is Revealed as a member of the WAAGNFNP.
Saw a list of the monetary holdings of the rich televangelists. Can’t remember where and can’t find it. Can anyone help?
Come on, who doesn’t love it when Pat goes off like this? Where else will we get our material?
…result in “mass killing” late in 2007.
Maybe the god’s got it in for catholics?
Anyway, if the god’s told Pat Robertson part of the story, why didn’t it tell him the whole story? Maybe it did? Pat Robertson should be tortured until he squeals, so that innocent lives can be saved.
I totally hope that someone in Homeland {shudder} Security has this fruitcake high up on their watchlist.
With 1/4 of American’s thinking Jeezuss is coming “back” this year, they’ve really gotta start taking the potential for christo-terrorism seriously.
Sad, silly humans. . .
Michael, those same quarter of Americans think Jebus is coming back ‘this year’ every gorram year. Don’t worry too much – if he doesn’t take his stupid, annoying followers with him this year, there’s always next year. And so on. And so forth.
Well, leaving the religion behind, dont you guys think it is high time for some great technological progress in the aim of peace and not destrcution. What I believe is in providing the best of the technologies to the customers and others in all situations. All these terrorist and mass-destruction activities do not help us in any scenario.
I think those Jesus-semen shakes are getting to him. And, why is it that, in Pat’s world, god has such a hard time with speaking clearly?
Oh, cum on. Where else would he get his spew? Shee, talk about “random ejaculations”…
Why is it Pat and other fakers can’t get an exact prediction out of Jesus? Is there interference on the line between here and heaven? Are we waiting for a fiber optic line so we can hear god better? Or is it that god mumbles or has a thick accent? Doesn’t He know exactly what’s going to happen and when? This omniscience thing seems to have a lot of bugs in it.
that time Dick Cheney had a particularly gassy burrito
That was good for a LOL.
In any case, if he knows we’re going to have a mass terrorist attack late in 2007, that probably means he’s in league with the terrorists and is working with them. Wouldn’t be suprised in the slightest if the next attack didn’t come from radical Islamists, but Christian fundamentalists.
I want the daily show to just show that clip and have John Stewart laugh at him.
That’s the most appropriate thing to do. Oh and just state that Robertson is an ass.
And just think he once ran for president….. makes you long for the good old days when Oral Roberst would lock himself away and threaten that “Da LORD” would take him if his viewers didn’t send him a few million bucks pronto.
Whatever they’re smoking I’d sure like to get me some….
Didn’t Pat “deflect” a hurricane from his town or was that another modern Moses wannabee? I’m sure he’ll use that excuse again after September 2007.
Yeah, that statement about Ariel Sharon keeling over as a punishment from God really shored up our relations with Israel! Good one, Pat!
Why didn’t Pat just heal Sharon BTW? He used to do that stuff. Has the buildup of lost souls in hell resulting in radioactive shimmies resulting in global warming sapped his powers?
You forget that they need conflict in Isreal so that the Rapture can begin.
They don’t want to decrease any conflicts with Isreal. Stir the pot!
What I would say to Robertson:
Hey “Patty”, why didn’t God tell you about September 11 or Hurricane Katrina? And what are you doing to stop Armageddon from coming?
The sentence “Sometimes I miss” reveals that Pat is God.
> And what are you doing to stop Armageddon from coming?
um… Robertson _wants_ Armegeddon to come.
Just like Bush and the rest of the idiot fundies.
Come to think of it, The Rapture wouldn’t be too bad, might be able to pick me up one o’them “unmanned” Mercedes or Audis…
:-
mrB.
I totally hope that someone in Homeland {shudder} Security has this fruitcake high up on their watchlist.
In this administration? They’re probably ordering HSA employees to clear their calendars for Robertson’s PowerPoint version.
“Don’t worry too much – if he doesn’t take his stupid, annoying followers with him this year, there’s always next year. And so on. And so forth.”
Granted, the problem is that a few jebus followers, in their zeal to “help god out” with this so called “end times” bit, may think a repeat of Oklahoma City is just the thing to kick start the rapture / tribulation. Trust me, there are more than just a few Tim McVeigh – Eric Rudolph wannabes inside the Christian Right for us to be more than a little concerned.
“Why is it Pat and other fakers can’t get an exact prediction out of Jesus? Is there interference on the line between here and heaven? Are we waiting for a fiber optic line so we can hear god better? Or is it that god mumbles or has a thick accent?”
Yahweh is a notorious skinflint and has yet to splurge on a fiber optic line from heaven. Believe me, you should hear Uriel when he gets on a rant about having to use dialup internet in this day and age. Then that suckup Metatron did a cost-benefit analysis a few years ago and found it was cheaper to route divine prophecies through Bangalore instead of via messenger angel, and ol’ Pat hasn’t gotten used to the Indian accents yet…
Did you catch this part?
The broadcaster predicted in January 2004 that
President Bush would easily win re-election. Bush won 51 percent of the vote that fall, beating Democratic Sen.
John Kerry of Massachusetts. He also predicted Bush’s victory for a second term in 2005.
How’s Bush going to win a second term in 2005 when he already won one in 2004? Either that’s a typo, or Pat’s getting more senile than he seems.
Actually, Robertson’s retracted his statement; I’m all over it.
http://crazylittlethingcalledblog.blogspot.com/2007/01/pat-robertson-god-waterboarded-me.html
I always wanted a bumper sticker that said: “In the event of Rapture, you will be so surprised to still be here that I will pull you out of your seat and steal your car.” But I decided it was too long.
Answered in advance:
Or at the very least, it would be nice if they were disenfranchised.
Isn’t this the same guy who predicted a tsunami could hit us in 2006?
I thought that in this country, people who make such claims are booked for a vacation of undetermined length at Cuba’s Club Gitmo until they’re forthcoming with their sources.
Not if they’re still in Cheney’s addressbook, apparently.
As an atheist, I take comfort in the fact that when these fools do finally bring on Armageddon, they’ll be standing amongst the ruins wondering why they were Left Behind, where the heck Jesus is, and why they can’t seem to keep any food down. I’ll point what’s left of my radiation-scarred finger at them and laugh and laugh…that’ll show ’em!
(rrt, have you ever read A Canticle for Liebowitz?)
Let’s not forget that Robertson and Jerry Falwell had a revealing little conversation on the air back in 2001, basically agreeing that God had “raised the curtain” (of protection) and “allowed” 9/11 to happen because we “deserved” it, seeing as how we had become so, like, decadent and gay and all that stuff.
How is it that the likes of Robertson and Falwell can go on record shortly after 9/11 as saying we “deserved” it, while others who had the nerve to say unreasonble things like “Maybe we should take a closer look at our role in Middle East politics and get a handle on what motivated these people to do this” get eviscerated in the public forum for being “pro-terrorist”? I’m still puzzling that one out….
If I were him I would rethink the causing of the apocalypse thing. If everyone was dead and in heaven, who would be sending him money to go to heaven? No more gold plated anything for him! He’s obviously an atheist or just can’t plan things in advance. ;^)
The clear solution to the nukular threat is to send more troops to Iraq. Killing brown people will make us all a lot safer!
Never know, Pat maybe knows something…not from Gawd of course, but from the creepy bastards in the corridors of power in DC…
I’ve come to the personal conclusion that Tim McVeigh had “a little help” he neither knew of nor asked for. That’s the kind of “terror” attack I worry about…Gladio style.
Just the thing to usher in martial law and let GWB declare himself “Presidente por Vida” (“President for Life”). All that buzz about “an election year suprise attack” and the “contingency plans” for an “interim government”, back in 2004, were really starting to freak/creep me out.
I need to write my local rep, Mr. Lampson-D (who I helped get into the office recently vacated by Tom DeLay-R and more recently by that flash-in-the-pan Shelly Sekula-Gibbs-R) and ask what the heck he is doing to get us out of Iraq and ask why does he deserve my vote again 2 years from now…
The Democrats take back Congress…and now we’re looking at ESCALATING the war…and bringing back the draft, no less…WTF?! Did I vote for THAT?
Whatever happens, a way will be found to try and pin it on Iran–just watch. Gotta cook up some tasty new “Causus Belli”, dontcha know…
Pat Robertson mainly looks out for Pat Robertson–it’s mainly about the $$$. This Millenialist shit is pure GOLD, best scam around.
“In the event of Rapture . . .
. . . good riddance.
As loony as this guy is, what I find even more disturbing is that there are people who actually listen to him and keep sending him their money. THAT is the definition of terrifying.
You’d think that Pat’s God would offer a few specifics like an exact date, time, location, and perpetrators. That would certainly make things easier.
And thwart the will of God?
The only thing that keeps me from laughing off Robertson’s latest revelation is that this clown is in so tight with the Bush White House, that he may have overheard something like a possible upcoming attack on Iran.
I think its about time Homeland Security did their job and hauled in god’s ass to find out what he knows. They probably don’t know where to look however, so perhaps they will need to render Pat Robertson to some friendly state where he maybe baptized by waterboarding into revealing where exactly god is hiding out. (I’m guessing its a cave somewhere in the Smokies)
Kseniya:
No, I haven’t, though I’ve heard of it before. A belated thanks for the suggestion. I’ll have to track down a copy.
…he may have overheard something like a possible upcoming attack on Iran.
Ya think? Could be. Let’s do a quick review of recent events.
1. Bush cries, “Axis of evil! Axis of Evil!” which neatly defines necessary external enemies while evoking Hitler, Mussolini, and Hirohito, and casting Bush in the FDR/Reagan role.
2. US invades first AoE country (Iraq) and kicks butt of evil dictator (and former ally) Hussein.
3. The two remaining AoE countries get nervous, start beefing up defenses and R&D into nuclear deterrent technologies.
4. Bush cries, “See? See? They’re making nukes! Toldja they were evil!”
5. I can’t possibly imagine what might happen next.
(It’s all so relentlessly self-fulfilling, isn’t it?)
http://onegoodmove.org/1gm/1gmarchive/2007/01/lake_of_fire.html
“I’m thinkin’ why didn’t god tell him how to stop it!”
“I’ve always been of the opinion if you talk to god that’s praying, if god talks to you that’s schizophrenia!”
His thing on faith is good too.
Peanut Gallery:
Say, aren’t you the same doofus who went trolling over to RTB when you read someone was asking for help on a presentation on evolution to one of their chapters? The assumption no doubt being that something sinister was going on. Now THAT’s out of a comic book, and I’ve had quite a few chuckles sharing your misapprehension with folks, believers and non-believers alike.
Any dried egg on your facial hair will come out with a good brush. Amused….SH
Peanut Gal: Thank you for continuing to provide this blog with an excellent example of the intellectual rigor and dignified style of the ID movement. Your gassy comment above serves as a perfectly typical specimen of what we’ve come to expect from creationists.
Pat Robertson is eithier clinically insane or media hungry attention seeking douchebag. Perhaps both?
He’s a douche bag. I don’t think he thinks he hears god’s voice. He says whatever will keep his flock inline and feed their delusions.
I think most preachers don’t believe half the stuff the spew.
Well, Jesus said no one could predict when He would return, so anyone claiming to know when He’ll come back is full of shit anyway.
Then again, these assheads never actually READ the Bible…
It appears to be 2008, and I haven’t noticed an attack costing the lives of many patriotic Americans lately. I wonder what the explanation could be… maybe God was just messin’ with Pat, y’know He’s not above bullshitting with his homeys on occasion. Or maybe he decided that because Americans have gotten more pious over 2007 that he decided to give us a break… nah, ’cause if we admit that progress in making God happy has happened while Bush’s approval ratings have been playing “how low can you go” it’ll mess up Karl Rove’s strategy…
Gee, the only explanation I can think of is that God was talking about the patriotic Americans in our volunteer armed forces being sent off to get killed by terrorists for a pointless effort in the Middle East. Terrorist attacks? check. Dead Americans. check. Doesn’t meet the nuclear requirement, but he did say that was extra credit.