The Ivory Tower

I won’t say I woke up this morning with a mission because that would imply I slept last night, but now I’m trying to write an article in each of the categories of FtB articles. There are some categories in which I rarely appear.  I’m a BFA, I shouldn’t talk about science.  But I’m gonna talk about science.

I think Chunderf00l said it best, when he did a video about how Ivory Tower shouldn’t be derogatory for science boyz because ivory towers are cool and shiny and hold up THA TROOF for all to see.  Then he switched gears to chortling through his tears about Anita Sarkeesian for a decade.  Yewchoob atheism, amirite?  Is this thing on?

Science can be real cool.  I think my favorite blog ever has to be Tetrapod Zoology.  The universe, especially at the very local level of this planet, is chock full of interesting shit.  Some of it is beautiful and inspiring, and so there’s a tendency to latch onto that, as the tool to promote a sort of positive atheism.  We don’t need the majesty of some false vision of glorious afterlife, we can marvel at the world we inhabit to feel inspired.

But science is always a mixed bag.  Darwin knew it.  Nature is full of fucked up repugnant shit.  There are animals that can only reproduce like the fucken Alien xenomorph, their entire existence predicated on nightmarish cruelty.  Not just a species here or there, but clades full of species that do the same nasty nasty.  And within our own lives, we can marvel at human beauty and compassion, but are also stuck in a species with fucking millions upon millions of actual fascist motherfuckers.  Brains so ugly they can turn you to stone.

I don’t think there is an inspiring or magical or fun version of atheism, frankly.  Sorry, Ivory Tower.  Sorry, Science.  Philosophical materialism has one solitary advantage over all religions.  It’s true, and it is brave to look at things as they actually are, to deal with the world you actually live in.  That bravery makes it possible to do greater things than any religious person is capable of – to give of yourself fully knowing how precious every second of your brief life is – but it doesn’t guarantee that we will do those great things.  Many of us are just unreconstructed shitbirds.  But we love us some science!

The Religious Stage

I was gradually failing high school in the ’90s and in an effort to make up credits I took some college classes in the summer.  My Philosophy 81 course (lol) was kinda influential on me, had me calling myself an agnostic instead of an atheist for like, twenty-five years?

Anyway, that class surveyed the landscape of Western philosophy without getting into a lot of depth on any of it.  As part of that, we looked at the recurring themes in the field.  There was the search for “substance,” the way to live a “good” life, logicking one’s way to god, and more.

More than one philosopher had ideas that a human life moves through set stages, like we’re all on our own Hero’s JourneyKierkegaard got a closer look, and the last of his stages was The Religious Stage.  I don’t remember particulars, but the idea was something like, when you’ve done all the big things in life and all that’s left is to look upon death, you will inevitably come back to god.

I had my sixteenth birthday in that class, was obnoxiously confident about my own philosophical materialism, and didn’t cotton to being told I would someday fogey into submission to the Invisible Tyrant.  What would you do?

At least the professor didn’t act like all these dead white guys had the truth on lock, unlike my Philo 101 teacher at the art school, who – fucking absurdly – found Descartes’ ontological argument completely irrefutable.  I rattled off three counter arguments in three minutes and he had the placid, glazed, uncomprehending expression of a true fucking zombie.

But no, I’m closer to fifty than forty.  Jeezis here I come…

Oh My My, Oh Hell Yes

Honey, put on that party dress.  I don’t suggest looking up the music video that goes with those lyrics on yewchoob.  Content Warning: Necrophilia.  Not on this post, just that video.

I like Tom Petty’s hot jams tho.  But if I make this post about music, it won’t help me top all the categories of FtB articles.  I need an article about “Miscellaneous and Meta.”  So, um, I dunno… Weed.  There’s no weed category.  I don’t smoke weed but I like the memes and humor.  Some of it.  By the last Cheech & Chong movie that shit was tired.  Wait, that’s a kind of Art Culture and Humor, just like Tom Petty.

I’ll just say a little about my situation again, today, this morning, 8:52 AM as I type this sentence.  I’ve been having occasional insomnia since something like mid- to late-December.  My job requires brain power and emotional self-control, both of which are impaired by lack of sleep, so I just called in sick.  Awake all night.

I don’t know why this is happening, but both my brother and father are bipolar and this has something like manic features.  But the fact it has only happened in the dark part of the year makes me think it’s possible that’s related.  And I drank a can of Pepsi close to midnight.  But still.

I don’t deserve this, man!  Imma get arrested by the motherfucking Dream Police.  Cheap Trick were right!

On Genital Preference

My conquest of the categories of FtB articles continues apace, with this rip-roaring number about Feminism Gender and Sexuality.  I don’t know if I’ve posted my thoughts about genital preference before, so I’ll lay out the main points.

It’s OK to have a genital preference, when it comes to doing the sex.  When it comes to casual conversation, less so, but it’s a situational thing.  I’d say a good rule of thumb is this – express your love for the genitals you want to get with, never express disgust for the genitals that you’d prefer to avoid.  Somebody has those genitals, and doesn’t deserve to have to feel disgusting, right?

There are a lot of ramifications of this.  Don’t equate your genital preference with your orientation, even if it makes intuitive sense.  “I love vag because I’m a lesbian.”  There are lesbians that don’t love vag for any number of reasons, there are lesbians who don’t have vag and don’t deserve to think of themselves as undesirable to lesbians for that reason – even tho it’s valid for that to be true in your case.  Does that make sense?  It’s complicated.

I find a very, very useful way to think of this is like fatphobia.  It’s OK for you to not find fat people attractive.  You can’t control what your instincts tell you, and they’ve been warped by simmering in global fatphobia your whole life.  You shouldn’t have to force yourself to be with a person you can’t physically love, and much more importantly, no fat person deserves to be stuck with somebody who cannot physically love them.

But wearing a “no fatties” t-shirt or dropping that preference in anything but the most hushed and apologetic tones is a fucking vile thing to do.  Likewise, unless a transbian makes a pass at ye, vag-requiring lesbian, don’t feel the need to bring it up.  It just isn’t necessary, until it is, which is sure to be an extremely rare occurrence.  (Ditto in reverse gay dudes in cis/trans situations.)

This is one way terfs ruin shit for everyone.  Lesbians should be able to yell about how much they love muff as much as gay men yell about dick.  It’s still an option, of course, but thanks to terfs identifying AFAB parts with their hate movement by way of their internet handles and slogans, any lesbian reveling in their genital preference may result in a nearby trans person of any stripe feeling unsafe or unsettled.  Is this person going to try to harm me?  Don’t know.  Non-nazi dykes don’t deserve to have to think about that every time they put on the “I Love Pussy” hat.

I could be wrong about any of this in any way; I am not up on the current discourse, and have never had a meaningful conversation with genital dysphoria-having person about the subject.

FreethunksBlogdotWho?

In pursuit of my conquest of the categories of FtB articles, I must think a thought about FREETHOUGHT.  Sometimes our network shows a bit of disunity in the continuing mission to be progressive and secular charismatic preachers.  But there can be reasonable disagreements within that remit, and no one lately has come out the side hatch with regressivisms or god belief, so we’re cool on that level.

It’s just a little funny to see somebody who is like, God?  Nuh.  Ghosts, well…  That’s alright tho, as I said.  It’s interesting to me that we all have different reasons for our unbelief.  At least one of us has stated unequivocally they arrived at it through a kind of Cartesian meditation, another that it was the injustice of christian dogmas alone that pushed them away.

My own feeling du jour is that some people are constitutionally incapable of believing in the immaterial, some people being me.  I didn’t have a choice, and still don’t.  Whenever I’ve had a feeling that touches on the transcendent, I recognized that there was nothing genuinely supernatural to it.  No, not strictly accurate.  I never stopped noticing the real.

The activism was a choice.  I speak out in defense of philosophical materialism because people like me, who have never seen a ghost and never will, shouldn’t have to feel like grim outliers in the no-fun police.  We’re fun, I swear!  So fun.  I like to think   I’m fun.

Pepsi and Mania

Don’t drink mildly caffeinated beverages close to midnight when you’ve been having random nights of insomnia.  A recurring theme of these episodes is feeling the need to explain myself, in some way, to some hypothetical audience I’ll likely never face.  Last night it was the annoyance of seeing yet another leftesque person decide to take a “bold” stand against AI art, locking arms with exactly everyone in the entire universe except apparently my boyfriend and one subreddit.  And so I was contemplating making that my first ever yewchoob video, which I’ll likely never do.  But I kept contemplating, getting no sleep whatsoever.  It’s ten minutes to eight and my work alarm goes off at 8:20.

So I’ve decided to make eight posts, so I can have the top article in every category on FtB’s front page.  Here I am, born to be kings, I’m the princes of the universe.  This post has already mentioned art, and so it will be the top post for “Arts and Culture.”  I rule.

Antisemitism and Phishing

They say the misspellings and shoddy construction of phishing emails are specifically to weed out potential bites from people clever enough to do fraudsters some damage.  It seems every conspiracy except for the real ones trace back to antisemitic beliefs – flat earth, qanon, hollow earth, pizzagate, 9-11 truth, antivax, gender crit, foreign infiltration, whatever.  “They” are always, at the end of the day, “the jews.”  It makes me think, in this moment, what if antisemitism serves a similar function?  If you can believe “the jews” are up to no good on that level, you can believe any wack thing.

There are definitely holes in that.  The spelling errors are there from go, in your spam trap.  Sometimes the antisemitism is buried kinda deep; it can’t be the gateway drug.  Just a random thunk on a random day.

Destroy All Cameras!

Photography has made art obsolete.  Nobody can make a living as an artist these days.  We should really smash all cameras, for art.

You may have guessed, this is yet another post defending the use of AI art tools.  They are a revolutionary advance in art technology on par with the invention of photography.  How fortunate are we to bear witness to this remarkable creation?  How you’re acting in response to the advent of this tool is exactly the same as you would have reacted to the invention of photography.  Chew on that for a minute.

I’ll keep posting these things for as long as I keep seeing cold liquid shit takes from AI art opponents.  I know it’s a tall order for people like us who have the thoughtless confidence to post our opinions on the internet (unlike the more circumspect unspeaking hordes of lurkers out there), but maybe try to think before you opine.

Just one question not enough people are asking themselves, as in most areas of discourse:  How could I be wrong about this issue?  I have done that.  The more you actually know about this subject, the less any of the arguments against AI art hold up.  Elucidate a position that withstands educated scrutiny, or if you’re too lazy to get educated or scrutinize, just keep embarrassing yourself.

I find that annoying because most AI art opponents are on my side of the political aisle, so they’re embarrassing me while they’re at it.  (The original Luddites were on my side of the aisle as well, so fair enough.)  I like to think our blog network values skepticism and reason though.  Over time, perhaps it will.

ai generated art

PS:  I’ll keep adding responses to other BS I see, just to keep from making my posts nothing but this topic.

I keep seeing artists whining about people trying to do AI art in their style.  You know you can’t actually copyright a style, right?  And that you’ve benefited from that yourselves?  And that this only differs from an artist directly imitating your style by the tool they use to do that imitation?  I agree it’s tasteless for AI kids to imitate living artists, but even with the best AI results ever, they can’t do what you can do, can they?  As an artist, are you nothing but a style?

PPS:  If I ever get around to making a more comprehensive article on this, and I might because I’m still rather steamed about it, do try to respond to what I’m actually saying before you come with the usual endlessly reiterated glurge.  You’re on my article, in my house.  Respond to me, or fuck entirely off.  I will do my best to make my points more clear, concise, and eloquent than usual.  If my argument still isn’t compelling enough to answer to, then there’s no point in talking to me with your usual three talking points gussied up into giant walls of text.

PPPS:  When I say all existing art jobs are fucked and not worth preserving, don’t take that as a “give up the ship, why bother with labor activism” nihilism.  Please.  Listen to me.  You can form a union and keep fighting over and over and over again for the same crumbs, at least in those jobs where there’s even an employer to organize against.  Or you can embrace real radicalism.

It’s hilarious to me the kind of out-of-touch socialist who dreams that I can form mutual aid within my ghetto cannot imagine a world in which there are different and better ways to make art happen than the ones people currently pursue.  Artistic mutual aid.  Art outside of capitalism is possible.  Or am I just a better radical where art is concerned than 99% of the internet?

PPPPS:  Storing a thought for future use.  The comparison to cameras is even more apt than I’d initially thought.  Cameras point at reality and the artist chooses what of that reality to use or discard for their composition.  You can use AI and just take the first result, the same way you can lazily snap a pic of anything.  Or you can do like a photographer and tease the inputs, curate the results.  Your art is whatever the final form takes, after your thought and and creativity is applied.  The chief difference is that with photography you take pics from the physical world, in AI you take pics from computer output.  Given the current, imperfect state of the tech, it’s like photography of a very surreal virtual reality.

The Sext in the Collection

Not many comments on the latest edition of The Midnight Collection, or the excellent literature I excerpted from it for your delectation, well, OK.  Now I’m posting my sleazy BDSM soap opera story from the book.  Written under my pencil-moustache-having nom de plume Caesar Train Magenta, it was a fun time.  Check it out, or continue to whiff on these beauteous pearls I cast about your swiney hooves.  (I kid, I kid.)  My post here is going to have the start of the story, with a link to where you can finish reading it on The Midnight Collection’s website.  If you love or hate the story, or love expressing your opinion even when that is “meh,” leave a comment either here or there…

them thornbloods

“Thornbloods” – Joseph Kelly, 2022

THE IMMOLATION OF THE THORNBLOODS

Caesar Train Magenta

Content Warnings (Spoilery?):  Ableist Language, Abusive Relationships, Alcohol and Drug Abuse, Body Fluids, Capitalism, Child death/endangerment, Classism, Confinement/Bondage, Death of Loved One, Domestic Abuse, Dysfunctional Family, Emotional Abuse, Fire, Infidelity in Relationships, Insects, Misogynistic Language, Nudity, Paranoia, Poisoning, Sexism, Sexual Content, Sexual Harassment, Slut-shaming, and Swearing.

December 8th, 1928.  The three came into the cavernous foyer of the Thornblood lake house, once known as “The Lily on the Lake,” to some romantic soul.  But on that day, there was no romance left in the hearts of the two surviving Thornbloods.  And who could say what was in the heart of their brilliant third?  The cold silver light threatened to turn the world to ice outside the massive bay windows.

The last of the Thornbloods, Kent and Mabel, were powerfully built for their respective sexes, a natural strength that required little exercise to maintain.  Their companion, Patricia Coltheart, was comparatively lithe and narrow.  They all had black hair and fair skin, paled considerably by the season, still red at the nose and ears from the icy wind of the road.  Kent’s hair was turning to slate at the temples, Mabel’s was cropped like a flapper’s, but thick waves laid it less fashionably flat.  Patricia’s long, spiraling locks flowed like water with her every move.

Nobody removed their coat, though Mabel flapped the furry lapels to let some heat in.  It was scarcely warmer than it had been on the drive there, and no servants would be present to stoke the furnace.  “Kent,” she said to her brother, “bring that firewood along with us.  The Twelve Point Parlour will be quickest to heat.”

“Naturally.  Perhaps you and Patricia can bring food and drink for all?”  He hoisted a bundle of firewood from a series of low racks.  It was conveniently tied with a thin cord of hemp, and noticing this, he grabbed another.

Patricia twirled in place and stamped her feet.  “Let’s heat this icebox.  Let’s burn it to the ground.”

“Let’s not,” said Mabel.

Kent said nothing.  Indeed, he nearly let his burden fall to the floor, so appalled was he that Patricia could forget the circumstance that had led them all to this bitter occasion.  Or had she forgotten?  She was the love of his life, and yet as cruel as the Devil.

As if cued by that thought, she let slip from her cuff the riding crop that she carried every day of her life, and waved it at him like casting a spell.

July 1st, 1927.  The roll-up curtains in MacCaulay Tower were still hooked down against the dusk’s orange light, though the fierce winds of lofty elevation were quickly stripping away the summer heat that had choked the office workers all day.  The great white ceiling lamps remained dark and grey; less fiery sources of light gleamed from the few desks where work continued.

Mabel lounged in an office chair, legs crossed and bouncing a shoe at the end of one foot, ginger ale in hand.  Kent leaned on the edge of a desk, nursing a small glass of coffee liqueur between exchanges, in no special hurry.

“We keep doing these rounds,” he said.  “I can’t quite fathom why you’re still at it.”

“My businesses are as much a part of the Thornblood portfolio as are your own.  Father would not have appointed one of his children to manage them if he wanted to let them die.”  She was serious, though smiling gently.

For his part, Kent was still amused with the game, like driving her mad at croquet when they were children.  “If Clayton’s will go out of business without the use of a press, why not find another?  MHP is a crucial advertising connection for at least three of the entities under my umbrella.”

“Then you understand the value of it, and why another would not do.”  She spun in the chair and rested her legs on a desk, so she could lose her sight in the orange haze of the curtains.  “Father must see some value in having us compete like this, but the very object of our competition today is something to save cost on competition.  Isn’t that—”

“Shh, just a moment, Mabe.”  Kent called to one of the clerks.  “Steven, turn up that radio.”

“Oh?”  The old man raised the volume dial, though he wasn’t sure why the broadcast was of interest.  Something about a fancy art museum party for the riche less nouveau than his own family.

Mabel asked, “The Gala?”

“It is.  How novel that we can know what our family is doing without the use of a telephone.”

The sound was tinny with painful spikes in volume.  The technology had some way to go.  —And with that, the red carpet has been rolled up, folks.  Anybody outside, well, they’re outside.  But through the magic of radio broadcast, you are inside the Gala with us tonight.

“Doesn’t feel the same to me, pal.”

“Mabel, shh.  Just give me a moment.”

Those great families of industry and finance, the Gettys, the Fords, the Thornbloods, and more.  Ho ho, and what’s this? Seems little Marcia Thornblood has turned this photo shoot into a game of hide and seek.  The cameras won’t be catching her tonight.

Kent chuckled warmly.  “It is like we’re there.”

“No, Father saw to it that we’d be busy little beavers, wasting our youth in office towers on nights like this.”

“You’d rather be keeping an eye on the scamps?  You know if you were there tha—” he stopped himself.

Smoke is indeed from an incident with the flash photography.  Wow!  That sure is spreading fast.  Fire has just shot up the drapes at a fantastic rate.  We’re— A clanging alarm sounded, making the broadcast impossible to hear.  Each clang violently pierced the air, and Steven quickly reached to turn the radio off.

“Don’t!” Kent shouted.

Steven was horrified, but he had no choice.  He understood the need for it, and kept the radio on, pressing hands over his ears to blunt the agony.

Without noticing they had risen, Mabel and Kent were both on their feet, staring at the radio, hoping for some relief from the mounting terror.  The clang sounded twenty more long seconds before it cut to a single even tone, then a different announcer’s voice, clearer than the first.

We apologize for the technical difficulty we just experienced, but there seems to be an emergency taking place at the Miller-Brooks Gala tonight.  We will bring you a proper report as soon as possible.  For those of you just tuning in, there seems to have been a fire at the Miller-Brooks Gala tonight, cutting off our broadcast from the event.  We will bring you a full firsthand account of these events shortly.  In other news—

“What other news?” Mabel seethed.

“Get your jacket.  We’re going.”

December 8th, 1928.  The lakehouse’s electricity was well protected, the Thornbloods personally paying to have every risky junction cleared of trees en route to the power station.  They had lights, but with the central heating already installed, nobody had seen fit to put in modern radiators.  Unless somebody was willing to shovel coal in the basement, or call a servant to do the same, most of the great house would remain winter cold.

They did not want to call a servant.  This was to be a tête-à-tête between the siblings, to settle their business conflicts once and for all.  Patricia was only there to keep Kent’s bed warm, the old-fashioned way.

The light buzzed to life in the kitchen, a false vision of warmth that could not be felt in that room.  Patricia skipped past Mabel, who moved more cautiously.

“Why so lively?”

“Just glad to be free from the damned automobile.”  She twirled, and seeing nothing of interest, her eyes came to rest on Mabel.  “How long do you suppose it will take Kent to stoke the fire?  He’s a real city boy.”  She shrugged her coat off bare shoulders.

“Please.  You won’t get me in the mood with a line that mentions his name.  Find a wine that we won’t despise, okay?”

Patricia pouted, turned to the wine rack, and hooked a bottle at random with the looped head of her crop, tugging it out of the cubby.  It nearly fell to the floor, but she snatched it out of the air deftly.

“Perfect vintage for you two,” she said.  “Sour grapes.”

“Expect a sour weekend,” Mabel said.  She went about gathering food with lifeless motion, all practicality and no art.

Patricia slid behind her like a phantom, craned her long neck to whisper in her ear.  “There’s more than one way to heat up the place, Mabel.”

“I’m here for business.  Blow.”

“Auggh!” Patricia snarled.

Mabel could hear the crop slap on the counters, over and over again, but she did not turn.

July 7th, 1927.  The Lily on the Lake basked in a mild summer heat, the light of the morning sun made a mirror of the water, and the natural beauty of the scene doubled.  Mabel and Kent stood at the end of a patio overlooking the lush tableau, drinks in hand.  The sounds of servants laboring were not loud, but it was enough to make the frogs and birds more shy than they might otherwise be.  The buzz and trill of insects accompanied the conversation.

“I keep saying it, and I can’t stop myself,” Mabel said.

“You can’t believe it’s real, I know.  It’s the Greek chorus in my mind as well.  How could they all be gone?  And here we are.”  He sipped his drink.

“If the Thornbloods were to be culled, we should all have died.  Does it mean something that we didn’t?”

“Nothing means anything.”

“Mm-hm.”

They watched the lake.  Dragonflies vied for their attention and received none.

Mabel spoke.  “We could give it all away.  So many far-flung cousins would love that.”

“I’ve thought of it, though not earnestly,” Kent said.  “It’s a shame the little ones will never see the fruit of our labors.  I suppose one or both of us should look into making heirs?”

“All children look like kindling to me now.  I can’t imagine one living to adulthood.  Strange how one’s expectations can be so inverted.”  She hung her head.

He reached a comforting hand closer along the railing.  “That’s grim, even for you, Mabe.”  He leaned down to catch her eyes.

She looked up wearily, then raised herself again.

They were close.  An embrace hung in the air, a possibility of connection, of family.  They looked into each other’s eyes, small and viperine, and they realized that whatever kinship existed between them had truly died in that fire.

They understood each other, and understood they were brother and sister no more.

December 8th, 1928.  The Twelve Point Parlour was named for the tremendous mounted head of a stag, high above the fireplace.  The points of the great beast’s head touched the ceiling, which was lower than most of the rooms on lower floors—hence easiest to heat with the fireplace.

Even so, Kent’s work had barely begun when the women arrived.  The electric chandelier’s glow was feeble, lost in the innumerable shadows of the archaic Victorian-rustic decor.  It seemed to brighten when Mabel shut the heavy velvet curtains against the white world outside.

Patricia plunked the wine down on a coffee table and lounged into the chair nearest Kent.  The crop fell across her lap.  “Dearest, must we provide all the warmth in this room?”

“I appreciate that, darling, but I’ll have this going soon enough.”  He jabbed at the smoldering logs with the poker.

Mabel set the food down, then took a seat, using her coat as a blanket.  “I think we’re all regretting the decision to leave the servants home.  I would kill for warm meat tonight, and that is surely not going to happen.”

Kent shrugged, still focused on the pitiful flames.  “Solitude has its own kind of luxury; people like you and I are rarely able to partake.”

“And yet you brought your frail filly.”

Patricia slapped the crop on her thigh for attention.  “You know I’m no frail.”

Mabel scowled but pretended no injudicious innuendo had just slipped the girl’s mouth.  “I’m sure she’ll keep you entertained, but we’re not here for pleasure.”

“We all need a little restorative now and again,” Kent said.

Patricia asked, “Who will restore you, Mabel?”

March 14th, 1928.  “Her name’s Patricia Coltheart,” Steven said, adjusting his white gloves.  “Perhaps the crop is a reference to the horse in her name.  She’s certifiable, pal.”

“But she does look remarkable.  You’d remark that, right?”

“Certainly.  I’m old, but not dead, as they say.”

“I didn’t mean to imply anything crass,” Kent said, smirking.  “But I would like to see her face more often.  Any chance she’s looking for an office job, at the executive level?”

“I doubt it, but no harm in introducing yourself.  And I say, shouldn’t you be married by now?  Courting a society girl may quell rumors, and you might get something out of it as well.”

“You’re so blunt tonight, Steven.  But convincing.  I’m convinced.”

The blue silk drapes around the ballroom sparkled with sequins, but otherwise the room was white from floor to ceiling.  The band played lively jazz and young people danced.  Kent was irked to see his sister at one of the tables across the floor, to know she’d be watching his every move.  He downed his drink and subtly sniffed a little cocaine from a trick cuff.

On the floor, he stopped a few paces from his prize with a click of the heel and a smile to express interest.  She was just dancing with a girl—a friendly thing, not too heavy to break it up.

Still, Patricia didn’t pay him much attention, until the other girl cried, “That’s Kent Thornblood!” and practically flung her at him, before dancing away.  Patricia tucked the riding crop under her arm and took short, halting steps toward him.

Kent chuckled, barely audible above the music.  “I can cut a rug too, you know.”  He took her hand and began to move.  He was a tall, powerful man, with a thick jaw and stern brow to match.  His may have been the manliest Charleston of the decade and well executed.

Aside from the mystery of her equestrian accessory, it was a conventional and coquettish courtship that evening.  In the end, she accepted an invitation to visit MacCaulay Tower.

Mabel watched it all.

March 16th, 1928.  Raindrops snaked down Kent’s office window in a mad dash.  The golden office lamp vied with the badly occluded sun for dominance and the light washed out to a dark neutral mood.  He had been leaning against his desk in a casual pose, Patricia standing before him, but he had suddenly become quite still and tense.

“This shirt.”  His shirt’s top buttons had been ripped free by a careless swipe of Patricia’s riding crop.  “This shirt cost more than everything you’ve ever worn.”

She held the offending implement behind her back with one hand and made a girlish gesture with the other.  Her dress was a common enough design for young women, but unusually funeral black.

“This shirt?”  She looped an arm around his neck, pulling so close he could feel every hot breath on his ear.  Then she gripped his collar and pulled, ripping it completely away.

Kent trembled with confused rage.

She wrapped the collar around her neck and pinched it shut, affecting a man voice.  “I’m Kent.  I do big business all day.  It’s very important.”

He pawed at his chest foolishly until he composed himself and pointed at her angrily.  “This game is all very amusing, yes, but how can I leave the building in this state?  And what they think of me, they’ll think twice as poorly of you.  You do understand how the talk works, don’t you?”

“And you worry too much about the future.”  She bounced the riding crop once more in both hands.  “Do you want to come, or don’t you?”

Kent was floored again, hands gripping the edge of his desk.  “I beg your pardon?”

Patricia cocked a hip.  “Do you desire sexual release, you starched collar?”  She underscored the insult by pointing the crop where his collar had fallen to the floor.  It still struggled to maintain the shape of a thick neck.

Kent couldn’t speak, his body trembling again, but he mouthed the words, “I do.”  His eyes were soft and fearful.

She laid the head of the crop against his exposed skin.  “Then you will do everything that I tell you to do, and you will thank me for it…”

READ THE REST HERE,

Or purchase the whole Midnight Collection e-book through Ko-fi.  A physical copy in paperback will be coming soon.  And lastly, you can just read the collection for free at the Collection’s website.

The Best in the Collection

No comments on my entries to the latest edition of The Midnight Collection, OK.  Now I’m posting what I consider to be the best story from the book.  Written by Joseph Kelly, it well embodies the theme of Bitter Cold, and is just unusually well-written fiction.  How am I dating this guy?  Check it out.  My post here is going to have the start of the story with a link to where you can finish reading it on The Midnight Collection’s website.  If you love or hate the story, or love expressing your opinion even when that is “meh,” leave a comment either here or there…

man in snow

“A man walking in the snow” – Engelhart, 1904

THE ICE BOX

Joseph Kelly

Content Warnings:  Ableist language, Child death/endangerment, Death of loved one, Depression, Disease, Horror Content in General.

In this country, the seasons were so wonderfully distinct.  You’d never mistake the autumn woods for those in late summer or early winter, with the leaves a vibrant patchwork and the grasses a uniform gold.  The blooming swamp irises would not let you imagine it was still March, and the dense blanket of snow would stay until the first crackling, melting days of spring.  Because of this, Granddad could never forget his daughter died in early autumn.

No walks together through the crunching leaves that season, only bitter mourning indoors, the curtains closed.  She had died so quickly, along with her husband.  Their bedroom remained untouched since then, their bed still unmade from where they were lifted by nurses.  Granddad installed a lock on that door so his granddaughter wouldn’t go wandering in.  There was nothing in there but a few humble possessions, and blood-stiffened handkerchiefs.  But their memory remained.  The scent of their illness dissipated, replaced by the scent of the little imported soaps she used, shaped like flowers and seashells.  Granddad threw them in the bin with glassy eyes, then took the bin away from the house.

They had fallen ill so quickly, then died far from home, never to return.  In Granddad’s youth, his mother had died in her own bed, surrounded by family.  Now people were just cut from your life.  One final glimpse in the coffin, then gone.  It left a terrible anticipation, like they might walk through the door any moment.  That he would wake from this troubled dream, back to how things were before.

And the little one, of course, had to feel it even more.  She had never known life without her parents.  Those first few days, she would sit by the door, staring at the solid wood.  She would mumble ‘I know’ to his reminders that they were not returning.  But she kept up her ritual, even after the second trip to leave flowers on the graves.  He allowed her; what else could he do?  She gave up once the snow began to fall, closing the season and that part of their lives, killing the timid hope that curled up in their hearts.

Granddad returned to his workshop and all the usual chores when the neighbors’ kindness dried up.  No more sweet lebkuchen and warm spätzle delivered by rheumy-eyed matrons.  No offers to watch the little girl to give him a break.  She was darling, an angel, but she was still too small to be left alone while he worked all day.  Nor would he want to leave her alone.  He stayed up an entire night to move her playroom into his workshop.  She could be beside him as he worked, her squeaks and shouts no longer an annoyance, but a comfort.

Long ago, he had climbed on roofs and repaired broken pipes, but now his work had to be seated.  And once, he had considered himself retired, doing his tinkering as a mere hobby to keep himself occupied.  Now it was a livelihood with his children gone.  He built and repaired tools for the neighbors.  Maybe they just paid him out of pity, though his work truly was well-crafted.  Too well-crafted, perhaps.  Once he built a hammer, it would last a lifetime—why buy a second one?  The men would mumble about giving it to a relative, goaded on by their soft-hearted wives.

He asked around the village whether someone might like a dollhouse for a little girl.  A rocking horse?  Some sturdy wooden blocks?  But children preferred toys from the fancy shop in town, not the outdated creations of an old man.  So he took his tools and his granddaughter out to neighbor’s houses to repair their attic steps, and nail down new baseboards to keep the mice out.

One afternoon, the two of them arrived to the Bürgermeister’s daughter’s house.  Her expensive ice box had broken, and it seemed a waste to purchase a new one, though they could surely afford it.  These days, a man came around to sell blocks of ice, a convenience compared to venturing out into the ice caverns to chip some off yourself.  All the middle-class families wanted their own ice box now.

A putrid smell hung in the air, and the windows of the fine estate gaped open.  The lady of the house rushed out to meet them.

“Forgive the smell.  The goose rotted.  That’s how we knew…”

Inside, the icebox lay on its side in a pile of wet rags.  The delicately carved trim looked so extravagant, but he could see the cracks in the joints, the sloppily joined seams.  The lady fetched him a stool, and he sat with a quiet grunt of pain.  Looking closer, he found the drainage hole—so roughly cut it was half clogged with splinters.  He puzzled over it, tapping with the hammer, seeing what had gone so wrong.  There was no point fixing it, the wood inside being so cheap and splintered.

“It’s such a shame,” the lady said, bouncing his granddaughter on her knee.  “So much money.”

“It’s a simple design,” Granddad said.  “One could make something like this out of an old cabinet.  They put too much effort on the exterior.”

The woman’s eyes brightened.  “You can make anything, can’t you?  I bet you could make one for half the cost?”

He thought to scoff, but there really couldn’t be much to it.

That evening, he rocked in his chair, a notebook on his lap.  He twirled his pen, pondering the design.  He didn’t have a factory or specialty tools, but if he could build a cupboard, why couldn’t he build this?  His granddaughter sneezed as she stacked her blocks, and he rushed over to fuss with her.  Her little hands were pink and cold.  It had grown a bit chilly, hadn’t it?

He spent long hours, and had to purchase ice from that smarmy city-man to test it, but he developed a prototype.  He could store soup for days, keep the leftover bits of dinner he usually fed to the garden.  But an old man and a tiny girl didn’t eat much, and leftovers wouldn’t keep their stove burning all winter.

As much as he hated to, he invited the grannies and aunties to the house, let them chatter away and poke and squeeze his granddaughter.  They marveled at his design as he showed them how clean it was, how easy to change out the old water, how much longer their ice would last.  There were two orders by the end of the night.

It was hard work, and he wished he’d come up with the idea years earlier, before arthritis stiffened his hands, back when he had the energy to saw and hammer and move bulky furniture.  He had no means to cart the things around, so he would have to assemble them in the neighbors’ houses.

His granddaughter had been whining for him to play with her, wanting him to sit his creaky body on the floor and watch her move her dollies around.  He would have loved to, but he only had so many wakeful hours in the day, and they needed to eat, to stay warm.  One evening he found her twirling a dolly with a strangely patterned dress—white, splotched with dark brown flowers: a bloody kerchief.

He took it from her as she cried.  The forbidden bedroom door gaped open, his step stool dragged close for little hands to reach the knob.  She had learned to open the lock.

There was no putting it off now.  He gathered up the old possessions, took the dirty linens to the trash, sold the costume jewelry for a pittance.  The room was empty, save for the bare bed, and the chair he’d sat on as he cared for them.  All traces of them were gone, besides a few trinkets he kept in a drawer with a sturdier lock.  It was like another death.

Snow filled in the yard, and now he had to bundle up the little girl if she wanted to follow him as he worked.  She kept losing her mittens, and he’d hunt around to find them abandoned on a snow drift.  He scolded her, said her fingers would turn black and fall off if she wasn’t careful.  His own fingers were a bit precarious too, with clumsy mistakes of his hammer and weary work with the saw.

The neighbors sent their young sons to help deliver the bulky wood and heavy tools.  The young men would scoff and snort at his attempts at conversation, rushing ahead with their long legs to leave him shuffling behind.  His granddaughter had become just as sullen as those young men, too fussy to come with him to his work.  No matter how he explained, she could not accept his long hours away as important for their survival.  But she was big enough now to stay alone, wasn’t she?  She was a big girl who could play with her toys while he was gone for just a couple hours.

One evening he returned late, the moon gleaming on the thick snow.  He was longing for nothing more than a soak in the bathtub.  The gate was parted.  He approached, dumbly fussing with the latch, mystified.  Had he left it open in his rush?  The terrible realization dawned on him, and he didn’t even stop to look inside the house.

He dashed around as quickly as he could with his stiff knees, crying out her name.  The snow was falling fast, but he could still catch traces of footprints leading out of the yard.  The way he’d come, his heavy boots stomping over them without even noticing.

He prayed it was just her coat lying in that snow bank, but he knew.  Her shoe had gotten stuck on a tree root, and it hadn’t occurred to the poor thing to just pull it off.  He shook at her, pawed at her frozen white face.  Her eyes were closed, frost matting the lashes.  No pink in her lips, her cheeks.  She’d kept her mittens on for once.

He rushed back home with her in his arms, mind spinning.  How?  How?  He had locked the gate, he was sure of it.  And how had she gotten outside at all?

The front door was unlatched too, a little chair pushed against it to reach the knob.  He laid her in front of the fire, shuddering.  He fell to his old knees, grimacing with the pain as he lay his ear against her chest.  Listen, listen… listen for anything over the creak of the old wood, of the crackling of the ice outside, of the drip-drip of the coming spring thaw.  Anything, a mouse’s peep, the tiniest flutter… No breath came from her blue lips.  He lifted one of her eyelids and revealed the pale, lifeless eye.

They would come take her.  Not even to the hospital—straight to the little box they’d bury her in.  He might not survive to see that moment; his old heart threatened to pound itself to death.  The fire burned beside them, melting the flakes in her lashes.  He gazed at her, imagining the chill blue fading from her face.  What would be left then?  A goose, left to spoil?

He bundled her in his arms.  He couldn’t let them take her from him.  She was all he had, and all he could ever hope to have again.  He stumbled out into the snow and laid her in a soft drift.  Spring was coming, and everything would melt.

There was still wood in the shop, enough for another cabinet, at least a small one.  He hauled the boards out into the yard and got to work.  His body screamed for rest but he couldn’t leave her out in the open that way, out with pecking birds and scuttling insects.

It was enough.  He could refine the seams later, make sure not even the tiniest insect could crawl inside.  His heart kept hoping that she would waken, that she would cover her ears and wail about Opa making such a racket with his hammer.  But she was still as a doll, even as he laid her in the little box, and tucked her in with handfuls of snow.  A puffy white comforter for her rest.

He kept the box close to the house and stayed in his freezing workshop, scribbling out plans.  A stupid old man could figure out an icebox, but what was he hoping to invent now?  An icebox where the ice never melted?  And what then, if he could even manage it?  Keep her sad little body forever, locked away like a trinket in a drawer?  He wept into his hands between his fits of labor.

The next morning, a knock to his door woke him in a startled fit.  That damned ice-man was back, bragging about his wares.  You could preserve a goose for a month with this…  Selling ice in the dead of winter!  Granddad rebuffed him and stalked back to his workshop.  But a thought began to turn in his mind.  The ice cavern was cold the whole year, especially the deeper you went…

READ THE REST HERE,

Or purchase the whole Midnight Collection e-book through Ko-fi.  A physical copy in paperback will be coming soon.  And lastly, you can just read the collection for free at the Collection’s website.