Thinking Like Jim West

Without a bit of irony (it was subtle–I had to read quite a bit more of his blog to decide he was serious)…

Thinking Like an Atheist

30DEC

In three easy steps:

1-  Lump all Christians together into one massive Borg-ish collective.
2- When one or a tiny minority of the collective does something stupid- attribute that stupidity to all.
3- Mock the entirety of Christianity.

Like this chap has done-

So, if Christians were actually lame and unintelligent enough to adopt atheistic reasoning we could

1- Hear of some atheist or atheists who were child molesters.
2- Denounce all atheists as child molesters, since they all clearly share the same exact mentality.
3- And mock all of atheism.

Except Christians are too smart to act that way. It’s a shame that the ‘reason exalting’ atheists exemplified by the clearly angry atheist lad above in his feckless ‘tweet’ aren’t as smart.

On the other hand, it could have gone:
1- read one atheist’s twitter admonition to some Christians making threats of violence.
2- denounce all atheists as “Lump[ing] all Christians together into one massive Borg-ish collection”
3- and mock all of atheism.

Now, I know full well that not all Christians think that way.

But I know one who does.

Biblical Inerrancy

Science and the Bible, any fool can plainly see,
Are always in agreement, save for when they disagree.
There are, rarely, those occasions when they don’t see eye to eye—
Such that one must be a metaphor, or parable, or lie,
Or a plain misunderstanding of the meaning of God’s Word;
Cos to think that it’s inaccurate, of course, would be absurd.

The Bible is inerrant; every word of it is true,
Any misinterpretation is the fault of me and you
It’s a perfect single textbook, and the only one on earth,
It’s the story of our planet, and it really shows its worth
On those very rare occasions when the two don’t get along
You can bet your bottom dollar, it’s reality that’s wrong.

Context and amusing stuff, after the jump: [Read more…]

“Unencumbered By Government Intrusion”

“Allow us to practice our faith, unencumbered
By government intrusion”, the spokesperson said.
Our clinics’ and hospitals’ days are now numbered—
They want us to change, but we’d rather be dead.

It seems like a joke, but it just isn’t funny,
Insisting we play by the federal rules—
But “no strings attached” is how we like our money,
To use for adoption, for kitchens, for schools

We’re forced to have standards! We’re forced to make offers
Of service to which we are rightly opposed!
Our money, which comes from the government’s coffers
Is needed—without it, our clinics are closed!

It just isn’t fair we are forced to these choices
Like those we’re preventing our clients to make
So faithful believers are raising our voices…
Our right to be prejudiced pricks is at stake!

Slight rant, after the jump: [Read more…]

Faith, Hope, & Charity

Of faith, and hope, and charity,
Of pleas for public parity
Of common sense, that rarity,
I come today to speak.
They’re trying to eliminate
Our freedom to discriminate
They’re asking us to deviate
If public funds we seek

Religion’s place of prominence
And utter social dominance
Is threatened—surely commonsense
Will somehow be restored!
This isn’t mere frivolity;
Our nation loves equality;
It’s onerous, this polity!
We shall not be ignored!

The secular authorities
Oppose our (God’s) priorities—
Respect for some minorities
Just isn’t what we do!
No worries that our angle meant
A church-and-state entanglement—
Each dollar, and each wrangled cent
We’re spending, thanks to you!

The bishops are claiming discrimination… That is, they claim they are being discriminated against, by not allowing them to discriminate. No, really. They argue that they deserve the same access to your money that non-discriminators do. It’s just not fair to discriminate against them.

Teaching Naama

It isn’t that we’re horrible; it isn’t that we’re mean—
That outfit that she’s wearing, though, we’ve noticed it’s obscene!
It stimulates! It irritates! It positively rankles!
A skirt so short that anyone can clearly see her ankles!
An outfit so immodest, you can tell just what it’s for,
So we’re only being honest when we tell her she’s a whore
We’re protectors of morality, the keepers of the locks,
We’re honor-bound to spit at her; we’re justly throwing rocks
Not even shameless prostitutes should dare to be so bold
So we’re teaching her a lesson… After all, she’s eight years old.

A bit of a wandering thought, after the jump: [Read more…]

It *Is* A Wonderful Life

I read it in the news, today,
And thought it rather odd:
“The world would be much better
If we all believed in God”

The heart of Christian charity
Depends on our belief;
It’s love of God that separates
The giver from the thief

Our movies and our novels serve
To highlight this conviction;
Though just like Aesop’s fables, they
Are moralistic fiction

The books about morality
Have overflowed the shelves
They show the hell that comes of people
Thinking for themselves.

Belief is what determines
How the common man behaves;
And everything goes smoothly
When we’re willing, happy slaves.

A bit more, after the jump: [Read more…]

Assuming God Exists…

Let’s assume, for the moment, God loves us.
Let’s assume, for the moment, He’s real.
Let’s assume that He helps us fight Satan,
And He answers our prayers when we kneel.
Let’s assume that His power is infinite
Let’s assume that we bask in His glow
Let’s assume he’s beyond our perception…
Then tell me… just how do we know?

Let’s assume God keeps holding back earthquakes
Let’s assume He is calming the storm
Let’s assume that without Him, the devil
Can cause one, then another, to form
Let’s assume we would all die of cancer
Were it not for God keeping us well
Let’s assume we’d be worse off without Him
Now, tell me… just how can we tell?

Let’s assume God is here, all around us
Let’s assume He’s an infinite force
Let’s assume there is nowhere without Him
Let’s assume as a matter of course.
Let’s assume He’s in each observation
There’s no place without Him, to compare
Tell me, how could a human discern this
From a God who is simply not there?

Musing just a bit, after the jump: [Read more…]

It’s A Miracle (Officially)!

The medical team was in a race
Against some resistant bacteria;
A colony found a young boy’s face
To treat as their own cafeteria

The miracle team investigates
Against some religious criteria;
The “promoter of justice” tries their fates
As they battle with strep or listeria

The desperate parents said their prayers
As conditions grew frankly horrific
They pleaded for help from the man upstairs
Whose germs were a bit too prolific

Operations and antibiotics combined
Broad-spectrum, as well as specific
Saved young Jake’s life, although we’ll find
The church is more unscientific

The search for answers sometimes leads
To a cultural bit of division:
A difference that comes from their separate needs
May find science and church in collision

A team of priests has been working for years
As a bishop provides supervision
And if adequate evidence really appears
Well… they won’t let that stop their decision

Well… I was right. (More after the jump: ) [Read more…]

Take A Number

If you don’t like what I have to say: take a number, get in line and kiss my ass.–Christopher Hitchens

He was cynical and venomous, and famously uncouth;
He refused the path to heaven—ah, but now he knows the truth!
I can only hope he saw the light, before he had to pass
—Take a number, get in line, and kiss my ass.

So beloved an opponent, when we met in fierce debate;
He was far, far, too intelligent to meet a heathen’s fate!
Now he’s hectoring Saint Peter, cos Hitch had balls of brass
—Take a number, get in line, and kiss my ass.

He was secretly a Christian, in his hidden heart of hearts
You could see it in his essence, which was greater than its parts
Like the picture that emerges from the fragments of stained glass
—Take a number, get in line, and kiss my ass.

In his essays and his arguments, he always held out hope
Which confirms his similarity to Christians like the pope
If he weren’t so gosh-darned stubborn, we’d have seen him there at Mass
—Take a number, get in line, and kiss my ass.

Is it really so impossible to think, perhaps, he died
Without ever seeking Jesus—no, not even “deep inside”?
He expressed it for himself, you know—like this, succinct and crass:
—Take a number, get in line, and kiss my ass.

Context

Theist Tropes We Can Do Without

Hey, it’s only fair. We’ve got a ton of the tropes we atheists can’t stand; can we put ourselves in the other person’s sandals for a bit and list some of the tropes that go the other way? In this, I’m going to accept any that apply to any religion, cos otherwise we’d have hundreds of posts collecting Catholic tropes, Southern Baptist tropes, Mormon tropes, Shia trope, Sunni tropes, Reform Judaism tropes, Seventh Day Adventists tropes, Wiccan tropes, Hindu tropes, Shinto tropes… you get the picture. So for purposes of commenting here, we may treat all believers alike. (continues after the jump:) [Read more…]