Faith, Hope, & Charity

Of faith, and hope, and charity,
Of pleas for public parity
Of common sense, that rarity,
I come today to speak.
They’re trying to eliminate
Our freedom to discriminate
They’re asking us to deviate
If public funds we seek

Religion’s place of prominence
And utter social dominance
Is threatened—surely commonsense
Will somehow be restored!
This isn’t mere frivolity;
Our nation loves equality;
It’s onerous, this polity!
We shall not be ignored!

The secular authorities
Oppose our (God’s) priorities—
Respect for some minorities
Just isn’t what we do!
No worries that our angle meant
A church-and-state entanglement—
Each dollar, and each wrangled cent
We’re spending, thanks to you!

The bishops are claiming discrimination… That is, they claim they are being discriminated against, by not allowing them to discriminate. No, really. They argue that they deserve the same access to your money that non-discriminators do. It’s just not fair to discriminate against them.

The GOP’s Bright Shining Light Of Freedom

God bless the GOP.

I hope you know me well enough to read that with the appropriate ironic tone. The GOP have allowed me my first chance to repeat a post written originally by me, not on the old blog but on this one! The “Gilding Our Past” party, faced with the effects of G.W. Bush’s energy-efficiency law, have decided that before they do anything about …well, anything… they are gonna save the 100-watt incandescent light bulb. For freedom. (more, after the jump:) [Read more…]

Rick Perry’s War On Religion

It’s time to be cautious; it’s time to be wary,
The “war on religion” is gonna be scary;
They’re coming to get us, according to Perry,
And Christians are under attack.
They’re coming to stop little children from praying
And force all our forces to get busy gaying;
Our nation had morals—but now, they’re decaying,
And Perry is bringing them back

He’s got a new ad, and he’s on the attack,
Cos he needs to distinguish himself from the pack
So he’s kickin’ some ass and he’s talkin’ some smack
Cos we all love a fella who tries.
And surely as Texas got rain when he prayed,
Rick Perry will win with his modern crusade…
Though the A.P. examined the claims that he made
And tells us they’re pretty much lies.

Context, after the jump: [Read more…]

Highly Sought Kiss Of Doom

The headline shows up in my internet reader:
“Newt Gingrich endorsed by The Union MisLeader”
One wonders, of course, why we care what they choose—
Their record, of recent, predicts he’ll now lose.

Two money quotes. First, they damn with faint praise:

The New Hampshire Union Leader’s Sunday editorial says the former House speaker “is by no means the perfect candidate” but calls him “the best candidate who is actually running.”

And then, the kicker:

The conservative Union Leader editorial page has a history of passing over the front-runner in its selections. The paper endorsed Ronald Reagan in 1976 and 1980, Deleware Gov. Pete DuPont in 1988, Reagan aide Pat Buchanan in 1992 and 1996, businessman Steve Forbes in 2000, and Arizona Sen. John McCain in 2008.

The Camp Pendleton Cross

A group of Marines dragged a cross up a hill
To honor the loss of their brothers
In a land where we’re equal, according to law,
Though some are more equal than others.

The cross on the hill is a trivial thing,
So “establishment” need not apply
It isn’t religious—no need to remove it—
Besides which, I’d dare you to try.

Those atheist bastards who chose to complain
Are requesting divine retribution!
And no one believes in their flimsy excuse
That they’re fighting for our Constitution!

This nation was founded by Christians, you know—
In this country, majority rules!
We don’t need to hide behind legalese crap
Like those arrogant atheist fools!

Don’t lecture Marines on the duty they’ve sworn—
What they’re tasked to protect and defend;
They know what the law is; they know very well,
And if not, what the hell, they’ll pretend.

Rant, after jump: (oh, actually, before the jump, a note that PZ links to a poll on the topic you might want to express your opinion on.) [Read more…]

Oh, Newt!

Ok, since this one was eaten by the upgrade, I’m reposting it.

Now that pretty much every GOP candidate has had a turn at the top of the polls, we finally see Newt Gingrich (within margin of error) in a tie with Mittens for the lead (.pdf) . Given the average turnaround we’ve seen, there’s a very real chance he’s already peaked and will plummet by the time I post this (and yes, his unfavorable rating is higher than his favorable), but I will probably never have another chance. This was originally written after the thrice-married Newt warned us about the dangers of same-sex marriage, and their threat to the sanctity of the institution he is so familiar with. It’s a favorite, and another one that’s long enough I’m gonna put it after the jump: [Read more…]

Let’s Ask The Republican Candidates

Oh, goody! Another Republican debate tonight! But they never ask the questions I want them to.

Let’s ask the Republican candidates
As they gather tonight to debate
So together we’ll find
What they’ve got on their mind
As they gear up for fights
When they turn on the lights
For the cameras, this evening at eight.

Let’s ask the Republican candidates
And see how they answer today
If we’re under attack
In Iran or Iraq
Or in China, we met
With a credible threat,
Please tell us—how loud would you pray?

Let’s ask the Republican candidates
To see what their answers are worth:
When the scientists hold
It’s 4 billion years old
But your church-going base
Makes a much younger case
Could you tell us—how old is the earth?

Let’s ask the Republican candidates
Cos I’m sure that each one has a plan
With Americans viewed
As both stupid and rude
Please reflect on the ways
That our ignorance plays
In Ubeki-beki-beki-beki-stan-stan?

Let’s ask the Republican candidates
As they each pick their path through the maze:
Take the case of Penn State
And their troubles of late
Or the pedophile search
Through the ranks of the church—
What’s the best way to blame this on gays?

Let’s ask the Republican candidates…

The Dirtiest Word In Politics: “Atheist”

In case you’d forgotten, we thought we’d remind you
With data that show a continuous trend
The electorate never will gather behind you
Unless you declare your invisible friend

Political races are known to be dirty—
With negative messages, branding, and hype;
The numbers today show at best around thirty
Percent who would vote for an atheist type

Yes, “godless” is hopeless in voters’ opinion
A view in which humans are nothing but beasts
Morality’s seen as the church’s dominion
(As evidenced clearly by pedophile priests)

Two thirds of the country is “somewhat” or “very
Uncomfortable” letting an atheist lead;
They’d rather Santorum, or Gingrich, or Perry—
They’re morons, but morons who follow a creed.

Until and unless they have power and money
They won’t be invited, or asked to the dance
The clowns are in charge, but it just isn’t funny:
In politics, atheists don’t stand a chance.

Context, after jump: [Read more…]

In God We Trust

Atheists! Look in your purse or your pocket;
There’s God on the money you carry around!
The motto is yours, though you atheists mock it,
And God’s how we know that our money is sound!

Your using this money is clearly hypocrisy
Atheists ought to refuse it—the fools!
Sucks to be you, though; our Christian democracy
Trusts in our God—and majority rules!

The courts say it’s legal, so quit your complaining—
No reason to get all your bills in a wad!
We Christians find atheists so entertaining—
Each time you use money, you’re praising our God!

Rant, after jump: [Read more…]

MS 26

A person’s a person, no matter how small
Like the miniscule blob of a blastocyst ball
Or an egg, when a sperm cell has happened to call
A person’s a person, no matter how small.

From Corinth to Gulfport, they’ll take to the polls
For a state-wide initiative with wide-reaching goals:
To say cells are people, with rights and with souls,
And the state, not the woman, is at the controls

The state, not the woman, can say what is best
For the baby with which the poor mother is blessed
And the choice of the mother need not be addressed
The state, not the woman, can say what is best

A person’s a person, the state will assume,
And of course this applies to a babe in the womb
(The mom’s not a person; she’s just baby’s room,
And a source of nutrition the kid will consume)

A person’s a person, as well you’re aware
And a babe needs protection—it only seems fair
Till she’s out of her mother, and breathing the air,
And the state is no longer pretending to care.

Related post: But It Was Supposed To Be A Parody!