It’s Tough To Be Christian (When Christmastime Comes)

It’s tough to be Christian, when Christmastime comes,
What with Santa, and reindeer, and elves,
With other religions, or secular folks,
And people who think for themselves

The Christian religion has changed, over time,
And it makes us all anxious as hell,
When the season arrives, and it’s not just for us,
But for other religions as well!

My neighbors are having their holiday feast
And it’s making me angry to see—
Devoutly expressing their deeply felt faith…
But a different religion than me!

The Christian majority’s under attack,
When the holidays force us to share—
We need recognition that’s Christian alone;
Without it, we don’t have a prayer.

A bit more, after the jump: [Read more…]

An Atheist Gives Thanks

So last week, I had the chance to thank, in person, the guy who saved my son’s life this year. Well, one of several people–this person was the head of the ambulance team. And I exaggerate (but not by much) to say “saved his life”, but hey, there was emergency care and a hospital stay, and lots of needles and tubes.

But I’m not thankful for any of them.

I’m thankful TO all of them. And to a great many more people over the past year. And, currently, to the makers of my migraine medicine, which is why I am going to cut this one short. Today’s verse is one of my earlier ones from the old blog, and it is, in my opinion, clunky and awkward. But it’s a Thanksgiving poem, so here it is, after the jump.
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Semper Fi

Ok, so the last post was a bit depressing. And, frankly, the commentary on the vast majority of published versions of the Camp Pendleton Cross story have been depressing.

Best commentary? The Marine Corps News. OF COURSE there are individuals there who honor their crosses over their constitution. But damned if there aren’t a whole lot of thoughtful Marines who know and respect the rule of law.

There will always be disagreement and variability of opinion. That does not bother me. What bothers me is the appearance of an assumption that All Marines Are Christians, and that Marines will follow the bible first, the constitution second. The death threats–yes, death threats–against fellow Americans, because they would remove an unconstitutionally installed religious marker from federal property.

So when I saw “The Marine Corps News”, I expected more of the same. I was wrong, and happily so. When roughly a fifth of our armed forces declare themselves non-religious (2004 study, check page 25, table 5), they have to be somewhere! And at the Marine Corps News, those whose allegiance is (as per their oaths) to the constitution are a match for those whose allegiance is to the cross.

No rhyme here–just happy to be wrong.

The Camp Pendleton Cross

A group of Marines dragged a cross up a hill
To honor the loss of their brothers
In a land where we’re equal, according to law,
Though some are more equal than others.

The cross on the hill is a trivial thing,
So “establishment” need not apply
It isn’t religious—no need to remove it—
Besides which, I’d dare you to try.

Those atheist bastards who chose to complain
Are requesting divine retribution!
And no one believes in their flimsy excuse
That they’re fighting for our Constitution!

This nation was founded by Christians, you know—
In this country, majority rules!
We don’t need to hide behind legalese crap
Like those arrogant atheist fools!

Don’t lecture Marines on the duty they’ve sworn—
What they’re tasked to protect and defend;
They know what the law is; they know very well,
And if not, what the hell, they’ll pretend.

Rant, after jump: (oh, actually, before the jump, a note that PZ links to a poll on the topic you might want to express your opinion on.) [Read more…]

Another Atheist Christmas Card

Ok, this one really takes the “let’s out-Hallmark Hallmark” and runs with it. Cuttlefamily’s first christmas cards have begun arriving–one from a cousin who has an album of christmas hymns out. Seriously. Her cards always–always–have a bible verse, and a poem that is weapons-grade glurge.

So, below the fold… weapons-grade atheist glurge. Do not click if you are insulin dependent. Do not click if you are allergic to syrup. Do not click if you have just eaten.

But if you get the same sort of cards I get from my relatives, and want something equally saccharine to send to them… put on your protective goggles and look past the jump…

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An Atheist Christmas Card

A few years ago, I got a really sappy christmas card from the mail carrier. Its true purpose, of course, was to provide an easy way for us to deliver him a Christmas tip. Tis the season, after all. But it started me thinking–how hard can this card-writing business be? Anyway, this one is a two-parter; the outside of the card is just below, and the inside of the card is below the jump:

[front]
As we battle our way through the line at the store
And think to ourselves “there has got to be more”
And wonder where “Christmas of long ago” went,
When the meaning of Christmas was what it first meant…
[Read more…]

Since We’re Coming Up On Thanksgiving…

Another oldie. Sorry. But I want you to donate to food banks, before thanksgiving. (non USAians, I just want you to be good people.) This verse, from a year and a half ago, examined motives. At the time, people were concerned that the reason that people donated to food banks was somehow more important than the fact that they do so. I disagree. If you can, please do donate. If you get some sort of reward, or tax break, or special dispensation from the pope, so much the better. If we can make it easy to be good, shouldn’t we? (the penultimate line comments on the notion, expressed by some but not all humanists, that human nature can be trusted to lead to good behavior. I disagree, which is one reason I am not a humanist.)

If we only take donations
With the purest motivations
And our shelves remain half-empty, it’s the hungry folks who lose.
If the sponsors can afford it,
There’s good reason to reward it!
And the altruists can turn their prizes down, if they so choose.
Do not make it any harder
Than it is, to stock a larder,
With a view of human nature based on freely-chosen good!
I don’t care if it looks greedy,
If it helps the poor and needy–
The alternative is hunger, till we give “because we should”.
If a prize or recognition
Brings donations to fruition–
“I’ll increase my odds of winning if I donate lots of tins!”–
You can say that it looks selfish;
I’m not humanist, I’m shellfish!
When we pay for good behavior, sometimes everybody wins!

An Atheist’s Christmas

So I saw a tweet today (I won’t link–go search if you want) that went “FACT: athiests(sic) CANNOT celebrate Christmas. #youreallhypocrites” Silly person; celebrating what currently goes by the name “christmas” started long before her religion did, and trying to tell people they aren’t allowed to eat and drink and celebrate with friends and family just because they aren’t in your club is an exercise in futility. Face it: Christmas is a secular holiday, celebrated by many and ignored by many.

Anyway, this verse is from all the way back in 2007; I was recently reminded of it because someone wrote to ask permission to use it in their family christmas cards. So I’ll tell you more or less what I told them: feel free. If you do anything commercial, we gotta talk. If you want to stuff something in my stocking, there’s a button over at the bottom right hand side of this page. And yes, it’s early for this, but that tweet was just today, and it was a week or so ago that my reader asked, so apparently it’s not too early for people to be thinking about such things.

It’s a really sweet verse, but now I’ve written enough that I’m gonna have to put it after the jump: [Read more…]

The Worms Go In…

“… I reckon I’d be a pretty miserable, angry person with a chip on my shoulder if I also believed that I was no more than worm meat at the end of the day.” –from an email to PZ, a couple of years ago. I’m reposting this one from the old blog, because A) it bookends the “nothing to live for” verse of a couple days ago, B) it was also featured on the Good Funeral Guide blog I wrote about yesterday, and C) I can’t believe I hadn’t already reposted it. I am told that this verse has actually been used at some living wakes, for people who aren’t yet dead.

When we are dead, we’ll feed the worms
And other stuff that writhes and squirms
And if you cannot come to terms
With that—well, use your head!
There are no ifs nor ands nor buts:
Bacteria within our guts
Will start to eat us; that is what’s
In store, once we are dead.

Yes, life is short and full of toil,
And when we’ve shuffled off this coil
Our carcasses will start to spoil—
There’s nothing wrong with that.
Our share of fish or pigs or cows,
And all the chicken time allows,
Is done. It’s only fair that now’s
The worms’ turn to get fat.

Should we die young, or old and gray,
The laws of nature we’ll obey
And spend our heat in mere decay,
Replenishing the Earth;
“Three score and twelve” may be our years
For love and laughter, hope and fears
And then—mere smoke—life disappears;
No heaven, no rebirth.

And with no heaven up above
Nor hell we ought be frightened of
It’s best we fill our lives with love,
With learning, and with fun!
Don’t waste a lifetime while you wait
For halo, wings, and pearly gate—
This is your life, so get it straight:
You only get the one!

I’ll have no moment lost to prayer,
To cleanse my soul and thus prepare
For passage to… THERE’S NOTHING THERE!
Those moments, all, are wasted!
I’m only here a little time
Before it’s bugs and worms and slime;
I’ll eat and drink my life so I’m
Delicious when I’m tasted!

Over My Dead Body

I was listening to NPR the other day (it was brief, and I don’t remember which program it was that I heard a snippet of), and heard a man speak of the death of his mother, which happened many years after he and his siblings had left the Catholic Church. As non-believers, and more importantly, as individuals independent of any faith traditions, he and his siblings were at a loss: what do you do with the body? Not in the sense of “do we just let her lie there and decompose?”, but more in the sense that they had no rituals, no traditions to follow. (More, after the jump:) [Read more…]