“No”
She said.
Now
She’s dead.
Start the rush to blame her
Should
Have done
Could
Have done
Denigrate and shame her
Call
The cops
Hope
It stops
Pray he doesn’t batter
Last
Resort
Tell
The court
None of it will matter
“No”
She said
Now
She’s dead
But what the people see, there
In
Her place
But
For grace
All of us could be there.
Much more, after the jump:
So, even before Stephanie blogged about it, I had seen the tumblr blog about the woman on the subway. If you have not seen it yet, please read it. It needs reading. It needs lots of eyes. You will learn.
And as bad as that story is (and it is–I can’t imagine being in her shoes), and I feel like a total shit for saying this… at least she’s alive. I am so happy she is (I suspect she is as well), especially when I see the story that led to today’s verse.
Selvin Chajon Rodriguez asked the mother of his young children to marry him.
But if she said no, the couple and their son and daughter would “all be laid to rest.”
The alleged threats, detailed in court papers filed last week in Riverside County Superior Court, were enough for Laura Reveriano to request a restraining against her ex-boyfriend.
“Selvin called and told me he would follow me to the end of the earth and he would kill the kids if they are not with him and there would be nowhere I could hide,” Reveriano wrote in the request for a domestic violence restraining order filed Aug. 27.
But the temporary restraining order she was granted the next day did little good.
Early Thursday, Reveriano, 25, and her children, Selvin Chajon, 4, and Emily Chajon, 1, were found stabbed to death in her home on a quiet cul-de-sac in west Riverside.
I’m crying right now as I type this. Read the rest of the story.
And then… the comments. (click to embiggen, natch)
screen capture of comments.
Cos you know… it’s her fault. The dead woman, who said no, who went so far as to apply for a restraining order, clearly she is partly to blame.
Might as fucking well have stabbed herself to death, dontcha think?
“All she had to do was say, ‘No.'” Ok, she did. And told the cops. And told the courts. And took out a restraining order.
She’s dead. She did everything, and she’s dead. And so are her kids.
As Hamlet said, Ay, there’s the rub.
If you do everything right, you can’t end up dead, so she must have done something wrong. If you do what I would do, you can’t end up dead, so she must have done something wrong. If you do everything right and can still end up dead, then I could end up dead. No matter what I do.
That’s not just frightening, that’s unacceptable.
She must have done something wrong.
She must be to blame, somehow.
This couldn’t happen to me.
I offer you internet hugs and internet…whiskey–I don’t know what you drink. I also offer you much very real-life sympathy. This is worthy of those tears.
What I’ve learned:
If you don’t ask for help, it’s your fault. If you are afraid to ask for help, you are a coward. If you cannot ask for help, you should have just found a way. If you do ask for help, you should have done it earlier or never gotten yourself in that situation to begin with. If you stay with him you’re hurting the children, but you should really wait for that divorce until they graduate so they don’t have to go through that. If you don’t talk to strangers, you’re a rude and frigid bitch. If you do talk to strangers “you’re asking for it” because you led them on. If you walk alone you’re asking for it. If you are afraid to walk alone you’re overreacting and you hate all men. If you get assaulted you should have protected yourself. If you learn to protect yourself that is “cute” or “adorable” and you “fight like a girl.” If you are attacked by a stranger you should have been more careful and had someone you trust with you. If you are hurt by someone you trust you should have known all along and never trusted them. You should “just say no,” but if you reject someone you are a bitch. If you wear the wrong clothes you’re asking for it. They are always the wrong clothes. If you drink you’re asking for it. If he does things to you while he’s drunk it isn’t his fault because he couldn’t control himself, he was “just drunk.” If you never have sex you’re a prude, but if you have sex too quickly or too often you are a slut.
If you complain about any of this, you are a feminazi.
Hey, thanks, blogofmyself, now I know–I’m a feminazi!
The comment section is truly disgusting. I knew misogyny was a rampant problem, but this really proved that. I can’t believe her gender, marriage status, socioeconomic status, race, etc were all used to blame her for getting killed along with her children. I hope those people don’t vote.
Fuck our goddamn society
Blogofmyself, that comment is utterly terrific.
Well, I’ll just leave this here then, for anyone needing it.
http://thequietplaceproject.com/thequietplace?page=&lang=
Blogofmyself – yep that seems to summit up nicely. Sad isn’t it.
This sucks a bag of ass.
FWIW, Cuttlefish, I’m glad you care, even if so many morons like the victim-blamers et al. don’t.
When you see the logic of privilege (for want of a better term, although there may well be one of which I’m unaware) presented in what must be its longhand/unconscious form, as in this:
and in blogofmyself’s reply, it’s really amazing how oversimplified, convenient, narcissistic, and ultimately perverse it is. One begins to wonder how such a large percentage of people could ever think that way behind-the-scenes and never, at some point, realise how ridiculous they were being.
The innocents are dead, ’cause of someone’s fucked-up head.
It makes you wonder why.
What’s the use in trying when the good ones keep on dying?
Excuse me while I cry.
We are all saddened… appalled even, but who has a viable solution?
“I wish everyone were as reasonable as me.” won’t get it.
Restraining orders are about as effective as prayer.
There are groups that run “safe houses” which might have helped in this instance but it’s not a solution for every situation.
I suppose that if the solution were easy, we would have instituted it by now. I just don’t even know where to start.
Why do you suppose that is? Srsly. Think about that for a minute.
Restraining orders only work on rational people. When someone is coming at you with a gun in his hand and murder in his eye, waving a piece of paper at him is futile. I wish I had a good solution.
Nice summation, blogofmyself. Where do you want your Internet delivered?
–
That’s true, but I think y’all are missing the context. Did you read the article?
She’d called police *at least* once before that we know of. Why wasn’t he arrested or detained before then? A stranger would have been. A stranger who broke into a house and injured a child probably would’ve been kept well away from the victims; and domestic abusers are far MORE likely than random strangers to keep going after the same victim.
If this society actually took threats to women seriously, instead of pretending it’s no big deal for their spouses to attack and harass them and threaten them with death, then they’d HAVE more protection than a piece of paper.
Such beautiful writing (in the comments too!) about such an ugly, ugly topic. I’ve never been so glad to have read something so galling.
blogofmyself @2: Well said.
Also: If you don’t talk to strangers or reject someone, you should expect what you get because you are just provoking them with your rudeness.
And then there is that horrible median point between these two sentences:
which is, Why are you thinking about learning to protect yourself? You will always be smaller, weaker, and less prepared than any potential attacker. It’s an expensive, egotistical exercise in futility. Don’t be foolish. Give up.
*sigh*
Those comments are disgusting. I want to puke.
That poor woman and her kids. They did nothing wrong, yet this utterly vile POS decided to end their lives because he couldn’t have them? WTF?
Excellent commentary by blogofmyself in #2
And of course if you do defend yourself successfully, you have violated the Order ofNature and will be prosecuted for assault. Or so it appears from the news.