When our family toured
Your creation museum
With cool dioramas
Where children could see ’em,
My dear little boy–
My angel, named Liam,
Was hoping he wouldn’t be bored

I thank you today
Dearest Sir, or Dear Madam–
See, after we saw
Your fine show, “The Last Adam”,
My Liam grabbed a card
From the stack where you had ’em
And converted himself to the Lord!

At first, at his school,
He confronted his teachers
By showing them how
All the fossilized features
Of dinosaurs, show
They are God-designed creatures
Which shows evolution is wrong!

In most of his classes
His grades began falling–
His father and I
Found the whole thing appalling–
But Liam, our angel,
Had found his true calling,
And asked us to keep our faith strong!

So now, when we ask
How his classes are going,
He tells us his brain
And his heart are both growing,
And school is obsessed
With a poor way of knowing:
He’d rather have Biblical knowledge!

He says Darwinists lie,
And they won’t get their hooks
In him, not if he shuns
All biology books–
I can’t disagree,
But it certainly looks
Like our boy won’t be going to college.

But I thought you might like
To observe what you’ve done
To my angel, my Liam,
My dear little son;
His heart has been changed*
And a new life begun,
And for that, we’re eternally thankful.

And we pray with our hearts
That it soon come to pass
That our boy, who was once
At the head of his class
Finds his faith is repaid–
But for now, he pumps gas,
Praising Jesus with every tankful

*”His heart has been changed” is the title of a post at Ken Ham’s “answers in genesis” site, in which a mother writes the creationist liar to tell a heartwarming tale (my mistake–just a bit too much mustard on my salami–I meant a tale likely to cause heartburn) of her son’s trip to the “museum” and his subsequent conversion to christianity. I just continued the story.

Tip of the cuttlecap to Millard Fillmore’s Bathtub.