Sometimes you can’t win

That’s the look I give when I’ve just lost a couple more brain cells.

[Transcript:
Day 1:
Man: Men are sexual beings! We evolved to be promiscuous!
Woman: Um, but biology isn’t an ultimatum. You can control your actions.
Man: *angry* YOU FRIGID FEMINISTS ARE TRYING TO SUPPRESS OUR SEXUALITY! I AM NOT A EUNUCH!!
Day 2:
Man: We should care about a skewed gender ratio because then I’d have more women to date!
Woman: No, we should care because women also have ideas to contribute. We don’t just exist so you can have sex with us…
Man: *angry* THAT’S SUCH A SEXIST STEREOTYPE!! WHY DO YOU ASSUME DATING = SEX?! MEN AREN’T SLAVES TO OUR BIOLOGY!!!
Woman: *stares blankly at viewer*
The Joys of Feminist Blogging]

That’s all you got, Ken Ham?

Allow me a moment to gloat.

Ken Ham is bragging about how much traffic his various anti-science websites have received in the past year, and how much they’ve improved from the year before. Let’s ignore for a moment that a good chunk of that traffic is people showing up to giggle at his wackiness and just look at the numbers:

• In 2010, the Answers in Genesis main website had more than 10 million visits for the first time (10,225,465 visits, previously 8,726,503–a 17% growth) from more than 5 million unique visitors (5,445,617 unique visitors, previously 4,650,206–a 17% growth).

• The Creation Museum website had more than 1 million visits for the first time (1,079,290 visits, previously 899,890–a 19.9% growth).

• The Answers Vacation Bible School (VBS) website had more than 100,000 visits for the first time (110,767 visits, previously 34,231–a 223% growth), with almost half a million page views (476,551 page views, previously 122,301–a 289% growth).

Alright, Answers in Genesis has me beat – even though Pharyngula‘s traffic dwarfs it. But I owned the Creation Museum. One million visits? Blag Hag had 2,316,028 visits during it’s second year of existence. It had 344,158 visits it’s first year – a 573% growth. And when you look at page views, I had a 791% growth.

Oh, and Answers Vacation Bible School? Psshhh. I beat you in a single day – 261,474 on the day of boobquake. The following day beat you too.

Even if you factor out all of my boobquake traffic, I still got over a million visits this year and a 295% growth. Me. A godless science student with a free Blogger account, some opinions, and a little bit a free time. I outpaced your multi-million dollar, highly advertised, anti-science “Museum.”

Two words:

Wah wah.

The perfect opening act for my talk

This was the room schedule from my talk in St. Cloud. Anyone who accidentally stuck around likely would have been very, very confused.


Of course, prior to my talk I received the most convincing argument for the existence of God, so many I would have been a little more gentle than usual.


I mean, what are the odds of getting a tract about the banana being an atheist’s worst nightmare while I was eating a banana?!? I’m convinced. Cancel the rest of my visit.

…I’m just kidding, of course. I hear CASH and UM is looking forward to destroying my liver. Will convert after that.

Apologetics pick up lines

Is that a banana in your pocket, or have you also been designed especially for me?

You must be God, because I want you to fill my gaps.

My eyes are too complex to have evolved, but they still naturally selected you.

…That’s all I got. Feel free to be wittier than me in the comments.

How to make guys like you

Here that, ladies and gentlemen? Nerds = awesome to date.

…Now, if only I knew how to find the cute godless nerds in Seattle – I think we’re all too busy hiding in our apartments reading blogs and playing video games to actually run into each other. What a conundrum.

Happy Valentine's Day!

Here’s a photo of me and my date:We met at the Seattle Atheists’ Darwin Day celebration! Once I laid eyes on him, I knew I had to make him mine. Thankfully he only cost a dollar.

Don’t judge.

Anyway, the event was really fun. About 150 people showed up to partake in the cake, games, and other various festivities. I ended up randomly being on the panel because they were one person short and needed an evolutionary biologist who has opinions about the “evolution wars.” I may have an opinion or ten million in that area. It was fun.

But if you’ll excuse me, I have some noodly appendages to go spend quality time with.

Happy Valentine’s Day!

Here’s a photo of me and my date:We met at the Seattle Atheists’ Darwin Day celebration! Once I laid eyes on him, I knew I had to make him mine. Thankfully he only cost a dollar.

Don’t judge.

Anyway, the event was really fun. About 150 people showed up to partake in the cake, games, and other various festivities. I ended up randomly being on the panel because they were one person short and needed an evolutionary biologist who has opinions about the “evolution wars.” I may have an opinion or ten million in that area. It was fun.

But if you’ll excuse me, I have some noodly appendages to go spend quality time with.

Now I know why I like BLTs so much

From Abstruce Goose:Mmmmm…

This makes me even more motivated to throw the Darwin Day Dinner Party idea I’ve had in my head for a couple years. Everyone brings something they cooked, complete with a list of all the recipes, and you map out everything you ate on a giant tree of life, trying to cover as many orders of life as possible. Then you can look in awe at how millions of years of evolution (and a couple thousand of years of artificial selection) resulted in delicious food that’s now sitting in your belly.

That, and we can always use one more excuse to drink beer – have to represent the yeast!

Sometimes I have the sense of humor of a five year old

Me: *heading to friend’s birthday party* Hey, what sort of booze do you like? It’s your gift.
Friend: Um, I like wine, and rum, and vodka.
Me: What kind of rum?
Friend: As long as it isn’t clear and doesn’t come in a plastic bottle, it should be fine.

Me: *in liquor store* I know nothing about good rum… How do I pick between all of the nice rums that are about the same price?
Bottle: MT. GAY RUM
Me: …Hehehehehehe. …Meh, that’s good enough selection criteria *buys it*

Apparently it was tasty, and we (me and a bunch of straight guys) somehow ended up at an awesome gay bar by the end of the night. Subliminal messaging FTW.

And now I’m going to go watch a bunch of burly men in tight spandex pile on top of each other. Can this weekend get any more fabulous?